Spider-man (1967) The origin story episode

Break's over, back to work, it's time once again for Spider-man. We start with season 2 which might as well be season 1 because the entirety of season is a prequel to the first season and that means we go back to the very beginning. When Peter was a doughy nerd ambiguously high-school or college-age. The show can't seem to decide.

Other urls found in this thread:

pastebin.com/tjREijhZ
pastebin.com/86qedmQu
youtube.com/watch?v=yXSAg3rXdQw
twitter.com/SFWRedditVideos

Previous Fantastic Four eps
pastebin.com/tjREijhZ

Previous Spider-man eps
pastebin.com/86qedmQu

A day in fall. At school. Our saga begins.

hey nice to have you back

Hey Albert! Don't you wanna be a gentleman and carry my books for me?

No way Barbara! I'm a feminist! That means you can carry your own damn books!

Damn... if only my hair was crazier and my shirt was tighter... then I could be a Jojo character. A man can dream.

Check this out! Books and shit! We'll graduate high school this decade for sure!

OH. MY. GOD. THERE'S A SALE OF GREEN LIPSTICK AND GREEN EYESHADOW RIGHT OVER THERE! OMIGODOMIGOD

Rob, you know I like ya and all. But we two guys. We hang around too much and people are starting to call us fruits. Know what I mean? We're never seen with any girls. How about you go ask some of the girls to come with us and have an underage soda with us. How does that sound? No fat chicks

You mean those girls? The ones at my 12? Yeah they're pretty hot. But is it that easy to score with a girl? Just ask her for a casual soda?

But there's three of them and two of us. How's that going to work? And why do I have to be the guy to talk to girls?

Why you? Because I'm the cool one of the group. How's it going to affect my aloofness cred if I'm seen being proactive and talking to people I wanna bang.

And hell man, ask them all for join us for a soda. You pick the one you like and I'll take the other two. There's more than enough of me to go around.

Girls, girls. If we're going to cosplay powerpuff girls we're going to have to coordinate better next time.

There he goes! Starting move looks like a good one. "Hi" never is a bad opening gambit.

Christ, what's taking so long? I can hear his sweating and smell is heart pounding from here.

Problem. They say they're the not those kind of girls for a soda threeway and they're pack animals, they go to the bathroom and everywhere else together. They say we need to find another guy or the soda's off.

What are we going to do man? What are we going to do?! At this rate we'll never get to drink that sweet, sweet, soda. Or get our dicks wet even! And we don't have any other friends!

I love you OP.

Dum dee dum. I love science and pro-wrestling!

That Parker guy. He looks like he could use a soda. But would he go for it? Aww hell we're desperate. Maybe one of the girls will share a pity soda.

Hey Peter! Over here! Yes you! Don't just stare! FINE WHATEVER! I'LL COME TO YOU

Perfect! This'll work out perfectly! I, the great Paul, will see to it that Peter Parker gets with the cutest girl with the lowest self-esteem and then after their soda I'll swoop in and steal her right out from under his nerdy clutches! The other girls will be so impressed with my swag that they'll ALL share a soda with me.

Yes, Peter Parker. Set the plan into motion.

Ok Peter! The girls are all revved up and ready to go. Just give us the ok sign and we'll set you up on a night you'll never forget. Chilled ice-cold beverages with condensation all over the glass. Cracking ice. Caffeine with a hint of grenadine. And you might even get to see boobs! You! Yes you! Made possible by Coca Cola!

Oh gee I'd love too but there's going to be a big radioactivity demonstration over at the lab and I want to look good for the Professor by showing up an hour early. I'm also more of an unsweetened iced tea guy. BYE!

Can you believe that weenie! We set him up for a wild afternoon/early evening and that bonafide bookworm just up and walks away!

Gentlemen, this lab is full of unshielded and untested equipment and my eyeglasses are smudged so you'll have to be my eyes and guide me through our radioactive demonstration.

Any questions about how we generate and harness radioactivity? No? Good. That spares you from the inevitable sarcastic response.

>I should be excited about all of this but I can't. I can't stop thinking about those two asshole punks in their antique car. They've ruined my whole day.

>Call me a weenie will they? One day soon I'll get even. I'll douse their car with gasoline and demonstrate how combustion works.

Is this the button? Perhaps yes. Perhaps everyone should avoid looking directly at the science.

RADIATION INTENSIFIES

Sugoi!

HEY CAN YOU NERDS KEEP IT DOWN THERE. HOW'S A SPIDER SUPPOSED TO CATCH FLIES WITH ALL THESE FLASHING LIGHTS EVERYWHERE?

I'D LIKE TO HAVE A WORD WITH THE MANAGEMENT. AND HOW COME NO ONE MADE NOTE THAT THE ONE BLACK KID IS STANDING NEXT TO A WHITE GUY WITH A BIG N ON HIS SHIRT. WHAT'S THE N SUPPOSED TO MEAN? YEAH I WENT THERE.

AND WHAT IS THIS STUFF? DON'T YOU SCIENTISTS KNOW WHEN YOU MESS WITH NATURE, NATURE ALWAYS WINS? I'LL SHOW YA

Is it me or is the art better than usual in this one?

I'LL GET IN THE RADIATION AND BECOME A 50 FOOT SPIDER AND EAT YA. BETCHA WON'T FEEL SO COCKY WHEN I LIQUIFY YA INTERNAL ORGANS AND DRINK IT

I... I feel funny. Something's- something's happening.

...

I... I just wanted to kill and eat things. Is that so wrong? Nature made me a killing machine. A small killing machine with big dreams and a tiny, tiny mouth. It's not fair. It's just not fair.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

production budget increased with season 2

Spider: Heh. Kid. I tried to take on the world and I couldn't even take down one person. I can feel it. I can feel your nerd powers flowing into me and I can't take it. I'd rather kill myself than know about balancing chemical equations and having the periodic table commited to memory. And so I am. I hope I *cough* gave ya cancer on my way out. Satan! Roll out the red carpet cause this Spider's coming home!

Did that Spider just bite me? But why? They're more afraid of people than we are of them and they scare me witless. But why do I feel so strange? I need some air.

Why do I feel so ill? Like my internal organs have been flip-turned upside down. Can a spider bite do that?

And the professor is probably laughing at me. He'll get his vengeance soon if he mocks me next time I see him.

Could the radioactivity in the lab have something to do with it? Nah. That's silly. But why do I feel this way? And where did I get a motorcycle from?! The world isn't making much sense right now.

Just need to sleep on it. Everything'll be right by morning. If not, Uncle Ben will know what to do. That man has an answer for every problem.

Hey! Kid! Watch where you're walkin'. You bumpin' into me upset my one-armed buddy here. You're gonna need to apologize.

You're gonna need to apologize with a thrashing. Make it easy and stand still.

youtube.com/watch?v=yXSAg3rXdQw

WATCH WHERE YOU'RE WALKING YA 4 EYED FAGGOT

That didn't hurt at all. Must be the adrenaline. It's something the body produces in stressful situations where there's a flight or fight situation. It's a survival mechanism.

AND I CHOOSE FIGHT. CALL ME A 4 EYES? DO YOU SEE GLASSES ON THIS DOUGHY FACE OF MINE? I'LL RIP YOUR EYES OUT OF YOUR SOCKETS AND JUGGLE THEM IN FRONT YOUR BLIND CORPSES AND ENTERTAIN PASSERSBYERS AT THE SAME TIME.

I get he's supposed to be a tough biker dude but thanks to leather gear being co-opted by the gays I can only imagine this guy speaking with a lisp.

Did I just snap that steel lamp post in two? That's so unlike me. Something's come over me. My ID is overcoming my Superego.

Uh, Mac. How about I buy ya some more leather and we forget this guy. Don't you want some leather boots, gloves, underwear? Of course you do. Let's get out of here!

Something is happening to me... changing me... but how... why? It's like some sort of super puberty.

VROOOOOOOM

That car! It's barreling right at me! This is either a reprise of Charlottesville or he really doesn't see me!

This can't be! I'm a pedestrian and I have the right of way! What do I do?!

Oh dear. This National Lampoon's New York Vacation is ending abruptly.

ORBITAL JUMP. OF ALL THE TIMES NOT TO BE CARRYING A BASKETBALL TO SLAM WHY NOT NOW. DAMN THAT PARKER LUCK

>*Crash*

Thank God I'm ok and that motorist isn't. Serves him right. Maybe dying will teach him a lesson.

The hell? I'm scaling this wall? My fingers are adhering to the wall. Like I'm... some sort of insect. Of what kind I'm not sure. An ant maybe? They climb walls.

There's only one possible answer. That Spider's dying wish was for me to have super powers and radiation made that dream possible. And his spider venom affected me in strange and profound ways and I've absorbed the vaguely defined abilities and strength of a spider. As long as I'm not a mutant I'm cool with it.

Now to do science. Fuck yeah! Science! Science to test the extent of these powers and science to test how I can get rich and cash in off of them! Move out of this dump and get Uncle Ben and Aunt May a nice house to live in . Someplace outside of New York, the most dangerous place to live on the planet.

Have I given Peter his daily pep talk yet? Why yes, yes I did. Birthday's coming up. I'll have to leave subtle hints that I'd like a bulletproof vest but not too subtle because that boy is dense as a brick sometimes. Bless his heart.

"May? What are you doing?"

"I'm dusting, honey"

"Why not use the vacuum cleaner. It has great power and with great power comes great.."

"I know Ben. I know."

Huh. That Spider was also a chemist. Now I know how to make silk from chemicals.

Look at me! I made web shooters! They look cool and they cool things! Much better than if I got mutated and could do it naturally! Look at how precise and accurate they are too!

Now that I've invented a complex mechanical device to mimic a spider's abilities I just need one thing more...

To knit myself a costume of course! Knitting's where the future lies and I'm a pro. Peter Parker would never be caught dead walking around in public in some cheap getup. Having a sense of style is integral to my character!

Now that I look like a luchador I am ready to get into show business and make thousands of dollars! And I shall call myself... I'll come up with a name later.

To the window! I leave a unemployed youth and will return a man with fame and fortune!

HELLO. IS THERE ANYONE OUT THERE WHO WANTS TO PAY ME LOTS OF DOLLARS TO JUMP AROUND AND SHOOT WEBS AND WISECRACK? IF SO I'M YOUR MAN.

No? I'll keep looking until someone says yes!

Look at me swing! Someone's got to notice me and give me my big break!

...

Oh. Right. Maybe I should come to them instead of running around the city yelling at random people. To the movie studio! I'll run in there and yell at them!

This is going to hurt

Or not. Barely made it. I'll park the invisible spider-car here.

Hello? Is there anyone here who'll give me a job? Preferably a host of a late night talk show with an animatronic laughing skeleton? I'm not picky. I'll settle for a black guy who laughs at my jokes.

>STOP!

Yes! I've stopped! Stopped for you! Please shut up and pay me.

STOP! THIEF! STOPTHIEF! THIEFSTOP! STOPSTOP THIEFTHIEF!

The fuck? I don't have any money. That's the problem I've come here to solve. Look, this isn't a ski mask if that's what you're thinking.

Oh you mean that guy. That makes sense.

JUST CALL ME A SHEEP CAUSE I'M ON THE LAMB

>STOP THAT THIEF! SUPLEX HIM! GET HIM IN AN ARM BAR! CHOKE HOLD! TRIP HIM! SOMETHING! IF HE GETS TO THE ELEVATOR HE'LL TAKE IT DOWNSTAIRS AND GET AWAY!

Hey what's up.

Not much. I just robbed a guy.

That's cool.

Later, fuckers! If you find my hat I want that red and blue guy to have it!

Hey what's with you? What the fuck is your problem? You're a real heel, mister.

All you had to do was trip him or grab him or made fun of his waifu or at least talked shit and you could have stopped him.

Hey what do I look like? A janitor? I don't work for free.

It's your problem, not mine. You're the guys carrying revolvers and I'm just an unarmed costumed man trying to make it in the big city. I'm not going to be pushed around by anyone anymore and I'm looking out for #1. Me.

Altruism never got anyone anywhere.

Sir, you're a strange man. You bust through the door, shot webbing everywhere and talked about how you don't do anything for anyone besides yourself. You're perfect. You're hired. If you can do it on stage you'd be perfect for our stupid human tricks segment. Hopefully by then we'll have money. Mine got stolen a few minutes ago but you in showbusiness you can't dwell on that.

>Said the jackpot post
Hey spidey be sure to share your winnings with us before the government takes half of it away for taxes.

THE CLASSIC IMAGE