GUYS!!!

GUYS!!!
I think I'm fucked. Just a hour ago some cops came to my apartment knocking, but surprisingly they left after like 5 minutes, but they left a note on my door saying something about hard drives and activity on the Internet. I won't say what I did.
I'm pissed scared I don't want to end up in Prison!
What should I do first???

I know the first thing I'd do is make an incriminating looking post on Sup Forums OP!

Dammit!!! I'm such a idiot thanks.

Install Gentoo

Yes while I'm in Prison sure.

> I won't say what I did.
The no help for you.

Then*

>probably posted cp
Enjoy your time in jail, pedo

I'm going to backtrace and report to the autorities that they are getting advice on getting rid of evidence. Major crime right there with prison.

I'm just joking guys. Not real. Please no FBI!

>heavily encrypt all storage
>make an Ubuntu live DVD/USB, will be used later
>zero all storage
>one all storage
>zero storage again
>buy a neodymium magnet and run it over everything (don't let the magnet stick to any metals or it can be hard to pull off)
>microwave all SD cards, SIM cards, USBs (not the Ubuntu one), and phones
>bend, break, and bake your hard drive platters
>go for a walk and scatter everything across the city, don't make your path obvious
>replace hard drives
>use live DVD/USB and install Ubuntu onto what you can
I may have forgotten certain things (like trashing the other computer parts and replacing those) or gone over the top with others. If any Anons know a better method, tell me. I'm just listing what I can think of.

>Not randomly filling storage

Being a lolicon is forbidden in your country?
how pathetic

But then you're only going over it once instead of three times, while still reading as completely empty.

Just go with the US State Department standard of 7 wipes.

Boot up DBAN (Dariks boot and Nuke)
Wipe your mechanical disks (One pass only)
Pop your phones SIM, microwave it
Drill your phone over the internal storage chip, microwave the SD card
If you have any SSD's microwave those, with a lighter or torch, melt the chipsets
With a hammer, smash whatever disks you can, microwave the shreds
In a blck garbage bag, insert the destroyed stuff
Knock on your neighbours door, ask him to throw out the trash at the park as a favor

Call your ISP, cancel your account. It won't delete the history, but if they haven't sent a subpoena will buy valuable time

Call your lawyer

Being a turkroach actually has it's advantages. Fucked a girl? No problem. Just say "She smiled" and you are out in a few hours!

That's what happens when you don't browse in incognito mode.

Because tampering with evidence does not give you extra years for contempt

What the fuck is happening on that pic? This looks so random...

Spare anons butt hole everybody. Have mercy.

basically this.

as somebody who has had friends serve real time for destroying evidence I can safely tell you all (and EFF will confirm this) that you need to do two things.

First, you must have a WRITTEN data deletion policy. You must follow it relgiously. When cops kick down your door and discover you deleting shit you will NOT, repeat NOT go to jail if you have said written policy. It has to be written, for evidence. A napkin will do "On this date, 02 Sep, I t. Hacker Joe specify all data is to be removed nightly by this sequence of deletion ".

Also, deleting SSDs does nothing, all the information is still there. They helpfully move information around cells instead "surely.. you don't wish to delete this, I shall preserve it for you in multiple mirror stripes". This is what the system on chip does and it will always do this unless you encrypt files first then copy them to the SSD.

The fantasy you can have some kind of dead man's switch is also fantasy. Police will always wait until you are asleep to kick down the door. They will discover your patterns by watching you for months and then exploit said patterns. You will never, ever, be awake when they move in unless you're Ross Ulbrict and sitting in a library like an idiot logged into ->admin->evidence of your own site.