Hey does anyone wanna keep hearing about how good i fuck?

I was just getting into my stride on that other thread....

any of you jealous fags in here yet? I wanna describe to you in loving graphic detail about the mechanics of how good i am at fucking

I'm listening

do it

tep one consists of making contact with the entity. You must first know your potential lover before you can begin the game of seduction.

Usually this can be achieved via the regular channels of ghost communication, such as ouija board, seance, and ritual sacrifice.

teach me bout that dick daddy :3

do it or check my digits, nigger

Step two begins the courtship phase of the sexual encounter.

This usually takes place over the course of a couple days to a couple weeks.

In ghost culture it is considered rude to be exceptionally randy or lewd. Keep in mind that fucking a ghost is not like fucking one of your culdesac trollops. No, a ghost is a cultured and refined partner, interested in having their minds stimulated just as much as their no-no zone.

It is traditional to wear a courtship hat when trying to bugger a ghost. This could be an olde tyme ship captain's hat, a bowler, or perhaps a yamakah if you're trying to fuck a JAG (Jewish American Ghost). (note to fedora wearers: a trillby will not due, all ghosts are trained to know the difference, don't even try it.)

Games of chess are one of the preferred methods of this user. They allow you to conquer them in one of the most sexually energizing forms of entertainment known to man.

Tell me about Bane. Why does he wear a condom?

Step three begins the formal relationship request.

A ghost will not wildly swing in and out of relationships like a sinful college whore. They will only enter into a relationship with a partner who is not only fair in face, but in mind.

They require that you get down on one knee and propose that you begin the process of dating. This user's favorite way to go about this is to spend about an hour upon his knee, quoting from Moby Dick to allude to the potential fuckee that they are akin to the white whale he has been hunting for his entire life.

The ghost must then be given two weeks to consider the request, during which there should be no attempts to contact the ghost as it is considered rude in ghost culture to do so.

Post picks of your dick as well if it isn't to much trouble.

Step four is the initial dating phase.

The ghost will require that you demonstrate your knowledge of culture and finery during this period.

You will be required to go out in public with the ghost you wish to put your penis inside of, so be prepared for that. You will be required to purchase them a seat at the opera even though they can just float and are invisible.

It seems like a lot of work, but ghost holes are best holes.

OK cool just give me a moment dudes, I'm currently fighting a demonic incursion into this reality through a rift that i fucked into the very fabric of space time through my skill in fucking, thats how good i fuck

Step five involves the consummation of the relationship.

Now I know what you're thinking; "but user, you said this was a seven step program, how can I be fucking a slippery ghost hole on step five already?"

Well consummating a relationship means something else entirely, at least in ghost culture. The word means to finalize or complete something.

When you are ready to move beyond the initial dating phase of the relationship you must submit a formal request to the ghost just as with starting the last phase. Once again you will be required to wait the full two weeks for them to decide. This will be harder than last time as you are just that much closer, but take solace in the fact that patience will net you some sweet, slippery ghost holes.

This user's favorite way to consummate the relationship is to mime ritually circumcising myself and presenting the neck skin of a chicken to my potential lover as a sort of effigy. This show of elegant and subtle devotion to the potential fuckee will signal that you do indeed have the grace and refinement to plow their holes.

Step six will have you trembling with anticipation for it is the extended foreplay step.

Ghosts like to engage in week long sessions of foreplay. This may actually sound exciting, and it is. But only too those with a towering intellect, for ghost foreplay is an exercise in the mind.

You will be returning to your games of chess, but it is not advisable to only play chess during this period. Other forms of intellectual smut must be mixed in.

This user often chooses to partake in games of trivia about author's who's works contain suitably intellectual subject matter, such as Neil Degrasse Tyson or James Joyce.

Honestly, that sounds lovely. I've been looking for a partner who can really appreciate beauty and the more cerebral things in life and I think this would be the perfect choice. Thank you!

So, this is how good i fuck

Remember Roswell? The UFO was simply a cover story, the government was actually investigating the sheer skill of my fucking. Area 51? It's just a giant laboratory dedicated to discovering my skill in fucking, all those secret aircraft are just small components of an overall larger experiment that seeks to unlock the knowledge of how i fuck girls, that's how good i fuck

...

Step seven is the moment you have been waiting all these months for.

All of your work has finally paid off user, you will now be getting those slippery ghost holes you wanted. But before you plow that ghost, remember that a man who is refined as yourself does not simply plow his ghost on a pile of trashbags like an ape. No, he must be a sensual lover if he truly wishes to please the ghost. This should come naturally to someone of such a large intellect, as it is common knowledge (at least among those who are intelligent enough to read scientific journals) that those with a higher IQ make better lovers.

How good do i fuck girls?

I fuck girls so good that i am actually the father of every single user in this thread, in fact i am the male partner in every act of sexual congress that has happened between humanity since the dawn of time, thats how good i am at fuckin

Haha.
Anyway, it feels like a slow day. Boring. I'm gonna make a pizza. I'll go start a thread on /ck/, another "best frozen pizza" shit.

UTTER MADMAN

best bane thread on Sup Forums right now