ITT: Your Oscar speech

ITT: Your Oscar speech

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youtube.com/watch?v=q5AkBBQWZR4
youtube.com/watch?v=-fhjUoVoi0s
youtube.com/watch?v=DitE_e3VDMk
youtube.com/watch?v=O0Q_nyjuEak
twitter.com/SFWRedditVideos

*holds up Oscar*
For you.
*walks off stage*

>*adjust mic so it's level with my waist*
>*turn around*
>*bend over*
>BRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAPPPP

Oh, it's just me, myself and I
Solo ride until I die
'Cause I got me for life
Oh I don't need a hand to hold
Even when the night is cold
I got that fire in my soul

thanks for the worthless trophy and btw:
jet fuel can't melt steel beams

FUCK DRUMPF AND FUCK WHITE PEOPLE

This.

FUCK THE OSCARS MAN

Meh. I would have went with the classic "Bush did 9/11 and the Iraq War was for oil"

>"Tonight will be no different for me. As soon as I get home I will be going to www.Sup Forums.org/tv/ to shitpost."

...

something something
no more school shootings
equality for all
everyone can go in any bathroom they want
done

>be me back in 2008
>Browsing Amazon my name and then the words "For You" would describe items Amazon was personally choosing for me based on my browsing history
>tfw back then I found the statement For You funny
Nolan is a smart guy

*assumes power stance*

...

>What else comes with this? A free vacation? I already made millions for pretending to be someone else and stick to the political claims of those who run this circus, you degenerates should stop congratulating yourself for having the "right" opinion and lecturing the common population and stick to dance like the well dresses monkeys that you are in front of the cameras and entertain the masses, that for what you are paid for you bunch of entitled and pretentious paid puppets

youtube.com/watch?v=q5AkBBQWZR4

>Grab Oscar
>Press base to my crotch
>Jump offstage and run towards Jessica Chastain
>thrust my golden phallus into her ample cleavage
>start furiously thrusting and rubbing
>'MMMMOOOOOOMMMMMYYYY'
>escorted from premises weeping but joyous

I can not tell you. It's confidential.

Anyway, how's your sex life?

*inhales deeply*
THE JEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWS

>Grab Oscar
>Smugly pronounce "this tin piece of shit is irrelevant. My work speaks for itself. I don't need you lackeys to pretend like you're the ones deciding how fucking loved I am. Guess what bitches, America has that job. And America has pulled down her tight pink panties and let me have a go at her. And I'll come again and again America. I won't call after, I won't buy you flowers. But you still had the pleasure of fucking a standup guy like me - a bonafide movie star"
>Throw the oscar on the ground
>Stamp on it till its properly fucked
>Leave

fbpb

>uhhhh....thanks
And then I autism my way out of there.

youtube.com/watch?v=-fhjUoVoi0s
something like 0:50

"you're all a bunch of niggers, especially the jews"

tears

Unironically the only thing that helps me get out of bed in the morning is my dream of getting the Best Actress award, get on stage, get my statue, pull out a card, tear it apart and say:
>This Oscar goes to Sheryl Lee for her powerful and unforgettable performance in Twin Peaks: Fire Walk With Me, which unjustly and rather ignorantly completely passed by the eyes of the academy in 93, without even a single nomination. It is indeed a tragedy that the academy decided to focus its eyes on the yearly batch of disillusioned aristrocratic women and suffering mothers instead of the fresh tragic tale of an abused and troubled teenager. A story that spoke volumes about many subjects, but most importantly the human condition when faced with trauma, and the strength needed to survive. And in the center of all that, Sheryl's impactful and masterclass acting, in which she clearly gave her all.
>Unfortunately, I can't vouch for Fire Walk With Me being snubbed out of best picture because I'm not a director.
>I'd like to thank mine, along with my crew, my family and friends. But I'll never thank the academy.

The dream also has getting a friend/boyfriend who also works in the industry, so he can get Best Actor and give his to Ray Wise.

"Drumpf."

*roaring applause*

>Whoops, I think I left the stove on
>*360 spin and wink at camera*
>Haha I'm just joking everyone! Have a great night and thank you very much! user out!
>*Backflips off stage*

HE'S A NIGGER

checked

"Don't mind me just pirating this oscar."

The Elite are all about transcendence and living forever and the secrets of the universe and they want to know all this; some are good, some are bad, some are mixed. But, the good ones don’t ever want to organise, the bad instead are the ones that organise, because they lust after power. Powerful consciousnesses don’t want to dominate other people, they want to empower them, so they don’t tend to get together until things are really late in the game, then they come together. Evil is always defeated, because good is so much stronger. And, we’re on this planet and Einstein’s physics showed it, Maxwell’s physics showed it, all of it, that there is at least twelve dimensions, and now that’s why all the top scientist and billionaires are coming out saying it’s a false hologram, it is artificial. The computers are scanning it and finding tensions points where it is artificially projected and gravity is bleeding in to this universe, that’s what they call dark matter. So, we’re like a thought or a dream that’s like a wisp in some computer program, some god’s mind, whatever. They’re proving it all, it’s all coming out.

youtube.com/watch?v=DitE_e3VDMk

This is good

i get it
but what a strange reference

youtube.com/watch?v=O0Q_nyjuEak

youtube.com/watch?v=O0Q_nyjuEak

follow is the footsteps of based Pesci

...

“England for the English”

It's strange, I often think of getting an award just so that I can spend the whole speech getting airtime talking about how non-capeshit blockbusters or non-childrens films are torn apart by the industry 24/7.

post feet

I would thank my mother and Sup Forums

>I'd like to read you a poem by H.P. Lovecraft, the man who inspired me to get involved in the creative arts:

>When, long ago, the gods created Earth
>In Jove's fair image Man was shaped at birth.
>The beasts for lesser parts were next designed;
>Yet were they too remote from humankind.
>To fill the gap, and join the rest to Man,
>Th'Olympian host conceiv'd a clever plan.
>A beast they wrought, in semi-human figure,
>Filled it with vice, and called the thing a Nigger.

Is there an anime character stronger than Madara Uchiha?

And I'm referring to Rinne Tensei Madara Uchiha with the Eternal Mangekyou Sharingan and Rinnegan doujutsus (with the rikidou paths ability) equipped with his Gunbai and control of the juubi and Gedou Mazou, a complete Susano'o, with Hashirama Senju's DNA implanted in his chest so he can perform Mokuton kekkei genkai and yin-yang release ninjutsu as well as being extremely skilled in taijutsu and bukijutsu.

>stand at mic for a minute, waiting for band to start playing
>music starts, begin my speech, very quietly, doesnt matter what is being said
>they try to drown out my words as i begin speaking louder and louder
>the trophy bearing wenches try to usher me of stage
>Sean Connery feminism activates and they both get a slap
>yell over the music about the process
>they start sending men after me as the trophy wenches lay shuddering in ecstasy over how manly my Sean Connery acting was
>fight off the men as I continue talking about how I need to thank everybody I know
>get dragged away from the mic as I the epic fight rages on with classical music being my soundtrack
>following years do every oscar bait movie I possibly can knowing full well they will have to snub my movies or invite me back for another monumental fight
>trophy wenches still call me

SHAME ON YOU MR. TRUMP

>Sup Forums hivemind strikes again

this but unironically

"I hate each and every one of you scumbags and yet you present be with an Oscar. You fucking imbeciles."

"ABOUT FUCKING TIME"

DROPS OSCAR TO THE FUCKING FLOOR AND PISSES ON IT WHILE FLIPPING EVERYONE OFF!!!FACT!!!

noice

*smashes oscar on ground*
"I AM THE ONE DON'T WEIGH A TON DON'T NEED A GUN TO GET RESPECT UP ON THE STREET"
*dabs*

>lean into the mic, sweating
>Let me tell you about the Jews.

What's the reference

>Woody Allen is a child molester; If he didn't want to be accused of being a child molester, he shouldn't have married his daughter. Same goes for Roman Pulanski, vis a vis being left alone with a 12 year old girl at Jack Nicholson's house. It is disgusting and shameful that these men continue to be honored and applauded by the film community in light of their horrific acts
>[ROARING APPLAUSE ENSUES]
>But, of course, they're all members of the tribe, and the Zionist brigades will stop at nothing to protect their own, especially when the people who have been harmed are mere Gentiles.
>[ROARING BOOS ENSUE, PROMPTLY DRAGGED OFFSTAGE AND EXECUTED BY MOSSAD AGENTS]

probably memorize and recite an Alex Jones rant

>Evengiving me an oscar would not make up for being one of the dullest franchises in existence. Seriously, imagine me being me and being all like "Damn Oscar, you're so shiny and gold. I would totally want to win you. Both my media persona and the real me" when all I want to do is go home and shitpost on the internet. Anyway, whatever.

>*Look directly at the camera*
>"The niggers, the spics, the chinks...It's our responsibility to civilize them. And if we can't? Then they shall dangle from the elm tree. The Day of the Rope is near. We'll have every nigger in this country dead or in chains in 10 years, and may God have me shot in a carjacking this very night if I'm wrong. God bless the American Nazi Party."

>It's called the knockout game, and eventually white people will get tired of playing it

>"Wow, it's great to be here, truly."
>"How are you all doing tonight?"
[audience is slightly confused]
>"So an Englishman, a Scotsman and an Orthodox Jew walk into a bar"
[long silence]
>"...Aaaand if my next film wins Best Director I'll tell you the punchline."

Kek

GENIUS

I honestly wish I had the chance to speak love in front of the Hollywood elite and simply say "Jews did 911" before walking off the stage.

I don't even believe it, but the massive butthurt and outrage would be hilarious.

Thanks

I actually like this one.

>Finally, you assclowns

I wanna thank the Academy for this award. 25 years ago it would've actually meant something.

kek

You fucking bastard

DKR wasn't a thing in 2008

Are you fucking stupid? user says he found the phrase funny even before the movie came out.

Someone post kstew pissing off the nigger cause her hands were sweaty and didn't want to handle the award. That would be any 4channer

Came here to post this

Who the fuck is Oscar?

>aquisitions

>I'd like to thank my mom and uh

I'm going to get banned, but my Oscar speech would be:

>"Thank you for the award. BRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP"

>cheeseburgers?

"The holocaust only killed half gorillion jews"

Sir, I'd like to give you 30 million dollars to star in the next major block buster

>"Aliens is better than Alien, thank you"

Unlike everyone else in this room, I didn't suck dicks just so I could win this award.

would be legendary desu

Gay desu

The Jews did 9/11

>*inhales*
TSUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

>bout time you fucking kikes

during my thanks yous i would slip in: "Sup Forums you're a big guy"...and when i win best director i will

anybody got a live stream of it?

Powerful.

Harvey did nothing wrong

I guess sucking that dick ended up being worth it. Thank you Mr. Goldberg!

"Thank you... Fuck you indeed"

youtube.com/watch?v=DitE_e3VDMk

>*walks up on the stage*
Sneed
>*walk off with Oscar*

"3D Women Are not Important"

Everyone I ever met said I wasn't going to amount to anything, I was completely fucked over by everyone I came in contact with. You're all deeply horrible people who should seriously consider suicide. Thanks for nothing. Fuck you.

No matter how much you mutilate your body, you will never be a girl, faggot.

"Azusa is best girl"

>years ago I started on a journey to meet someone
>I would become the best and reach this moment to finally tell them in front of you all
>*insert waifu name* I did this for you! I love you and I became the best just for you....

>walks away in the silence