Be henchman for Riddler

>be henchman for Riddler
>abseiling down the side of the Gotham Cathedral in the middle of winter to paint a giant question mark
>poor ol' Mickey was doing the same thing at the library last week when his harness snapped and he fell four stories
>broke both of his legs, his hip, his collarbone, his wrist and shattered three vertebrae
>boss gave him four months off with pay plus extra to cover the medical bills
>mooks in this city always talking about who's the best boss to work for
>working for Two-Face, you got a 50-50 chance of dying every day you show up for work
>ain't enough thermal underwear in the world to work for Freeze
>plants mean more than you if you work for Ivy
>gotta work with a buncha junkies if you go anywhere near Bane's line of work
>and Joker? Fuhgeddaboutit
>people always givin' Riddler a hard time, saying what a narcissist he is and how he sends us all around the city doing stupid little jobs just so the Bat can track him down
>one night Joey was workin' late, stopped off to say goodnight to the boss before going home to the wife and kid
>said he was tossin and turnin' in his sleep and moanin' about how he'd never be happy until he proved he was smarter than the Bat
>at first all us guys couldn't believe it on account of the boss always being so on the ball y'know?
>but then we realized he wasn't doing this for kicks or to get rich or even just for the credit of beating the Bat
>he was doing it because it was what he had to do, what he needed to do and that he'd never get a good night's sleep without it
>go and see him in his office at the end of the day
>what time do you want me in tomorrow boss?

He's fine, but I prefer working for the Penguin. As long as you don't piss him off, he treats you like a friggin gentleman. The guy even gave me a Christmas bonus. A Christmas bonus!

There was that one time I almost got killed because I said "short on cash", but he only overheard "short". I had to plead and make my case for about an hour before he forgave me. He cut a piece of my ear off so the others wouldn't think he'd gone soft, but I was just glad to be alive, ya know?

I tell you, Mr. Cobblepot is the only guy in Gotham I'd follow to hell and back. He earned the power he has through hard work and against odds that were always against him. That man has the respect of every hechman that ever worked for him. Except the guys that pissed him off. They're too dead to do anything.

I had some good time with Scarface. Simple bank jobs and racketeering and he always paid on time.

Also, don't work for Black Mask, he's a complete bastard.

I prefer to freelance, have you guys used the new henchmen app on your phones? Technology really is amazing

that scene in 'the batman' where the vets of his crew is showing the new guy he's legit by talking to him while the ventriloquist is drinking a glass of water.

Which villain in the Gotham/Metropolis general area is most like this? There has to be at least one, right?

And I hope he's hiring.

There are none. Freeze is unpredictable as fuck, he goes from goddamn santa claus to coldest motherfucker you have ever met. And all "penguin is gud boss" posters are paid shills. Closest thing you can get would be Hugo Strange but the doc isn't hiring anymore.

t: Guy who henched for scarecrow for half a year some tiem ago. He isn't worth either, fucker is constantly butthurt about millenials and stuff.

That episode when henchmen abused ventriloquist to bring back scarface so they could rob again was goat

Sauce?

How bad is working for Blackmask compared to other villains?

Man, sometimes I wish I would hench for someone who doesn’t build a “super” villains bases. And kind of a dangerous in its own way. But it’s kinda hard to find a good job for an IT guy in this town.
A word of advice for fellow henches: if you need a getaway in a new lair, consider punching a walls. Some of them are plywood, even if it doesn’t look like it.

It's like you want the Bat to pick you up

>still henching for the man who cut off a piece of your ear

Dude, those waynetech apps are teh shit!
I spend hours playing that "spot the supervillian" game they put out where you get points for marking your map app with spots you've seen a henchmen or costumed villain.

Bad boss. Very fucking bad boss. Guy's got a hairtrigger temper and most of the time one of the Bats isn't near enough to be the target. At least with most of the unstable types you know their triggers and avoid the fuck out of (for example) eating veggies near Ivy or making short jokes near Penguin. With Black Mask it could be any damn thing. I saw him beat a man into a wheelchair once because the guy accidentally added three cubes of ice to his drink instead of two.

yknow, i heard that Bruce Wayne cat is real charity case.

I heard from a guy that used to hench for some mob guy, that he told the guy his sob story and Wayne actually gave the guy a job!

this mook's now doin' a security gig at the entrance to Wayne tower!

I dunno, I think that rich tycoon playboy crapola's all an act so people don't think he's soft or nuthin' and that he's just like every otha rich trust fund kid out there.

I can undastand that.

Must be nice to mook for Wayne.

So, any a you fellas on the up and up got the skinny on big time rackets bout to be pulled off arounds here? Maybe some a them secret criminal lair entrance passwords sos I can, er, assist you fellas?

Well, sure, the Riddler's got a reputation for being nicer and more reasonable that the other Gotham nutcases. He doesn't get his hands dirty. However, you should always keep in mind that his right and left hand goons are a part of violence-junkie psycho lesbians who are easily as unstable as the likes of Two-Face.

Eddie won't mistreat you, but most of the time you'll be answering to Query and Echo.

First Riddler, best Riddler.

yo, anyone ever worked for this matches guy? he carries himself like a big time crime boss, but half the time he's slumming it looking to mook for someone else.

i hear he never even shows up

Don't tell anyone I said this, but there's a fella goes by Matches Malone. Seems like a big coward, every time the bat starts cleaning up he's nowhere to be seen.

t. Batman
Nice try vigialante scum, everyone knows Matches is 100% legit.

Am I the only one who saw this ice ninja in Gotham. What the hell is going on anymore

You're not crazy, I could have sworn I saw a thunder guy when that big shot politician was in town.

>working a job where you stand around and sometimes shoot a gun
>not working for a guy that lets you excercise and FLY and make money at the same time
>not working for Killer Moth

Three words
>giant
>monster
>tortoises