>character is on the shitter
>wipes once, doesn't look
>continues on with his day
Character is on the shitter
>character doesn't clean with toilet paper and then a baby wipe
> character doesn't wash with sopa and water
>character doesn't dry with designated towel
>character doesn't spread that boipucci in front of mirror to see if it's pristine
gross
>doesn't get shit on his hand despite his best efforts
>characters finger doesn’t break through the toilet paper and he accidentally fingers himself
i unironically do that
>character doesn't shower after they shit
>they just go take a dump any time they need it and wipe
>character doesn't wipe hard enough to rip the toilet paper, getting shit encrusted pieces of paper stuck in their ass hair that they then have to pick out
disgusting
>character doesn't jerk off while pooping
>character doesn't get a throbbing boner when shitting out a big, healthy turd
>character takes a shit
>no blood
>character doesn't have any pain while shitting due to the hemorroids around his ass but he's too afraid to go to the doctor for treatment
>character doesnt jerk off to pooping
>character only needs five seconds to take a shit
>it's a solid, healthy shit
>character doesn't wear diapers
>character takes a shit at work
>toilet paper doesn't feel like sandpaper and doesn't make him bleed within the first two wipes
>character doesn't completely disrobe before defecating
>character doesn't sit facing the toilet flush button, but the opposite direction
kek
>2018. character doesn't perform and upper decker while at the in-laws
>character takes shit
>doesn’t jerk off on top of it
>character takes a shit
>doesn't need to lay down for half an hour afterwards
>character takes a shit
>doesn't photograph and share it with his close circle of poop enthusiasts
>character is under a lot of stress
>doesn't shit every half hour
>character takes a dense shit
> doesn't still have some shit is still in his rectum but not far out enough to dirty his asshole
> doesn't feel uncomfortable despite technically having a clean asshole
>Character doesn't have hemorrhoids
>character doesn't jerk off with poop
this is the worst
>character stops to shit
>Character uses public toilet and doesn't put toilet paper on the seat
>Character sits for poop and doesn't get that look of yuck when his dingle dangle donga hits the porcelain
How do people even watch this?
>character takes a piss
>it's obviously just tap water
>not a natural brown color
Why do they just add realistic food coloring?
>character sits on a toilet bowl and shits instead of squatting over a hole in the ground to shit
>character takes a shower
>doesn't take a shit and stomp it down the drain
>character takes a shower
>doesn't reflect upon all the points in his life where he fucked up
uhhh, your piss is supposed to be transparent, like tap water.
you must be drinking a lot of soda or some unhealthy shit li'l boy.
>character goes to take a shit
>doesn't strip fully nude
>doesn't sit on the toilet for damn near an hour, straining, grunting, gritting his teeth, making fists so tight his nails dig into his palms, and violently trembling until he's sweating and red in the face, in the end only managing to squeeze out maybe 5 or 6 tiny rabbit pellets before calling it quits
>doesn't give himself a perfunctory wipe, analyzing the toilet paper afterwords and sighing as he observes that it is more or less shit-free with a faint streak of blood
>brown piss
Please see a doctor immediately. One of your vital organs is failing.
>character bleeds from ass
>no shit
lol
>character takes a shit
>does not spread his ass-cheeks before sitting down on the toilet
fucking animal
>character doesn't visibly recoil from the sting of buffalo sauce and jalapenos they were shown eating in a previous scene
immersion ruined. the digestive continuity is all fucked at that point
>Character doesn't take a long arm length silky shit.
>Character doesn't pick up log to inspect its magestic glory.
>Character doesn't smear shiny god like turd all over his penis.
>Character doesn't jerk off using own shit as a moisturiser.
>Character doesn't cum all over himself.
>Character doesn't feel disgusted and remorseful about how pointless his sex life is.
>character doesnt use the shit scissors
Is Character your name by any chance?
>character doesn't shave pubes around asshole to streamline the wiping process
>Character keeps all his shit in the corner of the bathroom.
>Character spends months storing his shit until he has enough.
>Character builds a version of himself out of shit.
>Character takes shit version of himself to bed.
>Character makes love to his shitty self.
>Character crys after he cums.
>Character kills himself wrapped in the arms of his gay shitty lover.
The End.
I'm always afraid of nicking myself and then smearing shit in the cut whenever I wipe, so I never do this. My ass hair is like a jungle tho I might do nair or something
I use a safety razor and have never had an issue, just be careful and hold your poop in for a day if you cut yourself
>character takes a shit
>he doesn't get his underwear dirty despite his best efforts to clean his asshole
>character wipes
just get a body trimmer dude, you'll thank yourself. it's especially made for hard to reach places.
>tfw asshole is smooth without the need for a razor
>tfw wiping is now some platinum experience shit
it's supposed to be a light light yellow. If your pee is clear you're drinking TOO much water and it can fuck you up actually
How do you shave your asshole?
Not brown piss user but usually only my first or last piss has any color to it otherwise it's clear. I do drink about 3 liters of water a day.
Lie on your back on a flat surface and put a mirror in front of yourself. Spread your legs and apply lather. Gently shave with your legs spread, being careful to pull back in areas like around your asshole so you don't cut yourself. Apply aloe gel after.
source: faggot who like to be hairless down there
Dude eat better
Ah yes, so this is the legendary Sup Forums.......
Just some patrician kino connoisseurs discussing their bowel movements and asshole shaving tips
Do any straight men do this?
>character brushes his teeth
>doesn't spit out blood
Yeah they do but I don't think they are as thorough as fags like me. There's really nothing inherently gay about shaving your shitter.
>character takes a piss
>it isn't chunky and pink
I shave my balls and they itch like a bastard when it grows back. I can't imagine what a stubbly arsehole is like.
Not good, not good at all.
>character doesn't have a poop knife or poop tongs
even if you don't always need to use them they could just show them in a rack next to the toilet
>character doesn't poop on his balls
All I do is use some leg lather in the shower, put my leg up on the edge of the tub and carefully shave while pulling one cheek apart at a time. Your process sounds too messy.
How do you poo?
I weigh nearly 600lbs now so I HAVE to sit down but not on the toilet, because it would break. I use a beanbag chair as my toilet because when I sit on it it creates a kind of space in the middle with surrounding walls, so when I shit the fecal matter spreads around me but doesn't overflow, then I scoop the shit into the toilet, usually flushing 4 or 5 times to get it all down. It fucking sucks because I use the same beanbag for general sitting and it is starting to smell.
Don't get fat bros. I've tried shitting into a mini-fridge that has been turned on so the cold would cause the shit to condense its moisture and make it easier to flush but it wasn't comfortable
>character goes to take a shit
>doesn't change into his shitting clothes
fair enough, I just don't want to cut myself/get ingrown hairs
>character takes a piss
>pure yellow and it smells like the last thing they just ate
>character takes a shit
>doesn't go into his outhouse with a little moon carved into the door
>doesn't read the farmer's almanac while shitting
>character doesn't fart a high-pitched and long one accompanied by watery bits of shit flying to the walls of the toilet
>character doesn't leave public toilet leaving some shit in his ass because he's afraid the toiletwill overflow
>character doesn't leave the toilet feeling uncomfortable because of sweaty and somewhat shitty rectum
>it can fuck you up actually
Care to elaborate? Everyone else tells me I'm just really healthy
>character has to take a dump in a public restroom
>he nonchalantly sprawl on the toilet seat and start reading a newspaper in an absolutely relaxed way as if he were at his home
do americans really do this?
>character doesn't bleed every time he shits
>doesn't finger his butthole to remove the remaining bits of poo stuck in his rectum
>character is taking an intense shit
>doesn't feel the need to take his shirt off
Post proof that you actually do what you described
just pop them that's what I do
>character has to shit in a public stall
>doesn't craft a shit hammock to hold the shit for the next person to use the stall
>Character has to take a shit.
>Doesn't lay down a few pieces of toilet paper creating a splash pad inside the toilet.
>character doesn't have to break it in half with a bent wire coat hanger that he keeps behind the cistern
>character takes a shit
>his ass isn't burning from all the spicy food
I have poop knife and tongs also user. I get constipated and if I don't break up my shits then they get stuck in the S-pipe. Sometimes I just use the poop tong and put the poop in the trash can and just take it out rather than flush.
>She doesn't suffer from prolapsed hemorrhoids and anal warts
>character takes a shit
>doesn't log his log in the poop journal
>Character ejaculates
>It's not pink
Goes away in a few months.
>character goes for a piss and only gives it a second's shake before zipping up
>doesn't squeeze the remaining drips out from the balls upward, shake vigorously then dry the head with a piece of toilet paper before zipping
>character doesn't wipe and wipe and wipe
>wipes like 50 fucking times
>at this point, surely character has to be clean
>throughout the next couple hours character's ass feels itchy
>goes to bathroom and wipes again
>brown streak from not fully getting it all from before
GODDAMNIT
I know the feeling, you gotta get on the baby wipe program user. It helps, but doesn't solve the issue. The best thing is to take a shower after.
Anyone ever try using fire? Like a match or lighter or something? To just singe the hair.
After the unitial two wipes, take about five sheets of tp and run under water, then sit back down and reach around and press it against the asshole, then wipe again with dry tp, gets it all off.
>americans are so disgusting they have to look at their shit after wiping
iktf
pretty sure it's psychosomatic, I poop like this when I have a heavy workload and am worrying about stuff.