Be me

>be me
>tired of today
>drank 6 shots and working on a sixer of beer
>using my top-spec thinkpad to watch Archer
>fuck you i have a grape blunt

btw pic not oc, not my w530

anyone feel like comparing the complexity of a balanced binary tree vs a hashmap for a statically sized dataset?

good, me either. mmmm blunts.

Alright, what happened.

nothing, some days just require chemicals

actually if you want the truth ive been a wage slave at a pc repair shop for a few months and i have to go back tomorrow and i miss being a neet

mmmmmmmm looking at yordle pictures
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMM looking at yordle pictures while consuming alcoholic beverages
ÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖ looking at gay yordle pictures
JJJOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO looking at yordle pictures while under influence of illegal substances and listening to people having intercourse

wtf is a yordle

oh, LOL furries

i like furries sometimes

trumpets and violins I can hear in the distance
I think they're calling our name
maybe now you can't hear them but you will (ha ha)
if you just take hold of my hand~

well, at least you have a rather relaxed job where you can do the shit you like
- t. "person" ready for another year of dwelling and consuming legal drugs while looking at yordle pictures

i try to keep that in mind. my quality of life has increased significantly since i went back to work, and the level of stress is nothing compared to what i was doing a few years ago

i know i'm whining about White People Problems.

Ron??

i feel you, had some kind of internship not too long ago. confirmed my assumption that I would not be a worthy contribution to any kind of company, so I'll go through my routine again.

no its not whining about "white people problems" you just want to exchange information with people that experienced the same things, as everyone here does I guess.

does it make sense that i dont want to work, but I WANT to want to work?

Whats worse about this is I've been amazing at every job I've ever had, but always end up feeling this way. Being good at being a slave isn't enough to make me okay with being a slave.

But I honestly wish it was because I'm exhausted with myself.

Well I guess it makes sense.

The people there said that I worked fast and exact, but I guess they did not know that I missed a few entries in some excel list on my last day. I know it sounds extremely autistic, but I want my contributions to the company to be 100%ly correct all the time, otherwise it would be inefficient, right? anyway, it felt kinda wrong to read some shit on my phone sometime during work time, though my coworkers went for a coffee or cigarette almost every 30 min.
yet I still think that I would be no valuable contribution to some company, based on the fact that I completely lack social skills (obviously) and can therefore not function efficiently in a team.

I kinda myself do want to work somewhere of course, or how am I supposed to earn money, stay alive and fulfill my wishes; but I also somehow just want to be comfy in my basement - being a burden on taxpayers - based on the little income that I can expect.

i am socially crippled as well, but i differentiate between work socialization and...well...socialization. at work you can just put on a mask and prop yourself up on your performance. if you make a mistake, be the guy that wants to learn from the mistake, not the guy that is afraid to acknowledge it. both of those things are in your control and more than make up for not giving a shit about game of thrones or the superbowl or whatever

^my problem

no I mean I can't socialize at all... of course I don't let my special humour hang out, but it's just like I'm too afraid of making some error while talking and then looking like a complete retard, possibly even fucking up the relationship with said person.


fuck...

sounds similar to a dsm PTSD diagnosis i was handed once. feeling like you have to be perfect, all the time. feeling like if you're not at 150%, you'll fuck up. its unsustainable

You said yourself to be the guy who learns from mistakes. Talk to people, be ready to fuck it up and embarass yourself, then pick yourself up and try again having learned from it. You have to fuck up routinely to get good at anything, being social is no different, its just another fear.

somehow makes sense... thanks, I'll look into that.
thx~ I'll try

Nice blog, where can I follow?

I gotta say thanks (again) to the people here which behave adequate for individuals allowed to use this website as defined in the TOS("Rules", especially Global#2).