Your technology related job

describe your typical day at your tech/IT related job.

Started as code monkey
As I climb higher on the ladder, I spend less time coding and more time in meetings and shit

it sucks

Develop and fix code made upon numerous layers of abstraction and without really knowing how things work.

Sit at home and wait for calls.
Nobody fucking calls.
Wish I had money.

Ever considered chaturbating?

> Writing fucking acceptance tests
> Pajeet writes production code (management told us not to implement it)
> Reviewing Pajeet's code
> It sucks
> WoW requires to write the link to the verification into commit message
> Look into it
> He did not run the tests I wrote.
> I say It needs the acceptance test.
> Says no
> Management approves
> I am removed from the reviewers
God damnit.

I play dwarf fortress and I sometimes write windows web services
But mostly I look after my dwarfs and read wikis

>Come in 1 hour late
>Procrastinate with coworkers for about an hour
>Get assigned shitty 30 mins code / server patch tasks
>Spent the rest of the day shitposting/lurking

I WFH 2 day a week tho.
Damn i look being a latin america pajeet.

*days
*love

(fuck this keyboard)

IT Service Delivery and Change Manager

>Come into office, see pile of emails of what has gone wrong overnight
>Talk to people in the department, check on the Service Desk, get underling to make me a coffee
>Sit down and go through emails, raise new RFCs for weekly CAB
>Boss calls me, heaps a load of shit for me to do before project meeting
>Call 3rd party vendors and complain about what happened overnight
>Couple of project meetings
>Lunch with a supplier
>Project trackers, update calendar for scheduled outages, talk to devs about how much of a meme Agile is
>Chase Finance on releasing POs
>Go home

I work as a developer at a company where the lead dev is from India. Our entire product is developed by Indians, and me and two other in house developers' job is to fix their code when it breaks.

>being one hour late, no one gives a fuck
>make a double espresso
>read some HN and do some shitposting
>fuck is already 10 wtf
>check email for urgent issues
>fix one line of code, save millions to the company
>lunch time, mobilepost on Sup Forums
>back to work, CTO calls: "hey user, nice fix!" yeah whatever fuck off now let me shitpost, I have some important internet discussions to do
>shitpost even more
>it's 4pm already wtf implement those stupid features that we talked during the stupid weekly standup
>finish early, go back home, shitpost on the bus

>fly drones
>don't crash
>sell photos for thousands

> Lurk Sup Forums for the whole day
> Get money from parents
Best job ever

I can only dream of this level of job security

How do I become a code monkey with the least amount of effort

Become an intern through a placement agency

>IT
>Go to work
>Help boss out with whatever hes working on
>Shitpost
>Tell people to turn it off and on again
>Shitpost
>Tell people im sorry the server/their pc's are slow
>Shitpost
>Clean out a printer
>Shitpost
>Go home
>Shitpost
>Dump paycheck into shitposting more effectively

Try to port IoTivity onto new smart lightbulb. Repeat.

I spend my time blocking cries for help with "Make a ticket"
It's funny because usually they don't know how.

Look I already told you, I deal with the @#$% customers so the engineers don't have to. I have people skills! I am good at dealing with people, can't you understand that? WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?!

How do I get a placement agency to accept me?

Pretty Comfy.

I come in, spend 30m making coffee, and then I spend the day working on mysql queries or java software, while shitposting on Sup Forums.

Just contact them and say that you have some skills, but want to get more experience, so you want to get an entry-level job somewhere. Or even contact companies directly who are hiring junior developers or similar and they might take you on board without a huge amount of responsibility

This sounds like 90% of my communication with our sales team

I have no skills

Work on that shit, learn an in-demand language like java or C# and some frameworks or something and put together some projects

Service desk/sysadmin
Be on time to work
Take a call
Fix something remotely and smooth af
Take email
Open tickets for experts
Repeat ad infinitum

I'm great at my job, pay is ok and clients are mostly ok (corporate). Still I feel the urge to kill myself and set things on fire.

>Wants to be a code monkey
>Does not know any code
Leave now, thanks

BI Analyst

> talk with normies about their information needs
> write down requirements
> write some SQL and create visualization for dashboards
> spend some time helping people use a BI software
> analyze some data
> get feedback from people and improve existing reports

What do you use for visualizations?

I automated most of my tasks in the last 6 months. Our ticket volume is way down as a result. I barely work 2 hours a day. I work out and stretch in the server room.

I come late, leave early, and do almost nothing in between because everything is scripted.
The joys of being a sysadmin.

>reading old ASTM machine documentation for blood tests
>creating flow on IIB to improve production
>3 weeks of tests to justify the procrastination

>Install adobe reader

Same, but with just a little less cynicism.

For now

custom ones in D3.JS

First four hours: reply to the questions of clueless business types on the scrum board
Lunch: optional
First half of the afternoon: actually work on code, unless if I have to answer questions from the QA that doesn't speak English or I'm in some meeting for a fucking insane business decision or I get pulled into a meeting that could be a slack question
Last half of lunch: work on code or do whatever I want because the client company isn't in the same country as us. Usually something that our company needs to survive because I'm the only one with initiative.
After work: return to my shithole apartment because I barely get paid more than an intern. If someone is in town from our client company I go out for a free meal, and if it's our product owner I try not to get too drunk or she tries to take advantage of me.

>wake up
>fap
>take a bike ride
>fap
>take call from client
>"there was a minor problem, it will be done tomorrow."
>write some code
>bike ride
>vidya
>fap
>sleep

Get in at 7am.
Check email. Chinese Junior has question which a freshman could have answered.
Surf HackerNews for 15 min while I have coffee.
Start work on requests made by customer.
Tech lead who is supposed to be the liaison with the client never elicits requiremets, thus we have constant conflicting requests.
Have lunch.
Play vita while I'm off for a shit.
Try to get Tech Lead to get clarification.
He's fucked off to play basketball.
Go home.

Boring job. Same shit everyday. Can't complain.

Actually not cynical at all, i fucking love it. If the paycheck was a bit better i'd never even consider leaving. But its fine for a couple more years until i get into a junior sysadmin job and become better paid and lazier

>wake up at 8:45
>wash face, brush teeth, put on adidas tracksuit because i'm fly as fuck
>arrive at work at 9 (i live one block away kek)
>check why over-night onedrive sync didn't work, network adapter on laptop shut down for no reason
>fucking hell
>replace two cameras with new ones (these have IR lights)
>"user my computer doesn't work"
>fix it
>"user my computer doesn't work" x23
>consider suicide
>13 pm
>set up new IP phones
>fuck around with VMware server
>go home to get lunch, maybe a nap too, perks of living close to your workplace
>14 pm
>go back and shitpost in Sup Forums
>18 pm
>get the fuck out of this place

You wouldn't happen to be in the Dallas area would you? We could use a junior.

hurr durr I replied to the wrong post

Nah socal
Goal is a comfy sysadmin job up in norcal, thays why i dont want to get started as a junior until I move and start to plant my roots. Thanks though

Is C++ is good option or does that tend to be big bux companies?

- create tools for devs get their data into elasticsearch easier
- assist devs with properly formatting their data for elasticsearch
- work with logstash/filebeat/kafka/kibana/grafana/elasticsearch/graphite to find gaps in our monitoring
- work with puppet a bit and do general infrastructure stuff
- build general tools for others to use occasionally

Hoping I'll either get be a Jr. Data Engineer since I like exactly what I am doing at the moment. If not tooling engineer is good too. I just really hope I don't have to do the general "sit in front of zabbix" for 6 months as a Systems Engineer before I can because I really do not like Zabbix. I like programming and that's why I'm liking my current duties, I do a bit of both.

But I'm not going to complain if it's only a few months and I get paid at least the same as my internship. So tired of clocking in/out, can't wait for consistent pay.

>the day starts with a stupid meeting with everybody including guys from unrelated projects because our incompetent boss is pretending to follow the lean way. What used to be 5 min now is 20 min.
>boss assigns tasks to everybody (which most of the time is same as yesterday)
>its user's turn
>user has just finished a project and the client has been milked to exhaustion so they are unlikely to request new modifications.
>user is tasked with a legacy backend project despite being a mobile developer.
>the guy who did it left years ago and it doesn't even compile
>user realizes boss has to pretend to have a task for everyone so as to not to look like it has free resources (some other people are overloaded)
>user spends most of the time doing personal side projects while keeping the backend IDE open.

>Come in
>Answer other's questions about stories
>Work with React until I realize how much async bullshit we've created and attempt to solve all problems with a clever design scheme
>Realize I just gotta fight through the pain and make it werk
>Finish story and realize there is nothing else to do
>Guys where is our shit
>They won't give us any requirements or necessary documentation
>Try to stare at the db until things make sense
>They don't
>What the fuck who designed this db
>Music bro asks for help with simple shit
>Scared for his job
>Stand up time
>Team marches off and we ask the scrum master if they've given us anything
>Negative
>March back to desk and stare at the db

2nd year CS undergrad. Didn't learn anything from school. No skills, nothing.
How do I get a job?

You don't with that attitude and skill set.

No shit? How does one get into this? Details please?

>Scrum meeting in the morning
>Research and resolve incidents & system defects
>Go to meetings
>Request deployments to environments
>Other misc tasks get thrown in
>Finally, the little bit of time left in my day is for writing code, and reviewing code written by coworkers.

:( Figured that much.

Lay on bed on right side.
Grasp penis in right hand.
Fap.
Post fap fantasy on Sup Forums.
Repeat.

>describe your typical day at your tech/IT related job.

>get in at 0700
>brief at 0730
>execute CTO assigned missions during the day
>usually only 2 or 3 hours of real work
>1 hr lunch
>1430 debrief
>1530 turnover

Router/Switch guy, don't get a ton of taskings.

>Wake up tired as fuck every day no matter what because that's just how it's been all my life
>Arrive at work and shoot the shit with coworkers while I drink my coffee and start figuring out what fires we have to put out today
>Go back to office
>Update end user systems, check results of vulnerability scan, patch said vulnerabilities
>New sysadmin they hired comes to my office and asks me for help with basic shit like configuring software. Very awkward.
>Go make more coffee after he's gone
>Correspond with systems engineer on some updates I've been testing
>Reload some end-user systems that come back in, wipe some hard drives, maybe help someone set up some monitors since they come to my office instead of helpdesk sometimes
>Check accounts and shit on my phone every little while when I have some time
>Make instant coffee after lunch because it's 1pm and we don't have any made that late in the day
>Type up weekly report, send out some emails, if I have some free time study for cert exams
>Wrap up shit at the end of the day to have shit run overnight while I'm gone

tl;dr random IT shit all across the board

I like my job, overall. If I had to answer help desk calls I would probably quit though, that would move my job from "great" to "will kill myself within a week". Did helpdesk before, not going back ever.

also, I'm pretty sure I will be offered a job as a sysadmin soon. I don't think my title would be Junior, but would just be Sysadmin 1. I make about 50k right now in a low cost of living area.

What would you guys ask for? Not sure how much room I have to negotiate, I keep getting told by management that everyone likes me and they constantly get good feedback.

My only regret is that my undergrad degree is fucking useless because I was retarded

>20 years old
>live with parents
>IT "Intern" at my mom's workplace
>$10.00/hr
>get in at 8:30 because openflex
>play oldschool runescape for 8 hours
>afk runescape while prepping new systems occasionally
>take breaks every 1-2 hrs for a quick trouble call of "help, scary yellow bar at top of Microsoft Office!"
>part time Uni for IT degree

Life is gud

I have no idea. I took a job for a huge pay raise, but the old guy I work with who has been there for years literally won't let me even sit on on some work.

I'm mildly competent at IT things. The fat fuck won't even let me learn the nuances of the systems. I secretly believe he won't show me around because he thinks he's training his replacement. DUDE, we're expanding like mad, thats why they hired me use me dammit!

I just sit in a cube and answer a half a dozen calls that amount to restarting IE. for 8 hours a day.

Even if something horrible goes wrong, it's all virtual desktops.

here

that sounds fucking cancerous, I want to die thinking about that

>Sit in a technical assitance center with thousands of clients.
>Literally not trained to do anything.
>when some calls simply say "we are looking into it"
>Play video games the entire night
I have to say, if it wasn't for the drug tests, this would be the job of champions.

Damn you americans with your money. That job would be about 30k€/y in my euroland even with hi-sec no-offshoring clients.

If the boss was ok I'd ask how much the other tru sysadmins make and ask that with a little bonus. If the boss was shit I'd check Job postings with pay mentioned and add a random "veterancy" amount.

My only concern is that Dude is going to be out sick or something, the network goes down, and i won't have a password to a router or something.

>go to work
>true personality would only get exploited
>fake personality engage!
>take orders from fake supervisor
>begin collaborating with colleagues using fake personality

I only show my true personality to my close friends.
Office environment === full fakery engage!

As a consequence of the type of work this is (or a benefit, depending how you view it), we effectively only hire American citizens. I think it generally results in people being paid more than you would in a similar cost of living area

I mean I'm sure it doesn't beat whatever big companies in California offer or something, but why anyone would want to live in the shithole of California I have no idea

Again you can rent a nice house with 3 bedrooms and a big yard here for like $900 a month, the cost of living is so amazingly nice

Software Developer
>Listen to solutions problems
>First-level support from Marketing Department
>Data migration from one campus management to another
>Both campus management sucks
>Stationed right in front of my head department's table everyday because no chair and table provided
>Student enrollment gone wrong
>Finance cares about only their own process, still uses UBS, complain about double work
>Head of Academic Departments want to bomb the new campus management system due to "muh timetable planning" which changes every semester for every intake and complains about how easy to do it in Excel

I work in geek squad kill me
>Get to work at scheduled time
>fuck around for an hour while guy I'm with prints jobs for the day
>listen to music in the van on the way to a job
>put the tv on the wall or set up the system or whatever it is
>repeat 3-4 times max, usually go back to store and get asked to fix demos and shit around the store
>can't do it cause no parts/cables ever
>sit around till it's time to go home
This counts right.

Level 1 service desk analyst

>wake up 10 mins before I have to leave
>rockup to work tired as fuk
>Sign in to the phone system
>Go through ticket queue and update any outstanding tickets
>Turn it off and on again all day
>Drive home in peak hour traffic
>Vidya till late
>Rinse and repeat

bad reddit show

Dude that's better than working Geek Squad where I did.

I was an "Advanced Repair Agent", one of the in-store guys in the back. I had to do so much bullshit not part of my job description, such as work the goddamn front counter because they NEVER staffed enough consultation people. I also had to constantly take phone calls and make phone calls because our single correspondence person only worked part time.

The actual repair work wasn't cancer, but doing everything outside of my job description was fucking awful.

I would love to do some actual repair work for customers. BUT we don't fucking do that we just send it to fucking to Toronto or some shit.

Most of my on site troubleshooting or repair is shit like "why can't I get my old ass amplifier and sound system to work with my brand new TV" "What do you mean it won't work you guys are supposed to make it work! What I gotta buy something what the fuck"

People are fucking stupid.

>security analyst/network administrator
>work tickets
>firewall, IDS/IPS, log management, WCF stuff
>join conference calls for maintences and device changes
>work tickets

What kind of qualifications does that sort of job want?

When my contract's up in 2 years I'll have had 4 years experience working in a NOC servicing 80k people, with experience on Sidewinders, Palo Altos, Bluecoats, ASAs, and all sorts of Cisco devices.
What certs/degree should I pursue?

>code
> get up , go to the qt girl on next desk
> massage her
>go back to coding
....
>they like the massage and ask more of it

That would be enough to land you a job as a level 1 tech where I am, I can't tell you where that is though.

Gaaah, but I understand.
What's the pay like? City? Federal or nah?
I also have TS/SCI clearance.

Thanks a lot, by the way. I'm trying to weigh my options when it comes to re-enlistment or finding a civilian job.

Being ex military I would think you could do better than the starting pay where I am to be honest with you, especially with the clearance

>go to office right before standup
>attend standup
>browse the web
>go to lunch
>go to office gym
>do a bit of work
>leave

the feels; same here, job gets bored.
At least by now I'm still doing some sysadmin stuff.

You're probably right. I know there are $80k+ positions here in CO, or six-figure positions out in the DC/Maryland/Virginia area.
Those jobs come with the rigamarole of dealing with classified systems and information, but maybe it's worth it.

I suppose I could build up cash for a few years and then try to buy a house and find a more comfy low-key IT admin job, like at a school district.

Look on USAjobs.gov for civilian tech stuff to support green suits

Tier 1 technical support for a large web host.
>Get there an hour early
>Work on unofficial replacement for our escalation tracker and/or screw with a copy of our 10-year-old ticketing system
>Shitpost to sysadmin friend/web transfer agent friend/customer service friend over IM
>Clock in
>Call: "No ma'am, WordPress is a CMS, not an email client"
>Request a break
>Call: "No sir, I can't fix your theme, please contact its developer."
>Call: "Push this button in cPanel. Problem solved."
>Get 15min break
>Call: "Okay sir, please hold while I get you in touch with my supervisor"
>Call: "Please check the tutorial on our site for this, sir."
>Supervisor asks why I haven't responded to more email tickets when all 30 tickets in the queue have someone working on them
>Call: "Oh, your domain is suspended. A different department handles that. Please hold while I transfer you."
>Go for 30min lunch
>Request final break
>Call: "Sir, please download this remote viewing program so I can show you where you messed up the email settings in Outlook."
>Call: "No sir, we do not have a backup of all 100GB of your mail."
>Call: "Thanks for holding. I have escalated this to Tier 2. The didn't find anything. Please hold while they keep working on it."
>Call: "I couldn't fix it in 10 minutes so here's a ticket number. We'll email you when were done."
>15min break
>Call: "No sir, I can't transfer you to Tier 4. We don't have that many tiers, and only Tier 1 accepts phone calls or transfers."
>Clock out
>Work on projects at desk
>Shitpost over IM
>Go home
>Maybe watch netflix
>Sleep

>meetings
>dealing with pajeet
>fixing shit
>no time for the fun features
>dealing with computer illiterates
>more meetings

It's fun

same. my fantasy sports teams have improved a lot since I became a professional code monkey. I also work on personal or healthy hobbies that aren't too obviously not work-related, recently stream of consciousness journaling.

Everybody here cries about IT buy my life is pretty awesome:
>Work from home (75% on pijamas)
>Pretty stoned
>70% time basically free
>Earning much more than all my friends (muh suit job)
You have to be pretty normie to not enjoy the finest things of life.

c++ is usually high tech or aerospace shit around here. whatever javascript web dev is at exciting startup types, java is maintaining old shit, c# is easy and comfy.

not a coincidence that stoner states have all the IT companies

Can confirm
100% effectiveness
Hopes and dreams are now immortal

Hello fellow agents. CA here, but my store treats me like an ARA all the time because there are only 3 competent people here.

>Go to work at scheduled time
>Huge line because neither the agents nor the blue shirts utilize the scheduler to set up reservations for people
>Clock in and deal with
>"I got a pop-up saying my PC is infected and to call Microsoft so I called the number and now they want $600 to unlock my PC"
>"I was just browsing Craig's List and definitely not watching porn and now my machine won't stop giving me pop-ups!"
>"My machine updated to Windows 10 WITHOUT ME WANTING IT TO a year ago and now it's running slow"
>"Do you guys fix broken phone screens? What do you mean, you don't!?"
>"Do you guys fix cracked screen TVs? What do you mean it wouldn't be worth fixing!? This Westinghouse cost me $400 just three years ago!"
>"Hey user, we need you to blue wave the PC department even though there's a huge line here."
>"I want a fast PC! Woah, woah, woah, I don't need no 'Ess Ess Dee'. I'm not a GAYMUR!"
>"Is this $180 piece of shit with an Intel Atom, 2gb of RAM and 32gb EMMC storage good? No? I'm gonna buy this one!"
>"Why does my laptop keep telling me it has no storage available? It came with 32GB!"

My last day is tomorrow. Already have a better job lined up and I can't fucking wait to be out of here.

>Get to work at 07:30
>Open reddit
>Browse reddit until 10:30
>Go get lunch
>lunch from 10:30-12:00
>Browse reddit until 15:00
>Head home
>$32 an hour

There's some work and youtube in between those hours, but I hate my life and the pay is shit.

use the reddit time for self-improvement. cultivate some hobbies. learn some new programming languages or systems or whatever you want even if it's not really related to your work. your employer won't find out and i've never heard of anyone getting in trouble for this.

>Go to banks HQ downtown for 8AM
>Grab coffee and bullshit with the infosec guys for like an hour and half until they say they should start working
>Float around building talking to other people I'm cool with. Finally hit my desk in my office at 11 sometimes 12.
>Delegate some tasks to the code monkeys.
>Do my shit too but I'm usually done in about an hour and go to a meeting if there is one.
>Lunchbreak until 1 with this one dude from IT. We talk about video games and shit.
>We get back and carve out an hour or so playing CS:GO, Overwatch or Rocketleague together. Whatever we're in the mood for.
>Do a bit more work and do menial office labor such as small manager bullshit and making sure we have all the supplies we need.
>Basically dick around until 5 and dip.
>130,000 a year.

I don't think I've worked a real day in the past 4 years.

>sit around all night waiting for calls
>maybe 3 people call; 1hr of total work at max
>shitpost, read books, study, work on personal projects during the down time

Knowledge positions are pretty comfy.

software engineering manager

"typical" depends on the day of the week

is it monday or tuesday? MEETINGS MEETINGS MEETINGS MEETINGS MEETINGS MEETINGS MEETINGS MEETINGS and lest i forget MEETINGS MEETINGS MEETINGS

wednesday? shit is starting to heat up let's try and motivate my team also MEETINGS MEETINGS MEETINGS MEETINGS MEETINGS MEETINGS

thursday? either shit's hitting the fan or everything is going better than expected. i might live to see next week. also MEETINGS MEETINGS MEETINGS MEETINGS MEETINGS MEETINGS

friday? fuck all is going on time to catch up on our ticket queue. the one day of the week where i never have a meeting.

Sounds like my boss aka ICT Head.

How do you manage to go through probation or salary increment if it keeps up?

The academic I'm in currently doesn't have any career plans.

Level 2 service desk analyst
>Arrive at work between 10 minutes early and 20 minutes late
>Make pot of coffee
>Check emails
>Send emails complaining about our monitoring not working properly again
>Send emails about how shit our clients sonicwalls have been set up
>Start taking phone calls and handling tickets
>Decently challenging junior sys admin shit
>Only been there for 5 months but feel like I'm pulling my own weight really well
Need to get off the help desk bros, I missed out on a junior sys admin job and settled for this one instead, working for one companies IT dept would be living the dream for me, I could actually script, automate and keep everything fully patched instead of just fighting fires all day

> spend weeks writing up inane docs for a new product
> dick around super slowly, go through inane meetings reviewing said docs
> break down tasks, estimate time to complete
> hand over to management
> literally spend three weeks doing nothing but LAN gaming and fucking off to lunch for hours every day
> management comes back, "looks good, but we need it in two months instead of six. If you complete it, we'll give you $10k to spend on office improvements".
> eh, I like a challenge
> busting ass every fucking day
> twelve hour days, six days a week toward the end
> at work until 2 A.M.
> stumble into work (lived across the street) at 9:30, late for the dumb morning meeting our P.M. insists on
> P.M. calls on me to tell everyone EXACTLY WHAT I FUCKING TOLD HIM YESTERDAY
> JESUS CHRIST, WHAT DOES THIS FUCKING RETARD EVEN DO HERE???
> deliver project ON FUCKING TIME
> continue to hear how upset P.M. is that I "disrespected him" by oversleeping after working UNTIL 2 FUCKING A.M.
> annual review comes up
> get docked for sloppy check-in comments on 10 P.M. of final days
> she's the one that insisted on the godawful architecture where we literally had to check in and automatically deploy in order to test ANY permutation of the code

Fucking cunts. At least we got an office pool table out of it. I proceeded to play about two hours of pool every fucking day and come in late as fuck until they laid me off.

Never, ever stick your neck out for your employer. Be ready to bolt at any moment.

>Wake up at 6:45, walk from bedroom into office
>Answer any urgent emails, queue up some scripts, then nap on couch until 9am or so
>Review logs, troubleshoot errors, generate reports etc. for a couple of hours
>Work is generally done by noon, so then I just crank the volume on my phone/workstation so I can hear it while I go do whatever around the house
>earn $60k and consider a second job / some other profitable hobby for extra cash, but ultimately spend most free time napping instead

>but ultimately spend most free time napping instead

You should probably try to get some regular cardio in.