Storytime: Lady Castle, or how to remove all the danger from a stroy

Let's read this comic, because I'm bored and maybe drunk.

Now I always give a comic a chance, always. I gave this thing a chance because well it seemed like it would a siege story and I love siege stories.

this is not that story,

God damn those are some awful crenelations.
You're supposed to be able to take cover behind those! They look like they wouldn't even stop a child from falling over the side!

...

This makes me wish Princess Ugg was still around.

>so crazy starts writing in left align

It's going to get worse before it gets better.

...

...

Now it has not been revealed yet but wait till you see the name of the king.

...

She was supposed to be singing? I can't feel any kind of rhythm to her words.

...

Singing in comics is one of those things it seems every female writer tries to do but comics well..don't have sound, the only time it works is when they sing a well known song, like Peter Parker singing Queen in the Shower.

...

Strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government.

Now here's why this comic is really bad, why would anyone be so flippant about losing half your population.

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

Next issue...we go into this might have been a porno at some point.

...

That's super not how castle walls work.

I forgot the cover

>she can do a whole chinup and hold a sword
>TRULY YOU ARE THE GREATEST, BRAVEST, AND STRONGEST KNIGHT IN THE LAND! AND SO YOU SHALL LEAD ARE PEOPLE INTO BATTLE!
Jesus, who fucking writes this shit?

This is kind of the world of we didn't do research on actual castles.

well you know we all have work out goals.

Oh boy, another really weird sequence that's apparently supposed to be like a Disney song or something, but has no rhyme or flow anywhere in it.

...

>AROOOOO
>Futurama Richard Nixon.jpg

Hey I wonder if the characters in this story will
A) Always succeed, proving All Women Are Good
or
B) Sometimes fail, proving All Women Are Bad

Gee I wonder which of these will happen.

...

I wouldn't mind this kind of stuff if it was actually for and liked by kids, instead of just womenchildren using it to feel good about themselves by pretending it's for and liked by kids

>A library in the dungeon

what da fuk

This is one I just imagine Boom gave up on because even they could see this shit was not good. Like They did a lot for Goldie Vance, this not so much.

Honestly, is anything from BOOM any good besides Giant Days?

...

Wait. Did we go through a mini art shift?

Depends on the era while it's not the best thing ever I loved Hero squared when it was published by them

Is that crossbow supposed to be floating in midair?
It doesn't look like anyone is holding it.

Oh boy, and now we've added a strong independent handicapped woman to the mix!

...

...

It's worth noting here, this comic tries to justify things women tend to like being useful in combat, like fashion or sewing circles(sewing is useful but not like this). I'm shocked that these women don't save the day by shoe shopping.

OH FUCK IT'S THE BURGER KING KID'S CLUB!
RAD!

Hey are they ever going to tell her all the men are dead? Also: Pretty convenient that no boys have been born for the last 14 years, unless they took the prepubescent boys with them on their weird quest.

Not sure what help a toddler is going to be on a battlefield but whatever.

...

Why is she talking to the back of her mother's gravestone? That seems rude.

Don't question the Lady Circle Jerk, all men go to combat the day they are born.

If you kill the werewolves, they win.

...

Well at least they're correctly portraying the uselessness of a badly constructed castle wall right.

...

arg....

>not holding on to the supply rope
Girl you dumb.
Also, didn't those werewolves just scale the castle walls no problem?

WHERE THE FUCK DID THAT COME FROM?

...

this was probably a porno at some point.

OH MY GOD THAT FIRST PANEL.

Those are some pretty incredible werewolves. I like the way they slither over the wall like slugs.

I also like how the wall seems to be literally just a wall with no interior or walkways or anything.

...

...

...

...

Wait, is she their king? She hasn't tried to rule anything except for the castle. Some king, letting her subjects get turned into werewolves.
Also what are the odds that only the men were turned into werewolves?

Also a woman king would still be a lady.

>our village of nothing but women finally finds a group of strong, able-bodied men with a simple curse we can cure
>let's kick them out

Yeah, it's a bit too much. Flippancy and irreverence usually saturate stories like this, but this bit is particularly dense. There's gotta be a least a few relatives in the fight that bit the dust, but they can't cut their world-weary shtick for anything other than snark. Even if this women war worker situation is so good for the town that most of the remaining townsfolk can shrug it off, the pacing's too fast. It's moving like a musical, but there's not enough reaction from anyone other than the leads.

But by that logic, self-assurance is the only reason it was made. If it was made for kids it'd be so different that it'd only have the same name.

something something mother of invention something something ironic use of "this is woman's work"

saying this now when we get to issue 4, get out all the monty python jokes.

Is it finally time for monstergirl lesbians?
They're the only hope this comic has.

...

Oh even they can't save this comic.

...

...

were about to introduce another burger king club member.

...

...

...

CAST IS FULL OF BROWN AND WHITE PEOPLE LIVING IN PERFECT HARMONY
>I DON'T DARE TO SHOW MY FACE BECAUSE I'M BROWN

Also goddammit the mask was the only cool part of her outfit I'm mad as fuck.

And hoyl shit it was so corny that the king told her it was okay to keep her mask on if she wanted before it even came up.

...

well you know only men are racist.

...

...

...

>the first blonde member of the cast is not actually a bad guy
I'm actually pleasantly surprised.

>character has a major change of heart with no conflict whatsoever
Aaand back to my expectations.

Here's the thing if people want to show everyone live in harmony or portray a setting with no racism or sexism that is great. But don't introduce that element when other pages goes against it or it really does not make sense.

...

Bemis' Polarity wasn't bad.
Hexed was a cool miniseries that lost it's style when it became on ongoing
Suicide Risk wasn't very good, but lasted for 25 issues and had some cool ideas

...

>Fresh Prince
I'm fucking out

Really digging those horse legs.

...

my thoughts exactly.

...

...

...