Artemis Fowl is finally getting a movie

>Artemis Fowl is finally getting a movie
>It's not animated
Worst timeline

...

is it going to be better or worse than the ender's game movie?

Probably better relative to the quality of the book.

According to IMDB, it's going to be rolling the first book's plot together with the Arctic Incident. So that's not a good sign...

Also Jesus Christ, the first book is almost 20 years old, I remember the blurb at the back of one of the earlier editions talking about the movie, like 14 years ago.

>Artemis never porked that fairy slut
>some teasing kiss in the 7th book that was never followed up on
COLFER YOU HACK

I stopped reading at book 4. I heard the later books in the series got really stupid. Is that true?

They get stupider, but they're still enjoyable up until the 7th book, which is absolute shit

1-3 were completely solid, 4 was still good, 5 was iffy in some parts but still enjoyable, and then it went downhill from there.

Is this thread just an excuse for Holly posting? Cause if so, it's best to be honest about it.

5 was ok, 6 was pretty bad, 7 was so terrible that I've read fanfics wrapping up the story much better than it.

>rolling the first book's plot together with the Arctic Incident
I have now lost interest in everything except how well they do Butler vs Troll

>inb4 Holly actor is black

She's canonically a delicious brown elf

>black
>mtf trans
>6'2

THAT would be Worst Timeline. So it's pretty much guaranteed.

Well it's fucked.

>Artemis played by Emma Watson cause MUH FEMINISM
>Butler played by Andrew Garfield

>implying that matters
>implying user won't reeee anyway for the sake of it
Also, some shit about redhead erasure, because these are the same retards that ceaselessly parroted that anti-ginger meme from South Park, but of course suddenly give a shit about there being fewer redheads in fiction when blacks are involved. Edgelords gonna edge, even if they have to switch blades.

>Butler played by Garfield the cat

Ideal casting picks? I would pick Ron Perlman as butler.

IDK what needed to be followed up on, holly straight up told Artemis that it wasn't going to work out after he betrayed her with the lemur or something

Nikolai Valuev as Butler.
Just for flavor.

you know they'll hire tessa thompson or some crap like that

Samuel L. Jackson as butler

Well you have to remember she was a hormonal teenager. Things can change user, I hope.

I thought she was supposed to be just sort of a tanned colour?
not like actual full on black black

I barely remember reading the first couple books.
All I remember is a gnome or something that tunneled by eating dirt with a butt flap open? Idk, if I was suppose to be imagine cartoon physics as I was reading it or not.
I always imagined it as serious fantasy, but then there would be parts that seems really camping and I felt like I was interpreting the tone of the book all wrong.

>Artemis Fowl
>serious fantasy

>tfw you realize your childhood had delicious chocolate elf in their underwear

I always thought of the series as an action pack fantasy. Like a B movie series.

Ever since the first book came out all of Colfer's been fancasting white actresses for the role (i.e. he said Winona Ryder was his pick when the first book came out, and recently he said the new Cinderella from the live action Disney film would work)

>Produced by Disney
>Directed by Kenneth Branagh

I'll give them a chance. Disney is known to fuck up majorly at times, see the Alice sequel and the Lone Ranger for examples of big fuck ups.

I have a little hope for the movie since Kenneth Branagh is directing it.

Lone Ranger was forgettable but not horrible. Could have been a lot better but also a hell of a lot worse. I'm still optimistic this movie will be at least somewhat entertaining. Probably no sequel though.

Five was actually one of my favorites despite its flaws because I was really into that demon shit. People complain about Minerva being a Mary Sue but I thought she was an okay foil, all things considered.
After that it starts getting pretty trash, though.

Isn't she over a century old

Nm just looked it up, she's 80

there was some time fuckery going on in that book, artemis became older and holly got younger

In the sixth book, Artemis and Holly ages changed as they went back in time. I should have mentioned this because she became a teenager. At least they kissed though.

dwayne the rock johnosn

But did they fuck?
>no
THEN COLFER IS A HACk

You're forgetting John Carter, the biggest fuck-up.

Had the book on my shelf still.

>nut brown skin
>nut to brown skin
It's so devious.

Idris Elba as everybody

Why doesn't Holly just rape the boy?

...

>slender fingers perfect for wrapping around a "buzz baton"

>Power or tight elf pussy?

They're not just going to adapt the first book and leave it at that for the first movie?

I stopped reading after Book 2 iirc. It seemed like the books were heading in a formulaic direction after that. I still have the first three, should I read the third one?

>except how well they do Butler vs Troll
My fucking man. That scene was ridiculously badass. I remember reading it over and over again and thinking that it'd be perfect for a fucking movie.

>Took the image i posted earlier
>Didn't even have the decency to name the file
I'm calling the meme police on you. This is your 24 hour notice to rename your damn file correctly.

Best descriptor ive heard is die hard with elves.

I'm a dirty phoneposter, sorry user

>Artemis Fowl
Haven't heard that for a long time.

>not animated

Opal did nothing wrong.

Rory McCann as Butler.
Natalia Dyer as Holly.
Noah Schnapp as Artemis.

Stranger Things is coincidental

Tell me guys, looking back, are the books actually worth a read?

What are the odds they are gonna turn Holly's nut-brown skin and petite cherubic features into a black girl and fuck it up?

Please no.
I've got enough YAAS elves in MTG.

The good books are a lot of fun and the world is clever.

But the series goes so far off the deep end I don't know if I can tell you its worth it.

source: I can read Artemis Fowl fairy language fluently

Even though it made no sense, My child brain saw Artemis as blond, Holly as a super white slightly freckled redhead, and Foaly as an Andalite from Animorphs.

I had a friend CONVINCED Butler was black but I'm pretty sure he's white.

I also pictured artemis as blond

Isn't Butler like Russian or Polish or something?

Lost Colony is pretty much where it started going downhill for me. Dropped the ball with introducing Minerva as a love interest (then ignoring her totally after that), doing some ship tease with Holly (then pretty much dropping that as well), and Opal being overused (in my opinion).

Yeah, although I did love the stuff with the Demons, that's when the subplots just started fizzling out.

And the last book was about Root's criminal brother and atlantis and some shit?

>Doesn't know about the colossal clusterfuck of bullshit that was the 8th book
Do yourself a favor and don't look into it. Trust me you don't want to know.

Holy fuck...I had totally forgotten about that book.

they got more weird than anything.

I thought Butler was from an Eurasian background, but I could be wrong.

...

There were 7 BOOKS?!

The third was pretty good. It's as far as I've read and I think it serves as a good end to the series.

>her nose had a hook
uh, no thanks

Yeah, I would say so. Colfer's books manage to be fairly good in general. I would also recommend Airman.

I saw Artemis with black hair like the girl Frankenstein from Scooby-Doo Ghoul School, Holly with olive skin and delicate features, and Foaly as a satyr.

Did they ever explicitely become a thing?
I stopped reading aafter the fourth or fifth book.

>tfw is was so badass the fairies have no fucking words for multiple pages, and proceed to use it as training footage for their new recruits

...

He is, you're right

I'm so goddamn mad that The Supernaturalist never got a sequel. That was some damn good fantasy cyberpunk.

And I've always wanted a Butler/Troll fight set to X Gon Give it to Ya.

>rolling the first book's plot together with the Arctic Incident
Why roll it together? Fuck that. Just make fairy Die Hard and then move on.

well i know what Im fapping to at lunch

Didn't this series end with all of human civilisation being destroyed but its ok because muh environment.

They want to cash on a potential serie of mediocre movies instead of having one good one shot.

How are they going to explain Dwarf eat-dirt-shit-dirt tunnelling

Are they going to show it

I bet he'll just be really good at digging. Like a poorly done CGI mole man. Why do I not have hope for this movie?

This is a mistake on so many levels. Just make a fun and silly 80-90 minutes action movie and leave it at that.

I literally just thought of this as well.
>Mulch Diggums in live action
Top lel.

>tfw you will never own a C Cube

>It seemed like the books were heading in a formulaic direction
About the only real formula I remember is that Artemis has to face off with an Evil(er in the first few when he's still a cunt) genius who is ultimately not as smart as him but generally has some other advantage that allows him to kick the shit out of Artemis early on when he doesn't know who he's dealing with.

They hired mediocre talent to direct/write and due to their lack of talent they decided it would be best to have a resolution to the missing father subplot. (probably)

In retrospect while I've seen stronger formulas in YA books I really shouldn't have implied that it was barely formulaic at all in this post. I can see that being enough to put someone off the later books.

Yea reading that the resolution was blue balled I've no want to see any of the film.

>is die hard with elves

The first book sure, but for the rest of the series not so much.

After the first book it's more like Ocean's 11 with elves.

Human civilisation is set back by centuries but it isn't destroyed.

I hated the ending myself and the series should have ended after book 4.

read until book 5 as a child, but it was pretty damn garbage

foaly was always my favorite character

Fuck me, I knew I wasn't the only one who pictured him as blond. The book can tell me he's jet-black haired all it likes but my head still sees yellow.

If ONE good thing can come out of this movie, will be the surge in Holly rule 34.