ITT: Post ideas to polish this turd by means of Technolo/g/y.
>Reusable zip-loc bags available
>Juice packs have a chemical strip tracking temperature to dynamically adjust expiration date
>QR code camera replaced by simple barcode reader to reduce the price
>get a hammer
>smash it
There you go
what even is it?
>expiration date
Or you can just fucking pasteurize them and not have a 1 week expiration date? The camera costs shit anyways so it's not like replacing it with a retarded barcode scanner will help any. It's like you think that the 600 dollar price tag is because they have a 1 dollar camera in it.
The chinese copy that doesn't need internet to work and you can refill the packs as many times as you want cause you slice the produce yourself.
Here's an idea: Abandon ship.
This entire device is unnecessary.
We have something called juice concentrate sold locally. They are small 2dl packages and you mix those with 8dl water in a mug and now you've got 1 liter of juice.
You don't need a machine to put juice concentrate and water in a mug.
You seriously underestimating tech fans. They would buy a bottle of water with an apple logo for $150
What is there to improve. Those marketing experts probably reached exactly what they wanted. Just a stupid hyped up waste of money. I don't know why you wouldn't just buy a normal juicer or just buy bottles with that juice in it.
>change name to juic-Ero
>make it so you can put your balls inside the machine ant it will then vibrate at high velocity
A $400 juicer that requires $7 proprietary fruit bags and an internet connection to operate. Became a laughingstock on the internets after it was revealed that you can squeeze their fruit bags by hand just as easily, and then the CEO responded with hilarious bullshit like claiming that the ability to remote-disable juice bags over the internet is somehow an amazing feature.
person responsible for this piece of shit should be publicly executed
China is more freedom oriented than USA.
Juice concentrate is crap m8.
It's better than nothing, but it's not a replacement for freshly squeezed juice or better yet, actual fucking fruit.
Well, for now you can use it to squeeze your balls with a force enough to lift two Teslas!
why does it have ear/hair cutout hat
I have the same juicer!
Juicero makers are already suing them btw.
or just buy boost drinks if you're that fucking worried about getting all your daily vitamins and minerals. You can literally find these for like $1 or less a bottle in some stores.
You can't pasteurize whole pieces of fruit.
wat
youtube.com
based chinks not giving a fuck about IP laws
>You can't pasteurize whole pieces of fruit.
Good thing it's just a bag of fruit juice + some pulp to make you feel better about a 7 dollar cup of juice then.
Those have so much sugar that using them to get your daily vitamins will give you diabeetus.
>it's just a bag of fruit juice + some pulp
Well shit, if it's just a dispenser then how come they haven't been sued by the investors for scamming them?
throw it away and buy bottles of juice instead of fucking bags.
>investors
Isn't it basically impossible to sue people on kikestarter? I'm pretty sure there are tons of kickstarters that never deliver any products.
Oh wow. The Chinese knock-off actually squashes produce. It's not just a Capri Sun Squeezer.
>there's no sugar in fruit
Also you'd only have to drink it once a day. Who the fuck chugs boost drinks like it's water?
It's not a kikestarter, they got direct investments from some bigwigs in commiefornia.
That's why vegetables exist.
Also not eating pulp and fiber leads to literal pain in the ass.
>they got direct investments from some bigwigs in commiefornia
Sounds like their overpriced product is doing exactly what those investors wanted then. It's not like they invested in it to make a good product, they invested in it because they expect that it will siphon out money from hipsters.
What I don't get is that it's just squeezing juice out of a fucking bag.
>more than twice as much sugar as the same amount of strawberries by weight
>actually need 4 drinks for 100% of daily vitamin/mineral intake, not one
Odwalla didn't pasteurize their juice until a little kid got a bad one and died.
Just get a juicer and some fruit from the grocery store. I'm lazy as duck and I'm capable of this shit.
I don't think there are enough hipsters in the entire States to get a positive return on $120m of investment.
>Add cheap camera and LED lights
>Machine takes pics of your drink when ready
>Posts photos on Instagram, Twitter, Facebook etc.
>with nutrition info
>Everyone in California buys your machine
>You become bllionaire
>That's why vegetables exist.
Lmao, nobody drinks that shit. The few who do juice in a couple mangoes and apples to make it go down easier.
>Also not eating pulp and fiber leads to literal pain in the ass.
Eat a few bananas every day, problem solved.
If the Juicero presses the bags at a force that can lift up two Teslas, how many Teslas can my hands lift since I can squeeze the juice faster than the juicer?
Meanwhile Apple is making more money than any other company in Earth's history.
>eating radiation
lmao ok kid, enjoy your intestinal tumors
>>more than twice as much sugar as the same amount of strawberries by weight
>>actually need 4 drinks for 100% of daily vitamin/mineral intake, not one
No you don't unless that's literally all you consume every day. The missing vitamins and minerals are supposed to come from the food you eat during the day.
If they made that drink with 100% RDA of certain vitamins and minerals then people could easily get poisoned. This drink would just guarantee you're getting a ton of helpful vitamins and minerals in at least small amounts if all that's all you consume.
You know you dun goofed when even fucking Gizmodo savages you.
You cannot squeeze phone calls out of Verizon or music out of the internet with your bare hands though.
Fucking watch me.
>Change name to juic-hero
>Make it so you can put your head inside the machine
>Become an hero
>"This translates to roughly 25,000 bananas, which, if you ate at regularly spaced intervals throughout the year amounts to one hell of a constipation. You would need to eat 70 bananas per day. With the average weight of about 100 grams, and 89 kcal per 100 gram nutritional value, this amount of yellow food would provide you with roughly 6,500 kcal of energy, roughly three times more than an average adult need. Constipation would only be one of your problems. You would also get fat quickly - or spend a lot of time doing sports, which again, can be tricky, if you're permanently constipated."
dedoimedo.com
retard
>Be me
>Wife's son tells me the magic jew machine won't press his favourite CERTIFIED ORGANIC NON-GMO FRESH DAILY VEGGY JUICE into his branded Juicero glass (39 dollars, made exclusively for first tier backers on Kickstarter), the only glass that can withstand the freshness of the juice.
>Yells and cries until I remove the banana and kale packet from the enclosure and replace it with his favourite one: "poptarts and mayonaise - a founders favorite (A certified exclusive collaboration between Juicero and Kellogs)".
>at least he is a GMO free vegan and that is all that matters
>NEWS: Florida Man on probation for throttling a Verizon employee
>TT: Post ideas to polish this turd by means of Technolo/g/y.
No fuck you.
This is the kind of technology that makes you a lesser human being.
Use your own bear hands and a simple tool like pic related like a decent human bean.
Verizon is pro-throttling anyways.
>proceed to make botnet out of faggot juice machines
>comparing apples to oranges, or in this case bananas to radioactive elements that humans don't eat
ur making my brain do thinky things
Simple idea: stop being a lazy faggot and use a normal fucking juicer that isn't the juice equivalent of a keurig.
Seriously. The juice will taste way better and the whole setup including produce for a year, maybe two, will still cost less.
>tfw soon we will have botnets made of ovens
The ransomware potential is just staggering.
medium.com
Fuck me harder DRM daddy
A botnet of ovens is the final solution to a botnet of juice.
Can't wait for Russian/Chinese hackers burning your house down because your Wifi oven came with Linux 2.4
I wonder if he's just trying to save face, or if he's actually completely deluded to sincerely believe that "a system that allows us to remotely disable Produce Packs" is a key advantage for the consumer.
Truly amazing
I'd heard about the ridiculous pricing, but
>an internet connection to operate
Holy fuck, someone elaborate. If only for the sake of morbid curiosity.
>oven botnet
now THIS I can get behind
>transfer 0.1 btc to me or i'll burn your turkey and fucking ruin thanksgiving
i love the future
Actually you just reminded me of a rumour that you can lose weight every day without doing exercise by only drinking 4 bottles of boost throughout the day + water.
Can't say how safe it is but it makes logical sense at least in terms of calorie deficit. Everyday your body would have to extract ~1,000 calories from its fat reserves so after a week you'd lose 2 lbs/~1KG of fat without losing muscle mass.
I know they do something similar with mega obese patients in hospitals.
Maybe i'm too much of a anti-consumerist fucker, but ALL juicers seem like a stupid idea to me. You're going through all this effort, wasting all these materials, using electricity, etc... to extract fiber and nutrients from your fruit, so you can drink it... Why not just EAT THE FUCKING FRUIT? You know the actual fruit is healthy too, right? I mean what kind of asshole pays $600 + $8 for a pre-portioned bag of clipped up fruit, then spends 2 minutes using a machine, and maybe another minute or 2 to clean up afterwards, to make juice... when the fruit itself costs SIGNIFICANTLY less, has no clean up, wastes nothing(maybe a cutting board and a bit of water to rinse it off) and is better for you?
If you're an 80 year old woman with dentures, i can maybe understand going to such lengths. If you're a healthy person though, what the fuck is wrong with you, to think all this effort is worth it? Christ, the fiber in the fruits themselves are probably better for humans now a days, since its not like you'll be vitamin deficient if you have a proper diet anyway. A lot of people are not getting enough fiber in their diets tho.
It has a camera that scans a QR code on each juice packet. If it's not an authorized Juicero brand pack, or it's past the designated freshness date, or you don't have the app, or your internet is down, then the machine will refuse to squeeze the packet. The company can also remotely disable your machine if there's been a "recall." It's DRM juice.
biometric scan to assure owner or guest and simple sweat analysis to recommend juice based on salt and sugar content.
>Pays $600+ for an electric machine that squeezes $8 packets of juice that could otherwise be squeezed out by hand
>Complains about the DRM
Frankly, if you're stupid enough to buy this shit, you really cant complain about the DRM. The DRM is maybe reason #8 why this this is a stupid purchase, and more importantly, you're an idiot.
I remember about 10 years ago there was this special fruit rinsing product that was kind of advertised as the "swiffer for cleaning your produce". It was on the shelves for maybe a month before everyone with an ounce of common sense rallied against it for being so incredibly wasteful and un-needed(they tried to convince everyone that simply rinsing the fruit you bought at safeway was not sufficient)
I get the feeling this juice is gonna end up like that.... except the rinsing solution was maybe $10-15. Not $600.. It also didnt compromise your privacy.
>You install the Juicero® app on your phone and create a user account
>You connect the Juicero® juicer to your Wi-Fi and add it to your Juicero® account
>You order Juicero® Produce Packs™ using the Juicero® app
>Every Juicero® Produce Pack™ has a unique QR code printed on it
>After ordering, these codes are added to your Juicero® account
>When you insert the Produce Pack™ into the Juicero® juicer, it reads the QR code and verifies online that the Produce Pack™ is in your Juicero® account and is not past the expiry date
>After squeezing, the code for the Produce Pack™ is marked as used
>You remove the Produce Pack™ from the Juicero® juicer, wash it and send it back for recycling
>The Juicero® app can automatically order new Produce Packs™ based on your preferences, as well as shipping labels for returned Produce Packs™
>Additionally, if a product recall is issued, e.g. in case of a bad ingredient, all affected Produce Packs™ in your Juicero® account will be automatically disabled to ensure your safety and health
I'm just explaining what the thing does, no need to be a dick.
There is no polishing. This is completely retarded.
>whole point of juicers is to make fresh juice out of fresh fruit
>buy some shit which squeezes pre-packaged juice
If it's not going to make juice out of actual fresh fruit, what's the fucking point of this contraption? If I want to buy pre-packaged, pre-processed shit I can just buy juice.
It's hilarious because it's stupid, but the truth is I'm scared that there are people out there who have this on their kitchen counters.
> tfw there will be no name brands making compatible juice packages which only cost $4 instead of $8
If they don't have an authorized QR code then they won't work. That being said, I can see some other company making a non-proprietary version and selling it for like $50 with cheaper/reusable packs if, god forbid, this thing actually catches on.
The sales pitch is that the bags contain pieces of fresh fruit that are squeezed to extract juice.
Of course, in reality either the juicer cannot exert enough pressure or the bags can't handle it, so the bags contain mostly pre-made fruit pulp.
>I can see some other company making a non-proprietary version and selling it for like $50 with cheaper/reusable packs
It already exists. Although they're being sued by Juicero due to fairly obvious copyright infringement.
So, they protect me against criminals stealing my juice packs by disabling them remotely?
based Juicero
Update it to work as a soylent dispenser too.
>copyright infringement
They totally pirated the design.
underrated post
Because it's not for fruit, it's for vegetables. I own a jack la lane unit, and I don't use it that often because it's a hassle to clean.
Wish I'd had this in 3rd grade!!
I didnt mean that specifically towards you. More towards the person who would buy it. Id like to think no one on Sup Forums is stupid/rich enough to fall for this shit.
Sure, but how "fresh" is it if the bags are going to be commercially available? You can't just slice up fruit and leave it like that, it's going to spoil quickly. Won't the packs have to use some preservatives or something in any case? They're not going to be "fresh" anyway if it sits for 2 weeks in some store.
The bags are not going to be sold in stores (it won't work with their overdesigned QR code system anyway). They're shipped directly to you on order, and have a shelf life of only 7 days.
and you recycle them by shipping it back to them...
Its just so hilariously stupid and wasteful.
That said, if it cost me $6 per cup of juice, I wouldn't EVER use it.
So realistically speaking you're still getting "fresh" fruit that's actually a few days old. Still seems fucking retarded compared to buying real fruit and a real juicer.
You order the juice pack, then you order the shipping labels, then you post the juice pack back using the shipping labels. That's THREE packages for one set of juice packs!
I swear, US needs a postage tax and mandatory 3 days minimum shipping time to discourage shit like this.
Well, I guess some people are too lazy and/or stupid to peel and cut real fruit and clean a real juicer.
>you need the app to use it
>you need internet to use a press
>120m investment
if this is not a money laundering scheme, these investors deserve to be screwed
I don't really get the meme of juicing fruit and vegetables to get enough vitamins and be healthy and shit. Why can't you just eat the fruit and vegetables in the normal way?
You can get fresh squeezed juice at a restaurant for less than that.... And its *ACTUALLY* fresh(probably locally sourced if possible), not farmed in costa rica, shipped to america, processed in a warehouse where its cut up, put in an envelope, and stored for a week or two until dispatched, in the postage system for 3 days, then in your cupboard for up to 6 days before expiration.
It is so beyond me, on who this product is for. Like at the innitial concept stage, EVERYONE who was discussing it should have at one point said "This seems really stupid and wasteful". Maybe they're all in a silicon valley bubble, but they must have also done focus group testing too...
>remove the drm
>still make money by still selling the pre-packaged juicepacks since people are lazy
generate coupons to local organic food stores, coffe shops, vegan restaurants
It's bags of pre-juiced juice, the fucking machine just pours it
>they must have also done focus group testing
I don't think so. Read , they're either trying to scam investors and consumers by hiding behind a wall of buzzwords, or completely fucking deluded and not listening to any criticism.
> concentrate
There's this special thing called "fruits", you usually eat them. You can also put them in a blender and drink its product, usually called "fruit juice"
The reason you need to exercise to lose weight is because your body extracts calories from your muscles first.
Ignoring them myriad ill effects that a liquid diet will inflict on you, the idea would eventually work. You'll be an impotent skeleton and not at all aesthetic, but you'll have lost weight.
Or: just buy a $20 mixer and mix everything with a tad juice. Gives you nice smoothies.
I enjoy that we're moving towards a future where the 'tech savvy' punks of the future will be the ones doing everything by hand, meanwhile the average person will be the one living their lives constantly through needless technology.
>The reason you need to exercise to lose weight is because your body extracts calories from your muscles first.
>Ignoring them myriad ill effects that a liquid diet will inflict on you, the idea would eventually work. You'll be an impotent skeleton and not at all aesthetic, but you'll have lost weight.
That makes no sense, you literally can't control where your body burns fat first. Also the 4 daily drinks together would give you 60 grams of protein which is more than enough to keep your body from eating itself (muscle tissue due to protein starvation).
Reads like an ancap maymay