Anyone here have any good stories from their time on the help desk?
> Be helpdesk
> upgrading thin clients in one of the plants (manufacturing company)
>company hires a lot of bean people to fill the plants
>all of the equipment is labeled in English at their stations
>computer is labeled as "modem"
>printer is labeled as "label"
>monitor is labeled as "ethernet"
>wut.jpg
very funny i laughed
bpump
>Notorious manager complains that her new temp doesn't have the same level of access in an app that she does.
>I ask her to clarify what she means because her account was used to model his in this app.
>Says it doesn't look like hers and sends a pic of what she sees.
>I dig into the guys account and compare their permissions, look up who made the account and verify it was all done correctly, what the hell is she talking about.
>Guy finally calls me back, I connect to his machine and compare her screenshot to what the guy sees.
>The idiot complained because the guy has a smaller resolution monitor and didn't realize that he has to scroll down to see the final box, unlike hers which is stacked horizontally.
I fucking hate normie idiots.
>Call comes in from a remote user, says she needs a new keyboard, but won't tell us why.
>Red flags begin popping on all of our heads.
>Tech keeps asking in subtle ways what happened.
>Eventually work out of them that they thought the keyboard was dirty, so they soaked it in a tub of water.
>To dry it, they put it on a radiator and forgot about it, then went home.
We made her send it back to us and had it hung up in our area for a while. It was melted as fuck and the keys just melded together.
What is with people? We have infinite keyboard to replace your shit when it gets disgusting. They cost us pennies.
I fucking love how actually insane Alex Jones is. He used to be just the neighbourhood 9/11 truther, he even turned out to be right about some things. Now he's having mental breakdowns about how CNN hosts are literal demons who rape and eat children in the name of Satan.
>Major network issue on a remote site.
>Only tech down there is a Tier 2 who is the worst tech ever. Literally a glorified janitor who can only follow directions of others.
>Emergency conference room with our Tier 3 & Networking teams.
>Trying to troubleshoot the problem live, we need a machine to test on. Ask Tier 2 tech on site what an IP for the machine he is on.
>He says "Okay how do I do that?"
>Everyone in the room goes silent and starts looking at one another.
>Tier 3 manager starts instructing him on how to do it while I look at the CTO whos sitting across from me.
Nothing ever comes of this incident and this incompetent fucker still works here and makes my life a living hell on a daily basis.
My God, that woman is stunning.
We have a CS major who was hired as helpdesk a year ago. He's the worst tech in the world and has to be instructed on every little thing he does. Asked him to remove a HDD and reimage a PC when I was training him in so I could take my lunch and give him something to do. He didn't know what the HDD was so he imaged over the old HDD after not even attempting to open the case. Nothing major since the user had his files actually saved on our fileserver like we always tell everyone to do, but how does someone with a CS degree not have a basic understanding of hardware? Just last week our security office put in a ticket that their main camera PC was overheating so I assigned it to him since he was the only one free. Knew he'd fuck it up so I put detailed instructions for him to take it outside, spray it clean with canned air, and if the fan on the heatsink didn't spin I wrote how to remove it, clean the old thermal paste, apply new paste, and which direction the arrows point on stock intel heatsinks point when installing complete with a youtube link. He still managed to fuck it up and security called back saying it was still bsod'ing. Had to call him back to the main office to cover phones and drove out to the campus myself. Discovered a heatsink dangling from the power connector and a mess of thermal paste covering the cpu and surrounding the socket.
>User rings up saying that the email he closes keeps popping up every time he closes it
>Spend 20 minutes trying to figure it out
>Turns out he had a blutooth keyboard on in his bag and the enter key was held down
It's like today's Apple: He makes a step in the right direction before twelve in the wrong one.
>work at retail help desk fixing register network issues
>managers are usually middle aged chain smoking women
>manager calls in with raspy smoker voice (think lil from squidbillies)
>manager says her computer is malfunctioning and matter of factly states her belief of it being the flux capacitor
>immediately lose control and start laughing
>manager feelings hurty
>proceed to explain to her I couldn't believe she even knew about that, which was the cause of the laughter, really didn't need boss up my ass
>tell her computer needs to be running at 88 degrees kelvin in order for the flux capacitor to function at optimal efficiency and that our last software patch affected some store computers
>inform her I'm working on correcting the temperature remotely and she should be okay
>told her she was close to identifying the issue, and good job, then hung up
An university degree and intelligence has no correlation whatsoever. Every non-normie knows this. Google the dumbing down of universities over time.
that's some quick thinking. Id've just laughed my ass off all the way out the door.
a fucking flux capacitor, jeezus
> secretary says her mac is slow
> examine machine, it seems okay
> ask her to demonstrate
> she puts floppy in the drive
> loads a file
> it takes ages
> look at floppy
> over four hundred files in the root directory
> she had never been told about folders
almost as good as the clients who had installed a custom keyclick sound and couldn't work out how to remove it and could i please come over right now and fix it?
the sound was Graham Chapman, an audio sample from "Monty Python's Life of Brian", where he screams "Now... FUCK OFF!"
>we have infinite keyboards
You should sell them and make infinite profit
>Covering phone support one Saturday afternoon
>SW Asian sounding guy phones in, can't connect to wifi
>Digging reveals he's at home, it's asking for a password
>We don't have it, he needs to go ask the person who owns the wifi
>Makes some excuse about family and how it's his sisters and she's out
>Tell him there's nothing we can fo and hang up
>He calls back 4 more times that afternoon, (only two of us in office)
>Eventually get it out of him he'd been connecting to a random wifi from his flat
>No, we couldn't explain how to crack the password
Fucking accountants, fuck EY
he does it on purpose. jones (and his family) is cia. the lightning rod that poisoned the well
>Be Infrastructure engineer
>Helpdesk keeps sending us tickets that they should be working on (problems with laptops/desktops)
>Send them back saying "not an infrastructure issue"
Also
>Work on issue and close it
>2 weeks later help desk re-opens a ticket because another issue popped up that is kinda similar
>Call help desk and tell them that re-opening unrelated tickets for new issues is a bad practice
>get e-mail from their manager saying not to interact with help desk people
>tell manager I wouldn't have to tell them how to do their job if that manager trained them right
keyboards are like $5 dollars and when I worked desktop support I just gave people a new keyboard, it's no big deal.
We had so many extra keyboards that occassionally I would just throw some of the extras away,
The key is to not replace the keyboard or mouse when you upgrade someone's laptop/desktop, most times the users prefer what they already had
...
Having a 4 year degree literally only says whether you can slog through 4 years of stupid shit and persevere, says nothing of intelligence.
Source: I have a BS in Information Systems, about 2 classes were actually useful or even challenging. (I took the classes that looked the most challenging on paper/looked relevant to career)
Idiots in the warehouse I provide IT support to threw a pallet away that had a couple hundred brand new Microsoft ergonomic keyboards in the trash when we were preparing for an audit. Another pallet with a couple thousand new ethernet cables of various lengths went next. Goddamn box monkeys...how I wish I could murder them all.
You are now aware that the floppy is what is slow and not the file structure for the slow device.
The degree typically gets you past the first round of HR drones too.
Yeah basically it opens up about 20% more positions for you. When I want to go into management in a few years I may go back to get an MBA first.
But that is 5 or so years off, I am having too much fun designing and implementing our core infrastructure and storage.
Must be someone's nephew or girlfriend's kid or something.
>be me
>director of our largest customer calls
>did you get my email
>what email
>the email to tell you our emails aren’t working.
>be enterprise virtual infrastructure group
>help desk keeps assigning us tickets meant for networking
Like how hard is it to route tickets?
>get ticket forwarded to us from help desk to modify folder permissions on child folder of main share
>do what they ask
>close ticket
>a month later problem with a different user's permissions on parent folder
>help desk opens old ticket to and says I broke permissions on parent folder because of this request
>write e-mail to help desk flunky and their manager that you literally cannot change parent folder permissions through child folder and close the ticket and tell them to open a new case.
My idiotic company (#1 or #2 in Big Pharma, depending on who you ask) outsourced e-mail to Microsoft. My desktop connects to a server in Ireland. The account for the guy in the cube behind me is on a server in Singapore. It runs so goddamn slow.
>ask my team lead whether I should assign ticket to group A or B
>she says group Z
>99% sure this is wrong but I'm the new guy and she's been here like 20 years
>next day get QA notification from management explaining why I assigned it wrong
Sounds like you did something wrong in the setup, O365 is a pretty comfy mail host.
Except that one day we had an outage all day and they lost six sigma uptime for like 5 years on that day alone.
Don't trust lifers in the help desk, user.
If someone has been working desktop support/help desk for more than 5 years chances are they are functionally retarded.
I find the help desk to be worse than users in most cases.
And its all a big act to sell his shitty products and trumpets take him seriously
You are now aware that everyone selling a product is a charlatan.
>organization has this retarded email setup where some users are on in house Exchange and some are on enterprise Gmail
>the email account you get depends on your role in the organization
>dozens of exceptions where certain departments should be on one but get the other
>users get randomly migrated back and forth by accident, sometimes losing months worth of emails or losing access to email entirely
>be help desk cuck stuck in the middle of all this listening to complaints unable to do anything
>t. toddler
The file browser will load info on every file to display them and on a physical tape based storage device that can be slow as fuck, it needs to read something from every file sector.
>If someone has been working desktop support/help desk for more than 5 years chances are they are functionally retarded.
Truer words never spoken
You are now aware that a floppy's maximum transfer rate is measured in kbit/s
put the same files on a usb drive and you have no problems.
why the fuck are you using floppies in the current fucking year?
Who said it happened in "current year meme"? Who said was the floppy user?
hundreds and even thousands of files in one single folder is slow for any currently used storage medium. Reading a little bit of metadata from each single file in the currently open folder is slow, and it gets worse when you have a file manager that tries to make a thumbnail of every file. Organize your files properly in folders and subfolders, and dealing with your files suddenly becomes much quicker, regardless of storage medium.
For very old systems, it probably wouldn't be that slow anyways, since the file managers were much more primitive and didn't load metadata and stuff like that. It would just list the relevant section of whatever file system table. information about the file wasn't stored within the file itself, but rather in an easy to read and handle section stored early on the drive.
I'm guessing the story is from the early 00s. Floppies were still common, and file managers were trying to be more "convenient" by showing more metadata and thumbnails.
>lost six years of six sigma uptime
WTF are the SLAs?
99.9
source : csp
They aren't even good on the phone like in terms of polite speaking where Im at I always wonder why the Helpdesk manager isn't fired or promoted to something less important. I would literally prefer Pajeets but no.
They missed that too. 99.9% uptime is 8 hours per year, and it was down for 24 hours so, that's 3 years of no other problems to get that sweet 99.9
Why wouldn't you just connect to OWA? Are you like some guys secretary doing mail merges in Outlook?
Cloud solution provider?
My last place didn't even have official SLAs. Major network outages were common, ATT and our guys didn't seem to care all that much. Hell it'd take days to even grant you read permissions for a shared folder because we'd need a ticket, 50 question survey, and approvals before anything can be done.
t. ITIL
We paid for Outlook. Why would we want to use some janky ass web interface? May as well move to Enterprise Gmail at that point.
A CS degree has absolutely nothing to do with the physical hardware.
There is no reasonable expectation that a CS degree holder would know how to do that
I'm talking about you specifically you said you are using Outlook over OWA. What mid 20th century secretarial work are you doing that Outlook makes it easier for you?
Are you implying that people don't use enterprise gmail with outlook?
Bro you are a special kind of retarded if you think the reason to use one mail provider over the other is the web client.
And to follow up, implying the desktop client has any bearing over what mail host you use.
CS degree holders should get jobs other than help desk unless they can't even fizzbuzz/code themselves out of a wet off-brand paper bag.
it doesn't have the MS Lync integrations
Where did this fizz buzz meme originate from, anyway? From what I read it was some paki lead engineer who was tired of hiring CS grads who couldn't code worth shit so he invented a simple challenge from a kids game for learning division. I.e; If a # is a divisible by 3 it's = fizz, 5 is buzz and both divisible by 3 & 5 = fizz buzz. Basically inquiring job candidates had to be able to code a program that would do this for numbers up to 100.
I guess the real issue here is, how mentally deficient do the majority of uni grads have to be to not be able to write a simple logical function for basic arthimetic? I'm not even a programmer (I have experience in Python) and it took me 5 fucking minutes to write it from scratch and everything worked perfectly.
>trumpets take him seriously
Not the kind of trumpets that know why they voted for trump. Maybe the kind of rednecks that believed that turning frogs gay is wrong and Hillary is a demon incarnated into human flesh.
skype for business works through the web app
$Array = @(1..100)
foreach ($Item in $Array){
if (($Item%3 -eq 0) -and !($Item%5 -eq 0)){
Write-Host "Fizz"
}elseif (($Item%5 -eq 0) -and !($Item%3 -eq 0)){
Write-Host "Buzz"
}elseif (($Item%5 -eq 0) -and ($Item%3 -eq 0)){
Write-Host "FizzBuzz"
}else{
Write-Host $Item
}
}
I find it hilarious that help desk peasants are complaining that users are stupid when they are the absolutely lowest on the totem pole in IT.
It's not a choice by will, everybody goes through that.
All I am saying is it's like a 5'5" manlet laughing at a 5'3" manlet.
>t. Brainlettest
I've seen Google's solution in exactly one place, and they use IE to get to it instead of Outlook. Perhaps if we were planning on deploying it, I'd dig into it some. But I'm a DBA and database developer, so my days of really giving a shit about e-mail administration are long gone.
The A B S O L U T E state of CS grads
>t. someone who the help desk has made fun of at some point
>asterisk server of a suicide helpline went down
>lady called, yelling at me
>said somebody had probably killed himself because the call was cut and he couldn't reconnect
>reloaded asterisk and made a test call
>went to the big white board of support and changed the death count from one to two
THEN WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU EVEN WEIGHING IN ON THIS?
here in silicon valley about 30% of the sysadmins I know that work at startups use enterprise gmail.
>implying I'm not the infrastructure engineer that has to constantly tell help desk drones to route tickets properly.
wasnt sure where to ask this, but does anyone know just how much SQL a support engineer needs to know? Im hoping not database admin level?
Anyone know?
>Knows whole history of fizzbuzz
>It took me 5 minutes
for i in range(1, 101):
if (i % 3 == 0) and (i % 5 == 0):
print('FizzBuzz')
elif i % 3 == 0:
print('Fizz')
elif i % 5 == 0:
print('Buzz')
else:
print(i)
took me 5 minutes to type with a phone.
t.neet
>took me 5 minutes to type with a phone.
oh yeah? how about this:
std::cout
You are terribly naive about Photoshop.