So theres this lil fellur working at the butty store right

So theres this lil fellur working at the butty store right...

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Karl > Ricky

Danders/DickyDoddy/Randers/LittleDittydoddydoodaa > Karl > Steve > Claire > Ricky

>y'alright?

The majority of British entertainers >>>> Ricky

So like

Dere's this fella who like as a computah

an it's goin all weird like

an he's thinking "dat's a bit weird innit"

but actually the computah's tryin to tell im sommut but it as no mouth see

So

I was thinking, right?

See how you get that uh television board. On the Sup Forums yeah?

Like they've got this thing where like...there's a guy and he's a big guy, yeah? And he's a big guy, so obviously he ain't feeling as much pain as the little fella.

So when the guy get's posted, that's the big guy, you're meant to be posting "for you".

And there's this other fella they post, with a mask and I think they call him Pain because he ain't feeling the pain right so I think he's supposed to be the big fella they're talking about

I didn't know either way because it's none of my business, so I rung me dad up and he was like "for you" and I feel like everyone's in on this joke and I'm scratching me head like "he's not even that big" you know? I mean I wouldn't call 5'8 that big but I guess he's got a few spare pounds on em

. . . MANmoth?

reading that in Karl's voice. I laughed harder than I have in months.

Sturgess seemed pretty hot judging from her voice, never seen what she looked like tho

BID LIN

if the little fella has hairy arms that're longer than his body and he's wearin a helmet and ridin a tricicyle and he robs a bank in spain

WE'RE NEVER DOIN THIS FEATURE AGAIN

....

ah ferget it then

I'm probably more familiar with Karl's voice than the sound of my own mother's. Listen to XFM obsessively.

Turns out....... Little monkey feller.

...

HOLY FUCKING YUM I'M ABOUT TO DING-DONG DIDDLY CUM

What on earth are you on about Karl

STOP
TALKING
SHIT

PLAY A RECORD

Karl being prodded by Steve and Ricky > Karl by himself
Steve and Ricky are like Karl's handlers and there isn't anyone who could do a better job

Right so, there's these buncha blue blokes, what where they uh called... orgs or summin..

>Orcs, I believe Karl.

Yeah, so, the orgs are part of this army malarkey and since there's a lot of them there's not much food.

>Absolute bollocks Karl, if they're part of a FUCKING Army they're gonna have rations given out. What sort of bullshit economy wouldn't provide it's FUCKING soldiers with rations.

>Let 'im finish Rick.

An' because they haven't eaten in day's they want something to eat, right? So.. they're looking around tryin' to find some food knockin' about. Mouldy bread, um... insects and stuff. And then one of 'em, smaller fella but probably a bit smarter than the other blokes. He notice's summin--

>Was it your FUCKING roundy bald head, you stupid fucking MANC.

He sees the hostage'd they've got kidnapped. And one o' them, quite small wearin' a cloak. So he goes and picks it up, right, and then one of the other orgs starts tellin 'im "y'know you shouldn't be eatin' them because, like, they're out prisoners aren't they". And then he look's at the hostage and he notice's somethin'.

>What is it Karl, what did he notice?

The hostage was probably about 'alf the size of the other hostage, and had quite long arms.

>Oh for fucks sake.

Turns out... little monkey fella wearin' a cloak..

>Unbelievable.

Lads help me out here. I want to relisten to the xfm shows but the old Mega link I'd bookmarked is dead. Any new links out?

Someone post that other bane pasta.

Steve > Ricky

Isn't it past your bedtime you lanky goggle-eyed freak?

Right after you're done stuffing cheese down your fat gullet

Hey at least I fixed my morbid obesity, too bad you can't do anything about your shit genetics.

>that episode where she asks Steve out on a date, "me and you Steve, let's go shopping" but he ignores it

Was he blind or was he holding out for something better now that he was famous?

>That episode where Steve gets assblasted

Why do they bully Karl so much?

So every episode?

the simian twist at the end got me good

Kek

>Alright, this time on Educating Ricky, I've got this story about a weird fella who lived a long time ago
>When? You can't just say a long time ago, Karl. What year?
>It's was like in Roman times I think
>Fuck me. Right, go on.
>Alright, there was this beardy fella, he comes out saying this strange stuff, his mates don't really understand him, but they like him so they go along with it
>If he turns out to be a monkey, we're never doing this again
>Ok, so a bunch of people are listening to him, they're thinking "oh, this is quite good, this" but he gets himself into trouble and gets killed
>Woah, back up. What did he do to get killed? You can't just leave that out!
>I don't remember, I think he was stirring up trouble. Anyway, three days after he's killed, his mates see him walking around again.
>DON'T. TALK. SHIT.
>So, turns out, he'd come back from the dead. Then he sort of flies up to the sky and dissapears. Mental, innit.
>IT DIDN'T HAPPEN. WHERE DO YOU GET THIS DRIVEL?
>Read it
>OH YEAH YOU READ IT, MUST BE TRUE THEN. Idiot.
>Well that was educating Ricky, I hope you found that as enlightening as we did
>AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
>*4 Non Blondes fades in*

>Something interesting I've learned: a flea... can jump over the Eiffel tower?
>NO

The episode where Karl is off and they threaten to give out his mobile number unless he calls in is god tier. He phones in and spends all his airtime ripping the piss out of Steve.

>I don’t smoke. That does.

Fucking kinokek right here.

"A'right, so there was this truck"

"A Truck?"

"Yeah, in the desert, someone in it with a bag o'er their head, couple of other guys in there. Not me this time."

"WHICH desert."

"It might not've been a desert, there were mountains and grass not long after."

"What?"

"Look, they bring him out of the truck over to the plane, and there's this fella standing there right, like he's not got a belt on...but he has got a belt on."

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN!!!"

"Just listen! ‘E says, ‘e says ‘I’m CIA’."

"You mean he was with the CIA."

"No, no, he just says CIA."

"He’s the entire CIA?"

"No he…, look they say…uhh…look, we were to give you this doctor…"

"‘What Doctor?"

"HE was the main one they were bringing, but they brought the ones with bags as extra."

"Extra Doctors? And there’s two with bags now?"

"No! One ‘ems easy to forget. Look, CIA…"

"His given name."

"Yeah, CIA says…look, don’t know what you’re playin’ at here…can’t be bringing mates. But they say they work for this kind of gangster guy, called Blaine. And CIA says…right, we’ll take ‘im."

"Ok, I’ll stop you there. If they lift up the hoods, and it’s a monkey, or any kind of primate, we are NEVER doing this feature again."

“No, no listen. They get in the air, and CIA’s like, carrying on trying to get them to talk about the gangster.”

“While on the plane?”

“He says…where they’re going…they’re expecting one less than there is.”

“What do you MEAN Karl?”

“Like, what he’s saying is he’ll throw one out.”

“Of the plane?”

“Yeah, and like, he opens the door, and he pulls one over and like, shoots out the window next to his head.”

“‘Shoots him you mean.”

“No. He only pretends. And pretends to throw ‘im out. And CIA says… oh, he didn’t fly so good.”

“No, he didn’t.”

“Yes, he did.”

“No he didn’t. that’s not grammatically correct, you messed it up in your weird little Manc head.”

“Listen. And the other one, with the bag on their head, ‘e says…he says, well you wouldn’t shoot someone, would ya? if you were just going to chuck ‘em away anyway. And CIA walks over, takes off his mask, and its Blaine, and he’s got this like, metal spider thing, covering his mouth.”

“Oh CMON!”

“No, he does. It sort of looks like…did you ever open up a washing machine, and its all small pipes all close together. It was all that…but in face form.”

“Jesus Christ.”

“And CIA says…he says…if I take that off, would you be alright, or is it like a medicine thing. Would you die, basically, is what he was asking.”

*Sigh* All right, and what did he say.”

“He said it would hurt a lot and that.”

“Right.”

“For you.”

“What.”

“It would hurt a lot…for you.”

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN!”

“Nevermind. See its just ‘cause it’s me sayin’ it. If you saw that in a film, like, a film from that one who made Inception or what have ya, you’d think it was brilliant.”

“He wouldn’t PUT THAT in his films! He’s not that stupid!”

Nice.

Lil Jamaican fellas spinning fish about.

Seriously though is them treating him like shit an act? Because it makes me dislike them

They put it on for the radio, but they obviously like their bants as well

CHRIST, DE BERG

TheBigDick/TheDickmeisterGeneral/LittleDickyDockyDido

What's the origin of the monkey stuff?

t. Amerimutt

LID BIN?

Turns out, lil' monkey fella

Ay, my wine house!

why do people hate ricky btw ?
i mean sure he is an arrogant cunt but still without him there wouldnt be a lot of things we like

>inb4 we? we ? you cockmungler ?
yes

>Wet knee Houston

Absolute twaddle play a record.

Ananova

Post your top 5 rockbusters

Yolk, oh.... oh no
Ay, my wine house
Chist, de berg!
De trout spinners
Buy on ferry

Deli meat tree

He comes across as an actual sadistic bully, Karl just rolls with it well so at least it doesn't show as much on their work together where you don't realize Ricky keeps going when it's clearly bothering someone.

youtube.com/watch?v=KVVX42UACs8&t=67s

''Ban gulls'' is definitely the best one.

youtube.com/watch?v=T6IgTA9eLvY

canny log-ins!
Dan yell "bed in field"
ban gulls

AND YOU'LL NEVER
SEE
AND OLD MAN
EAT A
MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARS
BAR-BAR-BAR

I still don't get the Boyzone bit

why wasn't he lookin' both ways?

New odor
Tourettes Trent Derby
Dear Streets

>all that for "Dan"

It is genuinely astouding he managed to put those together.

>Buy it if you want I'm-I'm not that bothered, shop around, come back, it's up to you because...

KARL YOU HAVE TO EAT THE BURGER KARL
JUST ONE BITE ONE BITE

Ricky claims he's been drunk every day since 18.

Surely he'd be dead by now.

I KNOW YOU'RE JUST 16, BUT LOOKING ALL OF 21
THAT'S
BECAUSE
THE CHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESE
LOOK
OLDER

my
NEIGHBAH
-had-
-a-horse-
INNNNNNNNNN
a house~~~~~

If it's anything about the Chinese Phillip Bailey will be involved.

...

I wonder what a drunk Karl is like

THERE
THIS
HAIRY
CHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESE
KID

>Honestly Steve, he could be your brother.

De trout spinners

Das freaken goggle eye

>Was he blind
Have you seen the googly eyed freak?

I'M USING ME FABLES