What am I in for?

What am I in for?

Other urls found in this thread:

gog.com/game/crusader_kings_complete
twitter.com/SFWRedditVideos

YOU CAN PLAY AS A BEAR
YOU CAN PLAY AS A CAT
YOU CAN PLAY AS A HORSE

AREN'T WE LE QUIRKY AND FUNNY AND RANDOM?!?!?!?!?!?!

A tutorial that doesn't explain anything

A deep respect for muslims

You can't do any of those things, if your character is a lunatic there's a chance you'll appoint random animals to court positions, that's what those portraits are for.

>he never made the heir to his dynasty a horse

>screenshot taken
>white bar at the bottom
Simply epic.

>You can't do any of those things
user, I...

I thought you phisically can't do that without cheating.

i never understood this game. and from what i experienced the same events are iterating every half an hour or so if you dont have dlc

No, there are multiple ways to do the horse/cat/bear thing. You can't directly land them, but you can appoint them as successors to a bishopic, or you can appoint them as educators to your heir.
When your heir becomes culturally Horse, he will fill his court with horses - those can be landed.

Now, you might say that this is just a fun little feature/exploit and nothing to get angry about, but when Paradox consistently doesn't fix and improve what's actually important (like, say, crusades or Byzantium) in favor of Sir Bearington references and memes...

Horses have the trait "horse: that gives them -1000% or some other ridiculous number to fertility. You can't have children unless you edit it via console.
So you aren't supposed to do this.

>What am I in for?
Incest, Deus Vult, and fucking Mongorians

...

>Now, you might say that this is just a fun little feature/exploit and nothing to get angry about
This is just a fun little exploit and nothing to get angry about.
>but when Paradox consistently doesn't fix and improve what's actually important (like, say, crusades or Byzantium)
Please elaborate, I'm interested.

It's shit, play Vic2 instead

if you give glitterhoof a title he will spawn horse couriers with the horse portraits that don't have the horse trait with -1000% fertility so you can breed them in your family and get the horse portrait. it's totally doable without console commands and i did it in ironman mode once.
they might have patched it out though.

>The chain of event in which your son is the spawn of Satan
>The chain of event in which you kill Chtlhuhu and get the Godslayer trait
>The chain of event in which you have to close the gates of hell

...

>Please elaborate, I'm interested.
The game is called Crusader Kings 2. So when I play it, I expect to see very thought out and detailed crusades and kings.
The kings part is done well. But crusades are fucking atrocious.
>The Pope, an unplayable NPC, declares a crusade on a single kingdom that doesn't belong to christians
>The values are supposedly weighted so crusading makes sense, but they really fucking aren't - the pope frequently declares a crusade for Africa, when the entire Europe is being overrun, and he doesn't give a shit.
>If christians somehow win, they only win a single kingdom that the "top contributor" gets - so, the game doesn't even closely emulate history. No crusader states, not even a single crusader state can be created.
>The top contributor is whoever got the most points. The thing is, you get siege points not by actually SIEGING, but by being the first to come to the province before the succesful siege happens
>So if an irish earl comes first with his 20 men, but then a german kaiser with his 20,000 troops comes second and does all the actual sieging, the irish earl is suddenly very likely to become a king of Jerusalem
>Also, everyone except for the top contributor get dick.

There's more, but the point is, crusading is fucking atrocious, and has stayed the same for years since the game was released. Paradox can find time to insert China (not actually on the map), african pagans, women's rights and sir Bearington memes into the game, but not fix fucking crusades.

pic related.
they just added a DLC that adds fucking Tibet to the game but they still haven't fixed this fundamental gameplay flaw.

>tfw somehow managed to get most contribution by far simply through always having my men be the first to be attacked just for the HREmperor to come in with his massive death stack and whoop muslim ass
>go up from Duke of Sicily to King of Jerusalem
And it sort of just spirals out of control from that point. The crusades are hilariously broken

>they might have patched it out though.
user, I...

>Vic2
?

The superior Paradox game

...

What happened to retinues? Can you still spam archers and take forts in a single turn?

oh my fucking god

A fun strategy game. You have to roleplay though.

And pirate all DLC's (turn off aztec invasion imo)

Fun.

Holy crusades agains shitskins and Holocausts

>tfw can now do a suomenusko run as a bear
Repent infidels for the sacred bears will raise an empire in the name of Perkele and sing the heathen scum into the swamps

>local man unable to open steam workshop

>suomenusko
Meme faith

DLCs.

>pull army back and wait
>muslims come and wipe his army
>take my army in a seize everything
>win the crusade

Less memey than Norse.

This or crusader kings 1?

i probably won't play either of them

Have they changed it from Germanic to Norse or are skinny scandinavian transgendered schoolshooters still crying over it?
>wah wah I don't want Saxons to have the same religion with slightly different names for the gods, that's not very immersive for my Thor comics headcanon ;_;

>meme faith
>over 700 years, the might of europe and multiple crusades to suppress
>maintains extreme influence on finnic cultures and languages to this day
>only active worship stopped, most other elements remain
>christianity was unable to take root as it is completely foreign in all aspects and has been dying out after being forced on the people
Uskonto ei ole vapaata. Tapion petäjät täytyy olla peitettynä pyhien karhujemme vereen.
Jehova TMN "YHWH" ei ole jumalani. Hän on hiekkaneekeri ja todennäköisesti myös paholainen.
Kalevala ei raamattu ok. Väinämöinen tulkoot takaisin

I don't even know where you can get the first game or if it even exists.

OH NO, THIS OPTIONAL FEATURE IS IN THE GAME AAARGHGGH

And no, you can't play as them unless you cheat.

Post weird screenshots.

Eugenics simulator: The game

Want to get into the game but whenever I try I just fail miserably at understanding pretty much anything. Game looks fascinating as fuck. I envy you who understand it and aren't as much of an idiot like I am

what are you having trouble with?

>1124
>slavic and norse still doing that well
I guess cathars didnt reach that perfection afterall

gog.com/game/crusader_kings_complete

>he's actually finnish
Literally sweden tier cuck country, enjoy the muslims

But the finns are the only non cucked people in scandinavia.

Fun early game followed by game speed slowdown to a point comparable to erosion by solar wind in a geological scale.

south-west coast is pretty sweden
rest of the country is literally hitler compared to the coast because they were under russians for longer, compared to the coast which was under swedish rule for longer

>he dooesn't play with India disabled

How do I disable India?

mods.

>vanilla
>disable india
>conquer europe
>most nobles are of my own dynasty
>game runs fastest on lowest speed setting

HIP, for example

Ok, I am going to try it out.

This, I can still be openly racist and keep a job in Jyväskylä :D

Neekerit vittuun suomesta

increasing council power

...

>open
>stable
Kek

So a man fucked a horse and now his centaur son is the emperor of China?
Sounds like something taken out of an Ancient Greek story.

>no updated india removal mod on workshop
ffs I just want to play ck2

Crusading, kings, and Roger a Muirebe.

I don't think that's what happened since it's a dark blood drop meaning it's third(?) step relative

The restoration of the roman empire ofc

Since I started as a Vlach Count this is technically the Romanian Empire.

Is steam removing negative reviews? This and EU were getting hammered for the price hike and absurd dlc.

>My guy dies in the middle of a war
>Everything goes to shit
>Everyone hates the heir and his entire family wants to kill him
>Also lost a bunch of provinces

What the fuck is with the Umayyads and Scandinavians?

>christian roman empire
>not the roman caliphate
also PRUSSIA STRONK

tons of fun, also, if you don't like setting you can use elder kings mod or warhammer mod

4 out of my 5 last rulers died from stress. How the fuck do i stop this shit from happening? Am i just unlucky?

>blobbing into worthless north-eastern Europe
>but doesn't even hold Massilia or the Spanish mediterranean coast
Immediately delete this

Did the last patch improve performance?

don't work them to hard.

partying focus and carouse all day every day to remove stress
hermetic society, potion of eudomonia or what is it called
actually pick the stress removing options in events if you get them, minor stat malus is better because you wont fucking die

paradox does it again

One of the worst fanbases in gaming history filled with sad alternative history larping alt-righters.
>muh deus vult

They blobbed out and become the other great powers on the map.
Me and Bavaria are the last Christians on the map.

Why would I Caliphate? Here's an earlier map as well.

They're all arabs now anyway.

Youre in for a great sale!
Only 165$ for all the DLC!

made it worse desu baka

>CDN$

I just got the main game and pirated all the DLC. Same with EU4.

It runs great on my eight year old shitty CPU

>Why would I Caliphate?
for the jihads, free CBs and multiple waifus
especially if there are no Shia realms

In-game tutorial sucks ass. Try and find some interesting playthrough on youtube to pick up how the game works, it's the best way to do so.

The game isn't even that complex, the problem is, is that a lot of characters have different playstyles (merchant republics, horde, regular county, Muslim, tribes etc.) If you start playing the game, play as a county in Ireland, it's super easy to become king there.

>They're all arabs now anyway.
Doesn't matter, it's not like the Romans didn't conquer those lands solely because they were full of filthy barbarians

how you want your borders senpai

Genocide against Muslims and copious amounts of Incest.

Recommended start is 1066 as one of the Irish counts. Ireland is balkanized into indepedent counties in the beggining in the game and it's such a microcosm of the game that it offers you possibilities to learn the basics of the game like warfare, diplomacy, titles, backstabbing and whatnot.

Lots of buttons to press

the real tutorial is ireland in the last start date it's still splintered in
easy to become king and it's unlikely picts/anglos/welsh will get aggressive towards you
carlosmane start is alright but there might a boatjihad by boatniggers

For Orthodox getting the East is more important.

Can't you just disable the india dlc? Besides, the game has been optimized a shit ton, pretty sure most toasters can run it by now.

>carlosmane start is alright

Is raiding the only way to make money if you're playing as a tribe?

Has anyone here ever done a full-paradox playthrough? CK:2, EU:4, Vic2, HoI3/4 (plus maybe Stellaris if you get that far).

>all that Cathar
Jesus Christ. I'd rather be Muslim at that point.

Yes