>see an entire village gunned down
>see your old friend cut down like a dog by a masked murderer
>then that man freezes a laser in mid air with the power of his mind
>you are beat up and brought on your knees in front of him
>So who talks first you or me? Because I don't do well with public spraking, so maybe you should talk first, then again...
This is the literal nanosecond where Star Wars died
The Algorithm said there has to be a funny quip at 6 minutes 24 seconds
Don't blame Disney, blame the Algorithm
In real life, if you talk like Poe Dameron then no one will ever take you seriously as a human being.
This is why the 'yo momma' joke in TLJ was infuriating because no one would ever react the way Hux did. They had to demean an entire character to tell the audience that Poe is actually funny. Regardless of how Hux reacted, Poe is still a faggot because he refuses to treat anything with sincerity
>Yo mama joke
>2018
Hahahahaha you're exaggerating?
Right?
Leia was quipping and joking minutes after watching her planet get blown up in episode iv
Have you seen the film?
It was at this moment I knew it was going to suck
No, do you remember the joke verbatim?
Soyboys can't tolerate sincerity. It makes them feel bad. :(
...
...
I hope this isn't really in the fucking movie, I would have just walked out right there.
Truly there can be no redeeming qualities
It is 100% real.
Just wait until the DVD releases and the clips pour on youtube if you think we're BSing you.
Episode 7
>Poe to Kilo: So, who talks first, you or me?
Episode 8
>Poe to Gen. Hax: Hi, still holding for general Hax.
What kind of a cringe joke will Poe use next?
Unfortunately it's 100% real. mfw
There are dozens upon dozens more of lame ass jokes that miss the mark every few minutes. It's why the tones is so uneven
It was at that point in the film that I realised it was going to be outrageously shit, but rather than walk out I got comfy and settled down to the masochist pleasure in seeing the franchise raped to buggery.
That wasn't as bad as his arc with Vice Admiral Triggered in TLJ.
I think you mean 'research,' not algorithm
Kylo: Surrender, Dameron. Surrender, and I may grant you a quick and merciful death.
Poe: Um, what was that again?
Kylo: I repe-
Poe: Sorry, I couldn't hear you over the sound of how awesome I am.
*looks directly at the screen and does Dreamworks face*
>but user! han solo did the same thing in a new hope!
It was at this moment i knew i never had to take the first order seriously
>[beat]
Was there a single scene in TLJ that was as dark and haunting as this scene?
Does Rey ever lose a loved one or close friend like what happened to Luke in ANH?
Rogue One was dark yet it still sucked dick
The entire movie is completely tone deaf. Every serious scene is cut off by something "funny" happening.
Poe is a badass.
...
>Kinda pasty
they can't keep getting away with it
It's worse than that. The entire plot doesn't make sense.
>look up the scene on youtube to check if it was really that bad
>every top comment is some roastie gushing about how cool and awesome he is, with 500 upvotes
someone send this to disney
>general hugs
>cant even catch up to a small fleet
>never bother to send out tie fighters again after kylo cuz "too far from mother ship"
>entire fleet is crippled by admiral gender studies' suicide move
this entire villain force is clown shoes
>Rey is at the mercy of the most powerful and evil being in galaxy
>*insert slapstick gag where lightsaber bonks her on her head*
Imagine something like this happening in the throne room scenes of RotJ.
...
Reminder that Hux is a man responsible for blowing up 3 planets. This scene takes place maybe 1 or 2 days after that.
first off this isnt about rogue one, who the fuck cares. second, no it wasnt dark, characters we knew of died, but nothing was given as much importance or violence as this scene
You can't make a neonazi threatening or competent, that would normalize the idea that nazis are strong, you have to ridicule them every chance you get
We meet Rey as an orphan living alone. She doesn't have any loved ones left, if she had lost a close friend you'd still be complaining they aren't loved ones.
That's ridiculous from a story perspective, too. Why should I care if the villains are a joke?
Just saying, the OG trilogy wasn't good because it was dark. The new movies would still suck even if they skeletonized Rey's every relative up to second cousin
I think the cancer is rooted deeper.
Disney is averse to serious and intimidating antagonists in general.
she wouldve lost finn who was a loved one but rose had cuck him out of his based sacrifice just to make a dumb speech
episode 9
>we've intercepted a secret holo transmissom intended for the resistance
>holo message of poe starts off serious but then goes into long continuous fart noises and gestures
>hologram poe looks at camera/hux
>got ya again buddy
*record scratch*
>now i know youre wondering how is this is a secret message, its not....
>Disney is averse to serious and intimidating antagonists in general.
That's why modern movies kind of suck.
>admiral gender studies'
Can you imagine if Leia made a quip to Tarkin after he blew up Alderaan
They should have just gone with the usual "everyone thinks he is dead, but oh look that rubble moved!"
I used to hate that cliche, but it's better than someone getting cucked out of their sacrifice. I mean there is literally nothing more emasculating than that. She could have fucked him with a strapon and it would have been less humiliating.
>We meet Rey as an orphan living alone.
You mean as a strong, independent woman who don't need no man.
She is a woman. It's expected of women not to understand things or to act childish
>We meet Rey as an orphan living alone.
Which doesn't affect her adversely in any way.
She's still perfect and godly talented at everything.
She can speak hundreds of different languages, fight off random henchmen with no effort, and as shown when she enters the Millennium Falcon, there was nothing actually stopping her from just leaving the planet at any time.
>She doesn't have any loved ones left,
Again, doesn't adversely affect her in any way. You don't see her craving for love and family at any point despite this 'shortcoming'.
A clever writer would have made her desire for family and love a major selling point of her character.
Orphans and abandoned children can be easily manipulated and impressionable. Perfect foundation for a protagonist that the dumbass writers didn't take advantage of.
>, if she had lost a close friend you'd still be complaining they aren't loved ones.
Han Solo is a 'loved one' now?
Sorry, no one buys that.
She knew him for grand total of 30 minutes, and Han's affection for Rey was entirely artificial, contrived, and nonsensical.
sometimes I think you fuckers are just participating in a mass-prank, I can't wait for the BD rip to see this shit with my own eyes.
The movie felt like a fever dream to me, the pacing and editing is a complete mess and the tonal shifts are so frequent that not one whole scene is delivered sincerely from start to end. The plot being paper thin and revolving around one spaceship slowly chasing another ship and not being able to hit it for some reason made it all the more surreal.
>there was nothing actually stopping her from just leaving the planet at any time.
I didn't think of that.
>A clever writer would have made her desire for family and love a major selling point of her character.
That would have made her incredibly endearing, so it's too smart for nu-Star Wars.
Why wouldn't the army of AT ATs just shoot Finn as he was charging their laser beam? Why did no one shoot him and Rose while they were lying on the ground right in front of the army of AT ATs?
seymore buts
If next one unironically has a Big Butt Kylo balloon, I'll watch the movie ten times
I honestly wish it was just a prank. Why do you think this movie is so hated? There's nothing good in it. I also can't wait for the BD rip though because the only thing that turd is good for is memes and there's a shitload of stuff to play around with in it.
...because they read the script?
What's that on the ground? Is that the script?
What's that on the ground is that the script?
>Did you read the script, too?
Fuck this movie.
didn't Kylo order the AT-AT's to fire upon the falcon?
>They're more maneuverable than us! We can't hit them!
I felt like a really weak episode of Voyager
>aren't you a little short to be a stormtrooper?
this is right after her home planet got blown up and she was tortured.
That's not a quip. It's an insult to her captors which is seen as humorous by parts of the audience.
It was also believable; psychological trauma can really change gears in your head.
>Hurr durr but they put da joke in d's other movie so same same
Tell that to Scar, who was both voiced a class act and a satisfying villain. Disney had it right with a sophisticated villain.
The current cast of baddies in Star Wars equate to a walking Monty Python skit and I'm really let down by how bad they are at...well, being BAD.
HAHA MY SUPERWEAPON HAS MURDERED MILLIONS! YET I EASILY FALL FOR A YO MAMA JOKE AND GET ASSBLASTED BY A FLEET OF B17 BOMBERS IN SPACE.
Am I supposed to feel good that the heroes are able to shitram a bunch of retarded kids? Because if so, every bullying video I've lead to believe is about a heinous crime against children is suddenly comedy gold.
That's why she's a princess and you're just holding your dick, pointdexter.
>same tropes come back in new movies
>BUT ITS DIFFERENT FROM THE OLD MOVIES CAUSE THE OLD MOVIES ARE SACRED!!!!
>this is all it takes to get 90%+ on RT
I hate this timeline.
Manlet shaming needs to come back, kids these days think it's okay not to try and stay short
You're talking about Disney in the 90s.
Back then, there was some creativity lingering around.
Yeah, there is so many shit fucking things about it.
The arcing laser beams in space was a travesty. And the whole lame caper on not-space-Monaco felt like a waking nightmare.
>I'll save you!
>Crashes both vehicles
>Fifty feet away from the bad guys and all their guns
>Both survive
>Make speech about love trumping hate
>Somehow make it back through the unwavering gaze of a tiny death star cannon, still pointed at the door it just blew open
Also, if I may point out, there are people who defend Rose as an important character in the movie, despite the fact that every single decision she makes and is a part of makes things worse for both Finn and everyone she's trying to "help". Minus the casino slave children. You know, power of children and giving them even the slightest bit of love and all that.
playing the dozens will never get old
Saying anything silly to Peter Cushing on screen would make people vomit. Behind the scenes, wonderful outtakes and goofy extra footage, but you just can't do it while the cameras are rolling. That would be a crime.
>so what I told you was true....from a certain point of view
This is in the fucking movie. This was in the opening scene of a fucking Star Wars movie. America is circling the downward spiral of doom. Only Trump and Patriots can save us from apocalypse.
>because no one would ever react the way Hux did.
This is a man who stages Nuremberg rallies for soldiers who are indoctrinated to do nothing else but applaud him. Why is it so out of the question that he'd be so wrapped up in his own ego he'd be caught off guard when Poe plays into his need to monologue and be le evul space Nazi, and then exploits his own insecurities by pretending to ignore him?
The First Order is still dangerous - by the end of TLJ they've killed billions of people with Starkiller and all that remains of the Resistance is a few dozen fighters. The problem is that you think the merit of a villain is nothing but how "le badass xDDDD" they are and nothing else. You aren't meant approve of the First Order or to seek to emulate them but they're still a threat.
I love the First Order because they're basically the "empire did nothing wrong" faggots if they actually existed within the Star Wars universe.
Literally Tyler Perry Protagonist syndrome.
>Oh look how shitty her life is
>It doesn't get her down
>She'll unbelievably talented and overflowing with goodness
>She'll find a strong, sensitive black man from recently got out of prison to make things better
>And the whole lame caper on not-space-Monaco felt like a waking nightmare.
At least 50% of the movie (including the casino shit) could have been completely cut out from the movie without disrupting the narrative. The Holdo reveal rendered every other scene related to the mutiny plot completely pointless and ultimately inconsequential.
This movie is a living example of EVERY screenwriting cardinal sin committed.
Then Hux is just a shitty villain
Tarkin was much better. They set Darth Vader up as this huge badass, then Tarkin barks at him and it puts him in place. You immediately treat him seriously
Hux just screams like a retard and makes faces
Rose? I think you mean jaru jaru binko
Then a white skinned black man saves from an evil black black man
Then Tyler Perry starts break dancing in drag
Hux is a great character. He's a loser armchair General playing at being a Space Nazi to make up for the fact that he's a complete and total wimp, and what he lacks in actual physical threat he makes up for in pure fanaticism and bloodlust
You just want Tarkin clones ad nauseum so you can project yourself into them for your space nazi fantasies, i.e. you are probably like Hux yourself lmao
>Why is it so out of the question that he'd be so wrapped up in his own ego he'd be caught off guard when Poe plays into his need to monologue and be le evul space Nazi, and then exploits his own insecurities by pretending to ignore him?
Because that's not the same character from TFA.
Hux is literally Space Hitler.
>Fight me on this.
>playing at being a Space Nazi to make up for the fact that he's a complete and total wimp
That also describes Kylo Ren. You don't think it's a problem that the two main villains are non-threatening special ed kids?
She should have fallen into a deep depression.
she thought her parents would come back
as much as I appreciate pointing out all the bullshit writing, this had a reason
>All of their superweapons have been thwarted by a ragtag group of space bandits
>They make piss-poor decisions
>Easily thwarted at every turn by whatever the main cast can grab within reach, be it a shoehorn or a whole ship
>Unable to do literally anything right at any point, including kill the main cast when they are handed over on a silver fucking platter.
The main villain cast consists of:
NOT Emperor Palpatine with desperately-needed facial reconstruction that should be available to him. /spoiler/ He dies without be relevant to the plot of the movie in any way and could have been removed to save screen time.
An angsty post-teen who has now lost to the protagonist TWICE
What appeared to be an aging admiral of some competence before his ship was nuked by a fleet of B29's refitted for space flight
A character better suited for Monty Python's Flying Circus for all the times he screams about nothing, hides his ego like an elephant behind a shrub, and generally cocks up anything he is in charge of because of plot convenience
Tell me why these people are threatening in any way, when their incredibly superior numbers, technology, and supposed tactical prowess are made a laughing stock by Literally Who's and an aging princess who was slated by fate not to appear at the awards for the ninth movie.
>both of the main villains are wimps
It was not right after you goddamn fucking moron that was like 20 minutes in the movie imbecile faggot shill
I want to know, did the screenwriters honestly think this was a good movie or did Rian just direct so terribly that they had nothing better to do that polish a turd and hope for the best?
>she thought her parents would come back
Someone as resourceful as her wouldn't just sit around doing nothing.
She's an adult lady who survived on her own with zero problems on a miserable desert planet for nearly her entire life. At some point, she would get the sense to just leave and look for her parents on her own.
It was at that exact moment when I went from excited to "notmuhStarWars!" It was such an out of place moment for a Star Wars movie and it ruined the tone of the scene and the ability of the audience to take Kylo Ren seriously, and believe me that little fuck needed all the credibility he could muster
Shame they blew up Coruscant, he could have used Emperor Palpatine's Plastic Surgery Clinic
My nigga