What's Your Movie Theater Thing?

I'm the guy who yells "did everyone catch that?" during exposition-ladden scenes.

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I don't go to movies anymore. I just stay at home and pirate everything.

I'm the guy who has to tell the ex-cop, who's bitching loudly about how cold it is, to leave the theatre after he calls me a coward

>I'm the guy who yells "did everyone catch that?" during exposition-ladden scenes.

im the guy that throws shit at that guy

I started a "When I say Bat, you say man!" chant a few minutes before trailers started in a packed theater on opening night of The Dark Knight Rises once. Was pretty funny.

I'm the guy who gets hit instead because your aim is shit.

I'm the guy that dosen't clap when the movie ends.

+1

additionally watch it all in a tiny window on my laptop while browsing porn

You too huh?

found the europoor

I'm the guy that sits quietly during the movie and leaves unnoticed when it's over.

This. Even if you only pay for good films, you're subsidizing bad films in the process.

I'm the guy who yells "NO THANK YOU" after a shitty preview

it gets a laugh like 90% of the time

Is that true? That's pretty great, desu

Myself, I like to sneak in a can of coke and crack it open in the silence right between when the lights go down and the opening credits. Usually gets a couple of chuckles.

I bring my camera to the theater and record the movie on my first viewing. Then I go home and go through the movie scene by scene and punch up a MSTK3000 riff script. I spend a couple days practicing the script and getting the timing of my zingers right, then go to the theater for a second viewing and perform my riff live and get the whole theater laughing

I'm the guy that yells "that's gotta hurt!" during disaster scenes

How?

This but because I don't have the attention/bladder to sit through a movie. Unless I'm watching a literal 15/10, I'm taking breaks during your movie and you can't do anything about it

All I want is to ban children from PG-13 and R movies. Regardless of a parent ok’ing it. Also never bring your shit kid during opening weekend of a major release when I’m trying to watch the fucking movie I paid 20 bucks to watch. Don’t bring your kid if he/she is going to talk all through the fucking movie, or be a parent and take them outside and explain to them that they are fucking up the movie experience for everyone. Fuck them and their shit questions!

I'm the guy laughing loudly during the horror scenes. I'm actually very scared at those moments and they haunt me for months, but I don't like to show it.

when I know a comedy scene is coming up I yell "bruh look at this dude! wait till you see th... ohhh nonononono"
then rev it up into a loud "AAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA"
its a big hit every time

>not enjoying the running cunnycommentary from the next row
What a fag

I’m the guy that yells “I told you it was her mom!” During crucial plot reveals.

I'm the guy that leans over to the person he's watching the movie with and makes a loud comment after every single trailer.

im the designated shooter

Im the guy who laughs loudly and abruptly at the extremely lame jokes and quips of kids movies.

I'm the guy who drops all of his m&ms halfway into the movie, every fucking time

I know you're kidding but this guy is actually a regular at the local theatre and is a huge pain in the ass for lots of the theatre volunteers

i'm the guy that looks confused to look like i didn't do it when you turn around all pissed off looking for who threw that shit

>americans talk in cinema

based

I'm the guy who sneaks some beer in. Seriously try it, you'll never want to go to the cinema sober again.

>cinema
Flicks*

unironic seatshitter AMA

I take my shoes off to get comfy.

>americans live in your head rent free

if someone in the theater is staying silent we usually clap at them until they have something to yell out

>theatre volunteers
Hold on now, so you're telling me you work at the theatre for free

>americans invented and perfected cinema

It's a student run college theatre. By working one shift a week I can see unlimited movies.

I sneak between the rows scooping up loose shoes

no that guy, but I guess by virtue of the place remaining open to screen crap flicks in the future.
pretty longwinded rationale though

>after he calls me a coward
>theatre volunteers

hold the phone, we got something here

Girl here. I constantly ask my boyfriend about the new characters and what is happening in the plot when if I were patient and paid attention all would be revealed to me anyway.

I yell "JESUS CHRIST THAT'S JASON BOURNE" everytime Mat Damon appears on screen

But they're all shit artsy student movies right? You're not showing big releases in a student run college theatre

No, I'm about go see Blade Runner 2049 there tonight. We get major releases but only after some time.

There are also plenty of artsy shit but it's more like "greats of polish cinema" than student films.

Theaters are like forums in america. They are the centers of commerce in cities. We meet their for public assembly and to watch executions.

I'm the guy who tries to sneak in and eat/drink as much as possible because it's my way to rebel against the system without actually committing any crimes. It's all about the thrill

I'm the nigger who won't stop talking

nice, I love those guys

I'm the guy who points out every actor I know during the previews.
>Oh look, that's Michael Keaton

>go to epidose 1 screening with friend a few weeks after release
>joke and laugh all the fucking time until guy next to us gets annoyed and tells us to keep it down
>"what are you gonna do, call the cops?"
>guy starts autistically flailing with open hands at my friends
>a few seconds later a flashlight points at the guy
>employees escort him while he protests
>entire room chimps out during the whole ordeal, shouts, whistles, throwing popcorn
>room settles down as the flashlights are turned off again
>continue to laugh an joke with friend

austria is a great place
also, that one time we watched south park the movie
>together with several school friends
>laugh hard as shit at stan constantly puking on wendy
>friend next to me just starts puking all over himself
>no noise, no duration, just an instant , big stream of liquid and small nuggets
>gets some on my knee
>look at him
>he looks at me
>"I have no idea what is going on"
>stands up and leaves while repeating that sentence
>never comes back
>drive home with dry puke on my knee after the movie

...

im the guy who goes to the movie theater alone

>Girl here
Make sure you check your phone ten times during the movie and then get up right when the credits roll instead of waiting for the place to empty so I can fingerbang you a bit.

LMAO what a loser

NO SINGLES ALLOWED. YOUR E-TICKET HAS BEEN REVOKED. NO REFUNDS

i'm the guy that tells his girlfriend to shut up and ask questions after the movie

I'm the guy in the mines enabling your culinary experience at the movies

sounds cool

Gonna need more on this

I'm the guy who snorts loudly and sarcastically says "okay" after something tropey happens in a movie.

I'm the nigra who puts his legs over the chair in front of me, so you can smell my dirty feet.

I'm the guy in the projector room aiming the projector at the movie screen on my shoulder for your whole movie

This, but with beer.

Based

On the guy?

Every year the building takes a few weeks to "react" to cold weather before the heating comes on, and every year this guy bitches about how cold it is, walking out of the showing but making sure to stop at my seat and tell me how emasculated I should feel for not having control of the building's temperature.

He was a cop for about 20 years before retiring and it shows in the way he has no regard for other people's time or attention.

He often talks to the characters in the film, but will then shout at me to kick out other patrons for rustling their food too loudly. He will then call me a coward for not doing anything.

No these are not jokes. I stopped being a volunteer there since it was too much fucking trouble to deal with this guy.

That sounds miserable to have to deal with that every movie

wow, I'd like to believe this

He won't be there for all the showings, but since I was assigned to the "Al Pacino retrospective" series of films, I was guaranteed to see him.

Unrelated but wow is scent of a woman a terrible film

No doubt. Usually I like to bring in some whisky too, also the coke cracks louder than any other canned drink I've found

i was at the theater a few weeks ago watching br2049 and at the really loud opening sequence a lady shouted out "can you turn it down a decibel?"
i was pissed that she thought she was important enough to have the volume turned down for everybody, but i was also surprised she had such a specific amount that she wanted it turned down by. any normal person would have said "a bit", but i guess any normal person wouldnt be so selfish as to yell that in a theater during the movie.

I'm the guy that yells BAZINGA everytime a character makes a witty quip

people like you and your friends should be permanently banned from cinemas

I'm the designated shoe-shine guy for when me and my friends go to watch movies, It's pretty annoying but someone has to do it. I absolutely hate in when strangers make me shine their shoes too so I miss the beginning of the movie, i'm like
>Get your own damn shoe-shiner!
But I usually do it anyway so they wont complain to the theater manager and get my friends and I kicked out

holy fucking BASED

heh...well...you know that guy? the one that does the thing?
yeah. that's me. i get laughs every time and people think im based :))))

based

I'm the guy who chews their popcorn as slowly and quietly as possible because I'm self-conscious of other people hearing it

soundcloud.com/lazerbird-98477393/afternoon-at-the-kinoplex

im quietly drinking liquor i put into a large soda cup in the bathroom with a small group of friends

I'm the guy who shows up and smokes weed in the parking lot before autistically navigating his way to his weekday seating hoping no one will talk to him and notice how munted he is DUDE WEED LMAO

>taking your drink into a public bathroom

i'm the guy who vapes during the movie

based quads

I would laugh

Went to watch inshitious 4 with the wife, bunch of teenage girls all dressed in yoga pants and leggings were slutting it up and play-slapping eachothers butts and hugging and giggling loudly before the previews started and before sitting down at all right in the middle of the theatre.
They seemed starved for attention but anyway nobody cared since that's just life in California. But then the movie started and they kept giggling loudly and screaming nonstop at the quiet scenes, pretending to be afraid of non scary parts etc. The worst of it all was when they kept taking literal fucking selfies with their phones on max brightness and one was talking flash pics of the others taking their selfies.

There were 5 or more of them, I just wanted to watch a shitty movie and dislike it in peace holy shit. and they even clapped at multiple scenes.
Grumbled to the wife when leaving the lobby and she just rolled her eyes and said "oh come on you loved those whores"

Based wife

Is your wife Betty Draper?

If any of you try to pull this shit in the theater I'm in I WILL SHOOT YOU.

im the guy that opens the exit door for

I hope your wife cheats on you, fucking loser

>women is clearly enjoying herself during intimate scene
>"I'LL HAVE WHAT SHE'S HAVING"

get a laugh like one time

>Go to watch pitch perfect 3 with my girl
>Seating chart put us sitting next to an older 40yr+ man sitting alone with a jacket draped over his legs
>Wtf, he's alone?
>Tell my girl to sit away from him he seems weird
>Sure enough throughout the movie he's just eyeing all the young girls who came to watch it and slowly rustling the jacket
>I whisper to my girl that this fucker is jackin it
>She gets a look of disgust I've never seen before and she tells me she wants to leave "NOW"
>I tell her to wait for my signal to just get up and go with me so it doesn't look t-
>In the midst me of telling her this I feel the dude fucking tickle my fucking leg with his fingers
>No way it was unintentional, he used three fingers in a strumming motion like a bass player
>Look at him and say "what the fuck dude"
>He flinches hard and my girl and i get up and walk down the steps and leave
>We get a full refund and tell them about the dude
>We see a skinny ass pimply kid heading to the auditorium with a security guard and some plain clothes dude who seemed like an undercover cop

Fuck the theatre

I'm the guy who says " he's the killer " or "that's the bad guy" when they introduce the cast at the beginning of the films

Furthermore I also say " oh he/she's about to die"

I have rarely been wrong but that's just because movies suck these days

Fuckin prude

did he get to finish?

I clap and say 'bravo' whenever there's a tehcnical glitch that even sligtly suggests the movie ended prematurely

got a good laugh at a repeat showing of the Karloff The Mummy once

fag

I'm the guy