*record scratch*

*record scratch*
*petrificus totalus frame*
Yep. That's me. You're probably wondering how I got into this situation...

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Not really, you just missed your train.

>"Deh!"

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>inb4 "No!"

"No!"

how can a train so small carry every single Hogwarts student?

it's magic

Why isn't zerosugar doing something about this inane spam?

AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

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because there's only like 100 kids in each year, much fewer when voldemort returned

*record scratch*
*petrificus totalus frame*
Yep, that's me. You're probably wondering how I ended up in deh dullest franchise. Seriously each episode following me and my pals from Hogwarts Academy as they fight assorted villains has been indistinguishable from the others. Aside from the gloomy imagery, the series’ only consistency has been its lack of excitement and ineffective use of special effects, all to make magic unmagical, to make action seem inert.

Perhaps the die was cast when Rowling vetoed the idea of Spielberg directing the series - she made sure the series would never be mistaken for a work of art that meant anything to anybody, just ridiculously profitable cross-promotion for her books. The Harry Potter series might be anti-Christian (or not), but it’s certainly does anyone even read this middle part the anti-James Bond series in its refusal of wonder, beauty and excitement. No one wants to face that fact. Now, thankfully, they no longer have to.

>a-at least the books were good though

"No!"

The writing is dreadful; the book was terrible. As I read, I noticed that every time a character went for a walk, the author wrote instead that the character "stretched his legs."

I began marking on the back of an envelope every time that phrase was repeated. I stopped only after I had marked the envelope several dozen times. I was incredulous. Rowling's mind is so governed by cliches and dead metaphors that she has no other style of writing. Later I read a lavish, loving review of Harry Potter by the same Stephen King. He wrote something to the effect of, "If these kids are reading Harry Potter at 11 or 12, then when they get older they will go on to read Stephen King." And he was quite right. He was not being ironic. When you read "Harry Potter" you are, in fact, trained to read Stephen King.

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How can such a big school afford to pay the bills with so few students? How much do they have to pay to attend Hogwarts?

>magic can do essentially anything
>magic costs nothing
>overheads are tiny

It's surprising that the wizarding world even subscribes to a form of capitalism given that seemingly a rudimentary grasp on magic allows the user to essentially provide for every single one of their needs entirely free of charge. The list of essential services which cannot be provided by magic is pretty short.

All of these memes are repeated so often they lost any comedic value.

isn't a meme not matter how hard you think changing the first bit makes it so. Read and watch better books/films

Voldemort owned Hogwarts through an offshore LLP. Every year he'd claim its operating budget as a charitable donation and get the money back as a tax deduction. It actually turned him a small profit when you consider the tie-in Hogsmeade advertising partnerships.

It makes several trips every day for a month.

how come the muzzles didn't take note of a bunch of people running into walls at the station?

All of hogwarts fits in 4 wagons?

Giving Harvey a handjob wasn’t it?

Too busy watching out for Muslims trying to blow them up. Part and parcel baby.

/lit/ is definitely made up of pretentious faggots who read boring shit