Hi, I'm genius filmmaker, Rian Johnson

Hi, I'm genius filmmaker, Rian Johnson.

Excuse me while I pull not one but two universe-breaking deus ex machinas out of my talentless asshole

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>universe breaking

[citation needed]

Lightspeed ramming makes the space fights, heavily inspirede by ww2 aerial warfare, meaningless.
Force ghost being able to summon lightning does the same to lightsaber duels.
Those are the two major modes of conflict in Star Wars, (((The Mouse))) and it's gimp Johnson managed to make both lose most of their relevancy within the universe presented in Star Wars.

Holdo was not the first to use the Katharr maneuver. Several famous battles were won by utilizing partial hyperspace acceleration. The common thread in all these victories, however, was unimaginable desperation. For indeed, it is phyrric, and the victory short-lived.

The Katharr maneuver is immensely powerful and virtually indefensible, but it literally tears a hole in the local hyperspace, cutting off routes and rendering further escape impossible. A measure of last resort, in prolonged battles it is virtually unheard of given the risks it poses. Victors stranded with the remnants of the enemy fleet, usually in no better position than they were before save a head start on retreat while the enemy recoups their losses and regroups.

Legends also tell of dark things hiding in hyperspace tears; things that lurk between the void, viscous things that are thought to be worse than utter defeat by your enemy. The old texts call these things the Uuzha'n, and while none surviving can corroborate their true existence, any sane officer can tell you no victory is worth risking the Katharr gambit.

>subverts your expectations
*heh*- nothing personal

wut

are they retconning stuff now?

my man got the t-levels of a 12 year old with a 40 year olds body
my man looking like an enlarged hairy baby

i love this pasta because the original author pulled as much shit out of their own ass as rian did when he thought up the lightspeed ram idea

EPISODE X
THE VOID SEEPS
>The galaxy is finally at peace. United under the newly elected Grand Council, REY SOLO leads the efforts to rebuild the damage done by the forces of evil. It seems that the future is finally secure.
>However, a message has been received by ADMIRAL DAMERON and FINN's New Order commandos salvaging near CRAIT. On the site of the Old Fleet's worst defeat, something strange is happening. A darkness looms over the war-torn sector.
>Across the galaxy, THE FORCEWALKERS are dealing with a new threat. A strange disease is afflicting droids and men alike. JAYNA SOLO, Rey's daughter, is on the trail of the cause when disaster strikes...

EPISODE XI
THE TERROR BEYOND TIME
>It is the darkest hour. The YUUZHAN VONG have emerged from the void and cannot be stopped. POE'S sacrifice has only slowed them down.
>JAYNA is grievously wounded. Under VAL's leadership, THE FORCEWALKERS are in disarray. The last line of defense is in danger of collapsing.
>The Grand Council is no more. The discovery that The Old Fleet caused this new catastrophe has sown mistrust and outright rebellion among the surviving systems. REY SOLO heads to Coruscant to play her final card...

EPISODE XII
A NEW ERA DAWNS
>Everything ends. The YUUZHAN VONG flagship nears TYTHON to wipe out the last vestiges of THE FORCE. REY can hide no longer.
>The rest of the galaxy is lost. Though the tear in hyperspace has been mended, nothing stands in the way of the forces that continue their cruel march. It is the final hour for hope.
>JAYNA and FINN remain captives. Cruel experiments continue to try and wrest the secrets of the JEDI. Among their fellow prisoners, however, are rumblings of a final stand..

:)

>Stupid bullshit not in the movies that nobody cares about

:thinking:

All I know is, I'm just gonna go back to playing Rebellion on PC, 'cause I'm a nostalgiafag that grew up with the OT, and I find it to be more compelling than any of the movies that have been released since then.

Wow, good call OP! We surely needed another Star Wars thread! I know this board has been filled with them for the past month, but your thread is really special. Thank you for your contribution!

Can you imagine an entire universe at war with for 500 million years? that's the fate we chose when we shunned Lucas away from his child. We will never have a good star wars movie again
and it's all out fault

also that's Vorcha from Mass Effect wtf

I-is this legit?

>d-dont hurt Daddy M-Mickey

100% SMUGGY

>kills your franchise

Yes good goy blame the director

>I'll have the large soy latte
>Is their carrageenan in your soy milk?

Lovecraftian

You can't shame us, Disney
WE HAVE NONE

Star Wars was destroyed in TFA, when they decided a lore destroying unstoppable Mary Sue will be the new Jedi lead.

Don't forget the avacado smoothie

Agreed. Though I can't help but wonder what the state of the franchise will be in 30 years. Will we even remember Rey.

>Stop distracting me user, I'm writing a Star wars trilogy

>what's a George Lucas?

>Stop distracting me user, I'm asking my rich family for more money

EXT. SPACE

A small ship, a bit like the Corellian Corvette from ANH, but different, flies overhead. Another much bigger ship, like the Star Destroyer, but different, pursues it. The Nu-Star Destroyer hits an asteroid and spins with a wacky slapstick sound effect, subverting the audience's expectations and making them laugh.

joke's on him. i never had any expectations

We'll remember Rey as the shit that killed star wars

>Will we even remember Rey
Gisnep is trying to make another SW trilogy, just to keep beating a dead horse into the ground. But, I'm not going to put it past them to try and shove Rey into that new trilogy in some convoluted fashion.

Daisy has already said she won't do more nerd shit. She wants to focus on her cokehead career.

...

>other movies show that auto pilot exists
>movie shows that droids can pilot ships and vehicles on their own.
>a new hope shows that ships have life reading quipment when scanning escape pods.
>says there needs to be someone piloting in order for this to work for reasons
>Captain Pink Haired Gender Studies has some random black dude die piloting the medical ship, rather than just having him lightspeed into the other shuttles.
This will bever not bother me, do the rebels just hate black people or something? What was the point in having him die?

It's to show that people DIE in a WAR

>Pretending this wasn't an idea of the 'story group' to make the tumblrinas drool

Jokes on him, I expected the film to make more than a billion

>2018
>not doing nerd shit

lol fuck, name a project that isn't nerd shit. its Marvel and fantasy and meme horror all the way down

she'll be broke and doing Space Christmas Specials on Disney Kids in no time

Daily Reminder that Rian Johnson was denied admission because of poor grades from every major film school in the country till his rich parents gave a donation to USC

He's literally just some dipshit AV manchild who had rich parents and friends in high places

but he's not JJ

The hyperspeed ram was stupid but Yoda being able to affect things while dead doesn't seem very canon breaking to me.

I always assumed Obi-Wan stating "I will become more powerful than you can possibly imagine." and then imploring Luke to use the Force meant that Obi-Wan himself steered the proton torpedoes into the Death Star shaft. Obi-Wan also seems to have directed Han to find Luke when he was dying on Hoth. His influences were more subtle than Yoda's lightning, but there.

I think OP means the Hyperspace Missle and Super Leia.

Yoda is just a meme because its a failed attempt at nostalgia

>we gotta keep the spark of the rebellion alive and not waste lives!
>Hey random black dude please throw yourself to the lasers for no appaprent reason!

Besides the fact that you just made this shit up, what do you think this fixes? So instead of using it as a last desperate measure in a fleet battle, just send one asteroid piloted by a droid. The only survivors around the local "hyperspace tear" would be enemy. What's left? They won't do it because they're afraid of hyperspace ghosts? This is more retarded than the hyperspace ram was to begin with.

Stop that, you're hurting me.

If his mom was never killed in the original timeline, why would the kid become the rainmaker?

>Lightspeed ramming makes the space fights, heavily inspirede by ww2 aerial warfare, meaningless.
it already was meaningless you fucktard. star wars space battles make no sense either internally within the film or with any knowledge about real world physics.

*nods respectfuly towards you*
Well played, my fellow third weekender

I really don't give a shit since Lucas altered the original movies. Han shot first and was the only one to shoot. It was very poignant. Changing that undid pretty much everything the entire series was originally about.

>2010+7
>we still have "Han/Greedo shot first" autists
wow

>The old texts call these things the Uuzha'n,

Yuuzhan Vong confirmed. They're literally extradimential this time. Get Hype.

Keep saying it with me, Johnson has never seen a fucking Star Wars movie from start to finish

The fact that you autists are too concerned with "plot holes" to pay attention to the actual thematic content of the film proves that TLJ was too good for you

If this is true then I'm seething on Sup Forums

1) The thematic content of TLJ is as deep as a puddle and as subtle as a cock, despite it being almost 3 hours long.
2) Plotholes which don't insult even my middling intelligence are nice.

Three. The Force is no longer something that training and discipline to master. If the Force requires you, you're just "powerleveled" to match your opposing number, regardless of whether you have dedicated your life to mastering the techniques and knowing yourself, or if you're the daughter of crusty jugglers, or just a simple stable boy.

Just wait. If you're needed, you too will be blessed with divine power to oppose evil. What a message for the ages.

Honestly what is there reasoning for Leia not dying after being literally sucked into space??? Is it just a strong woman thing? It’s like the dumbest part of the movie.

youtube.com/watch?v=Kj3opk1QFTM

Yoda literally says she has Jedi potential in Return of the Jedi.

That's the point, dumbass. The instant you start introducing anything remotely like real-world Hard sci-fi concepts like relativistic projectiles into a space fantasy setting like Star Wars, you irrevocably wreck the shit due to the ubiquity of FTL tech.

So jedi can defy physical laws like atmospheric pressure and need for oxygen? She went full Neo. Leia has to be like the most powerful force user ever.

Force for everyone, yay!

It's easy to learn, doesn't demand any anxiety-inducing conflicts or soul-searching, and no-one's left out. Millennial Force is the best Force.

>he's still shilling

Well I mean is the granddaughter of the force itself and she gave birth to one both of the two people with the most raw strength in the force Luke has ever encountered.

this is what liberal men look like unabashedly

Yeah fuckin right nigga

The dumbest part of that scene isn't even SuperLeia. It's that she and her surrounding debris field apparently coasted to a stop relative to the rest of the ship. In space.

Rian is one dumb motherfucker, which should come as no surprise to anyone who's ever watched Looper.

I thought it was implying she stopped Time desu

rewatch the ot and pt and any new large space battle.

anytime one side is winning ask yourself "Well why doesnt the losing side just capitol ship ram the enemy and win the fight?"

or

"Why not start the engagement with an old capitol ship sized kamikaze and then mop up the losers?"

zing!

$0.20 disney bucks(TM) have been added to your account.

>Force ghost being able to summon lightning
We still don't know the requirements for a force ghost to appear, or how they can interfere with our world. So it's not exactly universe breaking.

>crusty jugglers

>muh masculinity
i am glad that """men""" like you are being diminished
>inb4 soyboy
enjoy your coronary disease

if they can itneract with the real world, the dead Jedi could have luked defeat the emperor

>Luke, did I ever tell you about Light Speed Missile? It's a combat maneuver that no one in the history of the Republic ever used in spite of having access to FTL technology for thousands of years. It is an attack so devastating that whichever side uses it first wins. End of story. There are no safeguards against it, so now that it has been discovered, it is wisest to resort to it at the slightest hint of danger, because if you hesitate, your side has already lost. It took a smart and brave lady general to discover the technique. Had she been just a bit less brave and a bit smarter the concept of "remote control" might have occurred to her as well and she could have been a good friend.

Rogue One was good, but why didn’t they fail in their mission? I go to Star Wars movies to have my expectations subverted, and this cohesive story is ruining my film going experience.

>imagine being a service sector worker who gets called out to a job where this thing's mom owns a home. you enter and sense the odor of a disgusting neet, but there's no obvious sign of one in this woman's house. You open a cabinet to work on a pipe and an avalanche of sticky green slime covered mountain dew cans.

It doesn't break the canon because we don't really know the requirements for a force ghost. We don't know what they can and can't do, or where they can and can't appear.

It's entirely plausible that in a place with a big force presence (like the original jedi temple) a force ghost would have more power to influence the world.

Don't worry Rian. Einstein had haters too.

You ignored what I said. We don't know the requirements for them appearing or interfering in our world.
So it doesn't break the universe, it just brings up some questions of what kind of influence they can really have over the real world, and if it's tied to specific locations etc.

Demons to some, Angels to others.

Fake and extremely gay pasta.

>A face displaying that particular simpering meekness so contemptible in men then so common among nu-males

His face looks like a 4 month old baby smiling at his mommy because she went "coochie coochie coo" , but with a beard.

Rian's subservience to the story group is why he's getting a trilogy.

ITT: my little user and his warhammer fantasies injected in to star wars

Parting your hair on the right signals weakness, this is a well-documented phenomenon that inspired the fact that Superman parts on the left and Clark Kent parts on the right.
For another example, compare Rian Johnson to based Hamill in that pic of them next to each other.

>Mary Sue

and this is not Star Trek

fucking Dragon Ball Z has better power leveling than this shit

>cutting off routes
>Millennium Falcon hyperspaces in, picks up the people, hyperspaces out

>travelling on full speed in space
>running out of fuel
>you'll continue to travel with same speed until you run into something
mfw I realize how stupid the whole chase premise was

>The force doesn't belong to anyone, it's between ALL living things!
>BTW, the force chose Rey and she's been chosen by the force and she controls that shit better than anyone holy shit look at her go!
Which is it, Rian, you ass?

Hi Rian

That was before the maneuver, coming back at the end is easily explained by chewie going directly to another hiding spot on crait before the explosion

>Parting your hair on the right signals weakness
Thinking that the way you part your hair has anything to do with weakness is retarded.

im crying

>Fuck you, Rian

The force is female guys. We lost. Let's go home...