I saw Natalie Portman at a grocery store in Jerusalem yesterday. I told her how cool it was to meet her in person...

I saw Natalie Portman at a grocery store in Jerusalem yesterday. I told her how cool it was to meet her in person, but I didn’t want to be a Nazi and bother her and ask her for photos or anything.

She said, “Oh, like you’re doing now, goy?”

I was taken aback, and all I could say was “Excuse me?” but she kept cutting me off and going “Goy? Goy? Goy?” and rubbing her hands in front of my face. I walked away and continued with my shopping, and I heard her recite the kaddish as I walked off. When I came to pay for my stuff up front I saw her trying to walk out the doors with like fifteen tubs of cream cheese and 5 bags of bagels in her hands without paying.

The guy at the counter was very nice about it and professional, and was like “Oy vey, you need to pay for those first.” At first she kept pretending to be gentile and not understand him, but eventually turned back around and brought them to the counter.

When he took one of the tubs and started scanning it multiple times, she stopped him and told her to scan them each individually “to prevent breaking any mitzvot,” and then turned around and winked at me. I don’t even think it was the shabbot. After he scanned each tub and put them in a bag and started to say the price, she kept interrupting him by yawning really loudly and complaining about the price.

9/11

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i love jews

we should be good goyim and never question them

what is she buying?

What would you do if you see Natalie Portman shopping at your grocery store?
Me? I'd try to get as close to her as possible and try to get a good sniff without being creepy. I'm hoping she hasn't worn deodorant that day so that I can get a taste of her natural scent.

fifteen tubs of cream cheese and 5 bags of bagels
can't you read?

This makes me kek everytime. So fucking autistic. Just, sitting alone...

i'd shit my pants, go home and do chores for mom, wait till 10-12 at night and find sexual pictures of portman and masturbate, pretending like it actually happened

Why no Milky Ways? Not Kosher?

What do you think her natural scent is like?

Musty coins and sandalwood.

shekels and gifelte fish

Musky base with tops of cardamom and sweety socks

who is that qt

>bannas
>berries
>avacados

dumb jew

go to bed natalie

hot grits

I actually laughed, good job

I sniffed a blonde girl before me at the check-in at an airport. she smelled nice and I think about her smell when I fap

This is funny

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Cool story bro

Now write one about fucking a nine month pregnant Anne Frank.

The funniest part is that this sort of shit would drive audiences NUTS back in the day if Mike Meyers said it dressed as a woman.

well done

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