THE CHINESE FIREBALL

THE CHINESE FIREBALL


OOOOOOHHH~

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Fucking Hungarians and their superior dragon mythology.

Was this the most retarded evil plan by villains ever? How the fuck could they be sure the dragon or the mermaids would kill harry? If harry had died at any point during the competition then Voldemort couldn’t be resurrected. What the fuck were they thinking?

Actually it is kind of a convoluted plan..

Moody could have just told Harry to meet him in hogsmeade then kidnap him or some shit

What's that boy?

Is that Neville Chamberlain

THE DULLEST FRANCHISE


>NOOOOOOOOOO!

DULLEST FRANCHISE

OOOOOOHHH~. Each episode following the boy wizard and his pals from Hogwarts Academy as they fight assorted villains has been indistinguishable from the others. Aside from the gloomy imagery, the series’ only consistency has been its lack of excitement and ineffective use of special effects, all to make magic unmagical, to make action seem inert.

Perhaps the die was cast when Rowling vetoed the idea of Spielberg directing the series; she made sure the series would never be mistaken for a work of art that meant anything to anybody, just ridiculously profitable cross-promotion for her books. The Harry Potter series might be anti-Christian (or not), but it’s certainly the anti-James Bond series in its refusal of wonder, beauty and excitement. No one wants to face that fact. Now, thankfully, they no longer have to.

>a-at least the books were good though
"No!"
The writing is dreadful; the book was terrible. As I read, I noticed that every time a character went for a walk, the author wrote instead that the character "stretched his legs."

I began marking on the back of an envelope every time that phrase was repeated. I stopped only after I had marked the envelope several dozen times. I was incredulous. Rowling's mind is so governed by cliches and dead metaphors that she has no other style of writing. Later I read a lavish, loving review of Harry Potter by the same Stephen King. He wrote something to the effect of, "If these kids are reading Harry Potter at 11 or 12, then when they get older they will go on to read Stephen King." And he was quite right. He was not being ironic. When you read "Harry Potter" you are, in fact, trained to read Stephen King.

A fireball, Chinese or otherwise, should have consumed the studio responsible for producing what was one of the dullest franchises in the history of movie franchises. Each episode following the boy wizard and his pals from Hogwarts Academy as they fight assorted villains has been indistinguishable from the others. Aside from the gloomy imagery, the series’ only consistency has been its lack of excitement and ineffective use of special effects, all to make magic unmagical, to make action seem inert.

Perhaps the die was cast when Rowling vetoed the idea of Spielberg directing the series; she made sure the series would never be mistaken for a work of art that meant anything to anybody, just ridiculously profitable cross-promotion for her books. The Harry Potter series might be anti-Christian (or not), but it’s certainly the anti-James Bond series in its refusal of wonder, beauty and excitement. No one wants to face that fact. Now, thankfully, they no longer have to.

>a-at least the books were good though
"No!"
The writing is dreadful; the book was terrible. As I read, I noticed that every time a character went for a walk, the author wrote instead that the character "stretched his legs."

I began marking on the back of an envelope every time that phrase was repeated. I stopped only after I had marked the envelope several dozen times. I was incredulous. Rowling's mind is so governed by cliches and dead metaphors that she has no other style of writing. Later I read a lavish, loving review of Harry Potter by the same Stephen King. He wrote something to the effect of, "If these kids are reading Harry Potter at 11 or 12, then when they get older they will go on to read Stephen King." And he was quite right. He was not being ironic. When you read "Harry Potter" you are, in fact, trained to read Stephen King.

N
O
!

Ahhhh... the German Judenbrenner

...

We don't really have that many dragons in our tales, and certainly nothing like the horntail. We do have stories with dragons with fuckton of heads though. usually at least 7.

>"DEH!"

...

Mermaids are pretty friendly and docile, the dragon would be the only problem and we don't know what Dumbles would have done if it looked like a Champion was going to get killed. If Harry did die though, they could kidnap somebody else to use in the ritual, it just has to be an enemy of Voldemort's (i.e. anyone who isn't a Death Eater), and he only really wanted Harry so he wouldn't burn to death next time Voldy touched him, which he wouldn't need to do if Harry died. And it would technically fulfill the prophecy as Voldemort caused Harry to be entered into the competition that killed him.

That's literally all he needed to do. Meet up in Hogsmeade, make him touch something he made into a Portkey, and Harry would've been teleported straight to Voldemort for the ritual

For real why the fuck was this a thing

Why would they assign everyone different dragons at random instead of giving them all the same dragon? As if it weren't already difficult enough to rate a dragon encounter on a 10 scale rating system.
Also, it probably wouldn't have worked, but why didn't Harry try to accio the golden egg?
Also, why does Cedric tell Harry to use the prefect's bathroom to discover the egg's secret knowing that he's not allowed in there? He doesn't even know he has an invisibility cloak to sneak in there with.

>Why would they assign everyone different dragons at random instead of giving them all the same dragon?
Finding 4 nesting mother dragons of the same species may not be possible (how many dragons are there? As I recall only 6 are mentioned - those 4 plus Norbert and the one in Gringotts).

And they may not have even wanted 4 of the same anyway, because then whoever goes last has the advantage due to having the longest time to come up with a plan after being told they have to get past a dragon when the first person had like 5 minutes.

The prefect's bath thing is just because you may not be able to fit the egg underwater in a regular sized bath. Also there are only 24 prefects in the school, the chances of one of the 23 who might want to tell on Harry catching him going in/out is quite low.

>Why would they assign everyone different dragons at random instead of giving them all the same dragon?
It does seem unfair. I suppose dragons are hard to come by, so finding four mother dragons who recently laid eggs was hard enough, let alone having to find four of the same species.

>Also, it probably wouldn't have worked, but why didn't Harry try to accio the golden egg?
I can only speculate, but I think they made that impossible by some enchantment, or it would've been too easy.

>Also, why does Cedric tell Harry to use the prefect's bathroom to discover the egg's secret knowing that he's not allowed in there?
Less chance of discovery seeing as there's only a handful of students who know the password? Though I guess there's no real reason to try to discover the egg's secret in secret, Harry could've done it in any bathroom during the day.

Reminder that Harry Potter totally cheated the dragon test.

He summoned his broom which means he had positioned his broom somewhere where it COULD be summoned. As soon as he went out on the pitch and summoned his broom it was suspicious as fuck. Everyone should have called him a cheater because he clearly knew he was up against dragons.

It could have just been preparedness. It was pretty silly of him not to try the same thing with the maze though. Hell, it even would have saved some time on the second task getting into the middle of the lake before entering the water.

>Watch a dude fight a dragon
Cool as fuck

>Stare at a lake for an hour
wat

>Stare at a hedge for several hours
m8...

Who fucked up here? Where do I get my money back?

>>Stare at a lake for an hour
>wat
Did the movie not even try to explain this shit? The movies got away with some retarded stuff so I expected they tried magical screens that show under the lake or something

THAT'S MY SON!

Cheating has always been a big part of the tournament, it's stated multiple times in the book at least. Also, the other champions were also well-prepared to face a dragon, all of them would look suspicious.

They should've put in some magical screens to show what's going on underwater and in the maze. The book fucked up with that but they could've fixed it in the movie. Last two tasks had no reason to have an audience.

>Second round starts
>Harry "The Chosen One" Potter just belly flopped into lake
>Just starring at a lake
>Try and ask out one of the French students
>Get rejected
>Third Task begins
>Sit and stare at a bunch of hedges well the band is primed and ready
>Start talking to that french student again
>Talk for so long I eventually get her number
>The familiarity principle at work
>It finally ends
>Hey its Harry "The Pot" Potter and that other guy
>Is that a dead body?

Dumbledore, and especially Moody would never allow Harry to die. Moody even patrolled the maze and using his magical eye he could see all the obstacles in Harry's path and he got rid of most of them for him.
It's still plenty retarded if they just wanted Harry to be transported to Voldy. Shouldn't take a whole year of planning and cunning, Harry could be transported at any moment he wasn't in the Hogwarts grounds, so Hogsmeade would've done.
What about the maze though? Was it that huge that the centre of it, where the cup was, was outside the grounds that prevented teleporting?

This short movie is unironically good.

youtube.com/watch?v=EmsntGGjxiw

>fanmade film
I'm not even touching that.