Sup Forums goes to jail

You're headed off to jail or someplace where you have no access to technology and you can only bring with you what you can fit in your ass. For me, it's a nokia n900 and a dynamo, you?

x220 and hard drives with anime.

They are going to check your ass, yo.

pretend you have a friend who runs the xray

I'd practise with coke bottles until my anus looks like a grandma's cunt.
Then I'd bring explosives. A lot of explosives. And detonators. And blow up whatever stands between me and freedom.

I've been indirectly training for this day, as has most of Sup Forums. I'll bring my phone, laptop, and an extra monitor.

Explosions dont work like that kiddo. Your assgap consists mostly of gasses and non-oxygen.

Try a large vial of sarin gas and a mini gas mask. release during a transfer. everyone dies. pick up the keys and walk out.

Male chastity plug.

a thumb drive with this thread on it

I would bring a 12-inch black dildo, a 1TB sd card full of gay black-on-white porn, and a smart watch to view it on

Single small smartphone, let's be realistic guys , have it loaded with whatever i need , if I'm hella gay and desperate try to fit a GPD pocket

>the anus absorbs nutrients and toxins more then your mouth does
>gas mixes with anus moisture and enzymes in your ass
*unsheathes katana*

Sarin can also be absorbed through the skin, he'd need full MOPP gear to survive.

That's a big anus.

>implying getting caught isn't part of my plan

I've been training with Sup Forums approved Bad Dragon equipment

You won't need that. You're going to prison.

Good thread, OP, made me laugh.

underrated comment

Kekd.

thinkpad x200

Ur dads cums

a vial of thallium so that i can kill myself

Why not use it on others around you to help uou escape?

The biggest gold nugget I can get that I can bribe the guards to let me out with.

and it's all FOR YOU.

...

What does that do? Is it shot up the ass to destroy what ever is being hidden up there?

>safety cap
KEK! Does that stop it turning and accidentally firing? Holy fuck can you imagine some russian farting a bullet? Shit would be hilarious

...

>dont know how to take it out and detonate

No, silly. You hide it up your ass then get it out and shoot it at whatever you want later