You are at home

You are at home.
Pic related happens.
You have 40 seconds

1.) What do
2.) How fucked are you

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1) make them a coffee
2) I'm not filthy pedo, so I have nothing to hide

Nothing, because I don't live in that house.

Magnet to my drives.

Magnet to my SSD

I don't have anything illegal on my drive, just shit that would be hard to explain.

they violate nap so I proceed to shoot them

1. Open the door and welcome them in
2. Not at all I'm not a fucking pedo like you

Light the 10 lbs of thermite I have sitting over my PC turning the entire system into slag in seconds

>1.) What do
Open the door for them so they don't fuck it up.

>2.) How fucked are you
If I get to the door in time then I'm not fucked at all.

1) Pretend nothing's wrong
2) I honestly have no idea how legal things are but there's a reason I don't let anyone use my computer

>turn off the power
Even though I don't have anything illegal, good luck decrypting anything

Nothing to hide, nothing to fear

You aren't illegally downloading pirated files are you, user?

Bye bye outside world.

literally autistic

Take my cyanide pill.

wait until they no-knock kick down the door, walk into the house single file, wait until they are all in the hallway then fire the ballistae spearing all of them at once

>put laptop in bag
>throw it out the window
>tell them I don't own a computer

1. Get out and greet them
2. It's just a bunch of faggots from /k/, we're going to some gasmask convention
3. cyka blyat

i lock the basement door

1. quickly flush my ram an disks down the toilet.
2. not at all.. but i enjoy making scenes

I decrypt my partitions and proceed to wait for them to seize my hardware because I know they will get it instead by drugging and torturing me if I don't give in.

>Inside grooming my toecheese I hear screaming "POLICE OPEN UP"
>Waddle upstairs to grab my thinkpad
>Power off so my LUKS partition kicks in
>Fill a bag with whatever I can find, programming socks for private work on the run, spare cheetos to keep my energy up etc
>Police smash down the door and clear room to room
>Decide an aerial escape from a second floor window is my only option
>Jump
>Land on two officers guarding the door
>Police on the top floor realise and return fire
>I swing around 360' and deflect their fire with my t420
>fall in my side and start to roll down the road
>Police pursuit vehicles have no chance, they swerve to avoid me
>Shack up at a random McDonalds 40miles away
>Boot up tails using free wifi and make this post

Take that cyanide table I've been holding onto.

They don't do that in first world countries.

...

I guess I lose my backups, my laptop and my phone. I haven't yet implemented the 1 out of the 3-2-1 strategy.

Remember kids, backup your shit.

1) Open the door, "Go ahead, my drives are aes512 encrypted with a 30+ characters password only I know. Now I will nit say a word until I'm alone with my lawyer"
2) Not fucked, no way they can unlock my Truecrypt HDD, won't say what's on it, why would I tell them? Unless they have solid evidence afaic they are breaking in my house.

Only when you say mean things on Facebook in Europe they will raid you

Not fucked at all because I'm not a Muslim pedophile piece of shit terrorist.

>with a 30+ characters password only I know
You've admitted that you have encrypted information and that you are in possession of the means to decrypt it. Your lawyer will not appreciate you throwing out the only two (weak) arguments he could make against a court-order compelling you to decrypt the drives.

Contempt of court for refusing to comply with such an order can have you held indefinitely until you do comply - or at least until you can make a successful appeal to a higher court. Which is a difficult and expensive thing to orchestrate, as every level of the judiciary will be working against you.

The system is fucked. Technically-sound encryption prevents decryption, not legal threats. We are past the point where running a bit of software is enough.

>Germany and Britain are all of Europe

Nice try, burger-san

I am already fucked because I have a SWAT team (or whatever) in front of my house and those don't come because of whatever the fuck I might have on my HDD (unless it's some terrorist/national security shit)

I'm german and he talked about first world countries

And thank god I'm not in datacap-land

I live in france. You cannot hold someone at the police station for more than absolutely MAXIMUM a week, you need to have solid evidence. So what you are saying is: It is better not to tell the police that you know the password. So let's suppose you are being raided, you dont say a thing, comply and go to the police station, here an officer tells you "it appears one of your drives is encrypted, tell us the password!" The proper answer would be: "I want a lawyer" because if I say "No!" it implies that i do know the password right?

Just say it's encrypted and that you forgot the password so it is totally off the table as being able to use as evidence

>time to suck some dicks

Grab the gun on my desk and put a bullet in the head of the first intruder and perhaps the next.

>not having everything loaded onto RAM
>not just turning off the power to instantly erase everything
>law enforcement can't understand how I use a computer with no hard drive
>walk cause no concrete evidence

Lay on the floor on the open so I won't get shot up

>loading OS every time to RAM when you power on

A few minutes of your time is better than a huge nigger cock in your ass while you're behind bars

My child slave army should've dealt with them by now for violating the NAP

>1.) What do
I prepare them some tea.
>2.) How fucked are you
I hope they enjoy tea.

unplug and flush usb sticks

fairly safe

magnets dont work on ram honey, doubt you can flush the memory fast enuf inside

>nothing
>give up
Im french

1.) Kill you
2.) Piss on your body

The key is still in ram
>yfw the cold team enters and puts your ram on freezers

...

1. hide in basement bunker
2. self-destruct entire house

fpbp

I do this.

Wrong.

They will take your pc and put CP on it. It doesn't matter if you aren't a pedophile. The court will say you are.

Your turn.

I don't think any of the pictures are illegal.

Was witness in CP case here. That's the part I never understood about these cases. Reasonably, when you think about this shit none of it makes sense. Because anyone can simply change the machine clock and download CP onto your machine, and you have no way of proving you didn't do it or that the authorities did do it. And you'll be convicted regardless of evidence because as long as you're on trial for CP you are going to get convicted.

Put on MAGA hat, answer the door with a pistol on my hip and ask to see the warrant.

*takes gun butt to the face*

>snap and crush ram
>throw broken ram behind computer
>put in decoy ram stick instead
the advantages of having a workbench

>snap and crush ram
>throw broken ram behind computer
>put in decoy ram stick instead

Why? Just reboot and its gone.

The elite uses this quite regularly to ruin opponents. I am a court appraiser for software / data related cases and I have been threatened to keep my mouth shut about this. I have a normal superior and the weird superior who comes in for special cases. With the second one, I give him the evidence he asks for. He always winks at me as if he ways saying "Don't fuck this up or we fuck you up."

Ram would be gone once powered off by just switching every breaker off

First of all the first piece of unsolicited advice I would give you is, you better use a motherfucking VPN under some other name for your "browsing" that isn't work or social media related.
>user uses Sup Forums, a known pizza website and nazi website
number two advice I would give you is, get rid of all and any storage mediums you have, buy a couple of cloud accounts, they're cheap enough and store all you want to store there. physically damage the connectors on your work computer or laptop as "proof" that you didn't use storage devices. have no external drives unless secretely stored offsite, and that shit better be behind some motherfucking drywall in between 2x4s.

You been threatened once already, I'd highly suggest you do these things, or change jobs.
The particular case I was in, showed up on a local newspaper as in "states attorney puts another one in for pizza", its all motherfucking politics, they won't hesitate in fucking you up if its convenient, CYA

wake up and realize I'm leaving in a country where unless I'm a drug baron, mass murderer or literally having gorillion bytes of CP there is no fucking way I'm getting visited by police, let alone AT team.

>feels good to be white and not a western cuck

Anywhere in Scandinavia?

No, Eastern Yurop

They just kill you there, unless you're the town rapist.

Yeah no, regulations about using leathal force are so strict here cops are actually afraid to shoot unless it's really, and I mean really fucking necessary.

>hey lads, want a cup of tea?

pedos can get fucked

Grab my gat, shoot my girlfriend, then myself, then my dog.

memory stays in ram sticks for a couple minutes, you can extend this by drastically dropping the temperature of the ram sticks e.G. frozen co2 and nitrogen

I grab myself a cup of coffee and tell them they've messed up and clearly got the wrong guy for whatever it is they're doing.

>Only when you say mean things on Facebook in Europe they will raid you
burger education

why did you post this twice with two different time stamps

fuck you capitalist circus monkey intelectual property is theft

Woohoo big surprise, people are getting rekt for things they haven't done.

The US loves to do this if they can't get a hold of someone in another country without an extradite warrant. Best example: Julian Assange.

When nothing else works, they can always rely on the trusty rape/CP card.

This : youtube.com/watch?v=gnKuATDRsBs

Is this thread a honeypot?

>make them a coffee
>Open the door and welcome them in
>hey lads, want a cup of tea?
>I prepare them some tea.

Americans are truly the most pathetic bootlickers in existence.

Well then make sure to fucking blast them with a torch after you kill your power

Russian counteragent detected.

It's all the redditors from r/the_donald

In the rest of Europe they will just steal your kidneys and rape your pet instead

>be 12
>home alone playing ffx
>having a blast
>suddenly dog start barking and I hear what seems like the sound of a bunch of people walking fast in short steps
>loud "THUMP!"
>keep quiet
>hear steps approaching
>start panicking and just freeze there where I am, unable to do anything
>I see the approaching shadow of a bunch of people on the corridor and they come towards me
>"Ara"
>not 12, I'm actually 27
>wasn't even playing ffx on the ps2, it was pc emulation all along
>not even fat
>my figurines are not dolls, they are familiars, I'm never alone
>they get entangled on my illusory web and stuck on my barrier's domain through the stare of my figurines
>slowly leech their life away as I keep playing vidya
>get my shit pushed in by dark valefor, didn't even know they existed

what

What can they do if you just say you forgot your password? Make up some excuse like you haven't used that device in a long time or you just did a routine password change recently for security and forgot the new one.

>they shout FBI!
>computer mic picks up
>instant shutdown

Thats actually a good idea

i have a USB stick filled with nudes of my ex and fuckbuddy (and more to come) so that's about it. i don't pirate software or movies so they'd just come in, shoot my dog, and leave.

More like seconds. After only a few seconds at operation temp a large portion of the data is corrupt. Coldboot attacks are only reliable if you hit the memory with co2 before removing power.

>Tea

I don't think these are american

Also what else are you going to do if not let them in?

turn off computer
burn the house down
chew on cyanide tooth
i'm good

tell them about how superior it is to use arch becaus of the AUR and go full RMS on proprietary software
Sup Forums prepared me for RL trolling

The guy is playing FFX international edition. The dark Aeons can be a tough slog if I recall but the final last boss 'penance' is tougher yet.

...

Haha I have nothing to hide :DDD

>"Hey hows it going"
>Let them in.
>See what's up.
Already Happend once, guy disconnected the tube for my dryer and shook it looking to see if a gun had been shoved into it.
Chatted for a bit and then they left.
They caught the guy btw.

>day 3 of the convention
>they still haven't realized i'm the creator of linux, although the indian guy with the inflatable tux has been giving me increasingly more suspicious glances
>i suspect my time is running out, so the plan will proceed to completion tonight, two days ahead of schedule
>until then, i'll just continue to sip this questionable coffee and smile like i belong here

> Gets arrested and ass raped by the police for """"Hate Speech""""
> Big investigation, news blows up
> Gets interviews from Sargon of Akkad, Tim Pool, other (((Skeptic))) community dummies
> Garner sympathy from (((skeptic))) community crowd
> Start youtube channel ranting about MUH ESS-JAY-DUBYAS
> Get 100,000s of subscribers
> Open patreon
> Patreon flooded with $$$
> Start Gaymen streams on twitch
> Get autists giving out $ for paid comments.
> Courts eventually drop all charges due to a big waste of time
> Enjoy comfy career shitting on pink haired ham beasts and having Gaymen autists spreging out from suiperchat comments.

Gotta think of the positives anons.

>drag hobo body out of freezer
>hide in premade fire proof spider hole with tv and all my animu
>deploy tactical thermite on PC
>wait a week crawl out of hole
>continue on with life