Witcher 3 Fans BTFO

archive.is/I6AYb

>And because it's so cool, it pains me to say that Geralt might be the lamest protagonist I've ever controlled. I know. He's got those scars and that white hair, and all of the characters around him are idiots in comparison to him. But every interaction that Geralt has with a woman who isn't screaming "THAT SWAMP BEASTIE STOLE ME HUSBAND AND ME CHEESES" is painful. Geralt eyefucks everything in a dress, and can't go a minute without uttering a sultry "Hmmm" grunt. And for someone who makes a big deal about wanting to get his wife back, all of Geralt's dialogue options fall into the category of "Fuck Now" or "Fuck Later."

>A cool thing in Red Dead Redemption was the fact that badass John Marston, when he wasn't shooting every misdemeanor factory in New Mexico and standing up against those who would eat babies, wanted nothing to do with the requisite prostitutes that Rockstar Games shoves into every project. Grand Theft Auto added countless ways to sleep with and then murder sex workers, because haha, I am 12 and sex is never. But John Marston had a moral code. Other main characters in the game would hit on John, and he'd tell them that while he was flattered, his dick should stay desolate for the time being. That's a cool character trait. Way better than Geralt "I love my wife but I'll send you a dick pic three sentences into the conversation" of Rivia.

>Sure, all the sleeping around kind of bites you in the ass in the end, but Geralt is such a wish-fulfillment character that Witcher III may as well be renamed That Girl In Your Accounting Class Is Secretly Super Into You As Well. When he doesn't bone, he gets just on the cusp of it, and all of the cleavage zoos in Novigrad pout about it. "Well, Geralt, you're missing out." And your only option is to continue with the assumption "God, I'm so cool. Married and all the ladies still want me."

Defend this, wish fulfillment nerds

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I literally can't

JUST

Imagine the horror that faggot felt when he found out his parents fucked, and that's how he was born, he's literally the product of rape!

>And for someone who makes a big deal about wanting to get his wife back
stopped reading there

>But John Marston had a moral code.
I think it's more that he didn't want syphilis

>Why didn't you abort me mom!? Abortion for rape is legal!

Liberals think this

wtf is this shit

>wife, wife, wife
I can't recall Geralt ever being married. Must have missed that DLC

Geralt is only like that in W3. In the books he is not considered pretty by any means, he sleeps around with anything and everything because he himself is a whore. Witcher's are considered freaks in the book lore. Sex is just a soulless pleasure and a form of wish fulfillment. Not of the player, but of the character himself.

...

that's a wise moral code

Oh, it's you again.

Oh hey it's this thread again.

abortion is legal in every civilized country in the world lol

Couldn't this dude just chose the in game option to not sleep with every woman he met?

boards.fireden.net/v/search/filename/good idea bad idea.jpg/type/op/

I mean cmon faggot that shit is just pathetic, Witcher series has far more legitimate Gary Stu issues.

>Superhuman
>Special among super-humans at that
>Everyone allegedly hates Witchers but Geralt is admired, respected and trusted by everyone, and everyone is trying to use him in their ploys
>Impeccable warrior and scholar
>Constant know-it-all attitude and is never just blatantly wrong about shit he has no reason to know anything about, doesn't get called out either

He's among the biggest self-insert wish fulfillment faggots there ever were, but women wanting to have sex with the rugged veteran exotic warrior type definitely isn't one of them.

>Yennefer
>Wife
>WIFE

>Under magical genie spell to always be together with Geralt
>Yea that's TOTALLY different and DOESN'T count at all! It needs to be ministered by a priest in a church or it's NOT MARRIAGE
Cmon faggot, get over yourself.

Speaking of which
>Under magical genie spell
>It does literally nothing for the entirety of two games and gets brought up out of nowhere in the third
>That moment you tell that dumb bitch the magic is gone after breaking it almost makes up for how retarded the whole scenario was.

Never realized at the great bait going on cracked these days can provide. I can see this gif sending /vr/ on a tirade for about a month.

Still not a marriage dumbass that's like saying de facto relationships are marriages when they're not, props for actually going on a Wiki to inform yourself though

You've never actually read the books have you.

>gets brought up out of nowhere in the third
If you're an illiterate, sure.

Also magical genie spells aren't marriages.

>Literally just "IT DOESN'T COUNT, IT'S NOT THE SAAAAAAAMEEEEE"
Also nice try at the end there buddy, but all you did is raise the suspicion that doing something like that is normal to you, marking you as the idiot here.

I am not one to argue whether life starts at conception. However, pregnancy does not start at conception. It takes about 5 days for an egg to implant in the uterus. Usually, 50% of fertilized eggs are lost naturally. There isn't really a way to rescue them, and a woman cannot know if this actually happens. The egg is simply too small to see and she just passes it.

Personhood is another matter. I don't believe a fertilized egg is a person. If it is a person, then it deserves a citizenship, guaranteed healthcare, and a whole bunch of other shit prolifers will never agree to be taxed to support.

You want to save children? Go rescue one from an orphanage or a warzone.

Oh hey its this thread again

>sage
>reported
>mods = fags

Where the fuck do you think you are you incestuous shitbag?

>Call someone illiterate, ignorant to what the term actually means
The irony is staggering, lad.
>Also a binding pact between lovers to be together forever isn't marriage!!
OK faggot.

Dear sweet Lord, is there any thread on this board that isn't constantly reposted by some faggot trying to piss other people off?

Because it's not you illiterate dumbshit
>the legally or formally recognized union of two people as partners in a personal relationship (historically and in some jurisdictions specifically a union between a man and a woman).

>legally
>or formally

>Marriage, also called matrimony or wedlock, is a socially or ritually recognized union between spouses that establishes rights and obligations between them, between them and their children, and between them and their in-laws.
>Socially
>Ritually

Go back to Cracked

>the witcher 3 autist is still so desperate that he refers to fucking cracked articles for arguments

There were some decent Berseria threads if you ignored all the
>Censored!!
>It has DRM REEEEE!!!
Posts.

It's been a pretty dry month in terms of releases so there isn't much to talk about.

>binding pact between lovers
that's the thing, they don't love each other. Geralt loves her, but she's forced to return to his side

An article based on alternative facts as well

Saying Ciri is Geralt's wife is probably one of the most retarded things ever

In my bed pretty comfy. What does that have to do with anything?

Can you just look up the word illiterate already you retarded mongoloid, this is getting tedious.

>Magic pact
>Not a ritual
>It doesn't strictly fit these definitions so it DOESN'T COUNT REEEEEE
I bet when someone tells you to wait a second you literally just wait a second too, don't you?

>Geralt loves her, but she's forced to return to his side

So it IS marriage!

It means Yenn you imbecile, how the fuck are you this dumb?
>He's a witcher fag
Oh, right. My bad.

This isn't Sup Forums Bad novella, this is Sup Forums Video games.

>They don't love each other
Yenn literally can't not love you, as Geralt you get the choice.

There's no exchange of vows or commitments to each other, their relationship is more of an open one if anything given that they fuck people on the side.

Then he should fuck Ciri

I don't understand how people are still so fucking upset over this game.

It wasn't even like it was so terrible. It was a pretty solid game with a really well made world, interesting characters with very unique and grayed motivations, and it served as a nice conclusion to the series.

How are there still people who are so desperate to shit on this game? It came out like two years ago.

ur dumb user

This post.
Best post.

Why the fuck would I? I'm trying to play a video game, not read a book. If I wanted a game where I needed supplemental materials, I'd play FFXV. Quit using "b-but the book" as an excuse for the game's shit narrative.

Did you even play the fucking game? Can you not understand extremely blatantly implicit themes and subjects unless explicitly stated? They literally go through the whole spiel of a married couple getting a divorce and seeing if they still love each other enough to recommit, the themes between them are constantly those of a married couple, the absence of vows does not change their actual interpersonal relationship.

Reminder that Yen is literally canon

Why are you still so desperate to praise this game user? I imagine the reasons are quite similar.

I mean it's been two fucking years, why didn't you just ignore this thread? Right?

>impeccable warrior
laughingvilgefortz.jpg

that's my problem, I haven't read anything past Sword of Destiny

>Games constantly recall events from books for major plot points and characters
>HURF DURF DON'T MAKE ME READ I JUST WANNA PLAY A VIDEO GAME
Okay fine. Play a different video game. This one isn't for you. And that's okay.

It beat Bloodborne and MGS5 for GOTY in 2015, Bloodborne is a PS4 exclusive so rabid sonyfags are mad and MGS is an old franchise so MGSfags are mad.

CDPR openly criticized Skyrim and people hailed Witcher 3 as a "Skyrim killer" so Bethesdafags are mad. Also Witcher 3 reviewed better than Fallout 4 so Bethesdafags are doubly mad.

Witcher 3 defied Saint Anita and included attractive women so feminazis are mad and try to smear the game as misogynistic and women hating like OP's article.

I might be missing something

>Witcher 3 defied Saint Anita and included attractive women so feminazis are mad and try to smear the game as misogynistic and women hating like OP's article.

Ironic since The Witcher games seem to have a sizable female fanbase.

Not that user, but the books, or at least the english translation, are/is utter trash.

You want to read? Go read BOTNS or Black Company.

Only a handful of people can even challenge him, let alone best him, and he fights ancient vampires and magical genies like it's a fucking Saturday at the bowling alley.

hence why Geralt fuck everything that moves

Honestly, I love Witcher 3 but Geralt is pretty much a self insert for Sapkowski.

Don't really care. Welcome to fantasy, and most video games.

Ironically because the games are also filled with male eyecandy

Geralt, Avallach, Olgeird, Dettlaff, Dandellion, Roche are all handsome as fuck

>Novella

You just learn that word in class kiddo?

It's not ironic.

CDPR just knows that people like hot people. It's pretty universal.

It's still reason to call anyone who claims Geralt to be some unbeatable OP mary sue wrong, just like how he has no chance of fighting back when the unseen elder kills him if you ask too many questions

Geralt may be good but he's not at the very top

>cracked

Pretty much, fantasy should always have equal opportunity sexy fanservice for everyone.

>Tfw you think Letho is handsome as fuck but no one else does because they don't see the appeal of him.

It's mostly the hypocrisy that a game that rips off so much of Skyrim has the balls to criticize it's main source of inspiration.
>Massive empty areas
>Random useless loot everywhere
>Everyone is kind of sort of morally grey, the choice is up to you!
>Combat is cookie cutter rubbish
>Token romance and waifus for lonely nerds
>Pointless and uninspired side quests

So yea, seeing people so blatantly ignorantly singing the praises of a game while pretending it's flaws don't exist tends to get them shit on, same reason Atheists shit on Christians.

>Pointless and uninspired side quests
I agree with all but this.

Witcher 3 has the best sidequests of any game of this style. It's a low fucking bar, but it's still a bar.

Would it help you sleep at night if I did? Would me calling you a dingleberry have you think the same thing?
>Actually being so booty blasted that THAT is the response you come up with
Hilarious, carry on lad.

Then it's a shit game

>the english translation, are/is utter trash.
>parroting a /lit/ meme
Yeah okay dude. Not him but I've read them in Polish and English and it's the same fucking book. Absolutely no quantifiable difference.

At least W3 attempted romance

Skyrim is just
>Do side quest
>Character hops on your dick because you're wearing a necklace

There is no romance in skyrim's marriage system

>Everyone is kind of sort of morally grey
how is that bad again ?

Really?

So the dialogue is this fucking bad in the polish as well?

This is literally garbage. Even Sanderson has better prose and dialogue than this.

not him and didn't learn it from /lit/
the french translation are fine tough

>>>haven't play any of these games

I find channeling souls through the fire keeper in ds3 very sexual though.

>Opinion
It's a demanding game. It's your fault you can't make the effort.

Really? Because in W3 it's the same shit nigger
>Do quest for someone
>OH Geralt you so amazin! Wanna fug?
Just with a bit more fluff and dedicated scenes for it. Only difference is shit with Tris and Yenn, and even that boils down to "Do quest, get poon, just make sure you pick only one of them"

So Geralt is a beta cuck

Boiling it down that much is pretty dumb. By that logic, that's exactly what it's like in real life as well.

I never claimed they were all bad things user. But the world does feel empty for not just having people be greedy or outright wrong, there's always SOME argument for what they're doing no matter how disagreeable, and that's no different than everything being black or white. Grey only works when it comes in shades and includes black and white, if it's only grey then that's no less lazy.

>And for someone who makes a big deal about wanting to get his wife back

He is, and that's what a lot of MUHSEXISM MUHMALEFANTASY feminazis fail to realize. Geralt is actually really pathetic, in the books he runs off and cries because one guy cucked him and laughed at his face about it.

>unofficial fan translations are the same as official ones
audible kek
thanks m8

The difference is W3 is the end to a long series of things. Geralt has been with Triss/Yen for years

Skyrim you just met the person 2 days ago, beat up some draugr for them, and wore a necklace. There is no fucking romance in that, it'd be like marrying an electrician who fixed your garage door

>Witcher books are garbage
What did you expect, user? No really, did you also read Twilight expecting high literature? Hell even high literature is mostly garbage with a flattering interpretation to make you think it's good.

if I kidnap a girl, does it count as marriage?

>And for someone who makes a big deal about wanting to get his wife back

Geralt doesn't have a wife.
He's trying to save his daughter Ciri.

There's like 4 sex scenes in Witcher 3.
Witcher 3 if I'm not mistake also has the least sex scenes in any witcher game though? And even then in the other games Geralt mostly has sex with prostitutes, farmers, and other demi-humans (mostly succubi and I think one nymph?)

>Married and all the ladies still want me.

He's not married though, what the fuck are they talking about?

But that's actually a very accurate translation.

Face it. Witcher is a trash book series. One step below Sword of Truth.

I'm mostly talking about all the side "romance" bits rather than the fucking main love interests, something that's not even a factor in Skyrim so there's no point in comparing.

You bet your sweet ass it does.

>Girls can cuck other girls
What a world.

Jokes on him, I just wanted to play a good rpg, don't care about the sex or sluts.

I was expecting decent fantasy like Heroes Die or Lord Foul's Bane. I would have settled for First Law levels of meh.

But it's just terrible.

Shotgun weddings are a thing, hell what the fuck do you think arranged marriages were? The assertion that love is a requirement for marriage is completely ludicrous.

>All those JAVS about the guy sleeping with his gf's sister, then later fucking each other right in front of the gf

Shotgun weddings are usually to get the guy to go through with it.

Unless you meant that, witchers are sterile and immune to STDs

I'm not sure why that detail would be particularly noteworthy here user.

>Side romance
Who? A whore you hired to fuck you? A farmer girl who just wants to fuck you because you're this rare and exotic guy wandering the world killing monsters? A mage who wanted to use you to get access to that tower on an island ruined by a plague maiden and avoid witch hunters? Or how about a succubus who doesn't want a bad case of silver sword to the neck?

Everyone Geralt was in an active romance with actually spent time developing that romance, everyone else was some spontaneous thing that STILL had more of a reason than some random person marrying you because you did a menial task for them

I put my wife's son's Nintendo in the closet and told him he can have it back after Easter after reading this article.

>wish fulfillment in video games, where people can be what they're not in reality.
There. Defended.

What adverb-laden garbage