Go to theatre for new film

>go to theatre for new film
>Awkwardly shuffle past people in seats
>Try to find a good spot
>Sit down
>15 minutes of advertisements
>Movie starts
>"Crunch crunch crunch munch munch munch crinkle crinkle SLUURRRRPP" permeates the whole theatre the entire time
>Someone coughs, someone sneezes, phone goes off, child starts crying
>"Hehhehe" "Why is that character doing that?" "What's going to happen next?" "Gasp!"
>People constantly talking during important scenes
>Or worse, clapping

why in the everloving FUCK did I pay to go there!?? The kinoplex memes are closer to reality than we realize

take a train to the city and go to a real cinema

>Go to theater in city
>Get massacred

I clapped at the end of the last jedi.

Fuck I meant the force awakens.

...

I remember when I went to see Dunkirk w/my dad there was these two chicks w/their mother sitting in front of me and at the end of the movie one of them did a single clap before she looked around and noticed no one else was clapping

>he doesn't get arrested by the Kino Cops for not chewing during the designated mastication times

Lucky!

What

You think you have it bad OP

>go to theatre
>pay $89 for a ticket, small popcorn, bottled water
>make my way into theatre but movie has already started so I hurry
>did not watch my steep and fall into the Manlet pit
>I spill all my popcorn which makes all the manlets frenzy in a hurried huddle to eat the floor scraps, one Manlet tells me he's been there since Transformers the last knight
>manage to grapple over the distracted few and into the main seating area before they can unison chant "one of us, one of us"
>get to my assigned seat by there's a naked black guy sitting there with my sister
>Blacked guy turns to me and says "you alright whitey? Haha just playin wit you man you alright"
>forced to sit at very front of theatre all the way on the right
>trailer for everyone's favorite upcoming capeshit movie is starting
>automated restraining bars activate, spotlight on my seat, screen goes blank, collective angered groan from theatre directed at me
>oh shit I forgot to go through the penis inspection line
>get charged with viewing kino without P.I. Certificate, cops are called, I now have to work as a dishwasher for the theatre and contractually have to get 1/2" of my penis removed at the hospital next month+I have to foot the bill
>didn't even get to see the rest of Downsizing

>go to movie theater
>not tipping the shooter

You deserve this for not showing up after the ads are over and not grabbing an aisle seat for immediate departure.

...

Someone repeatedly checks time on phone. Screen is on full brightness. Blade Runner 2049 slightly ruined. sigh.

Aisle seats mean you view the movie screen at an off angle

Aisle seats allow me to see a film without suffering crippling anxiety.
>See film on a first date.
>No aisle seats. Fuck it, I'll be OK.
>30 mins in, start getting anxiety.
>Dig finger nails into arm to control it.
>Try to hide it but she sees.
You OK user?
We never meet again.

I mean walking in front of other people is a little awkward but it should take no more than a few seconds

Never had this problem user.

One time there was some black youth behind us who kept saying hilarious shit to his friends but I was close to hear it and it was a funny experience.

This is why when I go to the theatre, I wait until weeks after the film was released and arrive 10 minutes late. Never had a problem with ads, finding seating, or noises.

>pay $12 for a movie
>20 minutes prior watch commercials about ford
>mfw I pay $20 for netflix to watch shows whenever I want and have to witness no ads

But I just stated that it's very easy to simply arrive significantly after the commercials have started so you only see a minute or two, dumbass.

>want to watch new movie
>pre-purchase ticket and pre-select seat online on $5 Tuesdays
>sneak in my own snacks
>show up 15 minutes later than scheduled start time
>go in early in the day or late at night to avoid crowded theaters
It's not that complicated man. If you have a bad movie experience, it's because you want to at this point.

Nah, it's being hemmed in. I start becoming convinced I'll be sick. Doesn't happen if I'm on the aisle.

Assigned seating is a waste. Late comers always want to go to the top row and squeeze their loud asses right next to me so they can whisper throughout the whole movie. Christ..

>Sit next to stranger
>He uses my side of the armrest and cupholder
>Too much of a beta to say anything
Am I the only one?

Smart user. Digits confirm.

>Pay
>Be expected to watch ads

Who gives a fuck what they expect you to do? Again, nobody forces you to arrive the second the screen turns like an autist.

(the projector that is, brain fart)

The fact they have the audacity to play ads is an insult itself. You have to go out of your way to be late just to miss something when they should just not play any ads and you can watch trailers then the movie. You have to miss potential seats just to avoid ads.

mfw you have been tricked by them and are complicit at their trickery

Saw the new Star Wars tonight and holy fuck this is accurate. I don't think I'll be going to the theaters for big movies anymore.

> people showing up during intro scenes trying to find good seats in a packed theater
> family of 10 shows up during the intro with kids and elderly, uses phone light to help find seats
> constant snacking and slurping throughout the film
> literal clapping (during the Finn and Rose kiss no less)
> 4 different families with toddlers
> constant chatter from the teens in the upper rows
> people can't gauge the volume of their voice and are basically yelling questions to their neighbor the whole movie
> armchair wrestling with the 4'10 grandma next to me
> ushers walking through every few minutes with their glow sticks


When will there be patrician only theaters?

I saw The Last Jedi two days ago and I didn't have any of these issues. Just go to smaller theatres or theatres outside of huge towns and cities.

>> literal clapping (during the Finn and Rose kiss no less)
America, everyone

>not drinking half a bottle of vodka in the parking lot during the previews

kek

Patrician only theaters is called waiting to pirate or buy a digital copy.

>Can pause whenever you need
>Comfort of your own home
>No overpriced snacks
>The only obnoxious retards will be the ones you invite

In all my twelve years in Houston, Texas, this has literally never happened except two or three times and I go to the movies once a week. Houston is truly the greatest city in the United States.

> drinking liquor before a movie

Enjoy pissing in the middle of a good scene

>When will there be patrician only theaters?
Surely America must have those already

>he doesn't reuse the bottle instead of going to the restroom
oh my sweet summer child

W..what is that?

redditredditredditredditredditredditredditredditredditredditredditredditredditredditredditredditredditredditredditredditredditredditredditredditredditredditredditredditredditredditredditredditredditredditredditreddit

a vasectomy wait room

>person behind me's falcon is nipping and bitting at my hair and ears for the first 10 minutes
>Eventually I turn back to smack it but it just screeches and flies up to the ceiling
>Gets hit by a fan blade and dies

Serves him right, maybe that normie will think twice before bringing such an untrained kinofalcon next time

The man has a point. If you've got a good coat, no one will even notice.

My Last Jedi experience was just like that. Always noisy & cramped. Which is why, I go during the middle of a weekday at noon. Seats are barren and I can comfortably fart without being embarrassed.

And miss out on the good seats? great plan idiot

>trying to make justification for not going to the cinemas
>truth is you just don't have any friends to go with
>you need random people on the internet to support your 'opinion' so you feel better about it

This isn't justifications, this is a literal description of the events that happened in my most recent movie theater experience (minus the clapping, I threw that in there for a little exaggeration)

I mean yeah but those are like $20 a ticket

I heard clapping in four parts during TLJ

> Rose and Finn kiss
> Snoke death
> Leia superman
> Luke emerging from laser barrage

These fucking normies man

What the fuck? People in my theater clapped at the end of the movie which made me mad because it was shit but clapping during those particular scenes? That's rough. The Luke emerging from laser barrage wasn't bad. It was a fun scene that didn't hurt the movie at all, just corny. All the others you mentioned should've invoked rage, not applause.

The audience was pretty fucking cringeworthy throughout the whole thing.

Some audible cheers throughout as well

>Try to find a good spot
>your theater does not let you choose your seat

>"Crunch crunch crunch munch munch munch crinkle crinkle SLUURRRRPP" permeates the whole theatre the entire time
>Someone coughs, someone sneezes, phone goes off, child starts crying
none of this happens unless it is a deathly quiet scene. when the movie is actually going, with yanno, real audio, NONE of these shitty ass noises are audible to me. like literally, none
and if you are autistic enough to hate it, request the handicap seats with TTS or something and disable it so you dont have to hear them and only the movie or some shit idk

>"Hehhehe" "Why is that character doing that?" "What's going to happen next?" "Gasp!"
>People constantly talking during important scenes
again, no one does this. I go to both the shitty ghetto theaters and the nice theaters. the most you get is some boisterous or obnoxious laughing at a scene not really meant to be humorous, but again, quiets down fairly quick. my experience isnt ruined because I'm not autistic

>Or worse, clapping
I have gone out of my way to stand up during the credits in the middle of the theater and loudly exclaimed that it is a fucking movie, and clapping is retarded. it stopped immediately and someone yelled back 'thank you'.

why are you all such fucking children parading as adults

Fuck I meant the phantom menace

>he doesn't get arrested by the Kino Cops for not cumming during the designated masturbation times

Phew!

I never experienced half of the shit you faggots mention all the time.
I mean seriously, people yelling and talking to the characters on-screen?People being so filthy that you can smell how much they stink? Seats being covered in shit? People bringing babies into the theater?

Please tell me this is all just memes, no country is this degenerate.

...

Underrated

This is where most of the "Kinoplex Memes" begin to fail for me. The funniest thing about it was always exaggerating just enough so that it remains in the realm of possiblity. I get a genuine laugh when foreigners are in disbelief and ask if things like that really happen here. All the falcon, anvil, and popcorn mines nonsense is chuckle-worthy, but just lazy and unfunny after awhile.

But to answer your question, yes. I've been to movie theatres where every single thing in the OP has happened, a few times all in one movie. Personally, it hasn't happened to me since I went to see the first 300, but then again I rarely go to theatres nowadays. Believe it or not it can sometimes add to the viewing experience if you get a good crowd of people watching.