Spider-man (1967) Birth of the Microman

It's time for another episode of Spider-man. Tonight's episode... contains a prison break and shrinkage.

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Previous episodes
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And continuing our vote til I run out of episodes

Do I keep going?

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And if I do continue, what do I continue with?
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Let's get this show on the road.

We begin today's sordid episode at a supermax security prison where the diabolical Dr. -

For fuck's sake who left the prison front door open again?

EUGHHHH If I had known astroturf weighed so much I'd have spraypainted a plank of wood

And the yard is a mess!

Finally after a brutal six month stay I'm free. Now what? Oh wow did I not plan to make it this far and not plan ahead. Lesson learned kids, never underestimate yourselves when you're escaping prison. If there's a time to believe in yourself it's then.

REEEEEEEEEEEEE

PRISONER ESCAPE PRISONER WHAT? I CAN'T HEAR YOU THE KLAXON IS KLAXING

I'll spot that creep and make him perform a song and dance if it's the last thing I do.

>THE KLAXON IS KLAXING
had a sensible chuckle there, m8

What does the show have against green people?

What am I hanging around here for? They're bound to send the identical sibling brigade any moment

We ride together we share the same body type together

"So I think he probably tunneled his way out through this tunnel here and used his stay to make spoons and other tools instead of using his time to make shivs, smuggling drugs and making toilet booze like the other convicts. "

"Hey how come you guys all get guns and I don't? That's horseshit. I deserve better"

"No you don't."

Hey Warden? Hey it's me, Bryan. Bryan who? The one who brought homemade cookies and sent half a C Block home with food poisoning. Yeah, that Bryan. Anyways I was wondering if you could possibly turn the lights down in there? We can't see a thing. Yeah, Frank's here too. No, he's not talking to anyone. He can't figure out how to work the spotlight properly and we're not on speaking terms at the moment. No, we haven't see the escapee.

I asked for an update not your life story.

Can I just say that this is always a highlight of my week

"So Mr. Warden who escaped"

"Pretorious"

Professor Pretorious?!

Yes, the most vicious scientific mind incarcerated

Professor Pretorious?

Professor Pretorious

"If he's not recaptured immediately I shudder to think of what consqeuences may befall the tri-state area."

"Don't worry Warden, we'll hunt him down!

>Guard Captain will remember that

If only we hadn't let him complete his Doctorate in prison! Now he's smarter than all of us!

Alright boys the overseer hounds are barking the orders for us to release the hounds

Dogs are great at tracking down escaped convicts, but getting em' to come back is hard. Time to call in the dog-catcher.

Thank you based storytimer

Oh shit, dogs.

>When your show reaches season 2 and all the villains inexplicably get green skin

Wait, what am I afraid of dogs for? All I have to do is outrun and outwit them and they're so stupid they'll eat their own poop.

green goblin's been foolin' around, what can I say?

Going out of town was a great weekend excursion! Dinner at Happy Burger, drinks at Heaven's Night, some bowling at Pete's Bowl-O-Rama, not to mention all the fun I had at Lakeside Amusement Park. I almost didn't want to come back home!

Can't see a whole lot tonight but Peter Parker always drives by the rules What's that there standing in the middle of the road?

HEY YOU'RE GOING TO GET YOURSELF KILLED

Whew

What the hell do you think you're doing standing in the middle of the road like that? Why if I wasn't in such a good mood I'd bust both your knees with my The Club 1000 Original Club Steering Wheel Lock™ I bought for a low, low price and make you crawl your way back to town. But I'm a nice guy so I won't.

"Hey I need a ride"

"Well you must want it really bad... ok hop in, mysterious stranger!"

>get some writing done
>go see some casual acquaintances off at a karaoke room
>finally get to watch the last of Retsupurae's riff on Jack Orlando
>see this thread
Sometimes, life is good.

"My name's Peter Parker. Say, what were you doing out there."

"Oh nothing much, just running from some "friends" who'd want nothing more than to lock me up. You know, life's a prison."

"Haha! Sing it Sister! I know exactly what you mean!"

"REALLY?"

Warden, we've recaptured the dogs and they tell us Dr. Pretorious's scent ends on a road where he was picked up by a nervous young male accomplice in a purple car.

Dogs are amazing creatures, overcoming their colorblindness disability by compensating with their keen sense of smell. Someone should write a book about that and I will not read that book and wait for the movie.

Governor, this is the Warden. Pretorious has escaped to the city but we promise this time we'll recapture him for sure.

You damn well better I don't change out of this bitchin' cool bathrobe without a good reason.

You BETTER get him this time. Have you forgotten the grudge that man holds for all of civilized society?

>use dogs to catch criminals
>use dog catchers to catch the dogs that catch the criminals
who catches the dog catchers, then?

Have you forgotten the vow of vengeance he swore on us all the day we locked him up? Have you gotten the manifesto he signed with his own blood before passing out? HAVE YOU?

*Gasp* The Kingdom Come machine!

You can let me off here. Thanks for the ride, kid, Thank you very much. Hey, do me a favor and don't tell anyone you saw me and you might want to stay out of town or make sure your life insurance policy is current.

Thanks for the advice. I hope your friends you were talking about learn to respect your boundaries and don't catch up with you.

Mwahahaha. Don't worry. They'll never find me.

There goes one mysterious man. I wonder why he wouldn't give me his name?

Now that I'm alone I can finally listen to my favorite 24/7 freeform jazz radio channel in peace.

The IRS.

WE INTERRUPT YOUR FREEFORM JAZZ TO GIVE YOU A SPECIAL BULLETIN. A DANGEROUS, MYSTERIOUS MAN KNOWN TO THE WORLD AS PROFESSOR PRETORIOUS HAS ESCAPED A MAXIMUM SECURITY PRISON TONIGHT AND IS THOUGHT TO BE TRAVELING WITH A GULLIBLE MALE ACCOMPLICE. BE ON THE LOOKOUT

youtu.be/Tk4yyqXi8Xc?t=9s

The nerve of people helping out escaped convicts. Is there no decency left in the world?

The accomplice is thought be driving some purple jallopy

Bad boys bad boys whatcha gonna do when they come for you

I'm driving a purple jalopy!
That approaching catchy theme music !
That accomplice! It's me!

How did I miss all the subtle clues?! I need to undo all that I've done!

It's a lot easier when I don't have to find parking before changing outfits.

They're really putting on the pressure to track me down I'll have to accelerate the time table for my plans.

First I open up the emergency shelf. Good it's just as I left it.

I have an idea

Then I grab the cat and enter the closet

Is it a butt plug?

Then I put cat in the closet

How many mad scientists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

One!

Mwahahaha!

Pewpew

The cops will never find me now! Not in a million years!

Alright Professor your time is up! When you're back in prison you can write a thesis about the best way the break rocks through hard labor

That crooked picture too small for the picture frame, that incredibly short but too big to be practical coffee table. That green wall that clashes with the concrete. Clearly as criminal mind lives here, no sane man would decorate a room like this.

And my spidey sense tells me there's some dangerous behind this door.

POLICE! MOVE AND YOU'RE DEAD.

Chillax bro. The man you're after is behind that door. Just doing my part to help the boys in blue!

See? The dogs have my back. What you're after is through that door in that locked room.

Fuckers lock me in here with no litter box some nigga's gonna die tonight.

Alright Professor I'm squeezing my head through don't make this any harder than it has to be

BACK OFFA ME, PIGS. BLUE LIVES DON'T MATTER ONLY GOOD COP IS A DEAD COP. CALLIN' 187 ON A MOTHAFUCKIN COP

YOU TRY AND PET ME YOU'RE GETTING A MURDER DEATH KILL OF YOUR WHOLE FAMILY TREE

!!!

Tha' pussy be STONE COLD, yo.

"Spider-man, what you made you think we burst in here looking for a cat? We'd be in serious trouble if one us had an allergy. "

"No! He was in there! I'm sure of it!!

"Who? Dr. Doolittle?"

"NO! Professor Pretorious!"

You have to believe me!

We have to believe you huh? Why would we trust you just because you say we should? Who told you that the professor escaped? Ran here, ran into that closet and then vanished into thin air? What did he use? Rainbow pixie magic dust?

Oh come on it's on all the news programs and radio. Lots of people know about the escape by now.

Let's all calm down and talk this through like grown adults.

Did you really see the Professor run in there or are you a poopy pants attention whore desperate for attention?

"Why are you guys grilling me?! I literally just got here! I swear that he ran in that room!"

"It's not polite to swear! Now talk!"

"He had to have ran in there!"

"Then you must need glasses because there's no one in there!"

I'm going downstairs and see if the dogs can pick up a scent. We've wasted enough time talking to this "hero" already.

Spider-man, I know you're trying to help but this is important. That Professor is a madman, a genius capable of anything and we know he has a Kingdom Come machine and if we don't find him soon this town may be blown to... somewhere.

Warden, let's go.

By the way Spider-man I am very. very. Disappointed in you right now. Just wanted to make that clear.

>*SLAM*

Leave me with a locked room puzzle motherfucker I have you know I 100% all the Layton games and watched all 800+ episodes of Detective Conan

Alright so he ran in here and closed the door and in the room was a cat. Why would you bring a cat in here knowing you were chased by the police? Of course! Cats and dogs are mortal enemies and he brought a cat here knowing there would be police dogs! That's it!

As for the rest...

That gives me an idea

Whoa

Suddenly I feel very inadequate and have a strong urge to buy a red sports car, expensive clothes and an arcade cabinet

STEP BACK
STEP BACK

Y'ALL DON'T KNOW ME LIKE DAT
MUFUGGA B

I know when I'm not wanted.

I WASN'T DONE, BITCH.

YOU'S A BUSTA
GON' DROP YOU LIKE A HO ON A POLE, NIGGA WHAT

MRAW N SHEEEIT