IOS 11 Hoax

Any ideas for an iOS 11 hoax?

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electronics.stackexchange.com/questions/36921/does-magnetism-affect-sd-cards
blog.eriknicolasgomez.com/2016/11/27/the-untouchables-apples-new-os-activation-for-touch-bar-macbook-pros/
youtube.com/watch?v=VAsa3EZmahE
discord.gg/vABT2Qp
ibtimes.co.uk/faulty-phone-battery-may-have-caused-fire-that-brought-down-egyptair-flight-ms804-investigators-say-1600963
twitter.com/NSFWRedditImage

By moving a powerful magnet over an iPhone 8, you can charge it without a magnetic charger. Thus people will erase their iPhones with magnets.

Android

Water and microwave have already been done, so unless theres a critical bug that we could trick people into causing then we will need to come up with a new "feature" of iOS 11

I like this idea. Make them rub magnets on the back of their phones and say that it's like those shakeable battery electromagnets

>cell phones use magnetic storage

Magnetic charging is already confirmed, so this one may be pretty plausible to an idiot.

This doesn't work though

Magnet could be a possibility. Any other suggestions?

all apple services replaced including store with microsoft's

Last time I checked magnets DO in fact wipe flash memory.

No?

Or maybe we can tell them that they can charge it by touching it on a certain part of the case through your bodies static field or some bullshit. Then the apple fags will caress their phones for hours at a time for nothing.

Yeah, this won't work.
electronics.stackexchange.com/questions/36921/does-magnetism-affect-sd-cards

Inhaling through the lightning charge port
checks how sober you are.

But what app would do that? Or is it a hardware feature? Elaborate.

*exhaling which at times can make the person inhale if they're dumb enough.
Correction

With new Apple Forever IOS 11 detects your nearest apple store where all your photos will be stored and printed. Feel free to delete all your photos from your phone and if you want them back simply go to your nearest apple store and ask to view your Apple Forever album in physical or digital form.

Something like that essentially tricking normies into deleting all their shitty selfies and pictures.

Lots of talks of magnets, but what about something heat related?

iOS 11 will implement an Android emulation layer, based on the new fART engine

"All data saved to iCloud is automatically routed to the nearest Apple store, and you can pick it up at any time!"

Never forget

I made so many accounts to spread it

shit was so cash for a few hours

iOS 11 now uses lets you shrink the data on your phone using a magnet, giving you more room to store your pictures without having to delete memories

>quality unix maymaying by your friendly neighborhood technology board

no they don't

...

Your average person doesn't have access to a magnet powerful enough to wipe a device.

Messages, Contacts, Pictures are now uploaded to your cloud and can be downloaded online at apple.ca or picked up in store. Freeing up your storage without giving up your memories.

Quick tip for older phones running iOS 11. Placing your phone on a hot stove element will heat up the and restore the thermal paste inside. This will let your phone cool itself better and run faster.

No iPhone has used a magnetic storage drive.

Magnet idea is gone. Won't work. Use Google, the most it could do is mess up the compass.

Don't forget unlimited iCloud storage, which is also accessible through your nearest Apple store.

Has drop-proof been done?

>tfw the average Sup Forumsentooman is now more retarded than the average macfag

we have to go back.

Upgrading to iOS 11 allows you to access free Cloud services to store unlimited memories in. Consult your local apple store for more detail.

#unlimitedmemories

This actually sounds pretty funny. Is there a way to make the batteries inside the iPhones explode so we could have another Samsung incident lol

Latest retina macbook pro with fingerscanner still has no check for that

When you set the time to that date and fiddle a bit around, you get a presented with a black screen for 2 minutes

it's funny how they don't learn out of their mistakes

>blog.eriknicolasgomez.com/2016/11/27/the-untouchables-apples-new-os-activation-for-touch-bar-macbook-pros/
>Fun bugs

>Given that iOS has had difficulty in the past with time, I hopped in my DeLorean and went back to 01-01-1970. Sure enough, the TouchBar failed to load, Touch ID was broken and the machine took a significant amount of time to boot.

Also: The new rmbp with fingerfeces needs an internet connection to be usable, read that article and shit freedombrix

>this
But be sure to make it subtle, apple normies are getting smarter about our hoaxes. Just be ware.

I think it would play out well if you say a stove top element and warn against putting it in the microwave.

god dammit

DONT consult your local apple store because then they will tell them its not true, tard.

Whole idea is to get people en masse into apple stores ... but okay there betafag

...

True

Actually, good point. I hereby retract my previous statement. Props to you, user.

I don't think the "deleting your pictures is safe now" hoax is a good idea. We're trying to get normies to damage their $800 iPhones, right? Photos on an iPhone don't really have monetary value.

i like this but instead of creating an "official" ad image for it, we need to sort of just spread this around as a rumor, spoofing websites like Wired and TechCrunch

Thank you user

Plus, I don't really think they would fall for it anyways.

money isn't everything user

Truth, almost like it was an experiment they did to test out the thoery and it works.

Buzzfeed article too like: Ten ways to speed up your old iPhone with the release of iOS 11

Say it finally uses a sapphire screen and can resists even hard cuts from a razor.

Maybe this explains the ridiculous fucking price? Good idea, user.

That wouldn't make them actually scratch their phone with a razor.

Yeah I don't think normies would actually do that ...

youtube.com/watch?v=VAsa3EZmahE

you'd be surprise

>russian
>kid

kek okay maybe it'll work

even kids these days have iPhones tho

I think you guys are thinking about this the wrong way. We've already done iPhone hoaxes. What's the new cesspool of Apple stuff?

Airpods and dongles. What's an easy way to render the airpods useless? Or break the dongles?

Maybe this time it would be more effective just to inconvenience a bunch of gullible faggots. Perhaps the iphone ship has set sail

This is specially good since Google Photos has been bundled with most Android's for years
Photos are way more important to your average normie than the new leased phone
This is pretty good

I think if we target those with older iPhones and have them do something damaging in order to "speed it up" would be our best bet.

Then you frame it like as a tech website finding a "hack" or whatever.

An iPhone 6 literally burned a plane with 56 people on board, they already blow up but the last STAND of Job's, the RDF, is protecting the brand

Why did it happen, exploding iPhones would make me LMFAO

>Native c# / real visual studio coded by microsoft (not mono)
>Windows games will now work on mac without any extra software, benchmarks supporting about the same performance or better in some cases
>Steam got together with mac to make it all happen because microsoft is indians
>Drive hard at the indian thing

>drive hard at the indian thing

kek

I've made a discord to discuss the hoax in real time. discord.gg/vABT2Qp

Because iPhone's are equally shitty as Samshit's
ibtimes.co.uk/faulty-phone-battery-may-have-caused-fire-that-brought-down-egyptair-flight-ms804-investigators-say-1600963
There's also those recent videos of smoking iPhone's

Is there a surefire method we could trick users into heating up their battery enough to explode?

How do I fix the microscratches on my jet black iphone?

Grinder works the best. It'll buff em right out.

Where to get Helvetica font? Does Apple use any special version?

Apple uses a custom font now, "San Francisco"

People don't actually log on there do they....

has microwave charging been done?

yes

Apple Wave™

iOS can now handle signals from 3.5mm inputs as well as lightning port. To install a lightning/headphone port, simply remove the home button to unplug the standard lightning port from the MoBo and replace with new dual duty port.

new port looks like so:
___
______/ \______
|_____ _____ |
\___/

...

>Apple Wave™
>No ports whatsoever
>Wireless Dongles

best i can think of tbphf - plausable - builds on the momentum of recent events

nothing has been confirmed for the next iphoe because Apple hasn't said shit and they wont until it's just about released.
phones don't use hard drives you idiot, that wouldn't do anything.

There's the only idea: Apple is shit.

A sander with 50 grit sandpaper.

Is tricking the people that bought the jet black iphones into sanding the back a plausible meme? Would normies have easy access to a large grit (

I think this is the right way

fake, phone goes out of frame for a second. They probably switched it with a broken one.

>"4 hours ago"

Fuck this time format, I want to remember what year and date something was posted, this fucking toddler shit ruins screencaps. Googoo I can't tell what time it is so I need the computer to count hours for me

It's got the date and time on it dumbass.

Wait. Disregard I was thinking images stamped with Unix time.

What about a fake bug they can take advantage of

The screen tilts out so you can sit it on tha table to watch movies without propping it up on something.
But the feature was abandoned, and screen glued down.
To unlock this feature you run a blade around the left side of the screen to split the glue, then leverage it out.

It was abandoned because of it becoming lose over time.

Goddammit. I need sleep. I thought it was another hardware release.

>Environmental Requirements
>Nonoperating temperature: ‑4° to 113° F (‑20° to 45° C)

You can preserve battery life by putting it in the freezer.

Yeah, something like this.

iOS 11 introduces Hibernation for iPhone. Forgot your charger at home, but running low on battery? Battery saving mode originally debuted in iOS 9, but in iOS 11, Apple revolutionized the battery industry by creating the world's first software-driven low temperature deep sleep. Simply enable battery saving mode like you always have, and place the phone in the freezer. Your iPhone will enter hibernation mode, extending your standby time to 650 hours, while still receiving notifications, iMessages, and phone calls.

This could actually work

Id say make it a more realistic number like 50 hours.

Heating up the phone resets the firmware and unlocks the phone.

...