How the fuck are they going to make a Black Widow film interesting?

How the fuck are they going to make a Black Widow film interesting?

Do you only watch capeshit movies?

She gets an abortion.

This will be the first MCU flop

show bobs and vabgeeno

She dies in the first 10 minutes and it's suddenly about a female clone of Peter Parker

>Implying her movie ever gets off the ground

Whereas TWS played things mostly low-key in regards to spy action-thrillers, Black Widow could distinguish itself by going full gonzo and drawing heavily from not only Marvel's rich history but also the over-the-top 60s spy fiction, cyberpunk, and 80s/90s conspiracy zeitgeist. In this case Black Widow would serve as the straight man, her droll nature contrasting to the implausible world around her. More realistically, .

It will be about the second Widow

no one not even SJWs will watch the movie if it ever gets made in the first place

By doing the same thing they did to make a Thor movie interesting: Add another, popular avenger character into the mix and make it a buddy film.

well they already rejected a shit tier script that subsequently got turned into a Jennifer Lawrence vehicle, so I imagine a lot of quality control is actually going into this project.

Hulk stops by and BUTTFUCKS her in the PUSSY

The same way they did for Thor: Pair her with some other character. Black Widow herself can't become a comedic character as easily as Thor did, but pair her with Scarlet Witch and Hawkeye, and maybe introduce Kate Bishop as the new Hawkeye. Let her play the straight man role most of the time while showing the mild teasing that worked well in the Cap movies.

Make James Bond. But it's a girl. There. Instant success.

Force scarlett to get her double Ds back

Unironically just these two things. Lots of standard Whedon quips and Whedon "girl fights shit." Comedy and fight scenes. Will do well at the box office and be nothing new.

25 minute gangrape scene

By having her dominate and fuck Wanda and Carol.

Atomic Blonde?

I don't think that had le wacky Whedon style quips all action or capeshit movies need to make money. This needs lots and lots of le wacky comedy quips. Maybe le wacky meme black girl Q could appear with more funny wacky shoe comments and kuh-razy spy tech.

This
And this. But sadly they aren't going to stick their necks out far enough to go all in with the first thing, and the second will come off so obvious as to be seen as derivative and forced.

...

>Black Widow vs. Lucy
I'd fap to it.

How the fuck are they gonna make ScarJo a believable action star again when she looks like my grandma now?

Atomic Blonde was Bourne Identity mixed with John Wick.

No matter what, expect nonstop bitching and moaning about the inevitable quip response to her not being a "real" Avenger compared to Cap, Thor, Iron Man and Hulk. That meta joke is practically unavoidable.

If audiences are being sold that Stallone is still an action star despite looking like a greasy leather belt these days then they can sell a woman in her mid-30s.

Honestly I don't understand why everyone acts like ScarJo is some hideous she-beast. She looks perfectly fine to me. Is everyone expecting her to look the same as she did when she was 17?

She's infertile though

So is the movie.

Honestly I'd say it's closer to kingsman than John Wick.

That's good because John wick is shit

Except Kingsman is not hot garbage.

It's too rooted in reality for Kingsman and the director was the producer and co-director of John Wick.

Step 1 is don't give in to the urge to make this a female empowerment story first and a superhero story second. The more they focus on overt pandering and #TimesUp over making a solid, fun action drama that can stand on its own without the political bullshit, the further this movie will tank. Mark my words. That is the biggest mistake they can make. Make a movie about a spy assassin in a superhero world, not a movie about a woman in a man's world.

Let the Russos direct it. Their films are the only times she is interesting.

BLACKED Widow

Send her to the Klyn.

They should make a war machine movie instead

she searches for answers involving banners missing blood and fights the leader and eventually runs into she-hulk and its actually a spring board for a she-hulk character to come into the MCU cause universal is a hold out.

she fights the serpent society with the help of hawkeye, coulson and taskmaster (a SHIELD agent before he turns evil)
how's that sound? we can cram US Agent somewhere.

i think people are just fond of hyperbole. she looks perfectly fine -- still very attractive from the few recent shots of her i've seen.

Not a chance. It'll be a female director for that sjw cred.

Its a prequel movie on how she left Russia
Met Clint and joined Shield

They should just scrap the film entirely and once the Fox buyout is complete,have Storm cameo in BP2,then get her own movie a few years later.

>implying that won't sell
user this is the MCU, after Black Panther they can't fail anymore

1) Make whatever standard spy movie you want
2) Swap Black Widow in for the protag once you finish it
3) Sprinkle in one or two expanded universe characters
BONUS) Set up some sort of reveal that's been in the other films "all along" and also don't mention it again after this

Easy money.

>Make a movie about a spy assassin in a superhero world, not a movie about a woman in a man's world.
Those elements can coexist without hamfisted feminism/female victimhood overwhelming the entire narrative, but it's a thin line to walk, these days especially.

These days if a woman in on screen doing anything besides making a sandwich it's seen as hamfisted forced feminist agenda. Remember when it was suddenly a problem when the patriarch of Asgard was called a patriarch? Gosh, I wonder if that has anything to do with that word getting dragged into the SJW zone of no return and when people see it they ignore all meaning and cry about feminists ruining everything.

I feel like if US Agent was introduced into the MCU he'd be way toned down from his comics self and this I cannot abide.

She's still a very attractive woman obviously but Marvel did her so dirty with her hair in IW. The shade of blonde isn't flattering at all.

And this is why they will absolutely fall into that trap, and then blame the MCU's first real bomb on the Black Widow character not being a good draw and/or a strong enough basis on its own for a feature film, muttering some tripe about BW not measuring up to a larger than life character like Wonder Woman that fills the screen better and generates more hype. But the real reason will be because they fucked up the execution in favor of trying to tap into a movement (again).

> thinking there's even a slight chance Marvel could make a movie people didn't all go see as soon as they could.
user, you're aware of the fact that people like Black Widow, right?

He's often used a strawman in the comics though.

I agree, but lets not pretend there's a wrong way to approach a film like this especially as an MCU vehicle. If they make this foremost a spy movie in a cape setting it will still get that feminist cred without the schlocky politics gumming up the works.

lets not pretend there's not a wrong way, I mean.

That's what I mean; I have a horrible feeling they wouldn't want to make an actual hero an overt Republican Asshole to the level Walker is

I mean there is worse ways for sure, but if Black Widow punches anyone once it'll be seen as female empowerment and paned by a load of people. It just happens these days.

R-rated, with a lot of matrix shootings, and the promise of full scarjo nudity.

>R-rated
This alone would go a long way toward making it stand out from the pack. But unlike most here I don't think it needs to be grim and clinical the whole run.

just have her doing the shit that the others won't, black ops and assassinations and the like, what's the point of having a character that doesn't use any of her unique skills when part of a group?

desu so far all she's been is a shitty romance option for the hulk and dialogue filler, give her a decent script ffs and we'll see if she's any good.

So basically Red Sparrow

>These days if a woman in on screen doing anything besides making a sandwich it's seen as hamfisted forced feminist agenda.
It's kinda goofy, I didn't think much of when I watched The Thin Man (1934), The Avengers TV Show (1961), or Murder She Wrote (1984). I mean women being detectives and spies and shit. It didn't seem like soapboxing. I mean is Ballad of Mulan from 500 A.D. something in China SJW? I guess so.

I fully agree, its just the extreme pushback against 3rd wave feminism almost is worse than the feminism.

Well he was a bad guy at first. What if they set him up to be an antihero and turned everything about him up to 11 instead, especially the military/America fetish? The strict but well meaning asshole dad to Steve's Leave it to Beaver warm apple pie dad. I could almost see him being a right wing version of what they did well with Killmonger, but with a much more redeemable spin as his conviction and loyalty are more genuine.

Third-wave feminism has been dead since the late 90s.

Have someone else play black widow

I just started watching Profiler (the 90s police procedural) and I kind of like it for that exact reason.
The protagonist being female who occasionally fights off serial killers doesn't seem like something GIRL POWER-ish, it's just something that feels done organically.

(You)

There are certainly those that will cry foul no matter what, but that sense of a female lead feeling organic can still be done and accepted even today. And GIRL POWER doesn't even have to be a bad thing; Aliens and T2 did it right, but I have my doubts that the MCU could pull that off well so I'm hoping for the former.

How do they make action spy movies interesting? Apply those qualities to this movie, add superhero stuff and profit.

The first R-Rated movie of the MCU

all female Marvel will be Captain Marvel 2, Black Widow not gonna happen

Make it Metal Gear the movie but replace Snake with Black Widow.

>coulson
Fuck that. That would mean that AoS might potentially be canon.

I'll be pleasantly surprised if they don't make her an action mom somehow despite her condition, or in spite of it even.

but who was Liquid

no wait

who was Big Boss

They have two choices.

Like other anons have said, they can make a spy movie with superheroes. Think Mission Impossible with some character cameos.

Or they can go with a heavy female route, and have her form a team of female heroes. As long as they don’t mention any SJW politics in the movie they will make everyone happy. The SJW masses can sing its praises while it doesn’t actively antagonize anyone else.

This is a really old photo of Scarlett. She has not aged well.

Go full GRRRRL POWA

Even if I enjoy sociopathic characters, I do enjoy it when is on-character.

Why is she breaking that guy's back

In a world of perfect justice we'd get as many shots of ScarJo's butt in the suit as we do shirtless/muscle glory scenes of the male heroes

But this isn't a perfect world.

>Whereas TWS played things mostly low-key in regards to spy action-thrillers

Is this a joke? The whole plot is about targeted genocide to establish a new world order with giant flying helicarriers, there's a scene with an AI made from the brain patterns of a nazi scientist who has masterminded everything and multiple scenes in which the hero survives massive falls and does acrobatics over a helicopter.

He's a man and he was a rapist.

And this?

I don't think anyone is claiming she's unattractive, moreso that she's a lot lot less attractive than she was only 6 years ago.

I feel like if Coulson ever shows up in an MCU movie again, it'd probably end up making AoS non-canon due to some continuity clash.

the story could probably involve some tesseract/infinity stone/gauntlet artifact as the gist, then she will be fighting skrull aliens going under human disguise and infiltrating into earth's security

then they could also expand into her personal life, and put more drama into it

more like a prelude for Secret Wars I'm thinking

I’ve seen plenty of 2/10 would not bang posts, user.

can they make her a nudist

>anybody dominating Carol

Man, I want Diamondback

Lesbian sex scenes

*cough cough*
Hulk movie

Well the woman behind you thought it was a good idea you dyke

hold on to your hat because this is a mind blowing idea

they're going to make it an action comedy

>How the fuck are they going to make a Black Widow film interesting
deepfake her face onto a competent actress with big tits

SO the 4th MCU flop

>Make a movie about a spy assassin in a superhero world, not a movie about a woman in a man's world.

They already did a movie like that.

She is impregnated by Dr Banner and gives birth to a little green hulk baby. Film will be about her trying to raise it and teach it, when all it wants to do is "BABY HULK SMASH!"