Do westerners suffer from constant constipation? why do they need to always be entertained when taking a shit...

do westerners suffer from constant constipation? why do they need to always be entertained when taking a shit? why are they so proud of taking dumps that last so long you can play a game during it? all they're doing is getting their electronics covered in fecal matter. it shouldn't take more than 1 minute to release the loaf.

Take a fucking book next time brainlet.

I'm extremely antisocial and most likely mentally ill. I'm very VERY lonely. Being/going to the bathroom is when your in your most vulnerable alone state, so I always have my phone watching some eTuber while I go so I feel like I'm no longer alone.

You carry fecal matter all over yourself whenever you use a toilet, you don't need to take your Switch into the toilet for it to be covered in fecal matter.

I have a hemorrhoid, it hurts when I sit and bleeds a lot when I poop

Any suggestions? cant go see a doctor because amerifat without insurance

Stop eating fucking garbage and eat more fiber

Apply cream and don't push hard when shitting. It will go away, don't need a doctor unless it's severe, or if you always get them even when you're not even pushing.

Just use your finger to stick it back in

Preparation H.

I have bad hemorrhoids and sometimes have to manually remove the shit with a rubber glove.

If you can resist the pain, pop it with a needle and apply some alcohol once the blood stops.

I never understood this either. Between sitting down and needing to wipe I wouldn't even have the time to unlock my phone, let alone wait through enough loading screens to play a game.

Do people just hang out on the toilet in their stinky bathroom above a fresh turd to play video games?

>sleeping over at someone's house
>lunch break at work
>road trip
>don't feel like sitting in front of TV and want to curl up on chair or in bed instead
>etc

Are you an easterner? Then you do it too

Can't eat well in the west. Everything has cheeseburgers and pizza in it

Because I can.

playing video games on the toilet is how you get hemorrhoids

Do you also have constipation? I had hemorrhoids that kept me from shitting except once a week or two, got on a fiber supplement and no more problems since. (Takes a while to kick in though, double the dosage if you still haven't shit after a week.)

At least you recognize that you have a problem. Get help son

I press my hemorrhoids back up into my asshole then poop

after I clean well then push my hemorrhoid back up into my ass and insert that sweet cooling tube of prep-H

This. Funny story.
Friends joke that I have a loose anus because of how fast I shit. Usually don’t take more than a minute or 2. Whipping is the only part that takes long if it was a real slimy shit that left residue, and I have a hairy ass so naturally shit will get stuck. I’ve always been confused as to why it takes anyone so long to shit. Then I realized most people have either shitty diets or shit digestive systems. Eat a god damn banana after your meal. or if you’re an atheist, shove it up your ass.

>Sister's boyfriend is living with us right now because they're saving for a house
>He takes close to an hour on the toilet shitting and brings his headphones and iPhone in with him
>Meanwhile I take a shit in a minute, wipe my ass and get out

I don't get it, why is it that so many Americans take forever taking a shit?

I don't.

>not shitposting while shitting
Ametures

My shit is fine, but my ass is too hairy and it takes forever to clean. I sit there while the bidet washes my ass, so I have plenty of time to play a game.

I like to make sure I remove as much shit from my body as possible in one sitting, even if it means waiting a few minutes for the second wave. Also, I'm sometimes half-asleep during my morning shit so that can take awhile.

I spend so long on the toilet for the same reason my father did when I was a kid.
Because it's the only place I can get some fucking peace and alone time to myself.

If (while living with someone else and they're home) I sit down on the couch and start reading/watching/playing something, there's a good chance they're going to come up an bother me.
>"Can you do this for me?"
>"Have you done this yet?"
>"Why haven't you done this thing yet?"
>"So I was talking to so&so and they said such&such and blah, blah, blah..."

Now if I go and sit on the can, even for an hour or so, then the chance of someone bothering me diminishes greatly and will probably only happen either during an emergency or if they want to use the shitter.

My wife always give me a hard time for shitting for like 40 minutes just before bed. We've been together five years and she still hasn't figured out that I'm fucking jerking off all over the toilet.

Why aren't you fucking her?

Its simple, you're merging two relaxing activities that compliment each other well. You don't want to be bothered playing games and no one bothers a man on the throne.
Honestly great for quickplay but if you're in there for longer than 20 minutes you have a problem.

>Religious
>Whips his shit

Gotta side with OP on this one.

Taking a shit/wiping your ass takes 10 minutes at the absolute most. You have to be a complete addict to be unable to go 10 minutes without vidya. Not to mention the how unsanitary it is.

Some don't have enough fiber/whatever makes you have solid logs, some use shitting as a break and poop then spend an hour fucking around on their smartphone.

>playing anything on the wii u's godawful display

I use my phone, sometimes I browse Sup Forums but I'd never play a game while on the can.

We do it, but she's practically gay so it's not enough. After we had a kid her drive slowed down real bad and I got kinda bored with her.

horse chestnut helps
you can get it in pill form in most health/supplement stores

Stuff like that makes me never want to get married.

That or at least have a side bitch.

>headphones
That means he's masturbating. I used to do that when I was 14

It's not that bad. It depends on the girl. I got unlucky and got a boring nerdy girl. It's still better than being single. Although I do miss some of the crazy hookups. I was never that good at hooking up though so it was pretty infrequent.

I don't get it either, shitting takes me all of one minute.

This.

I know your feel.

Why does it take me so long to shit

they have cream and they have these witch hazel wet pads they give women who just gave birth. they’re for hemmhoroids, I use them after the first dry wipe to kind of numb my asshole. I
Basically have them at all times so I’m pretty experienced with this, my diet is mainly pizza and take out.

You realize this shit (lol) was designed by a jap primarily for other japs, right?

>Always try to shit and game
>Not even a full minute of gameplay and I'm already out the bathroom

I'm convinced this a fat thing from gourging yourself all day and getting Diarrhea as a result, either that or your just spending minutes on end after you dropped the bomb playing the game when you could have been back in your room. Either way it's a waste of time.

This. I tried to shit and game once but only got a couple of minutes at best. Half of the time played I was already done, just hadn't wiped myself yet.

This is a lie, anyone with an average IQ can learn some quick healthy recipes online. I spend about 25 every 2 week and have been able to lose weight without any sort of exercise at all.

>25 every two weeks
Details?