/brit/

While I can more than sympathize with your desperation, I advise a bit of caution on your part. Declare too loudly a need to live as healthy human beings live, and you'll find the wolves close on your heals, howling accusations of "entitlement" as they pursue you. Nothing is more offensive to the lovely than the notion that the undesirable have the sample impulses they do; speak of that fact too loudly, and they'll employ whatever means they have to crush your throat to ensure you'll never speak of it again. No one likes ugliness, and that is no less the case for ugly truths than it is for ugly people.

However, you should probably take solace in the fact that your need will, in all likelihood, be satisfied. Now, granted, I don't know you nor your situation. However, the statistics will vouch for you even if I, in my ignorance, cannot. Very few people go to the grave without experience sexual affection. Nature is incredibly merciful; you needn't need to be beautiful to escape the wizard's stain, merely human.

And in the tiny chance that you rank among the tribe of monsters, of the radically unattractive things that live on the night-side of the world, I suppose you can rest assured that you won't be entirely alone. There will always be things like me to commiserate with you. Were it not so! But one of the most tragic things about Hell is that, although there are very few who occupy it, it will never be empty, much like this edition

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cara

>dyed blone hair
dropped

shitty tl;dr edition
mine was better
however i humbly accept defeat

Reminder Eggman lost his virginity in a 3 hour sex session are you're a virgin

the bigger man won

>dyed blone hair
lifted

REAL EDITION

seeing 'my body is none of your business' posters around the neighbourhood erskineville NSW

it is if your lifestyle choices and gluttony put strain on an already underfunded public healthcare system

preventable disease is gross

Im not

Off yourself.

>tfw also fucked for 3 hours when i lost my virginity
>now whenever i have sex i barely last 5 minutes of penetration
not fun at all

eternal gael splitting the thread

never see shit like that over here, it almost seems alien when i hear these stories. The only thing that does my head in is sinn fein followers and even they arent poofs.

wank more then

Fat Cam got up. Slightly hungover from the Lagers he had drank the night before, but he knew it was Friday and that he had a short work day today. He got up, put on his blue trousers and work shirt and reached for a silk cut purple. Dang, the pack is empty. "Fucking Labour" Fat Cam muttered. You see, due to Labour's tax on tobacco Fat Cam could only afford to buy one pack at a time.

He drank some Nescafe instant coffee and left the house briskly. He rushed to his corner shop. "I'll have the usual". He said. "The white and purple ones, and a breakfast roll". He left and lit up. What a relief. The sweet, creamy smoke of the silk cut purple reaching his lungs

He continued on to his work at the Chip and Pin factory. Finishing off his silk cut purple, he discarded the remains in a nearby hedge and decided to treat himself to another. It has been a hard week's work after all.

He arrived at the factory and strutted in like a peacock. His co-workers sighed as he arrived in. They all got to work and it was mostly silent. Eerily silent. The co-workers were afraid of talking out of fear of being reprimanded by Fat Cam, but at the same time they knew the silence would not last for Fat Cam would soon embark on one of his tirades.

"Labour think raising taxes and spending it on Paki welfare will boost the economy. They are seriously deluded and obsessed with hating the rich. They've always damaged the economy and whined about people who are better than them".

>hating the irish

bad gimmick. need it taken out of business

i've never made a new thread because i'm a yank and i respect britain's general

FOY

>even they aren't poofs

No response. Everyone was too afraid to talk for fear of Fat Cam.

"I know you're all secret Labour voters. You disgust me, silent Labour voters are the worst."

One of them responded. "Labour made sure I could get an education. They stopped Child labour. if it weren't for them we'd all be working in a coal mine"

That was it. Fat Cam lashed out at him "There's nothing wrong with Child Labour, Nothing. It was libertarianism which made us great, it's what makes us British. Do you think in the days of the empire people sat around whining about benefits? Of course not"

Nobody said anything, for nobody had anything to say. Machocam, feeling triumphant, went outside and treated himself to a purple. The day continued like this until 4 o clock, when the workers were permitted to leave early.

Machocam left the factory without sayng a word. He was stressed after an hour of working hard on the assembly line and arguing, so he lit up two purples at once and smoked them. The blonde secretary looked at him with a look of confusion on her face, and he winked at her.

He walked home muttering Paki under his breath as he walked past various foreigners, puffing on his silk cut purples and throwing the stubs into hedges as he walked by. On one occasion he decided to be extra bold: He took the stub of his silk cut purple and threw it far into somebody's front garden, on their beautifully ornamented patio. The owner started shouting at him but he pretended not to hear him, and he lit up another purple.

Finally he got home and went on /brit/. /brit/ being obsessed with him as usual, nothing new there. Brit being filled with Pakis, nothing new there either. He sighed and poured himself a Lager and lit up the last Silk cut Purple in the pack. It's been a long hard week for Machocam, but he had deserved this cigarette.

arise working class

you're a big fella

i wank 5 times a day, i have literally a porn addiction
still have problems lasting

physically not possible for me

she's pretty

looks like a pleb tho

It was day 6 of our week long excursion to try and find the one they called Fat Cam, we were beginning to lose hope when we found him staggering around outside a nightclub.
We had been tipped off that this was the club he often visited to try and "get some fanny" as he put it.
"I like it when they wear their leavers hoodies" Cam slurred, eyes pointing in two different directions "makes them easier to prey on."
We weren't really sure what he meant by this but continued asking about his posting experience on /brit/.
"I've been around the block a few times... I've done my lurking" he murmered, it seemed he wasn't keen on talking about the past, perhaps he was trying to forget.
Bringing up his past experiences seemed to agitate him and he became agressive and started swearing at our camera crew, we thought it best not to press the matter.
However, we tried to follow him and ask him what he was doing with his life at the moment. "I'm still living with my mum and my sister" he exclaimed, I asked how they were doing, "same person" he replied.
I decided not to press the issue. Before I could follow up with another question he asked if he could borrow 50p for "a loose ciggie", I complied hoping to get more out of him. As I started to continue he passed out on the spot, bashing his head against a wall and wetting himself with his kebab staining his purple shirt. We thought it best to leave him alone after that.
Wyatt Mann - VICE News

then how the fuck did you last 3 hours

Fuck off

aye bad that but they only subscribe to this shit cause of muh IRA. Their a joke party that receives a very small share of votes and the other two parties are very right wing.

What I meant by that was Shinners back in the day where much more militant and catholic.

>government
not a fan of this gimmick

I met Fat Cam when I was travelling to London with some friends once.
I say met, we had just left a bar and he was coming down the street with about 6 mates. He kept shouting "ALRIGHT SWEETHEART" at this group of like 4 or 5 girls who were walking a little ways ahead of him. It was kind of funny at first but I realised he was really wasted and the girls looked fucking terrified and quite tired, I think he'd been following them for a while just shouting "ALRIGHT SWEETHEART". When the girls reached me I just sort of panicked and started walking next to them at the same pace because I didn't want to fuck with Fat Cam and I was intimidated by his big presence. Walked about 1/2, maybe 3/4 of a mile just straight down this road while he shouted "ALRIGHT SWEETHEART" every 10 or so seconds. There was a group of maybe fifteen people just walking away from Fat Cam by the time I tripped up on a loose paving stone. Everyone just moved on and by the time I got up he caught up with me. Him and his mates semi-surrounded me and he came right up to my face and said "You better be fucking careful mate", just staring me right in the eyes. He was swaying pretty badly and he walked up to the wall next to me, still staring me in the eyes and started pissing on the wall. After that he shushed me and made off in the direction the others had gone and started shouting "ALRIGHT SWEETHEART" again.

need a qt gf to cuddle

A free-stater pro-treaty blueshirt Cumann na nGaedheal member professor and corporatist was teaching a class on Michael Collins, a known big fella.

"Before the class begins, you must get on your knees and worship Collins and accept that he was the most highly-evolved being the world has ever known, even greater than the heroes of 1916!"

At this moment, a brave, patriotic, anti-treaty IRA champion who had fought in 10 different flying columns and understood the necessity of physical force republicanism and fully supported all military decisions made by De Valera stood up and held up a treaty.

"What does this treaty give us?"

The arrogant professor smirked quite West Britishly and smugly replied "the freedom to achieve freedom, you stupid Irregular"

"Wrong. It’s been 1 year since Lloyd-George created it. If it gave us this freedom and constitutional nationalism, as you say, is real… then Ireland should be a republic now"

The professor was visibly shaken, and dropped his chalk and copy of The Celtic Twilight. He stormed out of the room crying those free-stater crocodile tears. The same tears free-staters cry for the "casualties of war" (which could never make a republic not a worthy cause) when they jealously try to claw justly earned glory from the deserving De Valera. There is no doubt that at this point our professor wished he had voted against the treaty and become more than a swaddler traitor professor. He wished so much that he had an anti-treaty IRA squad to summarily execute him and spare embarrassment, but he himself had fought against them!

trotsky grandaugher lives in america LOL

Brit Thread Finale Tory Member Fat Cam visits the park and fucking stabs craven in the jugular freddos go flying everywhere as he picks up Craven’s twink body and throws it through a glass window But it’s not over yet he wrestles brum to the ground and curb stomps him his head explodes like gallagher smashing a watermelon pops says “bad show” and then craven wakes up fat cam tory member someone craven loves and admires now fucking terrifies him he lies awake at night hoping that fat cam won't crawl through the window and snap his tiny little aristocrat neck smdh wtf Fat Cam please fuck a hole right through my throat please tear out my jugular with your cock please Fat Cam this is what I go to bed and happily dream about every single night only to wake up every morning and cry hysterically because it never actually happened I fucking dream about Fat Cam punching me in the goddamn face until I’m unable to even see properly I want Fat Cam to cave my fucking skull in with his big sexy fists mmmmrrryyeeeeeessssssss

waifu

>tfw 3 wanks a day and still pumping out 5-10ml of cum each time

Low test cunts BTFO

>tfw summer finishing
>all the trees will be dying and shit

time for another several months of depression and grey skies

Cuccboi pronounced koosh-bwa refers adherents of the age old tradition of french Huguenot protestants who in their attempt to avoid the brutal persecution levied against them by the catholic ancien regime, allowed local petty nobility unfettered sexual access to their wives. The reason why they did this is because they feared for their fine goose fat and paté production, which the papist elites often threatened by suggesting new tariffs implementation.
However under reign of King Louis IV (le Roi-Soleil) the practice was outlawed and had to be continued underground, luckily after the French Revolution, Rosseau and Napoleon re-instated the practice claiming that its suppression was another case of tyranny under the ancien-regime and that Protestants inalienably had the right to have their wives tended to by other men.
In 1793 upon the dawn of Haitian revolution, cuccboi planters in Haiti struck an allegiance with the slave rebellion leader Touissant Louverture (the agreement was upheld by Jean-Jacquelines Dessalines upon Haitian independence), citing that in exchange for protection of their indigo producing estates and plantations from both rebel-led violence (but interestingly not rape) but also protection against potential attacks by the catholic government, the cuccbois would sign sexual contract with the black haitian ex-slaves, regarding their wives.
An interesting sidenote is that Haitian-descended Alexandre Dumas was well renowned in Cuccboi circles for his apparent prowess with the wives of Cuccbois and actually the theme and story of the 3 musketeers was a homage to trials and tribulations of 3 Cuccbois, a fact often overlooked and downplayed in line with Napoleonic code sensibilities.
The cuccboi treatise were amended throughout french colonial empire to include all black men by ‘Le Grande Assemblie des Cuccbois’ in 1840. Since that day cuccbois have sought refuge, protection and sexual satisfaction (for their wives) from black men.

>tfw winter ending
>tfw gonna be nice and sunny and hot soon

:D

i know this feeling

With the spread of the French language across Europe, particularly Dublin, Ireland where it is considered the language of the elite, the cuccboi lifestyle gained popularity.

One of the foremost proponents of the cuccboi lifestyle was Trinity College Dublin, with notable cuccboi alumni such as Oscar Wilde, Bram Stoker and Jonathan Swift. There were said to be underground theatres where cuccbois could bring their wives to be satisfied sexually, by a bull of Nigerian origin.

It was in Dublin where being a cuccboi gave connotations that it was a fetish for the elites in society. However this is not the case in modern times, we are increasingly seeing young white middle class males seeking Nigerian immigrants on websites such as craigslist dublin to sleep with their wives and girlfriends.

i don't believe you

>walking past childrens playground
>full of happy beautiful anglo children
>van full of pakis show up
>ohfuck.jpeg
>theyre running toward the shocked children
>I'm scared frozen, fumbling my phone to call the police
>catch something at the corner of my eye
>Farage and his UKIP henchmen lads hopping out of an Audi, running full speed to intercept
>Farage dives infront of a child just as a paki unloads his AK47
>shoot out ensues
>amid the chaos I run to Farage bloodied on the ground
>"Mr-Mr Farage! It didnt have to be like this!"
>he coughs blood "we had a good run though lad"
>sure we did Mr Farage, sure we did
>*I help a schooner of beer to his mouth*
>"ahhh yes lad, tastes like home"
>"don't you die on me Mr Farage! We need you! England needs you!"
>"j-just so long as England r-remains England lad, we'll make it through"
>*tears welling in my eyes*
>"and please - call me Nigel" his last words
>I stand tall and hard, fighting back tears, I salute him
>the sky shows the faces of the great men of this race, I nod at them with my proud anglo-saxon jaw and steel blue eyed stare
>I know then that my purpose in life, the words print on my mind and the minds of the world:
>"Will you fight for what is yours? Or will you perish like a dog?"

i wrote that version :3

your winters still like 25 degrees fuck sakes thats great weather here

Why do Dubliners sound like yanks?

It doesn't matter how many times you wank per day, what matters is how much time the wank takes.

Winter is the GOAT season though, crisp air, it gets dark early so there's lots of lights, getting to dress in knitwear, hot chocolate, snow, christmas, champions league football. Love it all so much.

We found it while we were scavenging for canned goods in the ruins.

"Daddy, what is this?" My son held in his hands a crumpled election poster. "Where did you find this?" I asked. "It was in the ash… what does it mean?"

"In the olden days, people used to choose a Prime Minister, a…" I struggled to describe to him the old ways, knowing that it would be completely alien to him. "Someone to lead the country." I said, resignedly.

Who was N-Nigel F-", he started. "Nigel Farage", I interjected. "He was a man who wanted to save us. But we wouldn't let him."

"Daddy… why are you crying?" he asked me. He was so innocent, despite it all. "No reason". I choked back the tears and crumpled up the flyer. I left it on the ground. Better to forget, I told myself.

"Daddy, I'm hungry"

"I know."

they sound english
they use cockney rhyming slang ffs
might make one about the longfella

>crisp air
?

>snow
?

not a fan of long walls of memetext as a substitute for quality posting

i like your posts, thanks to them i am able to learn more english

A reactionary Christian heterosexual Bruges group eurosceptic politician and business owner was teaching a class on Enoch Powell, known fascist
"Before the class begins, you must get on your knees and worship Enoch and accept that he was the most highly-evolved being the world has ever known, even greater than Ed Miliband!"

At this moment, a brave, multicultural, pro-choice Unite against Fascism champion who had attended 1500 anti-UKIP rallies and understood the necessity of federal Europe and fully supported all immigration decisions made by the Labour Party stood up and held up a constitution.

"How old is this constitution?"

The arrogant politician smirked quite Jewishly and smugly replied "799 years, you stupid Communist"

"Wrong. It’s been 5 years since Barroso created it. If it was 799 years old and British sovereignty, as you say, is real… then it should be British law by now"

The politician was visibly shaken, and dropped his chalk and copy of Flying Free. He stormed out of the room crying those reactionary crocodile tears.

The students applauded and all registered Labour that day and accepted Keir Hardie as their lord and savior. An eagle named "Welfare dependency" flew into the room and perched atop the European Flag and shed a tear on the chalk. The Quran was read several times, and Allah himself showed up and enacted a 50p tax rate across the country.

The politician lost his seat and was expelled from the party the next day. He died of the Nazi plague Typhus and was tossed into the lake of fire for all eternity.

Hope not hate

surely most people get seasonal depression in Britain and Ireland? Its a fucking depressing time

love halloween tho, always will be my fave holiday

>a fucking dog

oi yank this fucking beaner is learning english so he can border hop get 'im

it doesn't carry the same vibe as spring and summer though. Australia is very much a place where spring and summer are the happy and social seasons. I assume that's like a lot of places but because of our beach obsessions and shit, it's really strong here. I might go out 5 or 6 times in all of winter, and then go out 5 or 6 times in December

:(

I was forced to be a eunuch in a Moroccan harem.

All these slave girls made me a sexless slave boy with no chance of fucking them. I watched them make love, I served them like a chambermaid. I was shit on and pissed on. These women had me lick their cum filled pussies clean.

I was frustrated sexually.

I went there 30 times. I was subjected to being many a harem girl's slave in a nonsexual way that they often abused me by taunting me with their bodies.

I was forced to be like a woman. At all times I was monitored and could not wank. I saw hundreds of naked women with gorgeous bodies touch each other and clean up after them. I wore nothing and they rarely went any other way. Once I was washing their skimpy outfits by hand. This buxom beauty walked up, snatched a freshly washed garment that revealed rather than concealed her perfect body. Tried it on, asked me how it looked. jiggled and giggled quite a bit and slinked off in the most seductive manner. I was powerless to go after her, rip her flimsy garments off and take her like a man would.

I couldn't even wank. They would punish me with whippings and verbal barbs.

The girls would lather each other up. All I could do after they bathed and fucked was towel them off. I saw their young, supple bodies, with full breasts and hairless pussies and I wanted some. I was just so pathetic that he was considered less than actual eunuchs. My tiny cock amounted to nothing in their eyes.

These girls and more would mock me for my weak body and puny penis.

Once while washing their dishes after breakfast, I was clad in only a lavender apron. They mocked me for doing women's work and paraded their bodies for me to lust after. Then when I became aroused they abused me. I never got release and was punished further for being a filthy little boy.

need an Orangeman to beat up

am I going to make it?
Think a few months cutting would do a lot of good

properly lmaoing @ beaner

it's just banter lad we love mexico

mexicans? around hear?
*cracks knuckles*
alri paco help me fix my brakes after yeah? just gotta replace em theyre rusted to hell haha, might do a rotation while im at it

read that it was a serious problem in scandinavia

they all paint their houses white and get white furniture because of it

friendly reminder the Great British Bake Off starts today, hope a white wins it this year

>He was a member of the Trotskyist International Socialists (forerunners of the modern Socialist Workers' Party) from 1969 to 1975[7] (beginning at age 17), claiming to have been introduced to the organisation by his brother.[8] In 2010 he dismissed the "cruel revolutionary rubbish" he promoted as a Trotskyist as "poison"
how is this faggot going to talk about morality if he was a dirty trot

maintain your current weight but keep lifting and keep being THICC over winter before you cut lad, no point in cutting over winter

I NEED a saffa gf lads

a lot of people have ridiculous stamina the first time
it was mostly due to anxiety and disbelief it was actually happening

The only problem with your body is you have no pubes

the seasons don't bother me too much. i love a nice summer's day but i can cope in winter. only thing i don't like is when it snows and the roads turn into a fucking skating rink since i do a lot of driving

>be poor
>get EU funded projects
>vote to leave EU

ah yes well done

micked you know nothing about ireland. Dubs dont sound english

pffffhhh corrrrr

shaved them recently

>number 1 on a non goal keeper shirt

Fucking idiots

they made their choice. clearly life in the EU isn't all it's cracked up to be

>all that softness
phwoar

bbc.co.uk/news/uk-37171810
what the fuck

wtf now I love South Africa!

Those with an IQ below 70 voted to leave the EU
Those with an IQ above 70 voted to stay

>yeah MATE im fuckin BRASSIC
you dont sound completely english at all ofc but the influence is definitely there.

we don't get any of that here in most cities though. the sun sets at 6pm. it doesn't snow. it's just cold enough where girls don't want to go to clubs and that's about it. if you have a gf and shit it's fine but summer is so much better because you can invite girls to do so much more shit, and you can do so much more shit with the lads.

really want to move to South Africa desu
last frontier and I can join with the white men there

honestly not a bad idea. laser pointers are used for nothing but mischief and should be banned.

>t. naive millenial with no life experience who's been brainwashed by social media and liberal colleges

Its orwellian but makes sense

What reason do you need a laser pointer for other than when you're 14 and you use it with your mates for 2 days?

powerful laser pointers should be completely banned. if you've got a legit reason to have it then you can apply for an exemption. and yes, an idiotic minority has ruined it for everyone but that's just the way it is

cats wont be happy about this at all

why do aussies like clubbing so much? Never just go down the pub for pints and a game of pool on a saturday?

why haven't we arrested this joe bloggs yet

he has been responsible for NUMEROUS crimes over the years

i say nuffs enuff

communism in one country

And do you know what else? God bless the United States of America, the greatest nation on Earth, in fact it's one nation under god.

And do you know what else? Thank god we're free born Americans, I pledge my allegiance to the beautiful flag of the United States of America, OK god bless I'm out.

post things an australian will NEVER experience

>remainers still crying
pathetic desu

That's why it says POWERFUL laser. Those powerful ones are the Chinese ones you get off eBay for £3. The red cat laser pointers are probably fine.

First, they came for the laser pens