Meanwhile, on the USG Sup Forumsshimura

Meanwhile, on the USG Sup Forumsshimura...

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Who smeared shit all over the walls?

Finally a use for that pawn shop katana

>spent like five weeks and ten favors getting my hands on some good loli hentai
>stash it in the vents
>went to get and the vents are full of some bloody fungus

I bet hydroponics did this

isaac has countless hallucinations about shitposting

i miss isaac

FUCK YOU

Can someone please fucking stop playing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star over the intercoms please?

lol

Man John had a nasty accident today working in the maintenance of the motors. He's in the infirmary now hope he makes it

F-F-FRIDAY NIGHT MUTHAFUCKAS

>PLAYAN
VR zero g bball, I can't go to the real court anymore, the miners laugh at me
>EATAN
Same shit as everyone else, what do you think?
>DRINKAN
Slurping dew off muh plants
>READAN
Some book about Altman that a friend gave me
>FAPPAN
This
>FEELAN
tfw no space gf

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I saw Steve today.
I went to give him a high five.
He returned the gesture.
His hand was actually a bladed scythe.
Oh that Steve!

Kek

Steve's a fucking prick, he keeps trying to trick me into signing one of those forms to donate your body to Unitology

AND FUCK YOUR MARKER!

Man don't you think Steve was acting weird today. He's always so energetic but today he was spacing out, he looked lifeless you know what i mean, I bet those lunatics of the unitology have something to do with his recent behaviour

N I C O L E I S D E A D
B R O T H E R M O O N S A R E A W A K E
R I P

daily reminder that altman was right and earthgov are cucks

Altman-right faggots please go
>>>USM/pol/ar

Joe i'm getting really tired of your doomsday cult bullshit.

shut up nigger, go suck (((earthgov's))) cocks
I'm gonna make this fucking station great again

>station
Oh look, it's a Titan fag
Get off our intranet you fucking faggot

fuck off i hope you slip out of the space and die jim

I hope I get laid today

stop fucking around in the vents you tools

Call me the Prime Minster, because I'm about to administer a beating. A meat beating. I'm going to show you a real adult's dick, and not an adult kangaroo. An adult fucking man, baby. I have the foreign policy this station needs, and it's kick all cunts to death. Bring the guns back so we can shoot faggots like you to death. If this were my father's station, we'd all be manly men with real jobs, not just me. I swear, when I look around, all I see is space abos and fucking lebs. When are we gonna kick the shit out of the eternal yank and take our country back? It wasn't built on didgeridoos and hurt feelings, it was built on big fucking Australian meat like mine.

OUUUUHHHHHRRRHHHHHHHHHHH

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Was it a cutie Necromorph? How are they in bed?

What are those noises i hear in the vents? Im trying to sleep fucking hell

i hope you suck on my force gun

Man Harry did you get taller because goddamn

Just braps. Don't worry about it.

I'm a manlet, Ron. How do I get tall like you?

STEVE FOR THE LAST FUCKING TIME I'M NOT CRAWLING IN THOSE VENTS TODAY.

Guys the Unitologists are going fucking insane! There's something on the fucking ship. I am out of here.

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Fuck you Ron, you're the kinda guy that falls apart when things get too rough.

Who's the asshole that filled both the men's and woman's bathrooms with fucking blood? I can't even take a shit on this ship without something going wrong.

Isac i'm sick of your tinfoil hat bullshit, now go reconnect that power coupling.

Hey, new with sec here, why the fuck do our pulse rifles do that thing when you pull the second trigger? Why did anyone think this was a good and useful feature?

Don't be silly, Barry just had a problem with his teeth, that good man of the union is just helping him to solve his toothache

Dont worry its just the halloween party its all fake

I swear to god if I find the motherfuckers who keep using all the stasis mods...

ALTMAN BE PRAISED

I'M SERIOUS! THEY'RE EVERYWHERE! WHY WON'T YOU BELIEVE ME?!

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yeah next you're gonna start sayin shit about zombies
you've been watching too many horror flicks, man

Alright, who the fuck moved Peng?

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

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Hey, why's this hulk of shit called the "ishimura" when none of us is japs?

I'm japanese at heart and that's all that matters

dude if you're gonna watch those fucking zombie movies from 200 years ago then at least turn off your comms for when you scream like a girl
anyways I'll be right back, i gotta go deliver some bodies to the morgue

what the fuck are the tech guys doing?! we have been disconnected from hypernet for more then 10 hours now and I dont want to leave my chamber for dinner.

Who. Left. The. Fridge. Open.

You dumbfucks need to understand the concept of closing doors. We're in outer fucking space, you know what happens when the food goes spoil? We're done unless you guys find space cows for burgers

Just eat some of that meat I found down the hall on the floor.

Dude we've got tons of food in food storage, calm down

Dude who the fuck wrote all this shit on the walls? Use a fucking pen and post on the bulletin board.

That meat looks like it needs some help. Anyone have any BBQ sauce?

>Be me
>Go to medbay for checkup
>Janitors been getting sloppy since there's blood and shit all over the place
>Wait my turn to see a doctor, next to a person who may or may not be sleeping
>Hear a bunch of screaming and other weird shit coming the vents, but nothing out of the ordinary
>Decide that I've waited too long and go to see someone myself
>Have to hack the shitty doors since they're locked for some reason
>Go into surgery room and see pic related
>She laughs and kills herself on the spot
>tfw I have to wait another month to get this bone Steve impaled into me out

This fucking ship, I swear

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WHO THE FUCK TOOK ALL THE GODDAMN CHOCOLATE MILK AGAIN.

>dead space will never come back
at least 1 and 2 still exist

audible kek

Dude who put a baby in the washing machine? What the fuck?

>mfw my credits go off to fund some church for rock nuts
>mfw I'm forced to be on this ship
>mfw in general

>tfw stationed on the Ishitmura
This place fucking sucks I should be at Titan Station not this shithole

forgot pic

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Real talk, if you were actually on the Ishimura, and let's say by divine intervention you know that in ten minutes shit will begin, what would you do? Escape pods are already filled with ayys thanks to that one miner who made it inside.

brb, mining.

yell at EA enough and they'll do it

The fuck else would you do except for:
A: Try to survive
B: Try to hide away
C: Kill yourself
We literally see/hear of all these things happen in the game.

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try and fuck a necromorph

I did. Dude, that baby ain't right. It's got special needs.

I would arm myself and then go on suicidal mission to find self destruct button or at least change path of the ship to hit sun to make sure that the things wont spread to my homeland.

Take my chances with the pods.

going for the nearest woman

h-hey guys is anyone else hearing voices

I can help you with that, user
Just come by my office tomorrow
t. Dr Mercer

mining lvl?

Visceral are gone and EA will butcher it like they did with 3
They totally shat on the developers visions with 3 and forced this fucking love triangle bullshit story and GoW cover based shooting into it

A little bit but then they go away pretty soon.

Dude I swear to fucking God I'm getting off this ship next time we make port. There is some next level demonic shit going on around here

>be me
>working in maintenance during Halloween
>boss tells me to go check on a tram some new guys managed to crash
>howinthefuck.jpeg
>get there
>tram is all sorts of fucked up
>wouldn't even be able to tell what the fuck it was if I didn't know already
>oh well, story of my life
>need to activate mechanical arms to pull train into maintenance bay
>some incompetent fuck desynced the controls so the arms don't work together anymore
>realize I'm probably being pranked for cheap scares
>hear loud screams and roars coming from way down the tram tunnel, probably those fags from up top partying in HIGHdroponics again, laughing at me
>go to stasis station to recharge and fix this shit
>suddently Brandon from engineering busts out from the vent, arms bent up and screaming bloody murder trying to scare me
>yeah dude real fucking funny
>get out and go take a piss, I can worry about this shit later
>find boss in the restroom
>"did you fix that tram yet? That kind of thing shouldn't happen around here, Brandon didn't deserve to go like that"
>mfw

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SOME ENGINEER JUST PULLED THE POWER, HOLY SHIT THEY'RE EVERYWHERE!

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user you just have to yell REALLY loud

AAAAAHHHHHHHHHH

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ALTMAN BE PRAISED

Is it wrong that my dick gets hard on the idea of a bloodborne & dead space crossover?

Your boss was just in on the prank. Same shit happened to me at the daycare. The prank's been going on for a while and I have no idea where the kids are.

No

HOLY SHIT I JUST SAW SOME FUCKED UP ABOMINATION RUNNING AROUND WHILE I WAS GOING TO THE MEDLAB. HE LOOKED LIKE FRANK BUT HE HAD LIKE SCYTHES INSTEAD OF ARMS AND HIS BODY WAS SOME SORTS OF FUCKED UP

I'd get a Plasma Cutter as quickly as humanly possible.

Wow dude, lay off the weed. That shit's not real.

And as always, Indians have to ruin EVERYTHING

>Scheduled mini vacation finally comes up
>No where to go and I can't leave the ship
>Put my private quarters on total lockdown
>NEET it up for like a week straight
>Finally come out when I run out of food
>Entire ship smells like shit
>This weird sludge everywhere
>Can't find anyone
Some salvagers are apparently towing the ship to Titan, but I just got orders that I'm going to have to mop all this shit up. Hope all you assholes are happy on whatever planet you fucked off to.

Oh...yeah, about that. Frank said to Mercer that the only religion to be taken seriously was christianity, so Mercer tried to crucify him by shoving 2 rotary blades through his hands while screaming something that sounded like "make asshole"

Guys there's 0 and i mean literally 0 fucking women? Are we supposed to fuck each other or something? Who thought of this?

Whoa, you're the guy in charge of the minerals, right? Tell me you remembered to tell your people NOT to turn off the tractor beam on the giant rock we pulled.

Getting my eyes checked tomorrow, wish me luck

Guys i think we need more vents

>go in the vents for shits and giggles.
>bring a megaphone and say "balls of steel" 10 times in a row
>hear loud yelling

That Mercer is a fucking nutjob i tell you. Who the fuck let him in on this ship

Get out of the vents or I'll have you bent.