Not Slytherin, eh? You know what, you little bitch? I'm in charge here. I'll decide where you go. I can read your thoughts, you know that, right? You just learned about Hogwarts like last month. What the fuck do you know about the houses? What did any Slytherins ever do to you? Literally nothing. These houses are supposed to be fun. You know what, fuck you.
SLYTHERIN!
>dog whimpers and puts his paws up to cover his eyes
Could not expect this good dialogue in the the dullest franchise in the history of movie franchises. Seriously each episode following the boy wizard and his pals from Hogwarts Academy as they fight assorted villains has been indistinguishable from the others. Aside from the gloomy imagery, the series’ only consistency has been its lack of excitement and ineffective use of special effects, all to make magic unmagical, to make action seem inert.
Perhaps the die was cast when Rowling vetoed the idea of Spielberg directing the series; she made sure the series would never be mistaken for a work of art that meant anything to anybody?just ridiculously profitable cross-promotion for her books. The Harry Potter series might be anti-Christian (or not), but it’s certainly the anti-James Bond series in its refusal of wonder, beauty and excitement. No one wants to face that fact. Now, thankfully, they no longer have to.
>a-at least the books were good though
"No!" The writing is dreadful; the book was terrible. As I read, I noticed that every time a character went for a walk, the author wrote instead that the character "stretched his legs."
I began marking on the back of an envelope every time that phrase was repeated. I stopped only after I had marked the envelope several dozen times. I was incredulous. Rowling's mind is so governed by cliches and dead metaphors that she has no other style of writing. Later I read a lavish, loving review of Harry Potter by the same Stephen King. He wrote something to the effect of, "If these kids are reading Harry Potter at 11 or 12, then when they get older they will go on to read Stephen King." And he was quite right. He was not being ironic. When you read "Harry Potter" you are, in fact, trained to read Stephen King.
>talking shit to one of Voldemort's horcruxes
That hat is getting Avada'd
Me? I'd sort this thread into the house of "dullest franchise in the history of movie franchises". Each episode following the boy wizard and his pals from Hogwarts Academy as they fight assorted villains has been indistinguishable from the others. Aside from the gloomy imagery, the series’ only consistency has been its lack of excitement and ineffective use of special effects, all to make magic unmagical, to make action seem inert.
Perhaps the die was cast when Rowling vetoed the idea of Spielberg directing the series; she made sure the series would never be mistaken for a work of art that meant anything to anybody?just ridiculously profitable cross-promotion for her books. The Harry Potter series might be anti-Christian (or not), but it’s certainly the anti-James Bond series in its refusal of wonder, beauty and excitement. No one wants to face that fact. Now, thankfully, they no longer have to.
>a-at least the books were good though
"No!"
The writing is dreadful; the book was terrible. As I read, I noticed that every time a character went for a walk, the author wrote instead that the character "stretched his legs."
I began marking on the back of an envelope every time that phrase was repeated. I stopped only after I had marked the envelope several dozen times. I was incredulous. Rowling's mind is so governed by cliches and dead metaphors that she has no other style of writing. Later I read a lavish, loving review of Harry Potter by the same Stephen King. He wrote something to the effect of, "If these kids are reading Harry Potter at 11 or 12, then when they get older they will go on to read Stephen King." And he was quite right. He was not being ironic. When you read "Harry Potter" you are, in fact, trained to read Stephen King.
Which house would the hat have put him in?
Based
Grow up, adult child
Any good fanfics of Mr. Potter being in Slytherin?
>someone farts and a person does a triple take at the camera while a fog horn sound effect signals that the fart smell is very foul
>W-which one should I shoot?
what if I shat in that hat?
hufflepuff for sure
What happens when someone with Downs develops magical abilities?
Is there a Hogwarts special class for retards? Or is that just Hufflepuff already?
Kek
They go to Hogwarts
*badum-pish*
>Both.Kill them all and God will sort them out
Shit intro
Elf slave
Good intro
@96461887
What a terrible intro, I refuse to give you a (You) for such awful writing.
I feel like you forgot to add a pun or something?
Kek
Imma start doing this
>Each episode following the boy wizard...
You forgot the
>Seriously,
*explosions in the distance*
"Sounds like the Irish are having fun!"
How did they get away with it?
Keep up the good work. tumblrinas from Sup Forums and Sup Forums like think this pasta is just a meme and not 100% truth agreed by people who have taste in film and literature
>"No!"
Malgoy fucked Slytherina.
Great. A love it when there's an original intro
"DEH!"
Wrong
It would be the same as reading your head
No
I love this pasta.
Reminder that during the summer, older female students would wear absolutely nothing under their robe.
How do you know
Snape gets dangled upside down after their last exam (summer) and he's just wearing underpants. It's not outlandish to expect that girls in his year might wear less than he did.
me in the back
>"Sounds like the Iranians are having fun!"
FTFY
>You are...hmm..interesting...Elf slave! *everyone cheers
>w..what do you mean, that's not a house?
>I don't give a fuck
*Large goblin man picks up boy and carries him off screen as chains rattle in the distance
Kek
can someone explain DEH to me?
also why a children's school allowed an "evil" house
>also why a children's school allowed an "evil" house
Slytherin isn't actually an 'evil' house.
>not evil
>their common room is a dungeon
>their house mascot is a snake
>the most influental Death Eaters were Slytherin
I don't know man
It's a house built up with a culture of racial superiority that advocates a lot of antisocial and destructive behavior. If it was a college frat, it would have been shut down years ago.
>shit-tier intro
>not giving "No!" its own separate line
Unforgivable