I saw the Solo movie, here are the parts I remember

I saw the Solo movie, here are the parts I remember

>Movie starts with Han Solo winning the Millenium Falcoln in this weird gambling tournament. Lando is butthurt but signs it over to Han. When Han is leaving it’s revealed to the audience he was using some kind of holographic cheating dice thing

>Woody is Hans mentor, but betrays him later on, but then comes back to help him

>Chewbacca and Han are already friends

>Emilia Clarke is the daughter of a space mobster Who blackmails Han into bringing her along with him, she’s also better than him at everything. she goes back to her dad at the end of the movie and helps pay off Hans debt and tells him he’ll find his princess one day (not even kidding)

>one scene has Han stealing his famous blaster, but he doesn’t know how to turn the safety off, the criminals laugh at him and are about to shoot him, but Emilia blasts them all first

>Woody Harrelson dies saving Han, his last words are “never let anyone tell you the odds kid”, which is woodys catchphrase

>They have to get through the Kessel Run in order to escape the empire in front of them and the monsters behind them. Han says it’s impossible to do in 12 parsecs, but Kira (Emilia) does it. The Kessel run is an asteroid field with a bunch of old mines attached to them from the clone wars

>Movie ends with Han saying he’s got a job thatll set him and Chewie up for life, with a guy called Jabba, Chewie roars and Han says “you ALWAYS have a bad feeling about things”

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You're probably lying but this is all plausible.

I meant mobsters behind them, not monsters

Sorry, it’s autocorrect

>When Han is leaving it’s revealed to the audience he was using some kind of holographic cheating dice thing
Can we assume those are the dice referenced in TLJ and TFA?

Sound legit truthfully

Huh, they were gold dice, I didn’t even realise that

Sounds legit.

I would watch that. Well, at home, for free of course.

Does Lando do much?

Not really, he shows up at the beginning, has a vid call in the middle, and then shows up st the end just to talk some more

They don’t really explain what it is he does for a job either, just that him and Han know eachother in passing

Is Kira's father a Jew?

Nah, he’s actually this big alien dude that adopted her, Kira says he’s really protective of her

>>They have to get through the Kessel Run in order to escape the empire in front of them and the monsters behind them. Han says it’s impossible to do in 12 parsecs, but Kira (Emilia) does it. The Kessel run is an asteroid field with a bunch of old mines attached to them from the clone wars
I doubt that disney would reference the prequels

They talked about clone troopers in TFA

>Woody Harrelson dies saving Han, his last words are “never let anyone tell you the odds kid”,

OH NO NO NO NO

Sounds shit

Every word of this is true

>Hey guys remember this
the movie

I can confirm

I believe every word.

It’s true. All of it.

It’s true

All of it

>impossible to do in 12 parsecs, but Kira (Emilia) does it.
YAS QUEEN!

...

I 100% believe it.

>Movie starts with Han Solo winning the Millenium Falcoln in this weird gambling tournament. Lando is butthurt but signs it over to Han. When Han is leaving it’s revealed to the audience he was using some kind of holographic cheating dice thing

on the off chance any of this was real this part actually sounds half decent, but thats probably just me projecting better films onto it

>The Kessel run is an asteroid field with a bunch of old mines attached to them from the clone wars

This part also sounds actually good but the one doing it not being Han is a meme tier prediction at this point

Kek

That's the worst version of the Kessel run I've heard.

I like Rich's black hole idea way more.

What’s that?

Someone wanna check this against our bingo card?

That they'll fly close enough to a black hole that it will shorten the distance of the kessel run. Parsec being a measure of distance and not time.

Sounds lame I like the SOLO movie better

I’m gonna be sure to see SOLO this december with my girlfriend

Okay but where's Boba Fett then. He is in the movie by leaks so what the hell.

>>Emilia Clarke is the daughter of a space mobster Who blackmails Han into bringing her along with him, she’s also better than him at everything
muh strong empowered womyn

Oh, he was pretty irrelevant. Just chases Han for a while with some other ships because the Mobster wants his daughter back. Goes away after they lose them in the kessel run. I assume the monster called him off at the end

>When Han is leaving it’s revealed to the audience he was using some kind of holographic cheating dice thing
>one scene has Han stealing his famous blaster, but he doesn’t know how to turn the safety off, the criminals laugh at him and are about to shoot him, but Emilia blasts them all first
>Woody Harrelson dies saving Han, his last words are “never let anyone tell you the odds kid”, which is woodys catchphrase
>Han says it’s impossible to do in 12 parsecs, but Kira (Emilia) does it.
>Movie ends with Han saying he’s got a job thatll set him and Chewie up for life, with a guy called Jabba, Chewie roars and Han says “you ALWAYS have a bad feeling about things”

Capped and saved. See you all in 4 months.

Gotta admit, it sounds oddly plausible. Even if it's just op trolling, there's a huge chance that's how it looks anyway.

It's so stupid it had to be true.

Here's the bingo card

BIG if true.

SLAY

for you

>never let anyone tell you the odds kid”
#WillWatch4Woody

Rogue One had scenes set on Coruscant and Mustafar

Too smart for Disney. Comes way too close to actual science and someone would have to crack open something besides the gender studies textbooks.

>Woody is Hans mentor, but betrays him later on, but then comes back to help him

It's like pottery, it shatters on contact

>tells him he’ll find his princess one day (not even kidding)
this is so awful it has to be in the movie.

>Woody Harrelson dies saving Han, his last words are “never let anyone tell you the odds kid”, which is woodys catchphrase
Believed you until this. This is too clunky. They’re bad writers, but they’re bad in different ways

OP here, some other small stuff I remember.

>I’m PRETTY SURE Temuera Morrison cameos as an aging clone trooper working as a mercenary. Definitely looked like him
>scene where Han and Kira are hiding on a jungle moon, Han has a snake on his shoulder, Kira is scared and points it out, Han laughs and grabs it, and throws it away, saying “what, are you scared of snakes? They haven’t even got legs! Now a Wookiee, that’s scary”
>funny scene where Chewbacca breaks apart some cleaner droids because they keep trying to wash him
>The Millenium Falcoln looks pretty different, there’s coloured stripes on top of it, and there’s no gap in the nose if you know what I mean

>>scene where Han and Kira are hiding on a jungle moon, Han has a snake on his shoulder, Kira is scared and points it out, Han laughs and grabs it, and throws it away, saying “what, are you scared of snakes? They haven’t even got legs! Now a Wookiee, that’s scary"

Too clever

fully believable

shut up you retarded little faggot

>Temuera Morrison cameo

This would redeem the whole movie

>Kira is scared of a snake
>Han laughs at her and has a monologue about how snakes are harmless
>meanwhile a giant green snake slowly slithers up right behind him

I can't help but believe this. It's what disney wants. Han, the male, has to cheat to do anything worthwhile, while the strong and capable female saves him left and right.
Well, at least, I have suicide to look forward to, now.

The Kessel Run is the route smugglers use going to and from the spice mines of Kessel. This is canon

goddamnit this is so hilariously fake that it's probably true after watching the previous 3 Disney movies

Not being able to use hyperspace as a weapon because it’s another dimension is also canon, didn’t stop holdo

youtu.be/L24hGLbmNrw

>kessel run wasn't hans achievent but an another mary sue did it

I think this may be legit

Sounds good

I will definitely see SOLO in theatres

Yeah, we know he won it from Lando and he describes it as "the ship that made the run". Loophole is that it necessarily him who made it

Absolutely. Either OP knows what we hate too well or he's telling the truth.

This is retarded enough to be completely true. I believe you.

How was Han OP, was he even one iota believable?

It's going to be true, all of it.

Felt like someone trying to act like a parody of Han Solo throughout the film if you know what I mean. But then it’s kind of treated like Han hasn’t figured out who he is yet, and the very last scene makes it look like he’s started becoming the rogue that we see in ANH.

I felt the actor was almost too energetic and jumpy if you know what I mean. Lots of high voice shrieking when stuff goes wrong, his jokes were more quippy than sarcastic like the OT Han

Chewie was good though

>quippy
>high voice

SOYLO

Did he finish the academy or he just got his pants in a random way?

>Han says it’s impossible to do in 12 parsecs, but Kira (Emilia) does it.
So are "parsecs" a measure of time in Star Wars or do they adress this/try to make sense of it?

it is not time, it is distance

>Han says it’s impossible to do in 12 parsecs, but Kira (Emilia) does it

fits the STONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN BS narrative these shitty movies have been following

This. This is way OP is full of shit.

Absolutely nothing mentioned about pants or an Academy

If it’s an asteroid field full of mines, wouldn’t doing it in less distance make it more dangerous, since it means you don’t go around it?

It’s true

...

All of it

Luke told Rey about the fall of the Jedi and Palpatine/Sidious in 8.

true if big

Sounds good desu

Does the acting suck? How is the cgi?

Lets hope you get one in time...

>the girl does everything
OP confirmed for fragile masculinity.

Acting was ok, Woody was the best, followed by Lando. The guy playing Han wasn’t great but it was passable. Emilia Clarke felt like she was still playing Sarah Connor but slightly nicer.

CGI was good, except for some of the aliens looking kinda plastic

Novel it is, then. (Thanks OP).

But honestly, my anticipation for this film has turned from anticipating of the content itself into waiting for the glorious, complete shitstorm this will bring.

>"never let anyone tell you the odds"
>han immediately tells emilia clarke the odds

>Luke says he’s not there to apologise
>”I’m sorry Ben”

Pottery

I don't know if that is the logic in the film or not. The OP is the only one who saw the film and he didn't answer.

>didn’t answer

OP here

You didn’t ask a question

But yeah, that is the logic used. They cut a path through the middle of the field instead of using the normal one that avoids it

Here is your you, since that is the goal of your larp
Have a good evening, OP

Who's Quay from the leaked Lego figures in all of this?

To be honest Ford had a rather high pitched voice during OT, the trademark lifeless slurred bass came with age long after that.

>make up the most generic, by-the-numbers plot imaginable
>throw in a bunch of references
>add in feminist panic scenes for good measure
Yep, must be legit.

Unironically does sound legit though

They run a mining company

are you really expecting more?

Is this true?

is he called "pops"?

on the lego box titled 'kessel run falcon' han is (alone) in the cockpit

No, she calls him daddy and dad

>Woody Harrelson dies saving Han, his last words are “never let anyone tell you the odds kid”
Bullshit. Nuwars is bad but theres no way its THIS bad