The Snowman (2017)

>oh no it's retarded

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>the first five minutes of the film
I felt like I was having a fever dream.

>there's a fucking window between a hallway and the bedroom
The last 5 minutes are even worse though. Literally some of the dumbest shit ever shown in cinemas.

>Harry Hole

>HAIRY HOLE

I felt like I had Alzheimer's watching this movie.

>giv nordic gf

>gig scene

wtf Norway, sort that shit out

>gig scene

wut is that mean?

>THIS DOESN'T FUCKING SLIP

OH NO NO NO

Why couldn't they at least try to pronounce it different like they did with Arve Stǿp? They didn't say it like the word "stop", but more like "stoup".

Because everybody was in on the joke.

UAWAGH EOUWGH GEWYS, WOUAHTZ AUWP?

>walks out of a window

It was supposed to be Harry Ho-ley

UAWAGH EOUWGH GEWYS, WOUAHTZ AUWP?

"FAUWGHK YEEAUGH TEWOBI JEOWANS!"

>keeps drinking water bottle

Michael Fassbender has a gift when it comes to starring in shit movies.
I'm beginning to think he does it so he can stand out more as an actor.

I did post the B&W version on google drive in a previous thread if anyone wants to have a comfy viewing.

I had such high hopes for this movie.

Like some user mentioned, fever dream explains it pretty well

>also that cliche "you are so legendary we studied ur cases in college" made me gag

Did they just let val Kilmer wander onto the set?

>it's a Sup Forums episode

Fuck me, I missed this in theaters. I'd prefer a fever dream to the capesabre crap January offers.

>The Snowman (AKA Teleportasjonsfilmen) is a Nordic American movie where Harry Hole (Fassbender) is a drunk Oslo cop who is passed out, freezing on a park shack, and dreams of his ex, his wife's son, and solving a murder mystery with Bratt (Rebecca Ferguson). Much like Inception, it builds a dream world, however while not going fantastic, it does hint at the dream like nature with silly snowmen, and people, dogs, and even knives teleporting and disappearing. Including a singer on stage in a scene reminiscent of Blade Runner 2049.

>Many time misconstrued as a normal (if badly made) Nordic serial killer movie, it is actually a deconstruction in dream as Harry Hole protects his family (His Ex and his wife son) from the Snowman, which represents his alcoholism, and then is a surreal scene watches the snowman kill itself in a man sized hole in the ice and then wonders in the snow till he wakes up, with a dedication to go sober and to rebuild his frayed relationships with those who he loves.

...

Needs more Val Kilmer

truly the deepest lore

In the photo or in the pasta?

>Download the B&W Snowman that hte user posted earlier today
>Its actually gives it a comfy feel looks really good.

Kilmer's entire subplot is, unironically, the greatest Twin Peaks: The Return subplot that never was.

>dog teleports around
>guy barely reacts at all to someone mag dumping at him
>fass looks at his pistol like he just realized what a gun does

In the photo.

"At last I have become, The Snowman™".

Wife's son...

...

man, that awkward jump cut at the beginning never fails to crack me up

OH NO NO NO

updated

holy shit, the B&W version of that Kilmer scene looks like its a fuckin' Fireman scene in TP: The Return.

I need to watch Jack Frost

this thread's theme song
youtube.com/watch?v=YK3ZP6frAMc

...

has a link to the B&W version the user made

Is this movie really that bad?

I love how the guy seems to barely react to someone shooting him out of nowhere

What Gameboy Color game is this?

>that teleporting dog scene
I was hungover when watching it and thought I was gonna throw up.

Holy fucking shit there it is.
>le dog reaction shot as if this was an Adam Sandler comedy
How did this get released?

Tbh the retarded looking snowman should’ve been in there.

>Charlotte Gainsbourg cucks her serial killer boyfriend
>isn't beheaded immediately

It's hard to even say if he actually reacted.

Reminds me of this: youtube.com/watch?v=RkuWrmxN7hg

somebody get this hothead outta here

I actually liked it. The visuals of Norway or whereever it's set were so sublime I felt high throughout.

this one, or the voldimort one

...

When you realized that they should have just said fuck it, made it a B&W nordic film about a drunk dream.

That concept solves all the issues.

This was supposed to be the start of a film series. The ending where Harry picks up a case it's the teaser for the next one (like the joker card at the end of Batman Begins.) Problem is, there's already many books in the Harry Hole series, and they started with the fucking seventh one. They they somehow didn't film 10-30% of the script Scorsese's editor was brought in to try and salvage the movie, but apparently only made it worse

Why is he so sad?

...

I saw this movie a while back called Asylum. It starts with this former hostage negotiator being brought in to a mental asylum, where a riot has sparked and the inmates have taken control of the place. The guy leading the riot is the negotiator's brother. Once they get in (he's with a SWAT type team) it becomes clear there's something supernatural going on.

Then the movie literally pauses and now we get these two guys watching the Asylum movie. Turns out it's a movie within a movie, and the main characters are these two editors trying to edit the movie. They start the movie again and we see it, but we hear the two editors talking over it, ripping on the movie MST3K style. Then we get some scenes with the guys' bosses at the studio and shit, all while the Asylum movie keeps being a serious supernatural thriller about a man facing his stranged brother and the forces controlling him. When Asylum ends we cut back to the editors talking some more, and they end on a joke. "Hey, you remember how in the 90s movies didn't have an ending, but just sort of stopped?" "Yeah." Cut to credits. (cont'd)

After watching such a mess of a movie I looked it up, and turns out it got meta for a reason. In real life a guy sold the Asylum script to a studio, and they hired this director to make it. The director had ties in eastern europe and decided to move the production there to save money, which the studio agreed to. But the movie he delivered was some incoherent mess because the director sometimes disregarded the script and did what he thought would be best, forgetting subplots or changing things on the fly. Seeing the movie was a mess, the studio brought the original writer back to turn the movie into some sort of comedy to at least be able to distribute it and make some money back. So now the movie is about the editors trying to save a shitty film. In-movie they explain it like "the director filmed abroad, but forgot the script and its copies, and by the time we realized and faxed him a copy he'd already shot half the movie somehow." The finished movie doesn't work either as a comedy, but it's a fascinating case study.

So maybe trying to save Snowman in editing was a lost cause from the get go

oh NO

This movie is bad on purpopse.

I'M NOW MARLON BRANDO, MOTHERFUCKERS!
youtube.com/watch?v=LTz1qCvNUhs
"auaog aipgaig uga"

Criminally underrated

WTF
How is it even possible to let some1 make movie like that?
And wtf is Fassbender doing in it?

Welcome to the snowman zone.

Snowman threads are always a blast

WHY DID FASSBENDER SIGN UP FOR THIS SHIT

HES BEEN DOWNHILL SINCE ASSASSINS CREED

Sup Forums WAS A MISTAKE

At least The Snowman's a funny piece of shit.

Ass Creed was just rather boring and unlike The Snowman, it the lack of coherence wasn't amusing in Ass Creed.

Whats with the windows in the bedrooms?

>when Harry Hole gets back to his apartment and the killer is boogieing down to this for a solid fifteen seconds

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nygeh

>MFW THIS MOVIE

BUT WHAT ABOUT MY CLUES?!?!

what was this plotline about with the women being pimped out?

Poor snowman looks sad