Henching Thread

Hey boys, so I was wanting to get into henching and was wondering if you guys had any suggestions.
I was thinking about going with pic related because I like the Alice in Wonderland books and can handle my self in a fight.

I'd love a book focused on Henching but seems like it would cover similar ground to Venture Bros

I'd love to read it, it seems like it would be really entertaining

He's not the worst choice in Gotham by any means. If you play along with his hat fetish, Hatter will treat you like family.

Had a buddy who worked for him a few years back, and when he interviewed there was a huge section about headgear. The instant he said that his favorite hat was a bicorne, something clicked, and Hatter was all buddy-buddy with him. Got to be the gang's Dodo for a while, pretty cushy workload compared to the rest of the gang.

Of course, good luck trying to leave. The guy who was Hatter's Dormouse tried to ollie out, and he ended up mind controlled for a good four months before Batman beat the sense back into him. My advice is to leave your two-week's notice in rhyming couplets so Hatter'll try to memorize the whole thing before even trying to figure out what it means.

All in all not a bad gig, you get your own costume and theme, and your survival odds are better than Joker or Penguin's boys.

That sounds good, any guy's that the bat usually go's easier on as far as the beating go?

>Fetish
W-What fetish?

Are there any villains that'll treat me like this?

>your survival odds are better than Joker or Penguin's boys.
Unless you are the type to crack jokes about your boss behind his back, there is nothing to fear from working for Mr. Cobblepot.

Get yourself a proper henching shirt

Enjoy policing your thoughts 24-7 lest you inadvertently say or do something that he thinks is a sleight.

No kiddin'. Me and a buddy used to hench for the guy. We was on guard outside his birdhouse one evening, just shootin' the breeze
>Gee, this weather's awful ain't it?
>Aww, this is nothin'. I grew up in Bludhaven
>Bludhaven, eh, how's the weather down there?
Unfortunately the boss walked in halfway through that last sentence. I miss that guy

I tried to get into Henching a while back, thought i'd get in with one of the lower tier guys, start of small. Hooked up with Bookworm's gang, it was a good gig, made a stable flow of cash without too much risk. However 5 months in he shut the whole thing down, apparently he was going to go teach English at that rich School on the outskirts of the city! Don't get why they'd hire a criminal like that, but I cant deny he knew his books. Next I joined up with Egghead, and he was a real weirdo. Made constant egg gags, it got really grating after a few days. Then what do you know, he goes and gets a gig at Gotham Academy too! At this point I was pretty damn desperate for any kind of hench work, but the big guys wouldn't take on a low-tier guy like me. Ended up working for the Man-Bat, every day I was terrified i'd come home a winged freak. Then the Prof joined that school! Seriously, it must be a front for a supervillian academy or something.

Long story short, i'm a janitor there now, say what you will about those guys they were always willing to help a guy out.. You'd think it'd be easy, but you aint the guy who had to clean up after all those buff freaks who burst out the ground and fought all those Robin kids a while back. Still beats being on the receiving end of The Bat though.

Don't go in looking to hench. Go solo within your means, whether that be general thuggery or skulduggery, whatever you feel comfortable with. Play to your strengths and make a name for yourself at the low level villain racket. That street cred goes a long way and you'll get picked up by a bigger fish sooner than you think. The last thing you want to do is go around asking for a meeting and trying to kiss ass your way into an archvillain's good graces. Even the big corporate evil types aren't looking for that sort of passivity in a hired goon.

How about Harley?

As the Ancient Greeks said "He who buggers a fire burns his penis".

You mean working for her? Good luck with that. Harley Quinn isn't the type of villain to have henchmen of her own as far as I know. She seems like the type to hench herself out to somebody else's organization or go solo (or duo with Ivy). Its hard for me to imagine Harley with more than 5 minions of her own.

Unless you mean what about her survival odds in which case, she's quite capable of going solo and even then the Joker nearly gets her killed on a regular basis, sometimes even by his own hand. But she has the luck, skill and moxie to survive henching for almost anybody.

I'm willing to take my chances.
If she henches for me what perks do I get?

I wish heroes did the whole hired goons thing. Seems like it'd be a way better career path.

So how about sexy female henches?

She's tough enough to spar with Batman, so as far as muscle goes you could do a lot worse. I don't know if I'd call it a perk, but she might put you in close proximity to Pamela Isley. If you have enough clout to get Harley to work for you, you should be able to handle plant lady. Just don't let your guard down. Dent can attest to that.

You can expect no help from the Joker, but he might not bug you either. On the other hand, Quinn will bail on you for him at the drop of a whoopie cushion.

Aint that just the Police?

How about matters of pleasure?

If you're looking to get your dick wet there are easier ways than homicidal street thugs, assassins, mutants, and worse. If you just want the novelty of an all female crew, I'm sure that's doable. I vaguely recall someone else with a set up like that.

I think the best henching option would be pre-Bendis Doom
Think about the benefits - all expenses taken care of, accommodation, food, clothing, army of DoomBots backing you up, full medical too. Doom's got the cure for cancer after all.

The only drawback is that if you decide to hench for him, there is no opt-out. You go to Latveria, you pledge loyalty for life an you never leave.
So yeah, it is a bit of a commitment but honestly it's miles better than most gigs out there.

I want someone who is competent and willing to serve my private needs.

Again, there are much easier ways to get laid. Harley is a bonafied nutcase, and she's obsessed with the biggest nutcase in town. It won't end well. It didn't even end well for the Creeper and he has for real super powers.

Nah. Aside from the commissioner and a few goody goody cops most of the GPD is on the payroll of one crime boss or another.

So any other female henches than?

>police
>heroes
Yeah, I'd prefer to work for someone who actually gives a shit about justice and helping people. Not so keen on the glorified street gang looking for excuses to murder people in cold blood. At least the criminals are honest about it.

I wonder if I could get a gig working for Manhunter. She's a bit abrasive, but otherwise on the level. I heard she even has some former techie goon working for her already.

If your persistent Batman will pick you up as a sidekick, but you have to be very very persistent. Just wear his colors and go around bothering the most dangerous people in the city for a few months without dying or anyone finding out who you are. Thats what Babs did.

A lot of hookers are good in a scrap. Have you considered just being a local pimp? You could even be as flamboyant as a supervillain. Big feathered hat, bright colored suits. Shit you might even get your girls to rob banks for you and shit. Call yourself the Purple Pimpernell or Mr. Red Light or something. Boom, you got henchpussy for days. Just make sure to get them tested.

I prefer a woman who has skills both physical and sexual.

Hi all, I'm a henchman who's out of a job thanks to my shitty boss a certain flightless bird kicking me out after the cops found the weapons cache I was supposed to be guarding when I took my 15 minute lunch break at a burrito place down the block. I had worked for him the past 10 years, proved my worth with blood and sweat, and he just tosses my ass on the curb.

Penguin's connections have made sure every boss in Gotham thinks I'm a piece of shit and not even worth being a meat shield. The only way I see myself surviving is striking out on my own, and I already have an idea of what I want.

The cache I was guarding was hidden in a bunker underneath a laundromat, and had some scuba gear some dude named Black Manta had in his early career. Not cutting edge but usable, stuff like no-bubbles respirator, night vision, and jets for maneuverability. Penguin had me working the docks before my guard duty so I know the area pretty well. Problem is that it's all in police custody now. If I can get my hands on it, I might start up as a dock-based burglar breaking into ships and such. Penguin had me working the docks before my guard duty so I know the area pretty well. Get in, fill a bad with valuables, get out. Might call myself pic related because the gear is kind of segmented.

My only hope is to get that gear back from the cops, is there another experienced henchman who would be willing to help a poor soul out?

I would be willing to send some guys your way.

This poser is the Penguin, do not trust him.

So is there anyone who knows about obscure villains. I have been henching for a 3 and half years, burglary, breaking entering and shit. And I just met this guy faget just jumps out of air and offers me a trip to the future if I place some kind of device into a drawer in some empty manor in some city. So does anyone have any previous experience with the guy ? The deal sounds kind of fishy.

Yeah you should probably get rid of it.

Screw that, I'm doing it!

Nice knowing ya.

Walking around Gotham dressed like Batman sounds like the perfect way to get yourself shot. Best case scenario you'll die then and there.

Yeah with that attitude.

Oh, come on. We all know the reason all these bat bitches and bird boys are still alive is because the Bat personally trains and protects them in exchange for some ball gargling or something like that. Don't know about you, but I wouldn't sign up for that, thank you very much.

>Not wanting Batman to fuck you
Yeah you'd never make it as a bat henchman (aka sidekick). Were I you I'd also avoid working for Two-Face, Riddler and oddly enough, Clock King.

The Riddler doesn't seem like the kind of guy who would fuck his goons. He's more like the type that'd make his goons fuck him.

Okay can someone tell me who the fuck is this "Shadow" guy and why he is hanging out with Batman ?
I was just minding my business (I'm not revealing my identity) when Zebra-Man comes up and tells me Joker and some new masked guy got the Batman tied up and ready to be sacrificed, and so naturally I went.
And right after Joker finishes making that big dumb speech we hear a laugh and then this creepy ass fucker just drops from the ceiling, frees Batman and starts shooting everywhere.
Last thing I saw was Joker murdering Zebra-Man (because of course that clown would do that) and then he got shot by this Shadow guy, and then Batman saved the clown.

What the fuck ? When did this guy arrive ?
I'm fucking sick of Gotham.