You are making Jehovah sad Sup Forums

You are making Jehovah sad Sup Forums.

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FUCK OFF MOM SPARLOCK IS MY GOD NOW!
JEHOVAH CAN SUCK A FAT ONE!

Because they're a literal cult

B-But it's my birthday...

Are we talking about Jehovah's witnesses or Sup Forums?

Jehova is nothing before our mighty God-Emperor you Heretic!

>tfw your mother converted into a witness just a few years back
She's some weird puritan cultist now, shits sad to see.

And that's why you never answer the door.

Fuck Caleb, Jehovah's Witnesses are all a dysfunctional cult and they ruined my family

At a glance I thought this was more T_D shilling. I-I am so sorry.

But I'm making me happy.
Jehovah can stop being so reliant on others for his own emotional fulfillment.

>Dog gets out when I'm a kid
>Running around trying to find the little shit on our block
>Two older women point down the street
>Run up and they tell me where they saw my dog
>Run and get him
>Bring him back to the house
>20 minutes later
>Doorbell rings
>"We just came to make sure you found your dog!"
>Think this is super nice
>Thank them for helping me find him
>They give me a pamphlet
>TFW Jehovah's Witnesses helped me find my dog

Thing that gets me is that she throws the toy away instead of telling the kid to return it back to his friend, what a bitch.
Entire cartoon is so sad, if she won't let him play with a simple wizard toy, I can't imagine this kid has any other action figures to play with. Don't even get me started on movies he's probably missed out on.

>they're the ones who let your dog out in the first place
Oldest trick and the book, you're lucky they didn't offer you any cand or else then you'd be fucked.

Blasphemy! She has spoken the name of our Lord!

I've always wondered if those Mormon and Jehovas folks always carry a bible around with them when they go door-to-door. I'd like to see if I can swap their bibles for one of my books one day.

Got a chuckle out of me, but unlikelyy.

The gate's lock was still in place, fucker just dug under the fence and crawled out.

I only worship one god, and his name is Tebow

If they are far enough gone, they will just be happy you got a bible to study.

Frankly I'm amazed he has any friends at all, Jehovah's tend to absolutely destroy their children's social lives.

...

Look, I'd had a lovely supper, and all I said to my wife was, "That piece of halibut was good enough for Jehovah."

I'll forgive you if you never type like that again.

>whynotboth.png

Sorry, mum, but i only worship thicc-ness now!

HE SAID IT AGAIN!

In the Latin alphabet, Jehovah begins with an "I."

Who likes magic: Jehovah or Satan?

...

If what I'm doing makes Jehovah sad, he's going to be bawling in a few minutes...

Somebody needs to give that poor kid some Stirner to read

I have an Easter episode of this on VHS, I think.

If the wizard is bad even if he uses magic for good purposes, why can't someone be good even if he uses his God-given free will for bad purposes? If you bullshit about the wizard's powers being satanic and thus renders anything he does evil, it follows "abusing" free will is more legitimate because it stems from God.

They don't care about good and evil, they care about mindless obedience. The religion tries to make the followers completely dependent on it. Judging by this movie, they're clamping down harder than ever. Say goodbye to your Disney films, kids.

Seriously, the toy business is just a metaphor. What is really being said is it doesn't matter what kind of person you think others are, because they're all in Satan's camp and ought to be avoided.

news flash, jehovah is always sad.

>They don't care about good and evil, they care about mindless obedience
That's how Jehovah's work, it's a cult like any other, the whole point is to suck you so deep into the cult and cut you off from any and all outside influences that it eventually becomes the only thing you know. I see this shit with my own family member who got into it a few years back, basically every single person she knows these days is another witness, she barely speaks at all to any of her old friends from before that time if at all, I think I'm pretty much the only non-witness she has any significant ties with these days.

>you will never perform fellatio on Jehovah
>Jehovah will never notice you
>you will never make Jehovah happy

Jehova's Witnesses abused the dementia of my friend's grandfather to rob his entire house empty. That entire cult needs to be burned at the stake.

I was just at one of their conventions yesterday. There was more gay bashing than usual.
Apparently, when someone tells you "Gay people are born gay so it's natural" you're supposed to respond with "Well people are also born violent but they shouldn't act on those impulses". Also the reason why being gay is bad is because and I quote "God doesn't approve of homosexuality and we try to live by his morals". What an experience

I don't know. Maybe the guy who made the earth tremble, darkened the sky, ripped the cloth in the temple, caused a flood, talked through burning bushes, summoned plagues....

How does this make you feel, Jehovah?
*unzips dick*

So I was at LAX a few weeks ago and I was walking past people handing out fliers on racks, and one of them reads "Is God really the source of the bible?" or something. I thought it was going to be some atheism shit, but then I look and see it was fucking Jehovah's. Was it just a clickbait title, or do Jehovah's think that the bible is some kind of deception?

I want to read their shit just to learn more about how weird it is.

Growing up with JW parents, let me be the first to tell you that what you experienced was click bait. And I can even answer the question they proposed. They would probably say "Well the Bible was written by man but the words were inspired by God. The authors were chosen to be his messengers". Hell, I might have that pamphlet somewhere if it's not one of the more recent ones.

Yeah, it can royally screw up anyone who is no longer a part of it.

Was it rally like this? That you couldn't even say "that" name or you would be stoned or this is just a joke?

how is the jehovah's witnesses cult not illegal yet

people have died over it

>Neighbour starts putting copies of their monthly magazine on my porch
>Decide to take the covers and draw over them as Sup Forums or Sup Forums shit, whatever inspiration strikes me
>Put them back, now drawn over for the next month
>She takes this as a sign to keep sending them, now sends two copies so one can be the "read only" copy

Touche.

Sounds like a challenge.

It's probably true. 'Thou shalt not take My name in vain' is the third commandment - mentioned, I note, before murder.

Pop quiz: which of the Ten Commandments concerns itself with rape?

>sensible_chuckle.gif

The idea that we, infinitely small as we are in compassion to God, could somehow "injure" him is beyond laughable.

I can no more make Jehovah feel "sad" than I can "make" him do or feel anything else.

Any response he has to my actions are entirely his own choice and I am not responsible for them.

Are you serious, making a philosophic point or taking the piss?

A little bit of all 3 I think?

Mostly taking the piss.

what's with all this Jehovah bashing you cucks?

i hate that subtitle font so fucking much

The 10th one duh

You can't oppress white people's religion.

too big. If you're a compound of freaks fine. Once you franchise and get celebrities you're pretty much unstoppable. Look at Mormons. Scientologist. Nation of Islam. Crazy people all of them but acceptable crazy.

I mean, Scientology has committed actual treason before.

We need more incest porn of this family

>Nobody cares about making porn of the mom anymore

nu/co/ is lame

Its Yahweh you stupid cunts.

Take your smelly jew god and go

I don't see you helping either, user.

JW here. Got 40 minutes before work so why not ask me anything.

I want to read a Sparlock comic. He looks fucking badass.

Do you think the gays are controlling Hollywood, or is it just the banks?

Neither. That's not really a question I think that much about.

What's your opinion on agnostics?

That's their view of life and I respect it. Not going to shove my religion down someone's throat if they're not interested.

Christians should do the same is just that they ignore parts of the Bible that would make them seen as psychotics, though JWS dont recognize fully the divinity of Jesus They still have the same rules, is just that they have enforcers.

Why do you think it's so hard to create alternatives to secular media that doesn't come across as heavy handed preaching?

At least I'm alive, thanks to my blood transfusion. How's your son doing, by the way?

topkek

I'm guessing, none of them?

If I remember right Witnesses also don't celebrate birthdays or any holiday so the kid probably doesn't have any toys

Isn't the anlt anti gay stuff in Leviticus?

>"God doesn't approve of homosexuality and we try to live by his morals"

If you actually believe that God exists then this logic is 100% watertight.

God is the ultimate moral arbiter, whatever he says goes he doesn't need to provide reasoning.

If your mainly talking about the videos, then I agree. They always tackle it in a weird way and it feels very unnatural. Exapecially on the topic of homosexuality.
But for the most part I think the magazines are fine. They are usually just talk about a certain topic and how the Bible views it.

Why ya'll got beef with Sparlock?

>Not going to shove my religion down someone's throat if they're not interested.
Why can't the other JWs be like you?

Do you have any of those bound volumes of the old magazines? I know they've stopped doing those long ago.

Technically weren't not meant to agree with magic. But pretty much all my friends who are JW love Skyrim and games that are similar.

Grew up a JW, can answer this. It's because everything they say is obviously stupid, easy to dispute b.s., and their defensive before the conversation starts. A good 25% of the time you spend at 'church' is training for how to argue against perfectly sane, reasonable arguments, and how to take advantage of fabricating a personal connection with someone to convert them. It's an evil religion for stupid people.

*they're

Rule number 11. nobody better lay a finger on my butter finger!

number 12. AVOID THE NOID!

13. Cartoons cant be waifus

14. Don't be a dirty weeb

ex joho kid here. we got toys when we asked our parents to buy it for us, or when we saved up our pocket money and bought it for ourselves.
wizards and shit were indeed a no-go but somehow digimon and yugioh was fine? I remember getting in trouble once because my mom caught me watching an episode of the sabrina cartoon

Now I do still do the door to door thing. I've seen a lot of people go from miserable lives to happy lives just from learning about my religion, and I want everyone to have a chance at that same happiness. But if you think my religion won't bring that happiness or are simply not interested. I will leave you alone.

My mom didn't allow Yu-Gi-OH when I was little. All parents have a different view on the subject. And my parents would buy us toys every now and then to make up for not celebrating holiday.

In the Bibble God forbids Imagination and Fantasy, ex Christian here though, no idea if JW are also scripture fags.

*Yahoo-Wahoo

In High school my two closest friends were jheova witnesses, they were pretty shill. One is a weeb now though.

Does anyone have the animated JH anti gay video? It's hilarious

At a glance you look like you're from Ieddit yourself

>In the Bibble
YOU QUESTION THE WORDS OF THE MIGHTY JIMMY?

This one?

youtube.com/watch?v=fnk52bU92oE

Please kill yourself, you blithering retard

Because Protestants are pussies who never want to talk about the cool parts of Christianity, like shooting godless savages in the name of the one true god or Byzantine emperors leading last stands against filthy heathen turks

There are millions of great stories that could be bother religious in nature and interesting but they only want to tell faggy shit like "dude Moses lmao"- who gives a flying fuck about fucking Moses?

Uncertain if joke or not

>muh jehovah's witnesses were restrictive n sheeit

Why do people from stupid religions always blame their stupid religion for their parents being stupid? My mother was just a run of the mill catholic whose religion never influenced all the stupid fucking decisions she made about taking stuff away from me.

>creepy anti-gay cartoon

Which is funny because steven universe is a creepy pro-gay cartoon whose creator specifically designed in the hopes of indoctrinating children that gay is okay