Let's do this, Sup Forums

We've done the microwave charging and the water-proof stuff, but make way for:

Kinetic Power Charging.

We have to do this shit, this'll go viral

inb4 cnn reports

>we

>we
You need to go back.

That's a shit idea try again.

Imagine all the people smashing their phones on the fucking ground

You need something more subtle and logical. The microwave one was perfect, same for the "1970 retro" iPhone.

>All new OLED screen is the toughest! Tougher than diamond and sapphire! Lifetime warranty, try to scratch it!
>Glass back and edges of the screen change colour with severe temperature changes: Try dropping it in boiling water then dropping it into freezing cold water

this. I know iphone users are braindead but I still doubt they'd believe smashing their phone would charge it

"Dropping it on the ground charges it" yeah no one is that stupid.

It has to be at least SLIGHTLY plausible. How about "shaking it charges the battery" which you can compare to those old flashlights that charge by shaking.

But that won't lead to a lot of damage like the microwave idea.

It's also a month too early for this, wait till people actually have new iphones.

Kinetic charging is a good idea, but "throw your phone at the ground" is something you'd have to be as retarded to come up with as to fall for.

Just tell them to swing it in big circles as fast as they can, like those mechanical watches it charges by movement. Normally it doesn't get enough to actually increase the charge, just slow the drain while you walk around during the day, but if you whirl your arm around hard enough you can actually see it go up a percent or two.
Hitting the ground will be a natural result of that

I did a shit job at the pciture, but if it looked more professional and used really smart sounding words it would definetely convince a few people.

we, as in the people on this fucking website you spergs

After all the recent iterations of trolling, normies will be too skeptical for this. Find other ways to fuck with them

You did a shit job with everything.

They said that the last 2 times and it still worked. Normies don't learn.

you have to make the delivery as believable as possible. the add needs to be slick as fuck and look like it was made by apple. then it needs to be posted all over social media so as many stupid people see it as possible.

I made that shitty image in paint.net, I was just giving a general idea for others to work and improve upon

They are stupid but I don't think this will work. Having them shake the phone might work though as most will drop/fling it it trying.

Actually, thats a good idea. Not only could it be flung from their hands, but it could also cause wrist pain.

tell them they can charge it by boiling it in salt water. say the salt is there to help the transfer of energy.

xd

>wrong font
>wrong coloiurs
>shitty text

go back to the_zionistoligarch you newfag

Looks horrible, like something a 13years old kid would come up whit

Maybe something to do with facial recognition? Locking people out of their own phone?

you fucking failure piece of shit, kill yourself pajeet

I threw this together in a few minutes.

nobody ever falls for this stuff. can you guys at least try to make them believable this time around? some production value, maybe spell check, etc...

anti-apple zealots, everybody

You should've taken another minute and done some typesetting or something

Dude that is 100% their original font typesetting and everything from their website.

Put it this way OP, even if it goes no further than this thread you made a number of autists angry with how terrible the idea is so you still got some (you)s.

"smart sounding words"

Oh, you didn't think "top-notch" was a smart sounding word?

hahhaha what about microwave emergency charging?

just in case a normie loses the charger

Let's take it a step further. For emergency charging:
By putting a fork in your wall socket and the base of your phone against the fork you can charge it.

We decided there is no "we", you would know if you were a part of us.

iPhone X has a peltier element which means you can charge it with heat, just put it in your butt for 2 minutes for a full day's charge

This one is really shit

This won't work, nobody is this autistic besides OP

Hydronomic grounding.

What ever happened to this project? We all turned to shit cannot beat the microwave version in greatness

Nice

You're not thinking like a normie
>Data speeds triple when submerged

It should be;
>Faster Wifi

or even better
>IOS updates faster when in water (Due to better temparature)

or
>Iphone charges faster when placed underwater. New lightning cable is waterproof, too!

I think the shaking thing will work. They will start shaking it harder and harder as they will see that it doesn't charge.
Even if they won't drop it this is subtle enough that people will believe it works for years. It will be funny to see people in the streets frantically shaking their dead phones so they can make a call.

>It has to be at least SLIGHTLY plausible. How about "shaking it charges the battery" which you can compare to those old flashlights that charge by shaking.
This is actually quite a good idea, I don't know why no one else is acknowledging it

"Now you can customize your screen with iColor. Our new screen is specially made to allow the user to paint in watercolor directly on it without damage, make your phone unique to you."

because shaking it won't damage it

"Apple hid an additional section of usable screen space under the black bar at the top, use a very very fine sandpaper to remove it and you'll have a full front display!"

Might work, images for the end result

I think it would me much more subtle to tell that Apple has gone over their way to make the phone as durable as possible in order to avoid people covering their design. In this way people that usually buy a cover won't use it resulting in more accidental damage on average.

if you think some people won't actually try this you have too much faith in human intellect especially the technically retarded apple users

>shitty font
>italic

Do you even know how Reddit you look right now

every year Sup Forums demonstrates that they pay about as much attention to detail as chinese knockoff brands. everything's just a little bit off and looks like they were either too lazy or too stupid to do it right.

"You can now wirelessly charge your iPhone by placing in on a stove top and turning up the heat" let's to dis

>Let's do this, Sup Forums
get the fuck out of here, redditor

>IPhone
Are you retarded?

New in iPhone X: smash it with a hammer and ur crushes name appears on screen! WEIRD BUT IT WORKS

>ALERT, New reports say that a simple scratch on the brand new iPhone X could cause the phone to explode cuz [Insert cientific reason]. Apple is asking their costumers to return their phones as quickly as possible for a revision.

watch them run to the genious bar

Apple fonts .zip:

...

resized

IPhone X can detect gaz leaks thanks to its new sensors, if there is enough gaz in the room. What do you guise think?

>apple grows a billion dollars over night

great job

oh my god, this is fucking hilarious

you guys know that the iphone has an operating temperature range of 0 Celsius to 35C, right? and it can sit in storage as low as -20C.

this thread is like watching cartoon-quality bad guys plan a bank heist.

> I CAN'T AFFORD THESE HIGH-END APPLE PHONES, LAPTOPS AND IMACS
> I'VE NEVER EVEN TRIED ONE AT THE STORE LET ALONE USED ONE YET I'M MAD AT THEM
> I'M SEVERELY DEPRESSED AND MAD AT HOW SHITTY MY LIFE IS
> I'M OUT OF MY AUTISM PILLS TODAY BECAUSE MY ANXIETIES AND MENTAL ILLNESS ARE PREVENTING ME FROM LEAVING MY MOM'S BASEMENT
> I'M NOW SHIFTING ALL THE HATE TOWARDS THINGS I CANNOT HAVE
> I BETTER MAKE ANOTHER THREAD ON AUTISM Sup ForumsENERAL FORUM ABOUT IT SO I CAN FEEL BETTER ABOUT HOW HORRIBLE MY LIFE IS
> I KEEP ON POSTING BULLSHIT MEMES BECAUSE IT'S ALL I CAN DO. JUST LOOK AT THE ARCHIVE AND MD5 OF MY POSTS TO SEE THE LEVEL OF MY ILLNESS
> PS: SOMEONE PLS KILL ME BECAUSE I'M TOO MUCH OF A COWARD TO DO IT MYSELF
> PPS: PLEASE! MY FAMILY IS SICK OF ME AND WANTS ME GONE. JUST HELP ME END IT ALL
the post

>Operating ambient temperature: 32° to 95° F (0° to 35° C)
>Nonoperating temperature: −4° to 113° F (−20° to 45° C)

Wow, a redditor is a retard. Color me surprised.

lol u mad

every year someone comes to Sup Forums looking to crowdsource this. the incompetent, retarded, vague brand hate is a distinctly Sup Forums thing. the finished products just end up on reddit where it starts having a traceable history

autistic basement dweller detected

All we care about is retards breaking their phones. You redditors can keep the recognition, as you always do.

i'm not a redditor. i'm just amused by how fully retarded you guys are every year. it's like you're the chinese companies that manufacture knockoff "iFones" and "Galaksee S 8s".

you guys go to make an ad encouraging people to freeze their phones, but you don't even put in the basic effort to see what's sufficiently low to cause damage. how stupid can you be?

> lets put the fingerprint scanner next to the flat camera
> surely this will work just fine

Yeah

>>Iphone charges faster when placed underwater. New lightning cable is waterproof, too!

This might kill a few idiots

Its called a draft, autismo.

lol sure.

OLED... Organic LED... Maybe something about keeping the screen alive, like well fed and hydrated? Or keep it on sun for some period of time? Or else your organic screen will die.

Sorry, Even the biggest phone chargers out there will only do 5 amp at 5 volt. Not enough to kill anyone. Only if they bring main voltage with them in the bathtub. Even macbook chargers dont have enough juice to kill anyone and no one will bring their apple PC in the pool.

Might kill some phones. That's something

>Organic Leds become less brighter over time due to oxidation. Use water to re energize the Light-emitting diode.

Fancy terms + Idiot Apple Normies = success

*Dont know when the Iphone ceases to be waterproof, anything longer than 12 hours and people will not make the effort.

I love it, how the fact that winter is fucking cold (sub zero)missed your mind

bringing the Phone deeper underwater actually makes the phone more water resistant due to the water pressure pushing the materials closer together.

only thing that'll happen is that the battery drains fucking fast.
but it does so anyway, most users won't notice a difference ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

May as well go full retard with...
>you can now charge your iPhone instantly on an exposed 3-phase cable

The display is also a solar panel. Leave your phone in the sun for a few hours to charge.

...

That's a good one, Take your Iphone to deep pools. Sadly I dont think anyone will do that.

Someone needs to make a fake video showing that it's not dangerous to touch exposed 3-phased cable due to natural resistance of the human body and then "Charge" an iphone with it.

I'm not gonna spend a thousand dollar like that.

Kek.

You're doing gods work, user.

The only problem with this image is that iPhone X can only be charged with that stupid wireless charging meme, so you can't fry anything.

NYPA.

Fck, forgot about that. You can still use traditional chargers right?

These phones are Tard-proof

New oled screen needs hydrogen for better 3D touch and display resolution, black zone is actually a recharge zone, put it into chlorhydric acid for half an hour to enhance 3D and screen contrast.

i like this one
appel is going to grow anyway. we're trying to affect normie idiots here.

More ideas
>iPhone X: Get ahead of the weather
>In-built barometer, thermometer and rain gaugecollect data to provide the most accurate weather forecast for for YOUR local area. No more innacurate reports. Simply leave your iPhone outside for 5 minutes first thing in the morning and it will do the rest!

>iPhone X: Your completely NSA-proof device
>Apple has cracked the NSA's algorithms to create the ultimate device in security and privacy. Feel free to use your iPhone exactly how you see fit, safe in the knowledge that your iCloud data, files and selfies are impossible to hack into even by the US goverment. Because here at Apple, we RESPECT your privacy.
(This one won't do anything per se, but will encourage users to be more lax and put everything in the cloud despite news of celeb hacks, increasing the damage should they get hacked)

>iPhone X: No sleep disruption
>Using our pateneted OLED technology, the iPhone X's screen doesn't keep you awake like previous LCD backlit technology does. OLED pixels are dynamic, meaning at night Siri uses your calendar to determine how much sleep you need for the next day, and alters the display pixel frequency to enhance seratonin and melatonin, helping you naturally fall asleep. No need to put down your iPhone, dim the display or turn your screen red.
Ruin normies' sleep cycles, make them late and get them fired!

newfag

None of that has the michael bay effect we want

Actually, it looks like it still uses the Lightning connector, which is good.

That's not gonna work any more, most normies are aware of 'iPhone pranks'. Subtlety is the new game, mah nigga.

jesus fucking christ can we ban programmers from using gimp or photoshop

That font is fucking disgusting, there's no sort of layout that would make it look even remotely like an Apple website.

Who the fuck let you put LIGHT BLUE against white? God damn, if graphic designers were allowed to vote to lynch people, you'd be first one the list today.

You have to go back

How is this going to damage the phone?

I'm quite surprised no one is taking advantage of the notch. How about being able to remove the notch by pressing hard on it?