The Agile Manifesto is a statement from a number of development gurus espousing four principles:
Individuals and interactions over processes and tools
Working software over comprehensive documentation
Customer collaboration over contract negotiation
Responding to change over following a plan
Nothing that's any good ever came out of agile development.
Uhhhhh, you know that thing you're using right now? The WORLD WIDE WEB. Yeah. That came from agile development, you clod.
hot air instead of doing something useful
>contemplating corpobullshit
user pls
meaningless platitudes instead of real understanding
agile invented the web?
diversity over competence
they gain benefit from standing?
or is it a control thing
you must stand
isn't there more oxygen to the brain when sitting?
these "scrum meeting" - you STAND
you do calisthenics with the rest of the factory at the beginning of the work-day
miserable factory owner looking on disapprovingly
stock options instead of a decent salary
I interned at a startup and we never had to stand up.
i'm irritated by agile
the systems are the issue, not the system for writing the systems
is this the way to program? all this is stress
STAND. sit with someone hovering over your shoulder
this is horrible - it's regressive
why do they have to systemize everything? - they systemize the process, making the process an issue
there are software management tools to manage agile?
those are 'scrum meetings'
it's a part of agile
its like scientology
"Scrum is facilitated by a Scrum Master, who is accountable for removing impediments to the ability of the team to deliver the product goals and deliverables. The Scrum Master is not a traditional team lead or project manager, but acts as a buffer between the team and any distracting influences. The Scrum Master ensures that the Scrum framework is followed. The Scrum Master helps to ensure the team follows the agreed processes in the Scrum framework, often facilitates key sessions, and encourages the team to improve. The role has also been referred to as a team facilitator[18] or servant-leader to reinforce these dual perspectives."
do you get fired if your refuse to stand?
agile ..
im worried about AGILE
used to be writing code
>dykes & nigs
is that Google?
Alright, we've gathered our senior staff here to do pointless exercises and distract you while two middle age white guys hang out in the back room and actually get some work done.
We know most of you are nepotism/diversity hires from our venture capitalists party school and accelerated ricer programs at polytechs, so you probably can't figure out how to operate a screwdriver without jamming it in your eye.
Lets just try to get through the day without anyone injuring themselves.
gotta remember the terminology
'servant leader' -- wtf .. the diagram .. where is the servant .. its sub module 4c shit.. must get this right .. shouldn't I be programming (thinks)
no .. its the system .. we must operate the chinese room now
they're all discussing ruby
The Agile manifesto is completely different from the modern realities of Agile.
The manifesto itself is simply an acceptance of what to prioritise and an extension of 1970's architectural theory from which it came.
Some teams do agile at my company. You get to choose how to implement it and most of the time you get a 10 minute meeting twice a week where you explain what you're doing followed by two or three days of doing what you want. The amount of freedom you get is down to how good you are - very good people can go months working completely alone or choosing who to involve in their research.
>you must stand
>you do calisthenics with the rest of the factory at the beginning of the work-day
>miserable factory owner looking on disapprovingly
Hahaha sounds like a shitty version of the military. At least in the military, the fuck fuck games sometimes serve a purpose.
guy on the right is the 1st programmer to go postal
GET YOUR FINGER OUT OF MY SCREEN
he's thinking there, but can't say
Now I know our H1-B visa workers are not used to going to the bathroom indoors, but just avoid the toilet paper and you'll be fine.
They are standing because it keeps meetings short: en.wikipedia.org
This is common in silicon valley. What else is common is idiotic ideas like Agile, CI, and 'sprints'.
Case in point right here. Not having a plan resulted in the web being the pile of slapdash shit that it is today complete with a security standard that was literally invented by a guy at Netscape who one day decided to temporarily secure just 1 site (We shall have cert authorities...and a cert). It was a solution to a small problem and was never supposed to scale to the entire earth and still be in use 2 decades later
>WHY DO TECHNOCRATS ALWAYS OBSESS OVER STRUCTURES AND SYSTEMS?
This is all going to die soon, right now there's the startup bubble where everybody is walking around with a few million seed capital they can blow on their loony management strategy.
I'm pretty sure most developer office environments are just elaborate sociology experiments sponsored by fringe elements in our military.
anyone like reading about the .com crashes or 'projects that went badly wrong'
'daikatana' - id. software romero team .. romero given $20m to blow to make a game badly & the team weren't happy (although romero was) .. several of them walked shortly after this photo
guy 2nd from left definitely did
romero was a 'level designer', not a programmer
they needed the quake engine badly (& took it, way too late)
maybe agile put together by incompent management, to enable control of something
they create a complex adminstrative system, through which they can direct developers, with their own seeming level of 'competence'
biggest fucked up situations / systems = banks
RBS boss (UK) protesting the abolition of city bonuses: "all the talent will leave"
WHAT talent
those systems are idiocy / diabolical messes -- there is only incompetence in city banking systems
RBS still making a loss
total incompetence now showing through - they can use it as an excuse for liquidity problems
as with natwest (UK)
cashpoints freezing for ~ 1 week on occasion
"we have i.t. problems" .. it doesn't work like that
lies.
there are certain aspects of agile that are useful, such as dividing work up into tickets and doing sprints to complete them
standups are useful so you know what the fuck your team is doing
the problem is when it goes too far and the system overtakes importance from the actual work
'tickets'
you have a spike on a desk
and a pad
why does it have to be a system
>standups are useful so you know what the fuck your team is doing
again - why do they have to stand up
it's about control
microsoft empowered
any arsehole becomes an 'i.t. manager'
the management class -- people with no idea, or contact with the systems
become 'i.t. managers'
because microsoft "accredited" it all
I don't have a spike on my desk
I work with other people on projects, it's a useful way of dividing work, especially if you are in a different office/country from other team members
you don't have to stand up.
The hell it did. The web came from the era of everything that is the opposite of those principles.
>Why are they standing
As already explained about 10x it's to keep the meeting as short as possible, because everybody dislikes standing around. Google "Stand up meeting" en.wikipedia.org
Spike pad on a desk might work for a business with 50 or less employees, but once you get above that you need a system to track and manage the resolution of problems, installations, etc.
Call them tickets, work orders, incidents, etc, it's a way to make sure tasks are completed and have accountability, especially when responsibilities span people/departments.
The standing shit is stupid.
>I work with other people on projects, it's a useful way of dividing work, especially if you are in a different office/country from other team members
'useful'
you sound like a corporate drone
you have a linkeln account
you have all the meaningless fucking courses you've been on
i bet your code looks like shit
through your shitty IDE
I hate the agile manifesto so much.
The customer is a stupid animal that doesn't even know what is best for himself 90% of the times and change idea three times a day.
The customer doesn't need a say in how you design a software. It only messes things up.
It's as when customers asks for changes to the original plans when renewing a house. More costs, more stress, worse outcome.
The whole "the customer is always right" concept was a mistake.
kek lad keep fighting the system from your basement
you piece of shit -- I started out in software houses
yeah but it's what the microsoft people milk
a finalised project & the cash stops
keep it bleeding, never finalised
microshit succeeded in making the process the business
if the process stops they are out of work
they never complete anything
their infastructure is a mess partly because of incompetence, partly to service their model
if they dislike standing around why are they standing for the meeting? can't they afford chairs?
What's wrong with having a linkedin account?
Nobody forces you to be active on it. It's just useful for companies to send me work offers.
NEET faggot detected.
that's why with scrum you murder the customer if they try to talk to your devs
because if you have chairs there's always that one asshole manager who gets comfy and won't shut the fuck up
If you're good at your job, no one cares.
Unless you get a shit manager.
>Nothing that's any good ever came out of agile development.
Whatever helps your sleep at night..
docs.google.com
You see, "agile development" is a tool, just like programming languages are tools. Every tools has good parts and bad parts.
>The customer is a stupid animal that doesn't even know what is best for himself 90% of the times and change idea three times a day.
>The customer doesn't need a say in how you design a software. It only messes things up.
Right, this.
But Agile solves this by inventing the project owner and the scrum master:
Both try to keep shit out of their developers way.
In agile you sprint your way through your customers dream. If they change it back and forth, so be it, but they have to pay for it. It's much worse if you wrote your complete specs, start working and when you halfway there you found out you have to rewrite everything. This way you can always say "OK, we can change that, but the project will take 3 more weeks then."
Immediate feedback --> easier decisions for your customer + covering your ass
There is a place for everything. Agile may not work for smaller companies but i work for an 80,000+ employee corporation and it takes FOREVER to go through the chain of beuracracy to get anything done. The waterfall approach can take a year just to nail down requirements, approval and funding. Agile helps get some sort of product out faster. You pick a goal like, allow users to apply for mortgage and you focus on that form and thats it. Then maybe you do a mortgage calculator, etc.
Because otherwise meetings take too long. Forcing everyone to stand up keeps people from going off on tangents and such. People tend to get the point this way.
Stop being children.
What the fuck is the point of a meeting if I can't take notes? Is this something that a single email could solve? Fuck, where is the logic?