Do Americans seriously do this?

Do Americans seriously do this?

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Yes. That’s why it’s called American Pie.

The day...my virginity got popped

I get the whole horny teenager thing but seriously. Who the fuck would do this on the kitchen counter.

I did worst as a teen

This.
Why didn't he take the pie to the bathroom where he could at least flush the evidence, or his room?

>Not eating the after product to reabsorb your lost proteins

Bruh

I once fucked a turnip. Your teenage lives are meant for experimentation.

Times were different.
I know you can easily obtain shit like fleshlights as a teenager nowadays, but back then you didn't have that luxury and you would have done anything to get your dick wet if you couldn't control the horny.

I used to spy on my cousin peeing and pooing. One time she caught me and she let me wipe her. Later we fucked and I busted inside her but she didn't get pregnant. Now I just fuck her daughter (:

>thinking americans can feel anything fucking a pie with their mutilated jew penises

circumcision leads to a huge loss of sensitivity. IRL he wouldnt have felt much fucking a pie.

I think we’ve all done much worse I’d were being honest. I Fucked our family cat and dog, came on my mom and sisters underwear, masturbated outside in broad daylight, came on cousins and family members while they slept, etc. I just chalk it up to being a horny teenager, there’s no way to control yourself

There are better ways to optimize protein absumption, but you need to cooperate with europeans

Does Jason Biggs look like he cares about protein?

>Jew
>American

which position is canon?

lad...

Masturbating in the prone position is one of the leading causes of erectile dysfunction and is very dangerous to your penile health.

yes
what r u some kind vrigin??

BERENSTAIN

Lel, I thought I was the only one

Only for dessert

i did it with my neighbours cat, i pulled my pants down and rubbed my boner all over her fluffy body and tried to make her lick my dick, i was close to putting my dick up her ass.

i didn't cum though and left with cat hairs all over me and an itchy crotch

When I heard that people actually did that I was like what the fuck are you thinking? I've literally only ever laid on my back, was sitting, or standing. Prone weirdos...

americans stick their dicks in pies, euros get the asses stuck by refugees

Yes, but it's not what it looks like

I held a girls had once...

Remember when ur cousins would have those bathing suits with the drawstring and ud sneak up with ur cock out and pull it exposing their boobs and cum on their flip flops

youtube.com/watch?v=8NgIiTwKtws

my horny levels were never high enough

It’s the closest thing to practice fucking.

So fucking hot. If I was staying at their house I would always cum in their lotion or shampoo, got me so fucking hard knowing they were walking around all day drenched in my cum

Did this with my grandma's little dog

honestly I assumed I was being weird, makes me feel good knowing I'm in good company

I've fucked a water melon and a melon. It was fine for a time or two.

It gets boring once your brain registers that's not a woman.

PS. I guess it's why relationships fail. The brain registers if babies aren't popping out, what's the point?

As American as apple pie

I'd always cum in their panties then steal them later

Is rather know their wearing them around all day, holy fuck so hot, another move is cum on their pillows, then they get my seed on their face all night

Ever tried peaches?

In Australia our pies are filled with mince, so I imagine the texture is like fucking a black woman.

Jews do. The movies full of them. When i heard about jewbs being obsessed with jerking off into house plants it made me think about this movie. Disgusting.

>tfw you make a roofie pie for your cousin then rape her all night

Mmmmmmm

wear shoes indoors? yes

No more than like once or twice a month, it's no big deal.

It’s not rape if she doesn’t remember a thing. No harm no foulf

he's not a jew you retarded Sup Forums mongoloid

everybody i know has done that at some point

I'm so confused

Yes. It's required by law.

...

do americans really throw perfectly good food out into the trash and go to bed with their shoes on liek in the moobees ?

thats whats known as "prom" in the states, lad :)

Amazingly he's not Jewish.
>When Woody Allen cast Jason Biggs, he was under the impression that Biggs was Jewish. During filming, Allen began talking to Biggs about the Jewish holiday, Rosh Hashanah. Biggs did not know what to say and told Allen that he was in fact a Catholic. Allen said at the Venice Film Festival, "I saw him in that pie movie (American Pie (1999)) and I thought he was a Jew."

Don't act like you've never stuck your dick in something weird when you were horny.

I've tried to fuck large oranges a few times. It was messy but worked ok. Supposedly it feels similar to a vagina, but I wouldn't know ;_;

Yes its what they mean when they say "first base"

yes

How tiny does your dick have to be to fuck a cat?

Jesus that's a nice cock. That was hot. But did that actually work/feel good? Pumpkins are nasty too, so I'm not sure I ever want to try.

GOYD

That's a big dick.
I would unironically do porn if I had a dick that big.

I feel I should tell you that black isn't a texture, and that black women are still pink on the inside.

jews do

No. This is the product of a Jewish mind.

I heard that if you drill a hole in a pumpkin it feels like a pussy.

As a teenager I tried it out. Decades later I'm still a virgin because apparently pussy feels slimy and gross.

Well at first I was hitting the back of the pumpkin with my head so I had to carve a hole in the other side as well so I could go balls deep without bending my dick. It felt good for the first few thrusts when there was good contact with the brains, but then all the gooey insides get pushed aside and you're left with a tunnel and you don't get much friction. Doesn't re-grip like a pussy. Overall would not recommend but when I carved the eye hole on Halloween I just couldn't resist for the experience.
Only 7inches mate

What other household items could I use to imitate this? I've got a free house tonight

>Only 7inches mate

7 is big. I'm only 6 but nowhere near that thick. Most dicks in porn are actually around the 7 inch mark. There's a tumblr link that gets posted on here now and again that does some autistic breakdowns, measurements and comparisons and the purported sizes are grossly exagerrated.

>7 inches


That's really quite big. I'm only 5. Either way, you have a nice cock and I'd love to suck it.

Go ahead and ask your mom about how you've heard that I said that Ive been drilling her every night atleast three and a half hours a sesh, go ahead.

>tfw my dick is only 5 inches
>tfw black

jumping off a cliff soon

The true victims of the BBC myth are the 97% of niggers with average or small sized penises.

For you

every girl that I've banged has been severly disappointed by me. It's a horrible feeling of inadequacy

...

I can imagine.

American Pie is a better movie than anything Woody Allen has done

Prove me wrong

You're right but I agree with him that everyone in that movie is the most Jewish looking person I've ever seen

I can't.
because you're right

>tfw only 5 inches but still a virgin
Welp, now I'm scared.

Annie Hall, Midnight in Paris and Match Point are all better than American Pie. And I love the first 3 American Pie movies.

: ( I know. It's such a bad habbit. I always use viagra the first time I fuck a girl and then use it intermittently.

SOY

BOY

Νοw i gotta get hard and approximate the % of length because I'm autistic

be honest, how many of you came on your sister's or mom's panties / stole them?

You white?

>he never fucked a pie as a teenager

Not panties, but I stole one of my sister's bras and used to wank with it often for a period of a few weeks. Came all over that fucking thing pretending she was tittyfucking me. Eventually threw it out because it was getting gross and I was afraid to wash it lest I be caught having it.

>viciously beating your meat to that middel aged lingeri model in the supermarket magazin

I only do it in my parents kitchen because it has the hottest tiles

...

do ((white)) people really just pull their dick out the zipper hole when having sex?

Jesus what a god awful art style, what the fuck is that

I haven't seen that movie but I have heard about the scene where he fucks a peach. Does he eat the peach after?

>tfw 6'1" and only a five and a halfer
>tfw I know I disappoint the ladies

Yeah, but I have to move my fanny pack out of the way first.

Big Mouth, trust me, that character is one of the best designed of the show. It's on netflix if you want to try it

I'm 6'5" and I only have 4.5"...

Man I miss being horny as fuck. I still get erections and masturbate,but damn,I remember being a teenager,every erection was rock hard and I was constantly horny. I remember getting boners that would break the elastic on my boxers just thinking about this girl's ass. Nowadays it's all mechanic.

Go on...