Bitches prefer Mac users and here's why

Alright Sup Forums, 2 years ago I ended my relationship with my ex and literally became a isolated NEET, shitposting on Sup Forums all day and night, and barely getting passing grades on university, didn't even kiss any girl all that years.

A year ago I made the best decision in my life, and bought a 15 inch Retina MacBook Pro®. That's when my life started changing.

With the Mac I really got into iOS development, it's really fun and easy, I started learning Swift and it's simply great, everything just works, and my self-steem started increasing exponentially.

One day, I was at StarBucks developing and iOS App, and a qt girl talked to me. She asked "are you gay"? I said "no". Then we kissed.

The next week I met with her at the mall and we watched Mowgli, it was really fun, I kissed her at the end.

Then she said she's studying to enter a CS university, her dream is to become a game developer. That moment I realized I finally found the woman of my life, she's my 3D waifu, and she's the girl I want to pregnate.

All of that thanks to Apple's great piece of engendering, the MacBook® really changed my life. Thanks Apple!

Best pasta/bait in a long time.
Have my upvote.

I've never wanted a liberal arts funding cut more in my life.

This is some of the best viral marketing I've read in a long time.

Beautiful OP.

I love marketing

> bait
dude it's real, maybe the starbucks part was fake but I really met a girl that wants to be a game developer, she's qt, white and tall (like me).

I'm so happy but I feel so sad for you guys that feel into the "apple is meme" meme.

I'm on a 15 inch Retina MacBook Pro® at the moment. I'm even immune to bait replies.

well then you know the power of Mac. Did you find your promised 3D tech waifu already?

MOM ILL BE FAMOUS!

>®
>®
>®

you never said why. i want to know why.

> because it gave me an exponentially increasing self-steem.

Hey everyone, let me tell you why Apple™ and its MacBook® brand of computers are the best. I cannot stop you from having a differing opinion, since it is perfectly legal to be wrong. But I can tell you what happened to me.

I was still a virgin at the age of 56, and I used Windows. I was overweight, ugly, smelled bad, my clothes were dirty, and I had an Android phone too. No one wanted to have a relationship with me, I had no friends, and my family disowned me. There were several job interviews that I went to that went no where, since they asked me to demo my skills, and I would pull out a Thinkpad instead of an Apple™ MacBook®. It was tough being an unemployed loser, but that all was about to change.

On a cold Saturday night, I was trying to get some sleep, but the newspapers I was covering myself with had gotten wet in the rain, and the park bench was very old and broken, and some of the wood was digging into my body. As I alternately dozed off and woke up in discomfort, I had a dream. The dream that was to change my entire life.

In the dream, I was sitting down and feeling quite blue, when the ghost of Steve Jobs® came to me, and poked me in the back. "You were meant for more than this, old man", he said to me. "What are you talking about, Steve®?" I replied. He sat down next to me, looked me in the eye, and said "This. All of this. The virginity. The homelessness. The jo- I mean the careerlessness. The android phone. You deserve so much better."

"But what am I supposed to, Jobs™? I cannot get work, and therefore I cannot buy superior hardware to improve my lifestyle."

"Sin now," said the man, "and repent later." He gave me one final hard poke in the back, the took out a pair of cymbals. "You have my blessings. Go!" And then he clapped the cymbals together, hard.

I woke up to the peal of thunder, as the rain intensified above me. Rubbing my sore back, I knew what I had to do.

I picked up a brick with rounded edges, and walked in the heavy rain towards the nearby Apple™ Store®. Heaven above forgive me for what I am about to do, but I was going to change my life for the better.

The glass of the Apple™ Store® was smashed, I dashed in, picked up the first two unsecured packages that I could find, then I dashed out. They had security cameras? I had Steve Jobs® blessing, and hopefully his protection too.

I ran. Oh Steve, how I ran! I ran for what seemed like an eternity. I ran until I was exhausted, and could run no more. Barely breathing, I stopped and hid in dark alley. After resting for a while, I peeked out to see if the alarm had been raised, or if the police had been summoned. But no, there was only the rain, and the thunder. A hundred yards back, I could still see the Apple™ Store® that I had burgled, with a large jagged hole in the glass. I was safe. The packages were in my hands. The deed was done.

Come morning, I went to a mall, and sold my Thinkpad ($35, nice resale value, when compared to Apple™ MacBook®) and my Android. In the two packages that I had pirated from the Apple™ Store®, I had found a Macbook® and an iPhone. I bought a razor, and soap, but I saved the remainder of the $$$, and pirated a new shirt and jeans.

I shaved. I bathed. I put on the new clothes. I put the iPhone in my pocket, and I felt 20lbs lighter. I _looked_ 20lbs lighter. I remember reading on a tumblr blog that obesity is a social construct, and that I had laughed when I read it. Now I was the evidence that it is true.

Now Sup Forums, you may now believe me, but that day my life changed. It was like a rebirth, or a reincarnation. I had walked into the mall a decrepit, fat, smelly, neckbearded Windows user, and walked out a manly, macho stud. I looked better, I smelled better, I was more confident than I had ever been when I had had an Android phone, and I felt GREAT! Noticing a Starbucks nearby, I felt drawn to it. I headed there.

>She asked "are you gay"? I said "no". Then we kissed.

i have to say, even though this is just a garbage apple shitposting thread, but that part made me chuckle

At Starbucks, I ordered a latte. Sitting down at a table, I took out my Apple™ MacBook®, and nearly cried. The intuitiveness, Sup Forums, the creativeness, the sheer bliss of a unified ecosystem! My God! Where was all this all my life? I started reading about programming, and how to develop apps for the iPhone using Apple's Swift. It was... it was just great, Sup Forums. It was the best day of my life.

The waitress came with my latte. She was a real qt. I knew I looked attractive when she asked me: "Are you a homosexual?" I smiled at her, and replied "No, not at all. And even if I was, that would have changed after meeting you." She laughed. I laughed. We talked. We kissed. We went home (her place, I had no place) that night.

Turns out that she was studying to get into Computer Science, and that she aspired to be a game developer. We have a loving relationship now, and I know I want to marry her, because I want no one else to carry my babies.

These days, I make iOS apps for a living, while enjoying life with my beautiful SO. When I think back on the Windows-using loser that I was once, I feel sad at my wasted years. I am proud of myself, and my success. In just 1 week, I made enough $$$ from my iOS apps that I could go back to the Apple™ Store® that I had burgled, and I fixed the broken glass, and paid for the items that I had pirated from them.

It is now time, Sup Forums, time to be mature, to be successful, to be attractive. Ditch the Windows machine you have, and the Android. Hop on over to the magical side. It does not matter how ugly or fat you are now... with Apple™, you can have a new lifestyle! Be the person you have always wanted to be!

Thanks to Apple's great piece of engineering, the MacBook® really changed my life. Thanks Apple!

>One day, I was at StarBucks developing and iOS App, and a qt girl talked to me. She asked "are you gay"? I said "no". Then we kissed.

Someone rate my writing skills. 2/10? 3/10? 2.5/10?

holy shit this is great pasta material

solid 10/10

solid 5.

Thank you, Sup Forumsentlemen.

that's because you would say "yes"

FukkenSaved/10

Nolan should make a movie out of this.

>Women
>Not wanting a strong man to pour his seed into your firm, big ass while you're compiling C on a thinkpad

Man your life is shit

> 2015
> being a fagget
> not pregnanting qt girls with perfect and healthy babies

Anyone who wanted to go into game dev would know Macs are shit for it and every single game development tool is Windows exclusive or runs better on Windows by far. Nice bait, faggot.

wew lad, where did you read she has a Mac?

Why would a hooker want to know if you were gay?

0/10, didn't even smile

This thread is mislabelled. It should read "Apple Marketing Pasta General desu sempai".

I have 3 girls waiting to suck my dick on my command and yet I don't give them any time of the day. I use Windows by the way. Its the not the OS, its how fat and ugly you are in real life.

Solid 7/10 bro

Thanks. I will spice it up a little bit more, later.

i want to spice you up

Oh baby, you think I am hot now... imagine how attractive I would be if I was on an Apple™ MacBook®.

you type like a faggot and your story sucks ass

I came too soon

fuckin 8/8 pasta

saved to my 2 gb org-mode pasta archive

dude this is not pasta this really happened in rl

If you're in university you can't be a NEET. NEET stands for "Not in Employment, Education or Training"

eww dal

copyright it

Already have:
>All trademarks and copyrights on this page are owned by their respective parties. Images uploaded are the responsibility of the Poster. Comments are owned by the Poster.

That's a fucking masterpiece

I GOT A MACBOOK JUST TO SEE IF IT MAGICALLY GOT YOU LAID OR GOT YOU FRIENDS

AND GUESS WHAT, A GIRL DID COME UP TO ME AND GO

OH HEY DUDE NICE MACBOOK

AND I FUCKED HER

SHE WAS MY GIRLFRIEND FOR A MONTH

AND LET ME TELL YOU

SHE TURNED OUT TO BE A MONEY-CHASING WHORE. SHE JUST USED ME FOR MY WALLET WHILE SHE FUCKED OTHER GUYS, WHO SHE WAS USING FOR THEIR WALLETS. SHE WAS A WHORE.

AND I MADE A FRIEND BECAUSE OF IT

HE WAS A COOL DUDE

BUT HE SAID "NO YOU ARE NOT COOL ASSHOLE" WHEN HE FOUND OUT THAT I DIDN'T SEE A POINT IN UPGRADING MY SHITTY OLD IPHONE, BECAUSE APPARENTLY I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE AN APPLE FANBOY

YES, A "MAC" WILL GET YOU LAID. IT WILL GET YOU FRIENDS.

BUT ITS THE SHITTIEST LAY AND THE SHITTIEST FRIENDS. IT'S SHIT THAT ONLY A SAD, LONELY JERKOFF DESPERATE FOR HUMANS CONTACT COULD ACCEPT.

FUCK THAT SHIT.

Your capslock key is stuck.
Fix it.

worst thread ive seen in a while