Monday: Fear-gassed and psychologically tortured by Scarecrow.
Tuesday: Wallet snatched by Catwoman while Batman literally just stands there.
Wednesday: Mind-controlled by Poison Ivy into killing my children to make them into plant fertilizer.
Thursday: Frozen solid by Dr. Freeze. Thawed out in a few hours but now can't feel my leg and left testicle.
Friday: Tied to a chair and pied by Joker for 9 hours. He said just killing me wouldn't be funny.
Rent payment: $50. God I love this city.
>Tied to a chair and pied by Joker for 9 hours
To be fair to Joker, that is pretty funny
>Rent payment: $50. God I love this city.
I know you go to plaves like metropolis or central city and your rent jumps higher than the JL watchtower
I wonder if Coast City has this issue?
At least you mistakenly sign up for Professor Pygs gang because you thought it was a butcher shop I spent 7 fucking months as a genderless lobotomized doll, and now I’m about to get an interview and a novelty gag factory or something
A FUCKING MOUNTAIN JUST APPEARED
At least I can go hiking now, had to take a three hour commute just to find a decent climb
How's the sexual assaults like in Gotham? Do people speak out or does all the crazy just drown out their voices?
You don’t wanna know trust me.
>sexual assault
You mean the rite of passage to becoming a true Gothamite? Of course nobody talks about it. Gotham PD laughs when you come to them with such unoriginal drivel.
But bro I'm scared how does a random mount just appear. I know we see crazy shit in this city but wtf
>sexual assault in Gotham
That's just Bueno and his wife, Guts.
Either adapt to living in the goddamned Cauldron, or stop drinking at Noonan's.
I don’t know maybe you should ask all the Batman guys out there they seem to know what’s going on, on the good side my landlords dead and I only got half of my spine shattered this week
Relax. The worse that can happen is Gotham is going to be mostly destroyed but somehow rebuilt again the next issue...er...day.
thats rough man I wanna speak to the one who has fucking dragons circling him he seems nice
What I wanna know is where the fuck is everybody ever since that mountain and those evil Batmen appeared.
I lost my home because of that damned thing and I assume Batman is dead or he's gone evil again.
Where are the rogues ? They usually do something when Gotham goes to shit and rule the city.
but think of our fellow gothamites how many families are going to be broken while Bruce Wayne stays quiet and fucks that hooker Selina Kyle.
Yeah it’s not like Gotham will ever be actually destroyed or something
>Meanwhile in the future
there playing with trading (tarot) cards the crazy cenobite batman gave out
yeah thats crazy Gotham will always stand
Yeah this stuffs even worse that the time that alien god hijacked my free will with math or something actually felt kinda good to be honest but I’m surprised anyone still lives here
Joker's been gone for a couple years but he'll come back.
Catwoman's missing again but I think she's in the Middle East or something.
Riddler, Freeze, Ivy and Bane joined up with the evil Batmen but Riddler's probably homeless again because I remember seeing him wandering around the streets with juggalo paint on his face mumbling about the letter N, so I assume he was kicked out. Freeze apparently tried to become Kratos and he made some giant snow monsters (I thought he was gonna cure his wife with that power but guess not). Bane's re-enacting fight club with the other villains and Ivy is just doing her thing.
Cobblepot was my boss and last I saw him he was at Bane's turf, roided up apparently. I haven't tried to contact him but he's gonna be pretty pissed that the Iceberg Lounge was smashed (and I forgot to feed his penguins).
Also I saw Kite-Man's kite smashed into a building with the words "Hell Yeah" spray painted on it so maybe he's gone crazy.
I'm not sure if I picked the best or worst year to do my gothphaze but I can't wait to tell the frat guys back in star city about it when I get back
>Barbatos was The Dragon In The Mirror
>literally has Joker dragons surrounding him
Pottery
Anyone else here go crazy after seeing there reflection my roomate when batshit and tried to shank me after I told him that he had food on his face and he went to check it out in the bathroom, luckily rents cheap as fuck here so finding a replacement wasn’t hard
>when I get back
Cute, user. Cute.
So can someone tell me who this crazy motherfucker is?
Who the fuck knows anymore? There's Red Batman, Batman with guns, Nice Ass Batman. Who can keep up.
His name's Mort
He's an ok guy
The Batman who chuckles a lot I guess
He's the Batman who rofls I think.
I guess Batman and Joker finally decided to embrace their gayness and just fused into one creature
the best kind of pottery
>now I’m about to get an interview and a novelty gag factory or something
Those seem to be the only places that are hiring, I hear they have a high turnover rate.
>Batman
Open your EYES, people. "Batman" is just a code name for all the military-industrial complex's urban warfare tests in our city. The government + military + Wayne Enterprises + GCPD = city full of lab rats... US!
It's amazing how everyone in Gotham isn't completely desensitized to everything yet. In a few years they'll be casually strolling around while burning skyscrapers fall around them. "Meh, I didn't think it would rain again today."
Fuck off you conspiracy nut that like saying the government actually has uses a squad of super villains it’s just paranoid stupidity Batman’s real how crazy is a man dressed like bat helping people anyways
>helping people
Countless die each year during his "crusade" against crime, which is really just the Deep State testing weapons. Why do you think villains ALWAYS escape from Arkham? It's because they're government mercs/genetically modified super soldier tests funded through LexCorp and Wayne Enterprises' shell companies.
After this i think im gonna move to Europe or Canada. Nothing ever happens there.
I like Gotham guys but the fucking Condiment King drowned my best friend in ketchup flavored mayo
Fuck you LexCorp and Wayne Enterprises are solid clean business and you’re a nut if you think someone like Lex Luthor has anything to hide
LexCorp is maybe clean (Lex is definitely a man of the people, I'm not sure if he is able to stop what's going on though), but you can't tell me that Bruce "Adopt another boy? Joy of joys!" Wayne isn't involved in some pedo illumanti shit.
God damn it Bruce isn’t a pedo he clearly just wants to help people who went lost their family like he did, you know orphans?
>he clearly just wants to help people who went lost their family like he did
His parents were gunned down because they resisted the Deep State's games, probably by some covert government metahuman squad. But keep on shilling for Wayne, even though he's been on their side ever since that night's cover up.
Jesus your more paranoid than The fucking question for god sake you make those Bruce Wayne is Batman believers look sane
They're cool guys. They paid in fire when they used my toll booth. I mean, holy shit, FREE FIRE!
>up at 3 A.M.
>hear a thunderous rattling crash
>apartment shakes
>oh shit a bomb
>run outside
>nope
>the fucking batmobile just drove across the roof
>still leaks when it rains
Ghosts! Too many fucking Ghosts!
Also, I'm not going to live in a city which was destroyed once before.
Mort, l-listen we gotta *burp* listen Mort, w-w-we gotta kill the *buuuuurp* Batman.
Ask that to Joker
We're fucked aren't we?
STARRO LIVES FAGGOTS
So how long till the Justice League show up?