> "Hi user what do you do?"
> "I study computer science"
> "Oh that's cool, maybe you can help me fix my computer, it's soooo slow!"
> "uhh"
Now we've all had this experience before but let's say you actually want to help the poor guy out, what can you actually do a part from a defrag and clean some shit up with ccleaner?
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You can help him out by telling him to fuck off to a computer repair service or telling him to cough up the cash.
assuming it's a windows computer, you go to msconfig and stop 1,000,000 programs from automatically starting at boot. That's basically the first thing I do when 'fixing' my friends computers
Why do people design programs to automatically start on boot? It makes sense for some programs, but almost everything you install on Windows is like, "me me me start me always on in the system tray me me me"
sheesh
MalwareBytes.
Don't forget to tell him or her to give you money or to gtfo
Adjust mouse scroll rate so faggot will think it actually got faster
Also ask for small normie stuff like starbucks in return
do yourself a favor and don't do this
alternatively wipe everything with no backups and install gentoo
icing on the cake is they are running in background lots of times so the user wouldn't even know they are taxing their computer. just shitty, selfish programs
Windows 8 and up just reset and done.
>be me in 2004
>trying to help a girl out with her computer
>put AntiVi and malware bytes setups on to a storage disc
>she's too tech illiterate to explore the discs and start the executables
I'm surprised it took 5 comments to summon the Gentoo meme, anyways thanks everyone for the advice.
I work at a non-profit that has old Lenovo Desktops. I've heard the same shit so many times, I just tell them to restart it. They also wonder why it crashes when they have 35 tabs open in chrome.
>people find out I study CS
>never get any requests for tech support
All I ever get are app ideas.
i usually reinstall windows. it is stupidly annoying when people hand me PCs that are from the 2000s and then give me some modern anti virus software they bought at walmart and ask me to install them
i had to decline and say that the pc was simply not strong enough to handle it. 256mb ram? fuck i dont even remember the shitty intel cpu it had and the IDE hard drive that was like 80GB
also had a laptop that had a wireless card that blue screened due to driver problems. took me a bit to figure out what the problem was because i wasnt even given a clue
when i was way younger some lady wanted me to fix her pc with a virus and i had to reinstall win xp. i always skim through files to salvage w/e information may be important to them and i ended up her daughters selfies. no nudes just underwear bathroom selfies. she mustve been 14?
Sure, I charge $X for that.
So, I work at Office Depot and fix computers there. In my neighbourhood it's quite literally old people and retards who come in. We charge $40 to move any amount of files, 1-1000000. They pay this willingly and when it takes 20 seconds, they say we perform magic.
Tech support is killing me inside. How can people be this dumb in 2000+4^2?
Fuck. Wrong reply.
>hi, I'm the idea guy!
This shit right here
Also that superfetch bullshit is always running in the background on windows 10. Disabling that helps a ton
pretty much these two
Also teach them how to check startup options and to check for bundled shit when installing software.
Thankfully we don't live in the dark age of toolbars anymore, but now its directly whole unwanted browser or unwanted "antivirus" or "tuneup utilities" instead.
This.
Computer savvy people are too willing to give their services away for free for some retarded reason.
Have you heard about something called "friends"?
I actually enjoy fixing friend's computers software problems
it's satisfying to remove adware and shit software, make their PC's great again
and when you hand it back to them and watch their eyes light up like a child. then within 6 hours they are fucking their shit up again trying to watch NFL games on some russian language stream
>tell him its 20$
>he agrees
>take the laptop
>google the issue
>fix it
This. This is why I love windows 10. It's so fucking easy to un-fuck up.
All of my friends either graduated with me from an engineering technology course, or are in computer science with me right now.
Essentially, most, if not all of my friends are good with computers.
The only person whose computer I ever need to fix is my little sister. And even she's pretty good at not fucking up.
Uninstall bloatware.
Do SSDs make superfetch obsolete?
I tell them to store all their important files in a single folder. Then I save said folder in an external drive, and proceed to "factory restore" the laptop. Then I paste the folder back. That's it.
what I do is take the computer in then scan the harddrive for nudes of wife/kids then jerk off for about 2 hours tops, transfer the customers files and then look for anything I can steal like credit card numbers, social security, active logins to banks to do wire transfers to paypal, etc.
then I disable start up programs, run a virus scan, and then fap again.
I'm a Web Developer and someone asked me that and I ran Malwarebytes and 5,000 threats came up on the scan haha.
Like you said cleaners Malwarebytes and Bleachbit (seems to free up a good bit of space)
my dad asks me this shit all the time and its fucking annoying since his hard drive is shitting the bed. he's too cheap to replace it, let alone pay me for wasting hours of my valuable time
They just want the dick, m8. My sister asked me to fix her printer once and next thing I knew I was balls deep in the pink.
>backup
>reformat
>reinstall
universally fixes all normie problems
This my dudes
If old computer install Loonix, normies only use the browser anyway.
I stopped fixing PC for friends, already have a fulltime job and I don't feel comfortable with mixing business with friends.
That said, look into the Tron script over at reddit.com
>I know just the thing to help you out
>wipe entire drive
>install base arch
>not even a DE, just a barebones console on boot
>Here you go user, your pc will now be faster than ever. That'll be $200
Every time
>not gentoo
> "Hi user what do you do?"
> "I study alzheimers"
> "Oh that's cool, maybe you can help me examine my grandpa, he's soooo slow!"
> "uhh"
every time
>Yeah, maybe, what are you studying?
>Some garbage you'll forget the moment you're done talking to me.
>Oh, that's cool, maybe you can suck my fucking dick or whatever the hell you just said you subhuman shit. I dream in code bitch - compared to you I am a demigod.
>Uhhh...
Every time.
This
I hope you're being a good oniichan and giving your sister proper dickings
Samefag trying to force a new maymay detected
>oh user, what are all those letters? are you hacking?
>nah im just programming
>thats cool, maybe you can help me hack my ex's facebook account!
EVERY TIME
This.
I actually fix the problem while explaining what's wrong and I tell them what not to do, and so 75% of them follow my advice after that. With the remaining 25% that fuck shit up AGAIN, I tell them that I've tried to help but they simply didn't listen so they can kindly fuck off.
1 fixed computer == one groping session
if they ask me to fix their computer, i put my hand up and slip them a pre-typed letter, intimating that i will fix their computer, better than it has ever been fixed, if they will stand motionless for 3 minutes while i grope and fondle their body. i may also grunt and make noises of satisfaction. they are not to look at me, or make any faces, or mention it occurred to anybody. this can occur at a location of their choosing. only then will i fix their computer for free. this worked once in college but she was fat as hell. most other girls though just read the letter and roll their eyes. did you really think i would fix your computer for free, bitch? is this any different than you trading your entire pussy for chad's resources? i am just making it explicit, and so i am the "disgusting" one. cunts.
>only once
thats because your a fat sweaty faggot
Convince them to replace the hdd with an ssd (if the hdd/ram are the bottleneck) or if it's the cpu tell them their machine is garbage and they should die.
I usually have a Windows 7 USB drive in my work bag so I reinstall Windows for them. I always ask for 20 dollars up front. If they don't like it, I won't spend 45 minutes fixing their PC. A repair shop will charge like 100. Plus I'll write down the product key because I'm not that cunt trying to sell them a new Windows copy.
...
If they don't want to at least buy me a beer for that. They are not my friends.
who the fuck has nudes of their kids
you know what I dont want to think about it
I have friends who work as plumbers and carpenters. Does that mean I can expect them to work for free because we're friends?
Why do you do this?
>being this autistic
>installed new AMD drivers for "friend", he used more than 5 year old ones
>flash player showed a green box instead of the video
>had to go
>some skype friend of him installed another driver which apparently fixed the issue
>he told me that I dont know shit about computers because "Drivers have to be installed incrementally"
Fuck that retard, fuck AMD drivers
The worst thing is people don't appreciate you hitting a few keys to get the job done. They interpret hard graft as worth money.
>wtf user I'm paying you for 2 minutes worth of work typing on a keyboard?
>i could have done that
>...but you didn't asshole, hence the charge.
Some people mang
this triggered me more than i could ever believe
Sounds like a half truth. With drivers that old you should do a clean install of the new ones.
>do yourself a favor and don't do this
This.
Here's what you think will happen:
>get slow computer
>make computer fast
Here's what you actually do:
>get slow computer
>make computer fast
>they need the photos they said they didn't need and blame you
>they lost the serial keys to their software and blame you
>they didn't sync chrome, lost their website passwords, and blame you
>their bonzibuddy went away and they blame you
>they download a new virus and blame you
>they buy a new wifi device that doesn't support 5ghz and blame you
>they can't print shit at work and they blame you
>their son announces he's gay on facebook and they blame you
Just don't.
always around easter or christmas
person I know from school, haven't seen each other or talked to one another in about a year
>hey how are you
>good how are you
>can you fix my pc you did it last time ;((
>their son announces he's gay on facebook and they blame you
Made me chuckle.
Kek, I used to work there. I'll be making a business around here to capititlize on those types of people. Ez cash, and with low prices, i'll have a steady stream, or so I hope.
Also, get the fuck out of Office Depot. Literally working in a grocery store is better.
Well if they're unwilling to check something out for you, yeh they arent really being friends.
If my mate asked me to build him a pc, and just gave me the money to buy it and build it, I'd say no because that takes way too long.
If he asked me to recommend a part or have a quick look at his computer because its slow, Id say yes because its pretty easy.
Same goes for plumbers. If you asked him to install a new toilet for free, he'd obviously say no, but if you asked him to check what might be wrong with your taps, you'd hope he'd say yes.
Thats not really the same though. Getting the rounds in shouldnt be seen as a repayment for something, its just something you do as a nice thing to do, or because its your turn
But that never happens. Most people don't say can you tell me what's wrong with my computer they flat out ask you to fix it.
Well if its a big job, you tell them its gonna take ages and you cant be arsed.
If its a small job, surely you can spare 5 minutes to help a mate out.
Install a fresh OS like WIN 7 or WIN 10 on a $40 120GB SSD, give them their external HDD in an external enclosure, and install basics like Chrome and MPC-HC.
I charge $80 for friends and family members else $150 for strangers. It includes parts and labor.
One thing I can tell you is NEVER do it for free even for friends and family members because they'll expect you do everything for free.
I like fixing my friends stuff too, but only my close friends.
They're all fairly tech literate so it's usually pretty easy, just tell them what to do and they can do it themselves.
My family on the other hand are idiots. I can't tell how many times they come to me saying their laptop is running slow and the problem is always that it hasn't been shut down in the past month.
No matter how many times I tell them to shut it off at night or something they never listen
Most problems are tiny issues in my experience anyway and barely take any time
>grandpas tv displays in a weird aspect ratio
>google the issue and solve it in less than a minute
>grandpa accidentally let something change his homepage
>change it back and make sure there are no malicious addons
>takes 5 minutes tops
It's the least I can do considering what he's done for me, but even for others I can spare a few minutes time to fix their stupid issues
>their bonzibuddy went away and they blame you
I remember that thread
Exactly. I remember once my grandpa came round to my house (the drive is about an hour) one weekend because something was wrong with his computer.
He explained the issue, and I press F11...done. He put his chrome into full screen mode, and drove an hour to mine for me to press it.
We had a good laugh about it, and to be clear I'm blaming him for it. For any of us its easy enough to know that he's in fullscreen mode. He thought he'd lost his windows or something.
gentoo isn't a meme
>"hey user you spend all your time on the computer"
>"I do"
>"Oh that's cool, maybe you can help me fix my computer, it's soooo slow!"
>"I can format it for you"
>"wow thanks"
it's really that simple user
fuck you
...
Actually, it should read thus:
"That's becasue you're a fat, sweaty faggot."
> becasue
Holy fuck, I'm retarded.
Indeed, please kill yourself.