Is Hogwarts the best fictional place to live? You can study all sorts of magic...

Is Hogwarts the best fictional place to live? You can study all sorts of magic, sneak around the castle at night finding secret pathways, sit by the fireplace of your common room and play chess with your friends, eat your fill of the best foods around, and sleep in a huge comfortable four-poster bed.

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>"No!"

You're forced to live with the british

I would never go home for Christmas break. It would be so comfy.

Same, Christmas break would be the best time of year because like 90% of the students would be away
I'd basically have the whole castle to myself to do what I want

I think it was actually voted #1 in a poll about fictional locations people would most like to live. I can see the attraction, it's like a safe getaway from boring everyday life, filled with magic and secrets.

uhhh i like my privacy
you can't even fap without having people around (sharing room with three or four other autists)
i need alone time, but i guess i can fuck off somewhere deserted for that
yea, i'd enroll
(in slytherin, the dungeons look COMFY af)

boring universe

>you can't even fap without having people around (sharing room with three or four other autists)
That's boarding school for ya. Those rumours you hear aren't just rumours. Lock a dozen teenage boys in a room together each night, within weeks you'll be wanking over a biscuit together.

>(in slytherin, the dungeons look COMFY af)
Great taste. Comfy design and a huge underwater view of the lake. I would just sit in a chair watching the mermaids and that giant squid float around.

>it's like a safe getaway from boring everyday life, filled with magic and secrets
Congratulations, you just summed up the success of the Harry Potter franchise in a single sentence.

>Great taste.
My favorite color is dark emerald green, and underwater scenery has always puzzled/bewildered me; I'm slightly obsessed with all things aquatic.
Slytherin common room is truly the thinking man's alcove.
youtube.com/watch?v=nS8ErLAXhSk

Heaven is probably the best fictional place to live.

>*tip*

No, they keep a fucking giant snake in the sewers, giant spiders in the forest, the care of magical creatures is an insane half-giant, all the bullies are put in one house and the kitchen runs on slave labor

and that's not even getting into the quidditch and broom shit problems

I know, that's why I said it. It explains why the books were so popular with adults as well even though they're aimed at children. When you're working 40+ hours a week in a shitty office job, come home to your loveless marriage, read in the post that you're behind on paying the mortgage, and you're tired of the everyday slog, after you've read a bit of the latest HP book to your son before he goes to sleep, suddenly that magical castle is sounding pretty damn inviting.

No, because you'd be living in one of the dullest franchise in the history of movie franchises and into the even duller Twilight franchise. Seriously each episode following the boy wizard and his pals from Hogwarts Academy as they fight assorted villains has been indistinguishable from the others. Aside from the gloomy imagery, the series’ only consistency has been its lack of excitement and ineffective use of special effects, all to make magic unmagical, to make action seem inert.

Perhaps the die was cast when Rowling vetoed the idea of Spielberg directing the series; she made sure the series would never be mistaken for a work of art that meant anything to anybody?just ridiculously profitable cross-promotion for her books. The Harry Potter series might be anti-Christian (or not), but it’s certainly the anti-James Bond series in its refusal of wonder, beauty and excitement. No one wants to face that fact. Now, thankfully, they no longer have to.

>a-at least the books were good though

"No!" The writing is dreadful; the book was terrible. As I read, I noticed that every time a character went for a walk, the author wrote instead that the character "stretched his legs."

I began marking on the back of an envelope every time that phrase was repeated. I stopped only after I had marked the envelope several dozen times. I was incredulous. Rowling's mind is so governed by cliches and dead metaphors that she has no other style of writing. Later I read a lavish, loving review of Harry Potter by the same Stephen King. He wrote something to the effect of, "If these kids are reading Harry Potter at 11 or 12, then when they get older they will go on to read Stephen King." And he was quite right. He was not being ironic. When you read "Harry Potter" you are, in fact, trained to read Stephen King.

what the fuck is this

ambient sounds? inspired by the dungeons?

having a wank in the room of requirement

People use this to fall asleep. I've used similar stuff to get me to sleep when I'm having trouble

>pacing up and down the corridor
>"I need a wank", "I need a wank", "I need a wank"
>door appears
What's behind it?

youtube.com/watch?v=-PcUnqlPA8A

There's literally and entire giant bath that nobody goes to or uses except the ghost girl who'll try and sexually assault yoi

A bound and gagged house elf and a magical, sexy voice that emanates from everywhere, dirty talking and encouraging.

like clockwork

>hundreds of frustrated teenagers stuck in the same place with limited supervision, very liberal school policies and they're capable of spells that modify their bodies, state of mind and so on
Is there Harry Potter porn that's not Harry x Draco fanfiction that's written by 13-year old girls?

Do Pakis get magic? How bad is the affirmative action in admissions since Dumbledore died?

>no privacy at all
even on the off chance that you're not sharing a room with a couple other dudes, some aspie ghost is gonna come in and watch you play with your dick

>not just envslaving them with imperio, make them suck you off and then wipe their mind

Who wouldn't want to fuck a bunch of ridiculously tall native blue apes?

Why is Hogwarts so white? Is Rowling racist?

I'd be very surprised if there wasn't a lazy porn version of Harry Potter. If things like The Little Spermaid and Glad He Ate Her exist, then there's bound to be Hairy Putter and the Goblet of Cum

They don't fuck, do they? They just link their hair.
Hogwarts has a fuckload of minority students.

There's lesbian fanfiction.

never thought about it but i suppose even if youre bored of all the magic and endless supply of delicious food and sexy schoolgirls, in the end you have a cozy warm fancy castle to chill in.

Didn't they ramp the diversity up in Goblet of Fire and like half of the characters were in interracial relationships?

eletronics don't work there, right? not being able to listen to music would be a dealbreaker for me

A bald assertion isn't an argument. I've already refuted your representation based arguments. Give me something else.

Ginny dated two nogs, Cho only dated white guys but in general a lot of the characters are paki/black/asian.

Isn't that equally bad though? I just get the feeling that 99% of HP smut is written by teenagers shipping the same pairings.

you can't really make a legit porn parody on a series based around children.

>Welcome to your third year, where the castle is now surrounded by what the textbook describes as "the foulest creatures on earth", and they'll suck your soul out if you get too close.
>What's that? Fuck no we didn't tell your parents, you're balls deep in this shit now son.

Also have Hafflepuff circle jerks and there’s only one deadly event every year

hopefully I'd be in hufflepuff to partake in the group fap sessions

What's this about circle jerk sessions?

>wizards become legal adults and graduate at age 17
Was this a Rowling plot to prevent porno? Not even last year students are legal.

>tfw not allowed to torture students anymore

If it is, she's a legit genius.

Just about every ethnic minority or religious background was included in the books and films. There were black people, Asian people (Chinese Cho and Indian Patel twins), islamic people and jewish people. This was written all before the current climate of forced diversity.

Don't forget ghosts, sneaky house elves, and a poltergeist to worry about catching you wanking your wand.

I just saw The philosophers stone yesterday and it’s pretty fucking comfy my dudes.

On a completely unrelated note when is it okay to be attracted to Hermione?

you need to a shitty manlet and suffer genocidal wars every few centuries

>Oh, yes… hard work and pain are the best teachers, if you ask me… It's just a pity they let the old punishments die out… hang you by your wrists from the ceiling for a few days, I've got the chains still in my office, keep 'em well oiled in case they're ever needed

Forget Voldemort, I'd like to see the feds raid this guy's place.

She peaked third movie

>oiling chains

Makes you wonder when exactly that was banned. Filch reminisces about the days he was allowed to torture misbehaving students with medieval torture devices. But unlike wizards who can live for up to 300 years, Filch is a squib so he has the life span of an average human. Assuming he was about 60-70 years old and started working there when he was 20, that means they still used torture devices in the 1950's, just after Voldemort graduated

its literally a magic boarding school. not saying it would be bad, because boarding school is patrician schooling.
but youd have to leave once you graduated, and the rest of the world is a piece of shit.

best fictional place is classic star trek

As a gay man, aesthetically they all seemed to peak in the 3rd movie. The random changing of hair killed Harry after that and Ron just kept looking pastier and whiter with each year.

>The poor middle earthlings Rivendel

That's cool. I've read all the books (can't remember them very well) and seen all of the movies. I just thought I remembered them going from 0-60 with the diversity in Goblet in the movie, but it could've been there in equal measure before.

Looks rather boring. Like all you would do all day would be just standing around and looking mystical.

The characters were always there, but students only really started dating from GoF onwards (which is reasonable since they're about 14) so maybe that's why it stood out.

Dunno, practices with bow and sword, blacksmithing, reading something from the top tier elven library, fuck some hot elvish sluts...

>Not spending all day standing around Rivendell complaining about muh Silmarils

>That's cool.
"No!"

...

lol

user's post is dreadful; his opinion was terrible.

>elvish sluts
No such thing

Rivendell always looked incredibly comfy to live. I'd spend my days taking walks, sitting down on a comfy bench writing stories as I look out at the waterfalls. I'd have dinner while Elf women played their harps, and go lie in my comfy bed with some books on lore.

You have to force Elves to be sluts. Normally they have low sex drives. It is the reason they have to get bred by rape gangs.

I’d become master manipulator and inflict elven sluts with my fetishes

>but youd have to leave once you graduated, and the rest of the world is a piece of shit.
I would never leave, I would just become a teacher and live a life of luxury until old age takes me.

>You can study all sorts of magic, sneak around the castle at night finding secret pathways, sit by the fireplace of your common room and play chess with your friends, eat your fill of the best foods around, and sleep in a huge comfortable four-poster bed.

Imagine how nostalgic you would be for Hogwarts as an adult, reminiscing how you would sneak around the castle at night w/ your cutie forbidden love from the opposing house. It's the perfect place to experience young love.

My heart rate went up typing this.

The nostalgia and melancholy alone would kill me. Maybe it's best such feelings are left unfelt.

Not him, but reading your reply made me cringe.

How many male teens do you think Madame Pomfrey sees each year that tried to make their dicks and balls bigger?

Jesus Christ this post makes me want to kill anyone who owns a Harry Potter book.

>My favorite color is dark emerald green
supreme god tier taste
bless you user

I understand why the ragheads hate the US so much.

For some reason Hufflepuff has been singled out as the house that has masturbation sessions, even though we all know deep down every house was doing it

You know, I'm gonna try and fill 2018 with that magic we're nostalgic for.

I dislike J.K Rowling as a person, but maybe she was onto something when she had Dumbledore explain that things like love and music are forms of magic too. After all, it's the idea of young love that brought be back to Hogwarts just now (probably because I first read the series as a teenager), and I've got plenty of things ahead of me to experience in life.

Thanks user.

The hell

samefag

This, the only school worth going to is the Slav pirate ship from the 4th book

>rape gangs
someone enlighten me

fagfag

Alright lads this entire thread made me want a hogwarts castle to be real. What the magic, tthe houses, the cuties, the secrets and what not.

How can we make it happen? Do I have to be a multi billionaire and hire the world's finest architects and shit? Would even that be enough?

the series itself isnt written that well, but the whole magical world is super comfy.

The first two movies and some of the third especially.

I was thinking seriously about this a few nights ago, and the only way we can recreate this is to send our kids to some exclusive European boarding school, perhaps in France or Switzerland.

Not only that, you would have to raise your child to be the best possible version of themselves from an early age. Like, have them learn Muay Thai, several different languages, sailing, skiing, mountaineering, cryptology, etc. Basically instill them with a fantastic sense of adventure and curiosity. Then, once you're sure they can handle themselves, send them out into the world to make memories they'll cherish forever - things like young love, forbidden knowledge, discovery and danger.

That also explains perfectly why nobody gives a fuck about any of her other works.

delete this post goy

I'm with you and like the idea of building an actual Hogwarts, but I'm sorry to tell you, but magic isn't actually real.
With enough money though, sure it's possible to get a team of architects and builders to build an exact replica of Hogwarts castle which can include all the secret passageways and even moving stairs. You could make money out of it by selling "the Hogwarts experience" to people, who would pay loads of cash to live in the castle, be sorted into houses, sleep in their dormitories etc.
You can hire people to teach classes, disguise LCD screens with moving people as portraits and hang them all around the castle, all to make it more authentic.

You're never going to actually be able to perform magic, but you can build a simulation of sorts and fill the castle full of people who happily play along with it. Hell, I'd enroll.

Nah, the problem is that once you actually try to create a false magic and sell the experience, it becomes cheesy as fuck.

>what is rust

Her Cormoran Strike detective novels are all bestsellers though. The initial boost came because her pseudonym leaked and people bought the first one because it was Rowling who wrote it, but the other ones have sold extremely well too. I actually really like them personally, I love a detective story and they're all pretty good. You can also clearly see she's improved over the years, if you compare her prose in her recent novels to the first Potter book it's laughable how amateuristic she was back then

An actual Hogwarts should never pretend that magic is real, but I can see people signing up for a fortnight at Hogwarts like some sort of resort. You get sorted, you sleep in your house dormitory, you get three meals a day, and the lessons would just be about lore and history, no actual wands and pretending to duel or anything. Then in your free time you can roam the castle and the grounds and do what you like.

As I'm writing this I'm getting a grim picture that this will someday happen and it'll be a retirement home for millennials in about 50 years.

stop posting this shit everywhere you autistic shitbag

Did the Ravenclaw or Hufflepuff common rooms ever appear in the films?

I always felt like those two houses were borderline irrelevant, just somewhere for side characters to be so they weren't constantly interacting with the main ones and the bad ones.

There's a short scene in DH2 in Ravenclaw tower, but Hufflepuff never appears.