What printer and paper should I use to make a fake certificate?

So I flunked college and decided to drop out, but I can't tell this at home or else I will be kicked out. Parents are obsessed about me getting an engineering degree. I just want to please them right now and give myself some time to find a tradie job. They will surely come to know about me dropping out of college eventually but by then I'll at least have a job.

So what type of printer, ink and paper do they use to print certificates? From what I can tell, looking at my failed certificate, the ink isn't glossy and the paper is thick. Just making sure that I don't intend to use it for professional or official purpose, I just want it to satisfy my parents for the time being.

Please no moralfag.

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horseshit
horseshit

laser printer and make one yourself with reference pictures

Kek

Try not being a failure

Maybe if you'd not flunked out of engineering you'd know

Go to a local printing shop.
Ask them for help printing a fake "University here Course There" certificate.
And just get it over for it.

Construction paper and crayon.

eff.org/pages/list-printers-which-do-or-do-not-display-tracking-dots

>Handing away 3 years and thousands of dollars to the academic jew for him to endorse that you have a basic understanding of engineering which you could have obtained by reading a book

>handing over years and thousands of dollars and not even getting your goy paper

I love you /k/ guys whenever you ask questions on my boards Sup Forums and /o/ youre always so nice and still you get a lot of hate.

Just use a paper thats at least like 80g/mm^2 and one of those bigass office printers, surely there is one somewhere in the college for students to use.