Be humble blacksmith

>Be humble blacksmith
>Witcher comes up to me
>"How about we play some Gwent?"
>Nod without thinking
>Win
>Nice, 50 crowns, can use this to feed my family
>"How about we play some Gwent?"
>Don't really want to but for some reason I nod again
>He wins
>He forces me to give him my best card, my rarest card.
>doesn't even buy a sword or ask for repairs
>never see the witcher again

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>be humble blacksmith
>Witcher comes up to me
>"Let me take a look at your wares."
>Show him my stuff, end up buying up all of the Witcher's trash swords and armor until I have 0 crowns.
>"How about we play some Gwent?"
>Nod without thinking
>Lose
>Give Witcher 50 crowns out of my separate crowns-for-Gwent-only stash.

>he can't understand the simple concept of the merchants setting aside a certain amount of gold to purchase items at a discounted price
>he thinks merchants buy themselves into bankruptcy

>Be humble blacksmith
>Witcher comes up to me
>"Let me take a look at your wares"
>Witcher somehow manages to sell me runestones I don't even know how to use
>"Fancy a round of Gwent?"
>Nod without thinking
>Lose
>Give the Witcher all my money and my best card
>Witcher wants to play again
>Beats me twice
>Give Witcher 50 crowns and my best building materials
>"So long"
>Witcher hops on a mare and compenetrates the ground, then looks at a sign post and disappears, never to return
>Mfw my wife won't believe my story

>be humble blacksmith
>Witcher comes up to me
>"How about a game of Gwent?"
>Say nothing, but stare deep into his soul

Poker dice was better.

>Be humble armourer
>witcher comes up to me
>"top notch swords"
>play it off with confidence

...

> Go to bank to withdraw some money
> Have to wait for bank teller break
> End up playing GOD Tier Gwent with another customer

Redeemed that quest for me.

What card game would Geralt play in our world?

TOP

TSUN

Cards yahtzee

That gwent tournament was harder than any monster fight in the game.

It literally was not.

Pokemon TCG

It was easy. Hardest part was the peacock trying to beat your ass

Oh shut the fuck up.

That Northern Realms deck was rough because it was essentially a copy of my own. The only way I could be him was by starting with more spies/decoys.

The skellige deck is more reliant on RNG than any other deck.

How do you play an elven deck?

You don't. If there weren't such an abundance of indestructible hero cards it might be viable because of its versatility, but as it stands opponents don't give 2 shits about your weather cards.

you have to commit to losing one round so you can have a huge turn 3

What happend to that gwent browser game?

This quest made me go from liking the skellige deck to absolutely hating it. You really are fucked if you don't get a good hand. Even with a well built deck the chances are not in your favor, as opposed to decks such as nilfgaard or northern realms where even a bad hand can still win you the game in many games. Overall it is a fun deck to use at times, but for that quest it was just an absolute pain.

...

>TFW I was molested in the school bathroom
>TFW I was home schooled

>you want me to craft you a master armor ?
ok bring me the recipe, every component
and only 5000 gold coins !

blacksmith are greedy kikes

Pazaak

don't forget that jew
fucking sandniggers

Magic

hmm, now that i think of it, maybe it was a hidden joke

That quest is genius. It's basically a parody of how shit works everyday in second world countries with a lot of beurocracy. Made me smile.

relooking that vinyard was cheaper than an armor

what were they thinking ...

THE GUY ON THE LEFT IS LITERALLY FAT JON SNOW
LOOK AT HIM
LOOK HIM IN THE EYE
IT'S FUCKING FAT JON SNOW

I actually enjoyed it. The only frustrating part was Nilfgaard deck. The problem is that Nilfgaard and Northern Kingdoms are just so much better than other factions. Spies are OP and the more spies you have the easier it is to get Avallac'h, which is the most OP card in the game. Not to mention they don't have that retarded muster ability that can help you out a bit or totally fuck you up.

it's an asterix scene

youtube.com/watch?v=JtEkUmYecnk

I didn't touch Gwent at all when I first played the game last year. I'm getting back into it to play the expansions, will I still be able to get going on Gwent or will I have to start playing people in White Orchard?

It's supposed to be a legendary upgrade to an already legendary armour and basically gives you superpowers. It should be expensive.

>Be humble immigrant
>Witcher comes up to me
>Sees thousands of dollars worth of merchandise
>Give him a shitty sob story
>He gives me thousands on top of thousands
>Don't spend a penny on anything useful
>A useless enchant? Well, that's going to cost you labor plus materials

It's my everyday routine to be honest.

>Witcher makes me buy all his trash.
>I now have no money.
>He walks away and sits down about five feet from me and stares for exactly twelve hours.
>I buy more of his trash.
>Scared but also too afraid to say anything about it.

Gwent is basically Condottiere, but without the land conquering.

I'm glad other people noticed it. Not really sure how many people have seen Asterix here.

did the US get asterix ? it's fucking weird

Fucking Oferi Jews.

Word must have gotten around the Geralt is a real sucker because it seems like everyone needs thousands in cash and their entire lives sorted out before they can even begin to start extorting cash out of me for items Even the shoe shine boy wants a small fortune and thats after I lost a fight for him to some level ??? bums who for some reason knocked my ass out in 1 hit meanwhile Im slaying vampires and shit no worries.

>Be a bartender
>Witcher tries selling me broken rakes and other garbage
>He meditates for a week in my bar
>I still have the same 100 crowns as when he started meditating
>They never learn

I fucking hate Pazaak. It was similar to Gwent too in that it was all about getting good cards but I swear to fucking god I could never git gud at fucking Pazaak.

On the other hand, my roomate and I are both playing the Witcher a lot recently and he has never one a single round of Gwent. I started a new game +, immediately start destroying everyone. He can't manage to win a single fucking game against some dirt-covered merchant in White Orchard.

I personally prefer using Scoia'tael, but spies are pretty OP, true.

the guy literally beg you to risk your life so he can finally craft something worthy and then ask you to pay 30K for a simple upgrade

...

Light armor plus a billion different attack power potions

my bro bought this for me for my birthday because he thought it sounded like gwent. the game is shit because some of the cards are ridiculous, if i remember theres literally just a game over i win card when you play it

>t. retards that dont know how to deck build.

I bet you scum spent the rest of the game playing as Northern Realms.

How can you suck at Pazaak? It was basically Space Blackjack.

im not sure what happened, i lost, then guards showed up and it was fine. I covered for them but they copped the dungeon

This better not be an important fight to win because dis shit was like 9 hours ago

>Oy vey Geralt, looks like I am the only guy on the continent who can forge enriched dimerite. That will be six gorillion shekelcrowns plus tip.

Exactly. The house always wins.

First fighting more then one opponent in this game if fucking awful.

>Those long clunky animations
>Those hit boxes

>Not spamming spy cards in 2016
C'mon people!

Well I liked using Skellige just because it didn't let me facefuck everyone. The game would be much better if they either remove the spies or only left the really bad ones. And also either remove that fucking Mysterious elf or romp his power to 10. As I've said before he only makes the North even more powerful.

Problem with Skellige (and monsters/scoiatel) is spies are the best card in the game and you have at most 1 with those decks - if Nilf/NR are lucky they could have a hand of about 14 cards in round 2 whilst you have 7-8

>Not winning the Novigrad tournament as the Scoia'tel

Git gud fgt

>will I still be able to get going on Gwent or will I have to start playing people in White Orchard?
you'll need to start from White Orchard/Velen

Guys in Toussaint etc. have decks that will destroy your starter cards

>Using sub-optimal decks and claiming to git gud.
No son, you gotta git gud and stop wasting time with scorch bait.

They really should've balanced better by having them be a lot stronger. Like per default, it shouldn't be any less than 7 unless it's a hero card.

IIRC most fistfights don't mean shit. But yeah the level bullshit is absurd. A band of robbers from Toussaint would fucking destroy Eredin pretty easily.

I feel like the real issue is that you blow your load in one round then set yourself up to lose in the next two.

>be humble armorer
>locals don't really love me, since I'm a dwarf
>One day comes a witcher, that helped me reaqquire my supplies sometime ago
>Buys ALL my stuff
>[feels good man,jpg]
>He goes away
>Night comes
>Suddenly hear *WHOOSH* sounds all over the place
>out of nowhere a beehive flies into me
>Enraged bees sting me harder than a gallon of Dwarven Spirit
>I die nearly instantly
>But what's this?
>Time fastforwards one hour forward in a mere second!
>I appear perfectly intact in a place of my death
>Bees kill e again
>be stuck in a loop of endless agony for some time
>sudennly everything stops, and witcher comes from behind me
>loots every single of my corpses
>grins
>strolls away
>tfw I'd better buy his junk for all my money and loose 100 gwent games to this fucking milk-haired cocksucker

youtube.com/watch?v=I3OdkARg_H0

I won the tournament with my trusty Skellige deck m8, Ceris is one of the best cards in the game.

Just saying generally, every deck should have had at least 1 unique spy.

I learnt the hard way that the only way to win fistfights is to spam strong attack.
They are blocking 24/7 waiting for their pals to sucker punch you. A kick to the head cannot be blocked.

>Uses broken overpowered decks to play the game on easy mode.
>Tells others to git gut.

The worst kind of skum.

>caring about balance and how other people play a card game in a fucking singleplayer rpg.

autists, all of you

t. lost to white orchard guy

Scoiatel is the worst deck in the game. Whether you go first or not doesn't matter, so their special ability is dog shit. Their gimmick is that a lot of cards can be either ranged or melee, but it doesn't matter because they are all weak as fuck. Then they have tons of healers, but they are all weak as fuck and they don't have any spy cards.

Nilfgaard is still the best for the medics and spy cards, even if NR has better spies.

>card game
>balance

>Whether you go first or not doesn't matter

It's actually always better to go last. Since then it's easier to decide when to pass or use scorch. For some retarded reason the AI always chooses to go first.

>mfw that dwarf in BaW who you play in the final has a Scoiatel deck

Exodia?

>start using the monsters deck
>never lose ever again
Why is it so broken?

nigger, read the post i was replying to.

I was pissed about no Dice Poker too at first, but Gwent is a million times better. Dice Poker was more of a "haha, yeah, here's a little shitty minigame thing" in the same sense that dice thing from Suikoden one. With Gwent, I will play it every single time I run into the "play Gwent" option, it's a superb minigame. And the card collecting aspect is perfect for an RPG. Sort of similar to FF8 in that regard, but still way better.

>Be humble blacksmith
>Witcher comes up to me very slowly
>he just dumps me 20+ low quality maces, swords and axes
>for some reason I feel compelled to spend all my money buying that trash
>no one buys them from me
>my shop is now full of unsellable trash
>Witcher now zips away running fast

The Vampire cards are the single best cards in the game, and Eredin has some really great leader abilities.
Monster deck is really underrated.

Arcomage was better

>The Vampire cards are the single best cards in the game

How so?

>>no one buys them from me

Thugs
They buy them, commit crime, get killed by Geralt, get their weapons sold so the next gen of criminals can have something, repeat.

Tons of points, cant scorch them all at once becasue the Katakan is one point higher then the rest. If you have a commanders horn they fucking win rounds by themselves.

I use Scoa'tael with the leader who gives you an extra card in the beginning. Also, you can use Mysterious Elf in it, so not entirely try about the spies.

I cannot remember the last time I lost with my deck, but at the same time, every game is fun and tense because it is a weaker set.

>Frost
:^)

I breathed a sigh of relief as a tore his face apart.

i have. but i have never liked it.

>Eredin card that lets me use any weather card from my deck.
>Clear Skys

Nothing can ever beat Triple Triad. Gwent is still good though.

>tfw nilfgaard deck

...

>other two rounds
:^)

But they can pretty easily fuck you up by appearing in your hand. Not to mention Avallac'h is just free shit.

>Show him my stuff, end up buying up all of the Witcher's trash swords and armor until I have 0 crowns.
dumbass

It's so safe to play, too. Muster is deadly, and Eredin really does have great effects, you can play any weather card when ever you want if you're concerned. Scorch can cause a scratch at best. It's just a great deck.