"Headmaster, Slytherin is in the lead"

>"Headmaster, Slytherin is in the lead"

FIFTY BILLION POINTS TO GRYFFINDOR

"No!"

"Yes!"

Why didn't they do this?

Ever been to a college with a strong emphasis on frats and sororities? Well imagine that joining such groups was mandatory, and that they were co ed, and there were only four houses, and you don't get a choice
Bravo Rowling

Yes, yes, well done Slytherin, HOWEVER, despite your best efforts, you are just unfortunate participants in the dullest franchise in the history of movie franchises. Seriously each episode following the boy wizard and his pals from Hogwarts Academy as they fight assorted villains has been indistinguishable from the others. Aside from the gloomy imagery, the series’ only consistency has been its lack of excitement and ineffective use of special effects, all to make magic unmagical, to make action seem inert.

Perhaps the die was cast when Rowling vetoed the idea of Spielberg directing the series; she made sure the series would never be mistaken for a work of art that meant anything to anybody, just ridiculously profitable cross-promotion for her books. The Harry Potter series might be anti-Christian (or not), but it’s certainly the anti-James Bond series in its refusal of wonder, beauty and excitement. No one wants to face that fact. Now, thankfully, they no longer have to.

>a-at least the books were good though
"No!"
The writing is dreadful; the book was terrible. As I read, I noticed that every time a character went for a walk, the author wrote instead that the character "stretched his legs."

I began marking on the back of an envelope every time that phrase was repeated. I stopped only after I had marked the envelope several dozen times. I was incredulous. Rowling's mind is so governed by cliches and dead metaphors that she has no other style of writing. Later I read a lavish, loving review of Harry Potter by the same Stephen King. He wrote something to the effect of, "If these kids are reading Harry Potter at 11 or 12, then when they get older they will go on to read Stephen King." And he was quite right. He was not being ironic. When you read "Harry Potter" you are, in fact, trained to read Stephen King.

B

>but first

Why was one quarter of the student population unambiguously evil?

What house did Dumbledore belong to whennhe was a student?

It's literally modeled after the residential college system found at old prestigious universities such as Yale, dumbass.

The Waffen SS

His a big guy

>"While I'm headmaster, I'll be caught dead before I let those limp-wristed posh gayboys in Slytherin get the House Cup."

Jesus christ Rowling

UK schools commonly are split into 4 houses and have competitions (that none of the students really care about)

A

based

based

Gryffindor

IFFY UH

...

Not gonna lie, the first two movies are comfy kid's kino. Third one slightly less so. The rest are too edgy/dark for my taste.

kid's movies have been hijacked by "adults" now. Every kid's movie now has to also entertain "adults" nowadays if they want to be successful, see basically all of Disney's animation recently and stuff like Marvel.

IT WAS ALL A DREAM

based

>It takes a great deal of bravery to stand up to your enemies but a great deal more to stand up to your friends

What?

>I got a bitch that suck my dick til I nut spit it on my gut and slurp that shit back up

Fucking hell Rowling

He's shittalking muggles on the DL, it was the only reason Slytherin didn't riot while he was publically appearing to fuck them over

So why weren't they expecting Syltherin to become a house of edgelords?
They live in a fucking dungeon and everybody hated them merely because they were the best students for some years in a row.

>Atlas Shrugged on God Tier

This thread is dangerously close to the meme maximum. Add more substantive discussion or the thread will be deleted. For example, was Dumbledore gay? Was Harry gay? Was Ron gay? Was Hermione gay? Was Sirius gay? Was Hogwarts tax policy?

You have been warned.

>Othello above Hamlet
HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHA
*sucks in oxygen in order to breathe*
HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAH

Soon this type of pasta will be banned on Sup Forums because it gets replies and doesn't contribute to serious discussion of Disney products.

He went to durmstrang

>tfw you realize the swimming game that's mostly organized around shit that sounds like a plausible sport but doesn't matter and Barry wins if he does this one other thing with a huge blue McBothan is Rollins lampshading how he writes every plotline in the TV show so it seems like there drama but the answer is coming straight out of an ass

>was hogwarts tax policy
Interesting analysis, so you’re saying that hogwarts was merely a metaphor for the uk tax policy?

Hogwarts taxes its homosexual students heavily so everybody is in the closet

>tfw will never be sorted in to ravenclaw for being a literal smartass
>"What came first, the chicken or the egg? Well clearly in context of your wording, the chicken."
>"What has four legs in morning, two in the day, and three at night? Clearly not you."
>tfw no slytherin gf to go along with your smartassiness

>>tfw no slytherin gf
I make that face, bro.

I would gladly go gay in your anus if you know what I mean

The image isn’t funny without the Clifford book in God-Tier.

Why was Hogwarts using slave labor?

kek

Was the Hogwarts tax policy gay?

RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAAAAHRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRGHHHHH

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH AAAAAAH AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHRGHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRGHH

>A-ARGH AAAAAAARGH AAAAH
"ARGH!"
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRGHHHHHH

>was Dumbledore gay?
The author has been clear about this: the whole point of the series is that Tom Riddle tore his soul apart when he rejected Dumbledore's healthy, mentoring man-boy love and lashed out spitefully in response to the firm imposition of proper relations on no fewer than 200 occasions over a span of years, but Harry Potter grew into a fine young man, the spirit nourished by Dumbledore's wisdom, as the body was by by his semen.

The problem was, everyone shat on slytherin because of Malfoy.

Slytherin wasn't the evil house, it was for those with ambition and passion. Want to be a famous composer? SLYTHERIN. Want to open up your own business and become rich? SLYTHERIN. Maybe you just put a lot of focus and effort in to small things. Slytherin.

>putting effort into things
>when you can just kick back just magic shit
No wonder they were all evil, it’s that correlation between aggression and low IQ.

If they were so ambitious someone would've assassinated malfoy to improve their public image

Are there any rules or guidelines on how much points are awarded or deducted. Or does Rowlings just add or deduct enough points so that Gryffindor wins?

>Slytherin the house of smart, ambitions and cunning people
>Crabbe and Goyle were in Slytherin

quality post

Fuck now i want a murder mystery/wolf of wall street harry potter movie

>"DEH!"

They were lackeys, and weren't fleshed out at all. They wouldn't have been in slytherin if they didn't have SOME sort of ambition or cunning to them, if they lacked brains.

The problem is that Rowling is a shit writer and had to make them the 'bad house' and didn't flesh out anyone but Malfoy.

I USED TO READ QUIBBLER MAGAZINE

>and had to make them the 'bad house
But they were the bad house, the book says so....

It's a magic world. There are quite literally no rules. What's stopping me from taking a girl's hair and polyjuice potioning into her and having sex with everyone?

Jesus, it all finally makes sense...

"Harry, did ya put ya name in the Goblet of Fiyah?"

literally how did this sequence get past production

Having to brew the Polyjuice. And the fact that would be gay as hell.

yes
no
no
bi
yes
its a school

>Setting the whole room of requirement on fire just to get 1 guy
>not ambitious

This. Rowling acts like it's a big deal when actually nobody gives a shit and everyone wanders off to chill with their pals from the other houses and get shat on by prefects for it.

Polyjuice can't change genitals.

>What's stopping me from taking a girl's hair and polyjuice potioning into her and having sex with everyone?
That's pretty gay, user.

Polyjuice as malfoy and proposition the teachers

Not really. It was teacher discretion. And no one gave a fuck.

It was clear that Slytherin worked their fucking asses off for proper points. Ever wonder why Snape was boosting the fuck out of their points? It was because literally every other teacher, and even the fucking headmaster, was against them. So when people say "Oh but snape would take points from other houses and then award points to slytherin through the ass!", you need to remember that they had literally the entire school against them. So even with boosting, they were still the extreme underdogs and managed to secure proper points only to be assfucked by dumbledore because "Haha fuck you".

Holy shit holy shit holy shit IT’S NOT A SERIOUS LIST YOU FUCKING MORONS

Even better.

Hermione polyjuices herself into Harry in Deathly Hallows

But everything else apart from those two things is fine.

The larger fantasy element than the magic was always a boarding school where life wasn't horrible and the instruction was mostly competent and relevant to the students' lives.

>Slytherin Internet Defense Force
Just accept that you lost malfoy

>only to get HOWEVERd by Dumbledore

What, you mean like she turned into a gerbil?

Also the fact that there isn't constant sexual abuse and sodomy happening at a British boarding school.
>inb4 amerimutt
I went to one.

Faggotdorf

Why was quarter of the Wizard population evil?

Holy fucking based

No, that was its central theme:

Because the wizarding world is actually Hell.

dood, you gotta read between the lines

Oh yeah, with love potions and the ability to alter memories there wouldve been constant rape

NEVILLE LONGBOTTOM FOR GETTING BTFO YOU DESERVE 2000 POINTS

People like them completely kill the prestige of the house.

And why the hell is there a house Hufflepuff? By the age of seven when they get sorted to this house they can already know that they will never make it
They are not smart, not athletic, not charismatic, not cunning, not brave. It's literally the house for handicapped people.

>I went to one.
To molest British children? Is there like an all-inclusive vacation package? Did you take any pictures?

asspull by Rowling

>Super strong spell that is easy to cast and can destroy horcroxes
>B-but it's dangerous and shit

Thats the common viewpoint but its clearly not true, cedric was alpha

>Harry, he's going to try to "collect" you. I want you to let him.

I dunno. They lose 50 points and get a detention for being out after curfew, so getting 50 for saving the school doesn't sound that ridiculous.

This actually happens. When I was in school they made a 5th house and put all the retards, druggies, delinquents and all around mediocre people in it.

>all the death eater's children were in slytherin
>slytherins constantly attack other students
>they are all such shits that they are thrown in the dungeon when Voldemort attacks Hogwarts so they can't let him in
keep thinking it was just malfoy dude

because it was fucking based

What is the economy like in the Harry Potter universe? It appears that unless you work for the Ministry of Magic, own a cauldron shop on diagon alley, or work for the (((goblins))), you have no employment prospects whatsoever. What is a simple minded Crabbe or Boyle to do? There are no low-skilled jobs available that wouldn't be performed more simply by the flick of a wand.

based DEH poster

No but I sucked and fingered another boy behind the biology building when I was 14. Good times.

>What is a simple minded Crabbe or Boyle to do?
why do think they wanted to become death eaters. they know they aren't smart or good at magic so if they serve voldemort then they at least have something to do

the economy literally makes no sense, nor does the size of the government taking into relation that Hogwarts is seemingly Britain's only wizarding school, even if the shit Rowling writes about it having around one thousand students at any one time is true