Tech stories thread?

Tech stories thread?
Tech stories thread.

>Head out onsite due to emergency visit
>the emergency is secondary screen wont turn on
>Replace second screen adapter (usb 3.0 to vga) to DisplayPort to VGA
>Bill for the part + $110 minimum for labor.

Next stop:
>Call to emergency visit
>Go onsite its 2 computers that can't connect to internet
>2 computers are on static IP addresses and asshole cable guy changed the router settings
>Change 2 computers to automatic
>Bill for $110 minimum for labor.

Anyone go their stories

Other urls found in this thread:

youtube.com/watch?v=3dfEMQyDcoQ
twitter.com/AnonBabble

One time, I IT'ed at some small business and a girl called back when I left and asked for my number.

She literally asked me to fuck her the next time I went for repairs -- *time passes* I arrive and she sits on my lap as I troubleshoot (no one in office) -- eventually it got more intense so I laid her down on the floor and tried to go down on her and then she stopped me and said she was uncomfortable with that, but implied that I could just go ahead and stick it in, but I didn't.

I also asked her if I could kiss her (she said yes, but still).

I have autism but it's still one of my biggest regrets and I think about it every other week.

Also she had a boyfriend and his picture was on her desk. After that and some married girl being touchy with me, I realized to never trust a woman.

>user see's the perks of becoming a side nigga

...

>I have autism
Believe me, at this point in your story you didn't have to tell us. It was a given.

>be obese feminist wymynkin Ruby dev
>go to job interview for tech firm
>have to wait 6 minutes in room temp waiting room
>fucking sexist greedy jews turning off the AC to save money and oppress wymyn
>get called in
>sit down on a tiny human sized chair
>fucking fatphobic and ableist jew employers cutting down on chairs
>scum
>shake hands with a despicable MAN in suit and well groomed hair
>the fuck this cis white male doing?
>looking to impress us WYMYN during interviews to seduce us and use us as sex objects?
>"Hi, I'm Generic White Man Name, nice to meet you!"
>yeah, right
>"A woman, eh? We don't get many of you in the industry!"
>get triggered
>PTSD from that one time the McDonald's employee "accidentally" gave me a salad instead of nuggs
>panic, heavy breathing
>fall over from chair
>scream as I roll my way out of the office

Where's the ending?

Meanwhile in deus Ex.

he gets fired

I've got a fun one, OP.

>get a complaint about a """"virus"""" on a billing employee's computer
>go to her office
>she can't get use a tool on a new Medicare website
>scratch around Symantec logs, nothing there
>virus scan for a similar issue on her computer yesterday showed no malicious activity
>call the company's security consultant (yes, they pay a dude a ridiculous amount of money to do what I can for less) because "them thar viruses take priority and he needs to know about this!!11!!"
>spend half an hour on the phone with consultant
>honestly a decent guy, we were both cringing together at the lady forgetting her account password like twelve fucking times
>After all that trouble, find out that she had clicked a "keep this from running" dialogue box when she first used the new Medicare site and Symantec asked if the program in question could run
>reinstalling Symantec now (something the boss could have let me done without fooling with the overpriced contractor)
>mfw

>be me
>be junior IT guy for outsourcing company
>most end users old ladys
>overwhelmingjoy.jpg
>need to use IE 10 for citrix related reasons
>rolling back IE 11 constitutes 70% of my job
>one day get email from an especially old lady
>says she cant get to google
>remote in
>see her internet updated to IE 11 and changed her home page to dell.com
>mfw im getting paid to teach a lady how to get to google from dell.com

...

>guy requests access for server x to nfs
>configure acl
>reports that the share is not working properly
>log onto server and mount share on /mnt
>works just fine
>guy reports that he can't see his files
>calls and requests help
>look at mounts
>guy has mounted the share on some directory in /var/lib/.....
>unmount share and ls the dir
>ask him if he understands how nfs works
>silence

and this pajeet probably even earns more than i do as application admin, enterprise IT is so full of shit

Being the side salad is the best part of the menu.

>He not charging 500. A visit

i have some more tech-tard stories

>do noc shift in a dc
>get call that customers server is not working as expected
>ssh takes ages, wait 5 minutes until i lose patience and go downstairs to the rack
>it's a tiny r210
>ohboy.jpg
>still lags like hell but finally get a terminal prompt
>run top
>machine has load of 50, apache is segfaulting, machine is litterally screaming "feed me resources"
>reboot and go back upstairs
>call customer tell him it was out of memory and lagged to much so i had to reboot
>15 minutes later, same dude, same call
>early enough to get ssh connection
>check apache config
>500 domains with each instance having a default config of 256mb
>classic.sh
>tell customer he needs a needs more resources or ideally a new server because r210 are very limited
>says no
>tell him i can't help him and every further reboot will cost him money
>back to irc

forgot to mention r210 default was 8gb and a max of 16gb

user with the Kakyoin pic and the derpy Symantec perms story here, that's actually half of my job.

This is actually roman architecture.

How do you get a jobs like this? I'm interested in charging good sums for menial tasks.

leave the basement

I'm serious, I have the required knowledge to perform those tasks, but no certifications or degrees.

What are my choices?

get certifications, get a job, get a reputation, start your own business.

I don't really want to touch studying again.

Let's say I want to get a job, how do I prove to my employer that I know how to do these things?

And is this called being a sys admin? help desk?

#humblebrag

>how do I prove to my employer that I know how to do these things?
certifications you dense fuck, start at a help desk, job hop your way up its not hard

>inb4 i just want a free job making 100k with no experience or proof im not a retard

I don't want to get any certs. I don't need a 100k making job, I could do with like a 20k job (Euros). But yeah, I need it to be with no experience and no proofs.

>become level 1 helpdesk at work because "I know computers" in addition to normal duties
>Get call from middle management that they want to give a presentation to the exec team and need a projector to connect to a dell laptop
>find old projector with a dozen different adapters plugged into it ending in mini HDMI
>"that one doesn't work"
>connect with VGA
>works
>get call next day
>laptop won't connect to WiFi to access server files
>meeting in 10 mins
>get over there
>no time to fuck with drivers
>try Ethernet, doesn't work
>restart, doesn't work
>remember the laptop is usually docked
>grab extra dock from supply room
>dock laptop, Ethernet works
>save the day

Last week:
>phone paging system is down in the manufacturing plant
>paging system was updated to call into a specific extension
>extension is busy
>walk around picking up and hanging up all the page phones
>one is covered in so much grime and shit the receiver doesn't even click
>force it down
>system back up
>look like a genius

enjoy your basement and autsimbux then

youtube.com/watch?v=3dfEMQyDcoQ

if you can't prove that you know what you're doing you're not going to get the job. certs are how you prove it.

classic

Okay... I hope I'm not being meme'd.

Are certs worth something in Europe or are just an american thing? Are they easy to get?

Came here to post this.
Anybody have the Lord of the milfs one?

>i dont know how to google or look at job qualifications

are you 12? do you want me to get the job for you and do the work as well? jesus christ

No and yes respectively.

>be 14
>typical speccy pc nerd
>befriend a lot of people (mainly girls) when their laptop suddenly breaks
>"user, you're a nice friend, could you look at it for me please?"
>Yeah, fuck it.
>Fix laptop, and inject simple program to trash the hard drive and reboot
>set it up to run at some point in the future (sometime between 6 months to a year)
>note all them down in a diary
>suddenly ignores me when laptop is fixed
>repeat like 30 times within 3 months
>running up to dates when laptops start breaking
>people who still have the same laptop suddenly become my friend right on cue
>"I can do it, will cost you £10 for the job, plus any extras depending on how bad it is"
>"But I'm your friend?"
>Seriously expects me to do it for fuck all
>"Only the first fix is free, besides, at the rates given, I'm undercutting everyone in town"
>Some crack and pay, others fuck off and get someone else to do it, the rest try to get it free, but come back realising I'm the cheapest option
>Added the program back in and changed date and noted it in my diary again
>Timed it so last break happened near when new PC hardware was released

What is this program?

Good on you senpai, people are exploitive pieces of shit and friend only means "somebody I can use without giving anything back" to most of them

>be me, a welder at work
>Boss has serious PC issues and he knows I build rigs for people
>Asks me to look at his PC.
>Agree because I need to get on his good side.
>Look at the pic,
>Shit is super slow with the CPU sitting at 90% usage
>Do a quick scan for shits and giggles.
>Over 9,000 found bugs.
>It'sover9000.jpg
>Asked the guy what the fuck he download
>He hesitates
>Tells me he download some french TV show off some Russian website.
>But why.jpg
Anyways, I cleared that shit out and everything ran fine.

>some french TV show off some Russian website.

>one is covered in so much grime and shit the receiver doesn't even click
Sounds like my work.
The PCs were so corroded by chemicals that the motherboards would Fry like clockwork.

Good, people will try to use you for free.

Looks like the Russian site was just hosting the files.
It was pretty funny because the show was like a French Robinhood.

Are you mentally handicapped?