How does Sup Forums stay online from the toilet?

I'm thinking of getting some kind of portable table so I can use a laptop + mouse from the toilet. Maybe combine it with Steam's streaming thing to play games from my desktop.

Any recommendations or advice?

India doesn't have this problem.

I think an easier solution is to just fix your diet so you don't have to sit on the toilet for an hour.

I only go poopie in under 3 minutes. Why would I need to be online?

Don't take your laptop to the shitter. Take a shit. Wipe your ass. Wash and dry your hands. Go back to your room and use your laptop again.

People doing far more important things in the world have the luxury of taking 10 minutes off their computers to do what is necessary. You can afford the same luxury.

His diet consists of soda and deep fried butter and cheese.

How did you know that?

3 minutes? 10 minutes? That seems unrealistic... How are you managing that?

>How does Sup Forums stay online from the toilet
Smart phones exist, you know.

I don't know, I'm never there for more than 2 minutes. Going on-line would only slow me down from being able to do anything useful.

I'm not really interested in why it takes you longer than 10 mins to squeeze out a turd. Try harder. Eat fibers.

Because you wouldn't be considering a computer desk for the bathroom if you had a healthy diet

It's more like 30-40 minutes squeezing out and 20-30 minutes wiping.

I don't know... You say it'd be easier, but would it really? I can't see how completely changing my diet and having unpleasant food all the time would be easier than just setting up a table/laptop/mouse combo.

If you're taking too much time or struggling to poop, you might end up developing hemorrhoids. Those are bad news. Always check your diet first. Try adding fiber gradually.

You're lucky still. Since I gained a lot of weight (I'm at 415 right now) it takes me literally an hour to shit and then like a whole adventure to wipe. I also have to wash my ass in the shower after every shit because it's just impossible to wipe it all off my ass. It's a nightmare. One of the reasons I could never have a regular job

Eat less junk food.

Your turd should be more or less solid and require two-three wipes.

>yellow stains on bathroom floor
>dark chocolate caked on toilet seat
Do you live in that room?

Shit, flush, wipe, flush, wipe, flush, one more wipe, flush and wash hands. Done

>Map vote just ended
>Bladder calling
>GottaPiss.jpg
>Next map starts to load as I stand up
>Run to bathroom
>Hope there’s enough warmup time befor match starts
>Shake dick furiously after pissing
>Wash hands as fast as possible
>Make it back to desk and put on headset just in time to hear someone scream on the mic “WHY IS THAT FAGGOT STILL AT SPAWN!?”

Chink tablet

Go keto.

Went from 410 to 310 in under a year without exercise

India wants this problem

Also add a portable mini-fridge or you could make a portable shower that waterproofs all those things.
Ay how about making a self driving car that can hold all that stuff?

Time is valuable even if it isn't

phoneposting

Just poop when your home????

Try taking psyllium husk if you haven't already. I had similar issues and it really helped for me.

>using the toilet

I just use my phone.

Just eat more fiber.

>pooping gigabit shit

> four flushes
come on

>the current state of amerifats as of now

Come the fuck on, 1 hour shitting? a hundred flushes? what the fuck? I'm actually fat and don't do any of these.

>90kg

I shit alone with my thoughts

Too much?

i do like seven, plus a water bucket i keep in the shower

>how to get a monster case of pink eye

why user?

it takes me like 2 minutes tops to take a shit and wash my hands, i dont know why people take 20 minute shits unless they have some serious health problems
go to a doctor

>pink eye

What's that?

>browing on my desktop
>leave my desktop for the toilet
probably will take me about 30 seconds max
>bring my phone and bring up what i was looking at on my desktop

i cant stop

Keto works for sure but you're telling a probable fatass to go on one of the most intensive (and only actual) diet ever

Keto tastes good but to keep it up for 2-3 months is hard once you find out how almost everything has carbs/sugar even in small doses
Made me hate a lot of products actually...
It's basically red meat, cheese, only green veggies (mostly broccoli)

Oh right fish and chicken too, dunno how those skipped my mind

Eye infection. Basically he is implying that your toilet is full of bacteria, you know from shitting and then wiping and then touching everywhere, so it's not sanitary to have equipment there.

As someone who spends 4 hours or more per day on the porcelain throne (illness rather than poor diet) I use an iPad for Netflix and an X230 as a backup literal shitposting device.

>4 hours or more per day
>a fourth of your day is on the toilet
wear diapers

I'd rather spend 4 hours there and retain some degree of self respect than give in

Nice. I only do more if I have diarrhea.

if you eat properly you don't spend much time on the toilet

Why would you flush that much

>spending so much time on the shitter is considered a degree of self respect

oh boy

> shitting your pantalones isn't considered shameful
shiggydiggy baka senpai desu

nigger, spending more than a couple of minutes taking a shit is not any sign of self-respect.

Treating your body badly and/or eating bad is in fact the biggest lack of self-respect you can have, aside from taking your own life.

>skinny fag

Get an en-suite Bathroom with the toilet facing the door, and a mirror refecting monitor screen.

I eat healthy and have ibs makes taking a shit very timely also caused a rectal prolapse

Somebody already mentioned Hemorrhoids. I'll do the same.

You can get a Vesa mount then mod it with a aluminium table plate that your laptop can sit on and bolt it to the wall, so you can fold it back to the wall when you're done.

Toilet is the only place I read books. I am reading Leblanc right now.

Yes it does but without toilets, you filth

/thread

I mean I'll sometimes kinda just stay and hang out on the shitter for a while because it's cozy in the bathroom but it's just amazing that people take more than like a minute to shit

I don't really take long enough on the toilet to need to go online...

So I don't clog ny toilet. Plus, I wipe to keep myself clean as possible.

What kind of toilets so you have where you live that they'd get clogged that easily. We're talking a couple sheets of paper

The only thing that takes time when shitting is wiping, sometimes.

Easy, my Galaxy S7

We are talking about dorm bathrooms and shitters from the 90s. We aren't exactly high tech here.