Gee, it sure is crime-y this evening. What are you up to tonight, anons?

Gee, it sure is crime-y this evening. What are you up to tonight, anons?

I might commit some felonies.

ooh boy i tell you what matches i'm planning to bomb a school bus full of special needs kids. you know, one of those short buses, figure that's a good way to thin the herd and make a few extra bucks,

CANT FOOL ME RIDDLER I KNOW WHAT YOUR REALLY UP TOO

nothing much matches but I think Penguin getting a crew together to do a jewel heist was gonna see if I could join up with them or was that two face who was doing that

Way to go, fella. I would also like to be a part of this bombing. Boy, do I hate them retards!

Can I tag along? That Penguin guy sure seems to be eluding the PEN! It would be nice knowing how he does it.

I dont want to do the bad thingamabops
Unless it somehow involves skeletons, then it is ok with me

and most people have skeletons inside of them soooo...

ya sure Matches I got an in with the big bird him self friend of mine works his security detail and he tells me some of the crazy things he does; like how he stole some weird tech from Star labs awhile back

DON'T LISTEN TO HIM! Matches is somehow connected to the Bat. Every stunt with Malone on it ends up being busted.

Hey Matches, I was going to randomly shoot up a Jason Aldean show for no reason whatsoever. You in?

m- maybe we should flip a c- coin on it? Or something haha

You say another word about Matches and their find your body in the river

he's a good man and just because he's out ran the batman a few times doesn't make him a snitch

OK CRAZY I want you to fuck off; I know matches and besides the Bat has been to busy to with the league recently to skulk around Gotham since for the past few days he was seen fighting some wired alien thing in metropolis and all those other natural disasters

I'm going to be loitering then I plan to jaywalk afterward.

When will that be?

TOMORROW AT SEVEN I'M GOING TO ROB THE BANK RIGHT NEXT TO PORKY'S. THIS ISN'T A RIDDLE.

Thanks, guys, you are too kind. I understand that I give the feeling to be snitching for the Bat, but I swear on my nana's grave that it's just bad luck. There's no way in hell I'd work with that nutjob.

Star Labs? That's amazing! Count me in, buddy. We'll both go to see what the big bird and his gang are up to.

Wow, dude, chill out, we don't want the Bat or his pretty birds coming for us. Meet you at Kane Plaza, I'll be throwing matches on the floor.

So you're planning to team up with T.O Morrow to vandalize the National Pork Bank before making your escape onboard a 1963 Lotus Super Seven Cosworth? And that during the elders day? But that was two days ago... so your goign to need a time machine.. that what T.O Morrow is for!

Only a twisted mind like yours could come up with such a vile plan!

no crime for me tonight

I got a booty call with Barbara Gordon

Hey, Matches, you got any big plans or know anyone recruiting? I just barely made it out of Joker's service recently and I think I've run through about every villain in this stinking town and they all just lose their shit and go completely unreasonable.

I mean Joker was planning on cutting us open and sticking Joker gas bombs and tiny apiaries in our bodies so when we burp we shoot joker gas and joker bees.

I told him I had to leave because I was having an allergic reaction to the new face paint Harley ordered.

She's been buying from China from Ivy's cosmetics line. She gets a discount.

Sure, pal. I've heard that there's someone new in town recruiting. Just go to Finger's Tower, first floor, and shout:"I WANT TO BE A FELON". No cops at all, anywhere near.

You know that government tool General Lane? A couple years back he screwed up my evil terrorist operation, so I thought it'd be funny to kidnap, rape, and murder his daughter. What do you think?

Hey i gotta ask, you related to Wayne? Is jus' you look 99% like him so i am curious ta know

I bein' thinkin' of pulling tha' big score Matches, if i pull this one off my life will be changed foreva!

I told you! I have no relation at all with the Batm... Oh, wait, Wayne? The rich boy? No way in hell!

Which score is that, fella?

I don't think ya should by yourself, ya'd need som some supervillains able to stand up to Superman since he's always show up ta save her

You sure no one law enforcing fellas are listening in anyway, i ain't calling ya a snitch but i really don't want anyone of 'em ruining something i been plannin' for years

Sure, buddy, you know what they say: "If you talk with Matches Malone, the pigs will leave you alone". Trust me.

I was planning on pirating every Batman comic I can find.

I was planning to steal the corpses of the Waynes and then ransom them back to their son. One piece at a time.

I'm thinkin' of busting into either Lexcorp who work on genetic reworking. I heard Luthor has been working or a serum that rework the body entirely to the very basic structure of human dna to make someone either as unbeatable as Superman or maybe even more, i don't want badguy like Luthor having their hands on that stuff.
And if it really works with no side effects? I'd use it myself, the world could use a new superhero willing to do what needs to be done

I'm planning on raping the Joker. Wish me luck.

I'm planning to smoke in a no-smoking area

Bad idea, The Bat gets extremely violent when people that can't defend themselves are targeted

Corpses aren't people, user

Yeah, okay, I'm sure the Bat just let's a criminal like matches go free when he's busted literally everyone else. Someone get this hothead outa here!

Funny you mentioned the Waynes, I was actually hanging out with this guy at a bar, Joe-something, a few nights back. The dude was drunk off his ass- so take this with a grain of salt- but he was bragging about how HE actually killed those two all those years ago, and still never got caught. I mean, I guess it's not too implausible now that I think about it, it does seem like a pretty lame claim to fame considering the other shit that goes on in this city. But, still, at the time it did seem like a pretty neat piece of trivia, it's not everyday a mugging makes headlines for like a week.

You saying their trust funded drunk of a son is defenceless? The jackass probably knows like karate or some shit because he thinks it helps him pick up floozies, if a man that rich parades around Gotham he either knows how to defend himself or he gets a bodyguard.

Is it too late to get in one the retard bombing?

Matches, you feeling okay? You sound a bit... off.

I was told I have a date with the devil tommorow night, something about a dance.