Sleepy Hollow, Tx

hey i just finished my comic, i would love to know what /co thinks... im also working, but ill try to respond to any questions after i post all the pages

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I like the horseman's design.

thanks man, really dont know what to say about it, just kinda did some research and made him up

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You write this? Kinda gives me a Warren Ellis sort of vibe with the dialogue. I like it.

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Seems a bit edgy OP.... I'd still read it.

and thats all folks... so what do you guys think, art, story, everything... tell me what you dont like about it


yea i did everything, but im a penciler by trade

and that means alot, warren ellis is one of my favorite writers

Arts not bad, but this is kinda really fucking edgy.
Hilariously so in fact, is that on purpose?

Also ditch the drop shadow on the word balloons

yea was trying to go for an OTT horror feel

The dialogue from the monster gets annoying, especially since the bubbles take up a lot of space. Maybe shorten its dialogue boxes since it's only saying one thing. The first appearance of it could keep a long box to establish that it's in repetition with its speak, but by that point the audience gets it, so make the boxes sparser in later panels.

What's the point of it? That's what I'm trying to figure out.

The writing is a bit on the nose and I'm given no reason to give a fuck about what's going on. I'm not getting an emotional stake in this, and the MC isn't really likable enough to pull of the, 'I'm a bastard but you'll like me anyway' thing.

It just seems like splatter gore. It's not horror because its not scary, and its not really much for action either.

The designs are good though. I'll give you credit as a decent artist.

This

Maybe OP should've created a longer draft for this, establishing characters, the world, and the powers at play. Otherwise it's just a gorefest that would get old pretty fast without some pretty out their ideas. The fight scene was also short and gave no character to how the horseman is other than he cuts shit up. The monster gave no resistance.

Don't be disheartened by what I'm saying. There's stuff in there that can work, you just need to work it a bit more.

Art is decent, I like the monochrome with red touches. Thst said, the dialogue made me roll my eyes a lot. It's sounds very forced edgy instead of true edgy.

lol not really haha, im just not the best writer
but i will drop the shadows for next time thank you

that makes sense, okay, i never thought aboutthat

yea, thats fair, rally was going for a grindhouse feel, thanks for point out the character weakness though

hmmm got yea, seeing like the biggest problems so far are with the story... i was so focused on the art i didnt really think about it

I think it would be a good idea to put a bit more thought into your action sequences too. An action scene as much as anything else needs to feel alive, needs to flow, with build up and momentum.

A lot of things with weak character writing can live off well executed action sequences, but I've found the beats to writing good action is similar to the beats of good story telling in generally. Figure that stuff out and you'll really up your game.

oh no, i under stand perfectly, all critism helps me get better for sure

this is the main reason i wanted to show /co, you guys know comics

got yea, seems to be the main consenses.. thanks for reading it though for sure

sweet thank you very much!! all these notes help for sure

I'm just going to parrot everyone else and say the art is good but the writing is really stupid and edgy. I mean come on, you literally have a goth chick cutting herself for one of her "powers" or whatever. Can't say the concept itself is anything interesting either, that Sleepy Hollow show kind of beat you to the punch in mixing the Headless Horseman with demons.

yep, ikinda hate the story seems to be the biggest problem... but since im mainly a artist, that kind of softens the blow lol, also thanks for reading it man, means alot

I have thoughts, but they might change your vision too much.

Just gt to say, I actually really appreciate you putting yourself out there like this. Sup Forums should embrace more creatives, without becoming a pure hugbox. It takes balls to face the fire of public criticism.

Good work. Not perfect but it's a start.

i agree, i think the only way to get better is to get some crits ya know. so thanks to everyone for reading it and taking the time to help
thanks man, means alot

Man, let me tell you something, I can read shit with bad writing, I can read shit with bad art, but NEVER, NEVER do a bad typesetting.

Center that shit, make the text in the baloons blockier, use a different font and smaller one too, study that shit, because this was bad.

and for god sake, those screams and shit, make them better, they are utter shit, even if you have to make them manually, do not use that shadow shit, and if you are going to make them scream, do not use the fucking baloon for it. Also remove all shadow from the baloons, it looks horrible.

Look your first page mate, it starts with a monster, do we know where? No, Texas? but how about use the first page to set the mood, you could make it better by showing the place, the guy running and THEM getting fucked by the monster and then making it show up. Think about the page as a narrative, now just a showcase of actions.

Look this page for example.

>main character cuts herself to activate her powers

Sounds like Kill La KIll

This post made me realize I can read pretty much anything.

>fuan no tane

spooky

Also the characters should have cowboy hats, or a whataburger in the background or something so people know it's Texas.