What the actual fuck am I watching?

what the actual fuck am I watching?

this is like a satire of a star wars movie

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Yep. Spaceballs 2.

Rian secretly hated Star Wares, that's why he took the job so he could destroy it.

Not a satire, just subverting your sexist and racist expectations you shit lord

>what the actual fuck am I watching?
The power of Diversity

There was a sorta-standup tv-show in my country that was meant to be a big joke but people took it seriously and it became a hit with multiple seasons.

TLJ felt like that to me.

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Yeah this movie really subverted my already low expectations. Good job.

>and it became a hit
doesn't sound like TLJ to me tbqh

sorry sweetie, the force is female and the empire is drumpf and white men

You are not the target audience. The objetive of the movie is to appeal new audience (while vomiting in the old one). You know "burn the past and accept the present" that is explicitly present in the movie.

rightey-dokey general hux

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You didn't know?
They suspended the ep8 and released spaceball 2

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>ywn drink from her teet

why even live

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Did you just assume her gender?

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>a minute in and a "your mom" joke
>literal titty monster with Luke sucking it off

Yeah, the other anons are right. Spaceballs 2

>We miss the bigger picture

So did the film.

this movie really subverted my expectations. I expected simple story (by simple i mean simple, not shallow or stupid) with good humour and thrilling action like the Force Awakens but instead i got razzie award tier crap with painfully unfunny humour and actions so badly directed i felt like i was watching a white wall.

this is another example of the movie destroyed by marvelisms

The Left can’t meme, folks

This is satire, r-righr?

10/10

I had to turn it off, it's not just blandly bad like TFA it's aggressively cringe-inducingly shit. Anyone who unironically thinks it's not a bad film must be a genuine brainlet

>2 and a half hours

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You're watching subversive masterpiece made by ultimate hack

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I've been trying for the past 3 days to watch this

I'm at just over an hour. it's physically painful to watch

truth

>literally opens with a phone joke and a your mom joke

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I actually really liked Looper. Brick is godawful though

his face is truly hilarious in contrast to the smiling characters

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>essential "i can't finish this shit" core
Truly we're living a golden era for this kind of movies, I couldn't finish Suicide Squad either a few months ago

THIS IS ABOUT A RAGING FEMINIST CUNT (KATHLEEN kENNEDY) TRASHING STAR WARS WITH THE HELP OF DICKLESS SJW FAGGOTS (RIAN JOHNSON AND JAR JAR ABRAMS) WHILE PUSHING "DIVERSITY" WITH MINORITIES AND UGLY FUCKERS!!!FACT!!!

>WISH WE COULD TURN BACK TIME

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>movie literally starts with a prank call

oh boy can't wait to slug through this

Why did Hux change from literally Hitler but actually competent to Saturday morning cartoon villain in this movie?

Abrams May be a hack, but he still likes SW and so wanted to keep it legitimate. Reen Johnson just wanted to push his agendas at the expense of story.

revenge of the sith was unironically kino

I have noticed the defense force for this movies has gone down the last day or so, did they give up?

Juts like TFA, I don't see why ppl are getting surprised just now. Don't remember Poe quipping with Kylo Ren in the first few minutes of the movie and then Ren being a caricature just like Dark helmet. It's because the fags gave JJ a free pass that they doubled down in TLJ. Now they will triple down with JJ again

Its because most people was still optimistic that there was some grand plan going on and the first entry was just a cheap nostalgia trip by JJ.
Now Rian has literally destroyed all red threads for this series and shown that there is zero plan or vision behind anything in nu-wars

yify rip wen

here.
Force awakens is the best star wars ever.
You can now proceed to bump the thread for 12+ hours under the guise of hating it disney.

Fuck that, it's the power of drawn out franchises which shouldn't have 4 movies, let alone 15.

are you telling me that Sup Forums doesn't like the new star wars!?!? What the fuck?? How did I not realize this sooner!?

There was no reason to be optimistic, the new characters were shit, the old characters were all made losers.

>Force awakens is the best star wars ever.
bait

They would rather watch the movie instead of spam their opinion on it

Nice bait

Because Kennedy got mad that kids like space Nazis.

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Star Wars is fine its them pushing Human centric ideology politics that doesnt work in the galaxy far far away plus casting a nigger who sticks out more than the actual aliens

that's why it's the best SW movie tho..
to be fair it's not particularly good but it's a huge middle finger to what SW originally stood for. Fuck Star Wars, Rian ist our guy.

So they are re-watching the same crap again and again?

MCU is having like 5 movies per year and people still like it.

People in charge of Disney Wars are just hilariously incompetent.

Sooo what's the deal here? Did they ever acknowledge the massive disparity between what critics thought and how audiences actually felt?

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I gave up. Loved TLJ. It's my second favorite star wars movie. But what's the point of defending it or even trying to discuss it if the only responses are "SHILL" or some continuity error that somehow makes the movie awful. It's just not worth the effort.

The critics saw the movie before the internet decided it wasn't good.

No critic wanting to keep his job can shit on big Disney movie especially if it's so politically correct.

So you cant refute any points and get mad when people rightfully call you shill

People talk alot about Disney benefits and all that, but I think this is also a factor. Critics didn't think much about it and just rated it good because "hey, its Star Wars, everyone will love it anyway"

Listen i like Mass Effect but i cant defend the terrible writing and bullshit ending. Its ok to like shit but you have to admit when plotholes are there because of bad writing

They have the advantage of having a roster of like 4000 characters to choose from, so they feel varied even when they're all the same shit. Star Wars is very limited as a "universe" even if you desperately scrub the EU for new stories. They really need to take a break after Solo bombs and Ep. 9 brings diminishing returns.

I skipped all the parts with Finn and Rose, that whole casino planet was fucking dumb

So how fast did they give up blaming the alt right? When it was first released I remember seeing several news stories about how internet trolls were fucking with the ratings. And yet here we are, months later lol

>our brilliant plan is to lead them to our new base! It has no defenses or weapons but we can call for help! Which is sure to come when we tell them how fucked we are!

this is a great movie. Seriously.

That's fine. I'm pretty open to admitting certain plot holes don't make sense. I'm not a fan of Holdo not telling anybody her plan and some of the more obvious examples. But then I see shit like
>how did fin know how to fly the cruiser on Crait?
Which has a very simple answer right in the movies dialog, but people would rather be outraged that I would defend such a horrible horrible movie than actually listen to reason.

>So how fast did they give up blaming the alt right?

When they diverse ethnic minority of China dropped their shit within a week nationwide

It's pretty clear that the movie was review bombed. Doesn't who was doing it.

>JUST
was he right all along?

Trump has taught the world you don't need to stick to guns. Since the internet doesn't go away, anything that is said permanently there, thus, automatically sticking to it's own gun.

Which is all to say, blaming boogeyman group for bad ratings not only did it's job, its still doing it.

It has to be. Choosing the blacked girl isn't coincidence

That wasn't their plan, their plan was to cloak their ships and sneak into the planet but the codebreaker told the first order their plan. It's almost like this film is too smart for your typical star wars fan

Pretty sad desu
Imagine being such a mindless drone that you literally rewatch that garbage and force yourself to like it

>oh by the way the escape pods had hyperspace and we could have literally gone to those worlds to ask for help instead

The issue with the whole "cloak shuttles and sneak to planet" thing is the bit about how, its a planet, in a star system (star never visible until it needs to be daylight on shitty planet) and no matter how long they flew the shuttles to it, the planet would be visible to the naked eye. As the planet was visible to the naked eye.

Not to mention the shuttles were visible to the naked eye.

How would you know if you didn't watch it?

Epic

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>we lost like ten ships and could've used any one of them to hyperspace ram the supremacy at any time

Disney > Empire
Star Wars BTFO

They didn't have enough fuel to jump to hyperspace. They say this right in the movie.

I think it's just the natural depiction of a villain when liberals are in charge. Their first line of defense against anything they don't like is ridicule, but then that always fucks them over when they want people to take that same thing seriously. So you get these contradicting images. Like how Bush/Trump/whoever is an incompetent buffoon to be made fun of, but also an evil mastermind with sinister schemes who must be stopped!

>a wrinkle in the jew's plan to destroy the white race

I wonder how long it'll take for the jews to realize that people don't want to be fed brown shit in their movies

>refer to hyperspace as light speed in the first movie
>refer to it as hyperspace exclusively for the rest of the movies
>start referring to it as light speed again in TLJ
>because we're going to ram a ship at light speed

they said like 12 times they only had enough fuel for one more jump, and if they used it, they'd be dead in the water and the supremacy would just follow them.

Exactly. So where would the other ships have gotten enough fuel to jump?

The main ship had enough fuel to do a full jump after coasting to Crait, but the smaller ships that were destroyed had even less than that. Not enough fuel in their ships to make a jump at all.

He didn't really change, he was cringy in TFA. Maybe you've just forgotten. I hate that ppl are rtroactively saying TFA wasn't that bad. Go and rewatch it, it's garbage.

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>So how fast did they give up blaming the alt right?
Oh get over yourself, you obese menace.

So whats it like intentionally missing points?

The point is they had enough ships and fuel to hyperspace ram the supremacy at any time.

it bothers me most that luke was an anime projection at the end when they could have easily just had him fly his old x-wing there instead

Each ship has an individual fuel tank. Holdos ship had enough to jump to hyperspace, but the smaller ones did not.

Unless you are implying they should have used Holdos ship to ram earlier, which wouldn't make sense because they needed a way to get to Crait.

The visual dictionary said the XWing was destroyed. I wish they did a better job explaining this in the movie.

golly if only they was a way to move things from ship to ship like they did the entire chase sequence

why are you trying to defend this shit?

This. TFA paved the way for TLJ

While watching this movie, I realized I completely forgot what the point of Finn is. Like why was he even a Stormtrooper? What is his character?

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>fin and chink hyper spaces away
>they can hyperspace back
>but only one ship could hyperspace

... why are you trying to defend this?

What do you mean, like beam the fuel to a different ship? That isn't how it works.

Where did you get the impression that was possible?

If anakin was in the photo then who was vader?

They literally talk about how they're moving fuel and evacuating the ships with shuttles as they let them drift behind to be destroyed (while still captained).

so seriously, did you just not watch the movie or something? whats your endgame here?

I think he's pointing out all the little ships that constantly ferry people to the main cruiser throughout the chase.

Where do you get the impression they can't put a few crates of fuel on those ships? Or did only one ship have any lightspeed fuel at all? Hard to know, considering fuel has never been brought up before and we have no idea what it's like or how efficient it is, only that there was at least enough spare fuel for Finn to take off to another planet and come back.

Finn goes away with a hyperspace jump though. This movie is amazing, we will be talking about it in 10 years and finding up new retarded stuff we never noticed before. A shit singularity

it'd be the new TDKR except its just really boring and poorly written instead of so ridiculously bad its offensive.

>DUDE HYPERSPACE TRACKING IS IMPOSSIBLE
>leia has a hyperspace tracker on her wrist so rey can find them